by A'zayler
For the longest, I’d been accustomed to doing things on my own without looking for any handouts. In my world, handouts didn’t happen. Master taught me that. If a nigga asked you for anything, you’d better bet your life that you were about to do something in return. I knew that back and forth and would never forget it. It didn’t matter how many times a nigga said otherwise.
“You like your eggs scrambled or fried?”
“Fried.” Blue rounded the corner and walked straight to me.
His hand touched the back of my neck before he leaned toward me and whispered in my ear. “Your ass looks delicious in these shorts.”
I snickered and shied away from his mouth, totally forgetting that Pat was standing behind us. Even though he’d expressed to me many times before that he didn’t care about the little thing that Blue and I had going on because we were both grown, I still felt a little reluctant to show interest in Blue whenever he was around. After all, he was my daddy.
“Stop.” I giggled and pushed him away.
“Hey, I’m just saying. I don’t know why you keep fighting me. We both know you want me.”
All three of us laughed, with Pat picking up the conversation. “My daughter don’t want your broke ass.”
“Broke.” Blue stood up and looked wildly around the kitchen. “Brooookkkke.”
I fell over laughing as he mimicked Soulja Boy’s infamous dis. Blue was so foolish. Always making jokes and saying things that made me laugh. It had been that way from the moment we’d met and every day since then. If I was around Pat, Blue was sure to be somewhere close by. Their relationship reminded me a lot of BB and Egypt’s.
My mood dampened some when I thought about Egypt. That was my baby, and that nigga clearly didn’t give a fuck about me. It had been months, and I hadn’t heard anything from him. I’d been keeping tabs on him through Logan and Zebrina, but that was all I’d gotten. He was well and back in Florida doing his thing again, and not one time had he reached out to me. That hurt like crazy, but I held it down. Like every other loss I’d taken in my life, I’d get over him too.
“Baby, you heard this nigga call me broke? He tripping like fuck.” Blue jolted me out of my feelings and brought me back to the kitchen.
“I heard him, Blue. He’s just hating on you because you fly.” I cheesed in Pat’s direction.
“Yeah, y’all young asses can believe I’m hating on this fool if y’all want to.” Pat pointed his pinky finger between Blue and I. “See, that’s that young people shit y’ all on. Soon as a nigga speaks the truth, he’s hating. Has it ever occurred to y’all generation that ain’t nobody hating, and y’all really just fucked up?”
Blue and I both cracked up laughing at Pat. He stayed coming for our ages. Blue was only one year older than me, so there were a lot of similarities in our behavior. For real, outside of him being a man and me being a woman, there wasn’t much that differed between us.
“Sounds just like some shit a hater would say.” Blue chuckled as I set his plate of food in front of him before doing the same for Pat.
I fixed mine last and sat with them. After grace, we all indulged. I was quiet and chewing slowly, trying to make sure I could keep my food down. Pregnancy had been kicking my ass, and every so often, it would get worse than normal. Majority of the time, in the mornings. I had been doing my best to take care of myself to ensure a safe pregnancy, and I’d been successful thus far.
“You got any plans today, Azayna?” Blue asked through a mouth filled with French toast.
“Not for real, why?”
He bowed his head and stuffed more food in before looking back at me. I admired the long lashes that rested just above his eyes. They curled and separated like the mink ones I’d paid hundreds of dollars for in the past.
“I was gon’ take you out for a little while. You’ve been cooped up in the house for days.” He drank from his cup and wiped the juice from the top of his mouth. “I don’t know what you do at home, but all you do over here is lay around.”
“I be sick,” I whined.
“I know.” His hand found my belly beneath the table. “With good reason, so let’s do something different today. We can see a movie or something.”
I pondered his offer while he rubbed my stomach. It had been a while since I’d been out, and it was beginning to warm up, but it was also Egypt’s neighborhood, and I’d be with a man from a rival gang. In no way did I want to disrespect or upset Egypt, but I didn’t want to stop living either. Blue and I had been building a solid friendship for months now, so I was positive that the offer was genuine. I was still a little hesitant, though. What if someone saw me?
“If you don’t want to watch a show, we can grab some food, listen to some music, and just ride around the city.”
“Go ’head, baby girl. I’ll be busy with a bunch of niggas all day anyway. I don’t want all them fools around you like that,” Pat pushed further.
“But I know all of your niggas. They’re cool with me.”
I’d become acquainted with them all since being around him and Blue.
“These some of your niggas today.” He smirked at my confused expression. “Some shady shit, just go enjoy yourself.”
After annoying myself to death with Pat’s declaration, only for him not to expound on it, I gave in. It didn’t take me long to decide that I wanted no parts of anything shady and agree to join Blue, but I desperately wished my gut would catch up with my mouth. I’d agreed to his proposition nearly twenty minutes ago, and I still had a stomach full of butterflies. Majority of them had to deal with possibly being spotted by Egypt, while the others were because I’d never been on a real date.
I’d been out with Master a bunch of times since I started working with him, but it had always been a group thing. Never had I ever been out alone with a man who wasn’t paying me for sex. Offer after offer had been extended by Blue, but I’d said no each and every time. Today would be different. I was optimistic, and hopefully, he wouldn’t let me down.
“Ready?” Blue asked after knocking on the door a couple of times.
“Just about,” I hollered while fastening the button on my maternity dress. “I’ll be down in a few minutes.”
“Bet.”
I looked myself over in the body length mirror. The white sundress hugged every part of my body, highlighting my stomach and hips the most. I hadn’t really felt like doing my hair, so I’d thrown my locs into a long ponytail and wrapped a pretty scarf around it. I was simple but cute enough for Blue. He was a simple man and would compliment me in my pajamas, so I felt good about him seeing me.
The room I’d deemed mine was covered with my things as I pushed things over the side of the bed, grabbed my purse, and left.
“Damn, I wish you were my baby mama.”
I covered my smile with the palm of my hand. “I can be. Ain’t nobody else claiming me.”
“Don’t dwell on that, I got you.” Blue held the door open for me and followed me to the car.
I wasn’t really feeling the thought of sitting in a cold movie theatre, and obviously, neither was Blue because the moment I told him I no longer wanted to go to the movies, he immediately suggested something different. I hadn’t necessarily wanted to go to a pool hall at first, but what could it really hurt? It wasn’t like there was a whole lot I could do at five months pregnant anyway.
The smoke-filled room was dark and loud as we stepped further into the building. It was mid-afternoon, so there weren’t many people there, but it wasn’t as empty as I would have liked it to be either. My body shook in anticipation of seeing familiar faces, but after I realized there weren’t any, I was able to relax better.
“You ever played pool before?” Blue handed me one of the long sticks before picking up the cube of blue stuff and rubbed the top of his.
“Uh, not that I can remember.” I looked around, still a little uncomfortable with our surroundings.
“Well, today should be fun then, huh?”
I sh
rugged, still not looking at him. The people around us were loud and doing their own thing for the most part, but something still felt off to me. Maybe it was because there were so many Crips, or because the big burly bartender hadn’t taken his eyes off me since I’d walked in. Whatever combination of uncomfortable scenarios it was had me barely paying Blue any attention.
“You want to leave?”
I jumped and grabbed my chest. I hadn’t known he’d gotten that close to me. His face was inches from mine as he stared at me with his eyebrows scrunched up.
I sighed and nodded. “Please?”
His smile made me feel a little better about ruining our date or whatever this was. “No problem, let’s go.”
With his hand at the small of my back again, Blue led us from the pool hall and back to his car. He turned the music up and bobbed his head while driving down the street. His long hair was fell to one side of his shoulder and looked cool as hell. Everything about that nigga attracted me to him. Too bad I was already in love. Had it been another life, with another nigga, I’d be with Blue. However, Egypt had my heart, and no matter how hard I tried, that shit just wouldn’t go away.
“Azayna, tell me something, baby.”
I looked at him, nervous about what he was about to ask. His voice had changed and sounded a lot more serious than it normally did.
“What’s up?”
“Why you saving yourself for that nigga if he ain’t checking up on you or y’all baby?”
I knew it was about to be something that I didn’t feel like answering. “How do you know he doesn’t check on us?”
Blue looked at me like I should have known better than to even ask that, and to be for real, I did. I just hadn’t known what else to say that fast.
“I’m just seeing if it’s anything serious between y’all like Pat said.”
“Pat told you about Egypt?”
Blue frowned some. “Nah, not like that. I just hit him up on some respect shit, letting him know that I wanted to holla at you or whatever, and he told me that shit.”
“What shit? Be specific because I’m trying to see why y’all niggas around here pillow talking about my business.”
Yeah, I snapped kind of hard for no reason, but I couldn’t help it. I felt like a fool with them knowing Egypt wasn’t worried about my ass. It was bad enough that I knew it, but to have Blue and Pat privy to the shit was plain out embarrassing.
“Yo, Azayna, chill out. Don’t insult me on no crazy shit. Wasn’t nobody pillow talking about you. I don’t pillow talk, so don’t ever let that leave your mouth again. Pat is my nigga and your daddy. It ain’t no other way I’d go about approaching you other than chopping it up with my potnah.”
Had I never been this embarrassed before, I probably would have never opened my mouth again. A complete jackass. That’s how I felt. Blue had been nothing but nice to me and had always presented himself with nothing but respect. I should have known better than to even come at him with that type of foolishness.
“Well, it sounded a lot like y’all were discussing me behind my back.”
“Just like it sounds a lot like you’re trying to take up for that nigga Egypt.”
He was right, so I said nothing. Hopefully, my silence would speak for me. I didn’t want to argue or disrespect Blue, but I couldn’t think of anything that would prohibit that at the moment, so I said nothing.
“Aye, look, I know you’re probably over there all tight and shit about your nigga, but you ain’t even got to be like that with me. I’m not gon’ trip on you. If that’s where your love is, then I can’t be mad at you about it. What I can say is that you deserve better.”
I looked out of the window and mumbled into the back of my hand. “I really don’t.”
Blue looked over at me, but he didn’t say anything. Maybe he hadn’t heard me, or he just didn’t feel that my comment was worthy of any commentary. Either way, I was good. I didn’t want to talk about it or hear him trying to change my mind. I’d done a lot of shit in my life. Plus, I was a girl from the hood. Shit, nothing matched me more than a nigga from the hood who took me for granted. That was how life went, and I wasn’t in the business of trying to change it.
“Since you want to play games and not talk, I figured this was the best place for you.”
I looked out of the windshield and smiled. “You make me sick.”
“Well, this is the place for kids, and you’re being extremely gotdamn childish right now.”
Blue chuckled when I punched him in the arm. I looked out of the window again before laughing. “I can’t believe you brought me to Chuck E Cheese.” More giggles followed.
“Get your ass out, so we can go play for a minute. Whenever my nieces are having a bad day, I bring them here, and they be bouncing off the walls by the time we leave.”
“Blue, I am not about to go in there.”
Blue looked at me and raised his eyebrows. “Yes, you are. Get your ass out.”
I was laughing hard as hell as he got out and rounded the car to open the door for me. When he reached his hand out for me to grab it, I took it and followed him into the building. It was crowded with a bunch of parents and loud ass kids.
“Bring your big, grown, crybaby ass on.” Blue pulled me out of my trance and held my hand up for the lady to stamp.
He was laughing like hell as I walked slowly behind him pouting. The further into the building we got, the more I relaxed. It was kind of hard to have a full attitude in a room full of happiness. Now, I saw why his nieces would be bouncing off the wall. It was impossible not to smile in the faces of all of the other jovial people surrounding me.
After we started playing games and maneuvering our way around the kiddie arcade, I lost track of time and actually began to enjoy myself. When we were back in Blue’s car and headed toward the house, I had to thank him. I had been smiling all day, not once thinking about Egypt or his foolishness.
“Blue, I had so much fun. Thank you.”
Instead of a verbal response, Blue grabbed my hand, kissed the top of it, and just held it in his lap as he drove. I was in such a happy place that I ended up agreeing to hang out with him for the rest of the night. We got food, some wine, and chilled at his place, which was surprisingly, way better than being at Pat’s. However, it was far as hell, so I definitely understood why he chose to crash there as much as he did.
Chapter Seven
-Zebrina
I tapped my pen on my bottom lip as I sat in front of my books and computer reading over the notes I’d taken last week. I had a big test coming up, and I’d been stressed completely out about it. BB was there to reassure me that I would do fine, but I needed to know that for myself. I had less than six hours before I went to take it, and my anxiety was at an all-time high.
This was my last semester before the summer, and I was past ready. I loved school, but I loved spending time with my husband more. Since I’d been so crowded with school, we hadn’t really been able to spend as much quality time as I’d like to. He didn’t seem to mind because he was the biggest supporter of my dreams, but I knew he was missing me like I was missing him.
“I think your phone is ringing,” my study partner, Cross, told me.
I was so gone that I hadn’t even heard it. When I looked at the screen, I saw Azayna’s picture. I immediately picked up.
“Hey, bestie boo. What’s up? How’s my godie?” I asked, referring to my godson that she was carrying.
“I swear he’s trying to suffocate me. I can barely breathe from his feet being so far in my ribs. I keep pushing them down, but he puts them right back up there every time.”
“Aww, Zay, I can’t wait until he gets here.”
“Me either. I’m ready to have my body back. It’s only been five months, and I’m already tired of being pregnant.”
I laughed at her because she’d been saying that since she’d found out that she was pregnant. I was sure it had a lot to do with her and Egypt still not being on the same page,
but I wasn’t going to hound her about it. Though I’d never experienced it, I could only imagine how hard it must be to be pregnant for a man who acted as if you and your child didn’t exist.
“Are you still coming out with me today when I leave the library?”
“Yep, that’s why I was calling you. I couldn’t remember what time you told me to be ready.” She yawned, and I laughed.
“That little baby is kicking your butt.”
“No, he’s not either. I can handle his little ass. I just stayed up too late last night talking to Blue.”
“I see this is becoming a regular thing for y’all.” I was smiling because I already knew she was.
Blue was one of her father’s right hand men that she’d been secretly kicking it with for about a month now. He made her smile a lot, so I liked him. I preferred Egypt, but I also preferred my friend to be happy, so I kept the majority of my opinions to myself.
“Yeah, I guess you could say it’s regular. He texts me all day and sits on the phone all night.” The smile was laced all through her tone.
“Y’all better not let Pat catch wind of this.”
“Girl, fuck Pat. I would say that nigga ain’t my daddy, but he is, so I won’t.”
Me and her both were cracking up laughing. I was laughing so hard that I’d gotten a little louder than I probably should have. Instead of staying in the library and trying to hold in my fun, I gathered my things and left.
“I’m headed home now. You want to meet me there so I can ride with you?”
“Yeah, that’s perfect. I’m about to go out here and stunt on my baby daddy real quick.”
I shook my head as we fell into yet another fit of laughter. Azayna and Egypt had been beefing since she’d left his sister’s house almost four months ago and still hadn’t come to any resolution yet. True enough, it was mostly Egypt’s fault, but Azayna’s nonchalant attitude didn’t make it any better. I was happy she’d come to terms with her self-respect and no longer allowed men to mistreat her, but I still thought since Egypt was the reason she’d learned that, that she shouldn’t go as hard on him as she did.
