by J. L. Beck
Copyright
Readers Note
Dedication
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
Thirteen
Fourteen
Fifteen
To Be Continued
Acknowledgments
Project Killer & Project Rogue Teaser
Worth the Chase
Copyright © J.L. Beck 2016 All rights reserved.
Except as permitted by U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without prior permission of the author.
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This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, establishments, or organizations, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously to give a sense of authenticity. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. Severed Ties is intended for 18+ older, and for mature audiences only.
Editing and Interior Design: Silla Webb
Alpha Queens Book Obsession- Author Services
Cover Design by Sprinkles on Top
Stock Photography by Dollar Photo Club
© JL Beck 2016
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Her heartbeat was still.
Her life nothing but a memory to me.
I was far from the man that I once was… Cold. Heartless. Emotionless. Those were all words that would describe me. I had loved two women in my life and lost both of them. I would never open up my heart again. I would simply avenge their deaths.
We had a bond.
Ties to one another.
Now I needed to do whatever I could to get back to Grayson, even if that meant coming face to face with my father and Drake. The ties that bind us needed to be severed if Grayson and I had a chance.
I needed to save him, all while trying to face my own demons.
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-D, you’ll always be my favorite. Keep your chin up!
Noise surrounded me, the brightness of light beamed on the other side of my eyelids. Forcing myself awake, I blinked my eyes open. I could hear my own shallow breaths. My own heart beat, even the gulp in my throat as I swallowed. I stared blankly at the wall before me. Every part of my body that had flesh on it ached, my bones feeling as if they had been melted. I was alive, but at what cost? The memories of what occurred were muddled, like oil and water refusing to mix together.
I knew my life had been saved and though I felt like hell right at this second, there was someone that I needed to be thanking. Then there was Grayson. The moment my body and mind disconnected, I knew I had lost him for good. After everything that had happened back at the loft, the things he said, the fact he had allowed them to take me. He thought I was dead; I was sure of it.
“I’m sorry that it had to end that way.” A voice echoed through my thoughts. It was one I had heard before, but I just couldn’t piece together the face that matched the voice. Almost immediately the calmness that encompassed me evaporated, fear filled my belly as my mind tried its hardest to place the voice with the face. Drake— or even worse— my father could be holding me again, ready to trap me within their clutches and keep me confined in their world. A world I successfully escaped from once. Could I be so lucky the second time around?
“End what way?” I asked, my lips trembling. My throat was raw, my voice weak. I still couldn’t move my legs, arms, or hands and that scared me more than anything. Was I paralyzed? Would I be forced to live the rest of my life seated in a wheelchair or lying down in a bed while Drake and my dad tortured my mind and scarred my heart?
“I know how you and Grayson felt about each other, or at least I knew how you felt about each other; though I’m sure things haven’t changed in the last 48 hours?” He chuckled.
Time seemed to stop as his laugh met my ears. Drake never laughed, and when he did it caused my stomach to churn and acid to climb my throat because something bad always accompanied that man's laugh. Except the one that I heard was warm. Like a blanket covering your body after spending all day out in the cold. It was the kind of laugh that made you want to smile and laugh right along with him. It was then that I knew I shouldn’t be afraid. Instead I tried to dig through the haze called my memory but came up empty. Every thought was like quicksand. The second I grasped what it was that I wanted was the same second it sank deep into the sand.
“My body…” I heaved out. My chest was hurting like the weight of a thousand bricks sat upon it, and my mind was racing.
“The medicine will be wearing off very soon.” A warm hand landed against my temple and skated down onto my shoulder. I knew that after everything I had been through in my life I should’ve been afraid of this man, afraid of being killed, except for some unknown reason I wasn’t. I felt safe, even without control of my own body.
“What’s going to happen to me?” I had to ask the question, it was pounding against my skull waiting to be answered.
“Well, sunshine…” There was a moment of silence. The smell of cologne hit me right in my senses and with it came the memory of the person who wore it.
A smile that frightened and warmed me at the same time. A large body, that of an NFL linebacker. His eyes, full of secrets that I knew I would never understand, and the very first time I met him—in those eyes I knew he wanted me dead. He was handsome with his dark blond hair and forest green eyes. He had the stealth to kill and seemed unaffected by doing so. Yet he was nothing compared to the man I thought
I meant something to—Grayson. My heart sped up at the presence of his name in my own thoughts, right before my mind went to the words he had said last. How he had used me for nothing more than a good time. Fire burned deep inside my chest. It couldn’t be true. It couldn’t. Or maybe it could be and I just didn't want to accept that for the third time— to the third man—I had been only a game piece.
“Tuck?” His name fell from my lips like a saving grace. I couldn’t remember Tuck being there with me when Drake slammed me against the wall. I focused all my willpower on that very moment my back hit the hardness of the wall. Was it really him, or was my imagination playing tricks on me?
“Welcome back to Earth. If by Tuck you mean your Knight in Shining Armor, then yes that would be me, love.” Tuck’s words were smooth, cocky, and fluid. He was far more upbeat than I expected, which lead me to my next set of questions.
“Where are we? What happened, and where is Grayson?” I was finally able to focus on his face as I blinked my eyes a few times—ignoring the fact that they felt as heavy as boulders—my only concern being to see him.
“Whoa, slow it down and ask one question at a time please. My little mind can’t keep up.” He smirked at me, another chuckle escaping his mouth. Tuck looked far better than I did. I noticed as my eyes took him in before coming to my own body for assessment. A sheet covered me from the chest down, and I knew from looking at the small pieces of flesh that weren’t covered by the fabric that I had major bruising. No wonder I felt like I had been hit by an eighteen wheeler.
“What happened, Tuck? The last thing I remember is Drake, and he was…” I trailed off. I didn't want to finish that thought. I couldn’t.
Seconds turned into minutes and slowly ticked away as Tuck slid his hand through his hair in frustration.
“Out with it, Tuck, just tell me! Don’t sugar coat the bullshit called my life. I’ve been dealt a shitty hand many a times. I can handle it.” My lip trembled, emotions I wasn’t sure why I was feeling swarmed me. I had never stopped to cry about things that were happening to me. You learned to deal with the ugly in your life, as if it was a permanent fixture when it seemed to happen repeatedly. I simply ran and hid from everything; the tears would come later. After all, running was all I was good at. But as I lay here unable to move, I couldn't help but experience everything I was feeling and all at once. Running wasn’t an option when you couldn’t get your limbs to move.
“Shit went down. My cover was almost blown, and seeing what Drake was doing to you caused my fucking skin to burn. I had to end that fucker, or at least try. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to. I did get to save your life though,” Tuck responded, his voice dark at his mention of Drake.
“Cover?” I questioned. What was he saying, did he mean that he was an undercover officer?
“Yes, cover. I'm an agent. I’ve been undercover for awhile now. The NYPD had me step in years ago. Girls were disappearing left and right. We knew something was going down but had no idea what it was. After four or five dead bodies showed up, the agency decided that it was time to see who it was that was killing these women. I stumbled across your father, as far as he knows. To the department it was a set up to get me in with him. Since then I’ve been there, piecing the puzzle together so we could have a solid case. Your dad is always so careful. He rarely gets his hands dirty even though they’re covered in filth, which makes it hard to pin evidence on him.” He paused before speaking again, as if he had to gather his thoughts.
“I ended up getting way too close to Grayson in the process, which comprised everything we all had worked for. We aren't supposed to grow emotional bonds with anyone while undercover, because we need to be able to make quick decisions without our emotions being a part of them. People are prone to make rash choices when it involves someone they care for. Hence me saving you. Grayson has become a brother to me. I knew I had to save you, at the very least for him, if not for my own moral values. I had to intervene. There was no way I couldn’t do everything in my power not to protect you from your father and Drake. Not after years of watching you on the run.”
My heart seemed to skip a beat, my stomach quivered, and bile rose in my throat. The police were after my father and Drake? It wasn’t hard for me to believe, the fact that I was now in the custody of the police department maybe even worse—the FBI—now that was.
“How? I mean I don’t understand how this all has been hidden. Does Grayson know where we are and what’s happening? Does he know about you? What about the things he told the other guys about me?” I asked nervously. Anxiety filled my belly as my level of panic started to rise. I felt as if I was drowning, one more gulp of water away from death. Movement was slowly starting to come back to my limbs, and I was on the verge of passing out—the emotions and revelations finally starting to settle in.
“Ellie, breathe. In and out. Slow deep breaths.” Tuck’s voice was soft, as his breath fell against my face. I stared at him, trying to focus on his words. Trying to focus on anything. My body was battered, my mind was bruised, and my emotions were all over the place. Yet my heart was burning like a raging inferno.
“Any fool could look at Grayson and tell there is a connection between you and him. You have to believe that. You have to know that he would tell them anything they wanted to hear if it meant saving your life. Even if he hurt you in the process. That's the type of man he is. But to answer your other questions, Grayson knows nothing yet, and until you are healed he will know nothing. As far as he is concerned-you're dead.” Tuck’s voice was stern, and his eyes said he wouldn’t change his mind. I bit the inside of my lip and let the pain encompass me. The copper taste of blood filled my mouth and a need for vengeance blanketed my whole body. If Grayson thought I was dead, I knew he believed deep down inside himself that he was the cause for my death. That once again he had failed a woman he cared for deeply. How could I have been so blind? To believe, even for a second that those words he spoke to me were true. He shared parts of himself with me, his past. His sister. He wouldn't have if he didn't feel what I felt for him for me. I close my eyes and give in to the heaviness of them with only one thought on my mind.
Not only would I end my father and Drake for myself, but for Grayson and his sister.
With her death everything changed. A gaping hole had formed in my chest, the scars of losing my sister started to rip open, the stitches being pulled away at the seams. The blood from the wound seeping out like someone had cut me open and left me to bleed out. I was drowning in my own pain, sinking in my own misery. Every beat of my heart was a constant reminder that her life was stolen from her. From me and the life I wanted to give her, if only we would have come out on the other side still together.
The burden was mine to bare, though. Ellie had sacrificed nothing and everything at the same time. How fucking heart breaking that she died thinking I didn’t love her? Just envisioning the moment when her eyes finally shut for the last time and the last breath passed her lips, a piece of me broke inside. Those pieces were my soul flaking away with every passing second that she was gone. I would never be whole again.
It had only been a few days, but all I had managed to do was nurse my wounds and keep myself in hiding. I unveiled myself to the brotherhood. The need for mayhem and death consumed me. I had never wanted to end a group of men so badly in my entire life than I did the moment I realized I would never see Ellie full of life again.
They would be after me, if they already weren’t, though I was positive they were already searching the streets for me. Questioning those that had some kind of association with me. But I had no friends, no loved ones left, and no one to leave behind in the event that I did die. I was basically already dead. A walking, fucking talking obituary. All I needed now was a death certificate.
I grabbed the bottle of whiskey off the bar counter located in the high-end hotel I had checked-in to. It would be the last place those fuckers looked. I didn’t do high-end, nothing about me said money or success. They would look for me
in the darkness. Where regular, ordinary people were scared to go, so this gave me enough time to figure out a plan and go from there.
Slamming back some of the liquor, I prayed that it would numb the pain enough for me to forget her memory just like it burned my throat. When you lose someone you love and you never get the chance to tell them, to speak those three little words to them for the very first time, it puts a burden on your very soul. I hated myself every second that I was alive and she wasn't. Especially when I promised her I would protect her.
It’s your fault.
Those three words echoed in my mind every single second of the day.
Make them pay, Grayson.
Those four words fueled me in ways no one would ever understand.
My eyes narrowed as I got up and made my way to the bathroom. I stared at myself through the mirror, my reflection almost mocking me. How could I look myself in the eyes and be okay with the two lives I had lost? How could I handle knowing that it was my fault they died? The truth was I couldn't; not now, not ever.
I slammed my fist against the mirror, watching the pieces crack and break away. Dark red blotches fell against the marble counter and onto the pieces of glass that shattered moments before. Pain flowed through my ligaments and as I looked at the blood pooling, I smiled.
“This is for you, Ellie. Everyday that I breathe and you don’t, I’ll bleed for you. I promise that no matter what happens, I will spend every second of my life avenging your heart.” Tears filled my eyes burning the inside of me as if they were leaving a blazing fire down my cheeks. What a sad fucker I was. I lifted my fist again and slammed it into the remaining pieces of glass. Small pinpricks of pain could be felt against my skin as the glass shattered over and over again, just like what was left of my heart. Once every piece of glass had fell from the mirror, and I could no longer see my own reflection or feel the pain roaring through my bloodstream, I turned the water on in the shower as hot as it could go and shed my clothing. Then I stepped into the steam, into the flesh-burning water and waited for the pain to consume my body; for the heat to melt away the pain. I was slowly dying. I might be breathing, and I might have blood pumping through my veins, but I was dying so slowly that even time was of no essence. Blackness was taking over, and as I teetered right on the edge of life and death I saw her. It was in her smooth skin, sweet smile, and soft eyes that I slipped even deeper into the darkness.
