Chapter Eighteen
Rose
Seven months after my arrival at the palace, I said my first words to Madame Bariel.
“There are a lot of people at the palace today…”
Casual, as if I had not considered for days what flippant remark I would make that said nothing real, and gave nothing of myself.
She stood in the receiving line for New Year’s blessings from the royal family, and as soon as I said it, I moved onto the next, brushing past whatever triumphant expression Bariel would give me, and pretending not to hear the hush that surrounded those words.
I was, in painful increments, beginning to get used to those moments when all eyes were on me even as they pretended otherwise. Moments when Augustus forced me to expose my soul to the court. Why was it that some wicked part of me waited for his whisper, or glanced at him across the room wondering if he would lift a hand in signal?
In that way, this felt worse than any of the times I had to try to smother a climax. There was no anticipation in speaking to Madame Bariel, and refusing to speak to her was one of the things I had seized for my own.
I took some consolation in knowing that she wouldn’t be here forever, although that brought fears of its own. The king had been growing more tired and pale lately. When I first met him in the spring, he still seemed robust enough to live forever.
“It must be some relief to have it all over with,” Louisa said later at the ball.
“It’s still too bad,” Julia said. “There is even more reason to ignore her now than when it all began.”
“Well, the king had had enough,” I said. “Even my mother wrote me about it…”
“Your very existence is revenge,” Julia said. “Someday you’ll be the queen and you can ask Augustus to send her away, and you know he will.”
“Yes…” I smiled.
As much as a part of me dreaded the aphrodisiac wine, knowing what Augustus would ask of me, and despite the shadow of the rumor that he was weak to my desires, I was starting to develop a deep and constant affection for my husband. Which was the true Augustus? The one who whispered orders in my ear, or the one who took me hunting, or the one who liked it when I clamped my teeth around his tender flesh until he struggled not to cry out? The one who studied the laws and history of the kingdom and looked so regal in gold and embroidery, or the one I found out in the garden, sweating and dirty, helping the groundskeeper move the orange trees in for the year?
He was not the same as my original fantasy of him. He possessed layers of depth that I was always peeling away only to find another.
And whatever the whispers, our affection shone through the court.
But not everyone found this pleasing, of course. Madame Bariel’s cruel gaze didn’t soften at all now that I had spoken to her.
The difference was, now she was permitted to speak to me.
“Your Highness. I’m glad we are starting the new year off on a different foot. It was all so silly. I was shocked that you never responded to my note…”
“I never knew you sent me a note,” I said lightly.
“Yes. I said I could tell you the truth.”
“Oh, that note. Goodness, it was so cryptic; I don’t know of any ‘truth’ I am yearning to know.”
“The duty of the Queen Who Bowed. Do you know what it is? It is a matter unwritten in our histories. Out of respect for the queen’s sacred person, no description of it is allowed to be put to pen.”
The painted fan in my hand twitched. I know there is something Augustus won’t say… “I know my duties,” I said.
“You know that on the day you become the Queen Who Bowed, you will not be allowed to wear anything but gold and diamonds, and your husband will fuck you in front of the whole inner court.”
I felt the blood rush out of me, my head swirling. “That—that can’t be true.”
“Of course it’s true. What do you think the title means? Why do you think you are being trained for?”
“Augustus would have told me…” But would he? He tried to warn me on our wedding night, I realized. He told me Enri and Marianna consummated their marriage before the court. “My mother would not have let me come here!”
“It’s a private ritual,” Madame Bariel said. “No one will speak of it afterward, as I said. Only a hundred people are invited to bear witness that you bowed to him and he made you his. No aphrodisiacs are permitted for the first hour, so for both of your sakes I hope you can perform.”
I was seeing stars, clutching my constricting bodice, and I feared I would faint. “You,” I spat. “You’ve been waiting for the moment to speak to me so you can tell me this.”
“Too true.” She chuckled with her mouth shut.
“I will never speak to you again.”
“That’s all right. I said what I wanted to say.”
My friends had noticed that Bariel cornered me and rushed over with concern, but I couldn’t even manage to say what I had heard. It was too horrible.
The rest of the new year’s celebration was a blur to me. Augustus clearly saw that something was wrong; he tried to coax it out of me on the dance floor but I couldn’t speak. For once, I was relieved that he liked to retire early in some ways, so I no longer had to control the rage in my expression in front of Madame Bariel, but in others, my dread only increased as my attendants stripped me of my gown and left the room. I was alone with him now.
He looked at me with a level gaze, inquiring but restrained, and put his arms around my stiff body, unlacing my corset from behind so we were almost in an embrace.
I bit my lip and looked away.
“You must tell me,” he said. “We’re alone now.”
“Is that a command, my lord?” I said, a little sarcastically.
“It’s a request…from your husband.” He didn’t take the bait of my anger. Augustus was very calm. It was hard to be angry at him, but I still was.
“I finally spoke to Madame Bariel, as you requested.”
“I saw. And she said something to you.”
“Tell me what the Queen Who Bowed is expected to do.”
His eyes snapped away from me. “Rose…”
“Why did no one tell me.”
“Because you aren’t ready to know,” he said crisply. “Nothing is told to the future queen in advance.”
“I’ll never be ready for such a gross insult, such humiliation. All the rest of it is bad enough!”
“Are you sure?” He stood over me, one hand circling my waist with half-untied corset strings caught in his fingers while the other twirled at a lock of my hair. “I’ve seen how you look at me now… Of course you protest; well-bred human girl that you are. But you’re changing. We all change as we get older and we learn…”
“It’s easy for you to say. Your position is much better than mine.”
“Is it?”
“Well, would you trade?”
He paused. “That’s a complicated question. And besides, you know I dare not answer it.”
“I think you mean ‘no’. I won’t do it. I can’t. You should have told me so I could prepare for it, at least.”
“I’m sorry you found out this way. But you will do it, just as I will. We are the heirs to the throne, and there is no escaping that unless you want to sail to some other country far enough away that no one will recognize us, with a bit of smuggled gold in our clothes, just enough to buy ourselves a hut and work on learning the language.” He raised an eyebrow.
“What if we refused? We’ll be the king and queen; we can make new rules.”
“I don’t think we would be king and queen for long then. You might not like or understand our ceremonies, but they have deep symbolic purpose for everyone here. I would not dream of refusing.” He was sounding more heated.
“You didn’t think that a girl from a proper human court might balk at such a command? I have certainly done everything you’ve asked, but to be exposed before the court like that is a punishment for a criminal of th
e worst degree, not something for an honored queen! Did my mother know?”
We had no children yet. Maybe the marriage could be annulled. Maybe I could go home.
“Yes. She was told.”
“She…” I shut my eyes, biting back tears. She knew?
All she really wanted was an alliance.
“I should never have brought you here,” Augustus said.
He finished stripping off the corset, and led me to the bed. He tied me to the bed; the servants would certainly talk in the morning if he didn’t, but for the first time in our lives, he didn’t so much as touch me.
Good. Don’t touch me.
My skin tingled with craving. But my mind dreamed of escape.
Chapter Nineteen
There was no way of hiding how this news had shattered me. My two dearest friends came to check on me while I was still in my morning robe having breakfast, so I finally told them. Pressed for details, however, they tried to dodge the subject and instead convince me that it wouldn’t be so bad after all.
“Just shut your eyes and pretend you’re alone…,” Louisa said softly.
“I’m sure everyone will be looking at Augustus,” Julia said. “He has the worst of it, really.”
“Oh, you really think so?” I went silent. “You don’t think anyone will look at me when I’m naked except for diamonds? Or is he also going to be naked and covered in diamonds?”
“No, he remains mostly clothed,” Louisa said.
I screeched. “Of course he does!”
“Shh!” Julia squeezed my hand. Even in the privacy of my chambers, of course servants were always nearby. “You must calm down. It’s only shameful if you make it so. When you’re a queen, nothing is private.”
“Yes…,” Louisa said. “It’s just part of the bargain you make with everyone else because you and Augustus will hold the power in every other way. You could raise taxes and buy more diamonds with them; you could send our husbands to war; you could ban the color blue.”
“I wouldn’t do any of that. I want to be a good queen… I want people to love me, but I don’t want—”
“But you could,” Louisa said. “That’s the power of ruling the country. You can take everything, so you have to give everything in exchange.”
Hearing attempts to explain this away only made me more angry. “My mother didn’t have to give everything to be queen!”
“Faeries do not like to be ruled,” Julia said. “Why do you think we never had a queen before?”
I shook my head violently. “Leave me alone.”
“Soon you’ll have to be dressed—“
“I said, leave me alone!”
I swallowed my morning tea in silence, my throat a lump. I was sorely tempted to go back to bed and refuse to move. To pretend I was sick. The only thing that stopped me was the knowledge that to feign sickness would mean that Madame Bariel would truly know she had won. My role might be inherently humiliating, but at least I could prevent it from being of my own making.
Still, I was listless and could barely look at Augustus, even when I felt him look at me.
I heard a fresh wave of whispers and murmurs.
After the meal, Augustus insisted we must go riding. I nodded vaguely. I wanted the freedom of the ride but not to see him, and certainly not for the way he always tenderly removed my gown and put on my clothes. Of course, he did it anyway. At this point, it would be a matter of more talk if he asked for my ladies to dress and undress me.
He drew the outer robe of my gown off my shoulders. His touch remained measured and gentle even though I was upset. He was trying to calm me. I didn’t want to be calm. I wanted to have my real emotions.
“Sometimes I think this is my favorite part of the day,” he said, caressing me through the silken rustle.
I said nothing.
“I shouldn’t have brought you here,” he said again. “But I did. I could blame your curse, or blame your mother for allowing it, but I can only blame myself because it was my selfishness that wanted you to be mine. A beautiful girl with a quick mind. It was quicker than I expected. I think you would be much happier with the old faery ways when we were uncivilized.”
I glared at him.
“You’re still not truly civilized at all,” I said.
He laughed as he stripped me of my petticoats.
“It’s not funny,” I said. “I suppose if I won’t go willingly, I will be forced.”
“What are you afraid of?”
I flushed. “It’s obvious.”
“Is it?”
“It’s too humiliating, too uncivilized. I wouldn’t ask it of a milkmaid, much less a noblewoman.”
“It should be your moment of triumph,” he said. “You are the first human queen of the faeries. Your beauty and grace are without compare and these heavy clothes do you no justice…but you will be showered in priceless gems. The people will be blinded by the sight of you in your purest form. You are my greatest treasure and I love you…and I will make love to you, like no one has done since the first King and Queen. They might watch this once, but they will never share in what we have. You and I and this palace and all of Ellurine…it will belong to us someday.”
My body tingled at the low voice and the tender words. I wanted to believe it would be all right.
But the very thought of it still made me shiver violently, and think that I would rather throw myself from an attic window.
He slid a finger along my sex and found it very slick. My body was a traitor. He stripped off the clockwork and threw it aside with a clatter.
“Rose…please…let me make it up to you in every way I can.” He took my hands in his and walked me back toward the sofa, where he pushed me back onto a pile of pillows, dressed only in my underthings.
He spread my legs, caressing my legs like they were among his fondest possessions. I didn’t move my hands from where they had fallen, palms up across the pillows.
He slowly grazed the sharp tip of his tongue across my clit. My back arched, a soft cry whispering past my lips. I grew wetter as he stroked me mercilessly, watching my face as I lost my will to fight off his attentions. He knew exactly how to drive me to the ultimate pleasure, driving every other thought out of my head.
“Ohh…oh…” My toes curled.
“I haven’t given you permission to come yet.”
I smashed my foot into his face, shoving him back. “I hate you.”
He grabbed my foot, and then the other, and pushed them upward, holding them in a stern grip. “And I love you,” he said. “I love you when you love me, and when you hate me, I think I might love you even more.”
He took my clit between his lips, sucking on it gently as he stroked it with his tongue, and pleasure flooded me, with permission or not. I let out a whimper as I tried to hide it, as if I could. Why was I going along with it all? But I did. I felt some strange remorse for reaching such a towering release without his permission.
When it was done, he said nothing about it, but put me straight into my riding clothes.
My beautiful black horse was put through its paces that day; I rode ahead of Augustus and I didn’t care if he struggled to keep up. I needed to see the sky and the trees and feel the wind stir my hair, and forget about the smothering atmosphere of the palace. I wished I could take Augustus away from this place forever. Maybe I would rather live in a hut in secrecy than go back to all the whispering, the constant scrutiny…
You could escape.
“Who’s there?” I whispered, glancing around.
You don’t have to go back to the palace ever again. You don’t have to bow to anyone. You don’t have to submit to Augustus; come to me and no one will force you into such madness.
I can offer you a new world.
The voice was seductive. Was it in my head, or outside? Was it ahead? It was such a beautiful voice…
My horse went off the path. Was I leading her? I hardly knew. The whisper stirred my senses.
I heard Au
gustus shouting behind me.
But he had held back the truth from me. Maybe there were more horrible secrets yet to be known. My restless mind wanted more than the confines of the Palace of the Sun could offer, and if I had to leave Augustus behind…
I glanced back and saw him trying to catch up, and the sight of him jolted through me.
He could be forceful, and sometimes he made me do things I didn’t want to do. Despite that, I trusted him more than my own mother, I thought. He was patient and loving. He tried to be good to me whenever he could; to let me ride free. And his bondage was…well, it was not so very bad…
“Princess…”
The voice seemed to take shape and become real, and in the forest ahead of me I saw a woman sitting at a spinning wheel in a forest glade. She was beautiful, her hair like a shining river of dark water, her eyes large but shaded by long lashes, and her hands were so graceful that I found myself wishing she would touch me. I was confused but I dismounted from my horse. I had to get closer.
“Yes, come closer, pretty one,” she said. “No one can hurt you here.”
As I walked into the glade, Augustus’ voice seemed very far away all of a sudden, but it didn’t worry me. All I knew was this woman and this place where the light seemed especially golden.
“You are starting to realize the sad truth,” she said, beckoning me closer with a hand. She brushed my sleeve. “When you are a princess, no one sees you. They only see a title. Your mother sold you off for the sake of an alliance, and now you are told what to do. Your life is a theater and you are the main act. It must be exhausting…and you are not yet queen. The things they would do to a queen…”
“I can’t do it,” I said, my voice cracking at this stranger’s sympathy.
“I want to help you, child. I want to offer you another way…”
“I…” Her hand moved to the spindle, and I felt as if there was something I should be afraid of now, but my head felt fuzzy.
“Touch it, and you will go to a new world where you can start anew. You can have all the freedom your restless mind dreams of…”
My finger lifted.
Prisoner of Silk: An Adult Fairy Tale Retelling (Queen of the Sun Palace Book 1) Page 13
