“What is it?”
His voice, I think …
“A pass for Warnemünde!”
Yes, it’s him, the Oberarzt …
“Go ahead! You don’t need a pass … they know!”
But what about a ticket? … no need of a ticket, it’s free! … we’d pay later! … there’s no station either … just the roadbed! … we’d take the fish train … there and back … permission to stay in Warnemünde the time it took them to load … two hours at the most! … no time for excursions! well, we’d wanted to see the Baltic!
“Warten sie!”
He talks to me through the door …
“Go and get your things! … you won’t be going back to the hotel! … no more hotel! … verboten! no more hotel! … the factories are closed too! … Heinkel!° … orders from Berlin! … you’ll return direct from Warnemünde to Berlin! … Proseïdon knows, he’ll go with you, his patients too, Berlin direct! … he’ll wait for you … understand?”
“Yes! Yes!”
Not another word … I wasn’t going to argue … this weirdie Haupt wasn’t in love with us to begin with … the hotel! … ah, here we are! … I find the sign … hadn’t noticed it when we arrived … “Phoenix Hotel” … seems we don’t have to pay … that’s how it is in all the big crackups: Nightmare, Gratis … Vichy, Berlin, Sigmaringen … where’ll it be tomorrow? London? … Prague? … Moscow? … you’ll see … go take a look … but right here and now, what are they worried about? … an English landing? … the Russians? … we’ll ask in Warnemünde … quick to our room! bundle up our stuff! … Proseïdon is in the corridor … it was true, he had his orders … I ask him: were they evacuating Rostock? … he doesn’t know … maybe … anyway he’d wait till we got back … he and his lepers … all in the same compartment … we’d be together as far as Moorsburg … then they’d be changing to another line … Stettin! … say, I’ll be damned! that’s where our ladies are! … or maybe they’d gone a lot further … I’ll know if we see Harras, the old clown! … Proseïdon thinks they’ve set up a leper hospital in Stettin … he’s not sure …
“A great future, Proseïdon!”
One thing was sure … we had two hours to see the Baltic … and come back …
“Good-bye! … good-bye!”
Two soldiers seem to be waiting for us at the hotel door … to arrest us? … we pass them by … they tail us … about ten … fifteen paces back … we follow the narrow-gauge tracks … the two soldiers are still there … still the same distance … some other people take the same path … funny, here in Rostock, not a soul in the streets … then all of a sudden, a crowd! civilians, soldiers … what language are they speaking? … I ask one of them … Danish and Hungarian! …
“There won’t be anybody left in Rostock!”
Whatsisname told me through the door … which reminds me, he didn’t breathe a word about his Nietzsche … only one thing on his mind … getting rid of us! … suits me! … anyway, we’ll be seeing their Baltic! … and the harbor … we’ll have two hours … all these people are taking the boat … hey, I see it! … I see the boat! … not far ahead … Rostock is a seaport, I’d forgotten … a very narrow harbor … the tracks go right out on the dock … let’s go! … sure, all these people are taking the boat … we move up … it’s a small freighter … great big white letters from gunwale to waterline: Denmark and no mistake … the two soldiers who’ve been following us come up … they motion to us: not here! … this way! … further on! … I see the gangplank, all those people going up, one by one … we push off, we pass the freighter … this freighter has no name, only a number: 149 … the sea, the beach? further on! … further on! right, we’re getting there … the channel widens … we come to a different kind of port … sailboats and fishing smacks … here there are people … all along the shore … this must be Wamemünde … neither sand nor shingle … little black pebbles, little white pebbles … kind of pretty … except it looks like three-quarter mourning … and then a lot of cottages … all along the beach … baroque cottages … the “frivolous German” style … all colors … especially raspberry and pistachio … no bathers, closed shutters … fashionable resort, this Wamemünde … nothing doing right now! … we haven’t spoken to a soul … nobody’s come near us … guess they think our two soldiers are taking us somewhere … the season here is two weeks, the Baltic climate … ah, a little further on, where they’ve been loading fish, the Berlin train has been made up … let’s go see! … two reserved compartments … for us, I guess … that’ll do for the beach … we’ve seen it! … may as well sit down! us and the older soldier … take a load off our feet … the young one gets in next door … they haven’t spoken to us very much … sitting there, we get a good view of what’s going on, the other people getting in … ah, they’re checking up! … at least ten uniformed cops … passing papers back and forth … stamping and restamping! asking questions … especially the Hungarian soldiers with the red caps … fine-tooth comb … not so easy getting to Denmark! … especially for us! with our guardian angels … I wonder what they are … S.A.? … S.S.? … I don’t see any insignia … or stripes … I’ll ask them later, right now let’s admire the beach! … we won’t have come for nothing … not a rough sea … flat gray … the sky, the little pebbles, the water … they meet in the distance, far away … in Zornhof it was the plain that seemed endless … so this freighter, the 149, is going out there beyond the sea and sky … we wouldn’t mind trying it ourselves … I don’t see anybody on the water, not a boat … maybe they only fish at certain hours … or at night … this beach used to be a garden spot, the snazziest in all northern Germany … you wouldn’t think it … nothing gets gloomier than these so-called beach resorts … cottages, casino … when the telegrams start pouring in, the bad news and the lightning … so us there, looking at the sky and the seagulls, what are we hoping for? … gulls and more gulls, diving at the nets and baskets … lighting on the deck of the freighter … and screaming louder than ever! the whole beach full of them! … more and more! … we won’t go! … we won’t budge out of the compartment … I look at our two sentries … one of them must be about fifteen … the other’s a good deal older … the older one gives an order … the young one jumps up! … he runs across the beach … to a shack in the port … we wait … he comes back with two messkits … and a bottle … he’s made it quick … they’re taking good care of us … piping hot! … two messkits full of fish with rice … and a quart of water … in the last three days … I know we’re used to it, but all the same … if it hadn’t been for Proseïdon, we wouldn’t have had anything to eat at all … those messkits hit the spot … the young one asks us if it’s good … “sure thing! ja! ja! danke!” … kind of a matelote … sautéed in butter! … luxury! … and out of the blue, just like that! ah, now we feel more like looking around … there’s plenty to see … the freighter’s pulling out … looks like … right, she is! … not blowing any whistles … the propellers beating … very slowly … we get a better view of the side … from gunwale to waterline … Denmark in enormous white letters … if they get torpedoed, they’re asking for it … bon voyage! … I wave out the door … nobody waves back … nobody shows himself … orders, I suppose … and finally the 149 moves into the channel … oh, very slowly … the sea … out she goes … the water, flat and gray … well, we’ve seen what we came to see … our two soldiers motion us to give back our messkits and empty bottle … the younger one takes them back to the shack … up ahead they’ve put the “fish train” together … they push our car up to it, they hook us on … workmen and fishermen … the young soldier comes back, still got his mouth full, and climbs in with us … they haven’t talked to us very much, neither one … haven’t said a thing … at last the Berlin train is ready … nonstop to Berlin … except we’ve got to pick up our colleague in Rostock … him and his patients … I see it’s women loading the train … baskets and more baskets … same merchandise as Les Sables, Fecamp, o
r Malmö … it’s the job that makes the man, a komissar or a deputy without blah-blah, a fishwife without baskets, doesn’t exist any more … fly-by-nights, ready for anything … one thing, those women don’t try to talk to us, to find out who we are … I guess they’re suspicious of people like us, with special guards! choo! choo! the engine! this train has no armored flatcars … no gunners … our two guards, that’s all … we’re moving … choo! choo! … oh, we don’t go far … Rostock! … the train stops … there’s Proseïdon, waiting for us … not alone, far from it, he’s got his patients with him … I ask him … sure! it’s them all right! … he’s managed to round them up, not a one missing … and he’s brought our stuff from the Hotel Phoenix … not heavy, a small bag … two shirts, towels, soap … now for Moorsburg! seventy miles! … we won’t be seeing the Oberarzt … the ardent Nietzschean … again! … I never did see him, only heard him … and not friendly, through the door … never mind, I’ll get over it! … it’s not the same as coming … everybody jammed together … Proseïdon is in the next compartment with his lepers … he can’t leave them … only half a door between us … I can see them all, they’re not repulsive, no age, they’re beyond age, so to speak … pretty pimply, most of them wrapped in big dressings … especially the men, it looks like … we’re moving … this train, it’s a fact, doesn’t stop anywhere … but it doesn’t go fast … the lepers keep swabbing their noses and eyes … with their raggedy rags … not hard to diagnose … blood coming out of their eyes and noses … they couldn’t have been very good gravediggers … might as well ship them somewhere else … a leper hospital? … where? … still rolling along … the planes aren’t bothering with us … they’re up there though, coming and going, diving, wheeling … I guess they know this fish train and its schedule, and know it isn’t armed … friendly little arrangement, I suppose, to let the fish through … we’d never see any fish in Moorsburg … the whole planet, same story … the bigshots roll each other in clover … when the next one comes, the atomic shindig, you’ll see, they’ll send each other baskets of strawberries, from Finistère to Svarnopol, by rocket… I’m joking, but not all that much … I forgot to tell you about the snow … now it was coming down … not deep, but quite a lot … you couldn’t see the tracks … I was forgetting the seagulls too! … but, never fear, there they were … you can imagine, four carloads of fish! … wheeling in the air, gliding, coming down on top of the cars … and Proseïdon? … not talking … he’s thinking … we’re pretty near there … two … three stations to go … here … this must be it! … I see, I think I see houses … the snow is in the way … the train slows down … so to speak … foot by foot … choo! choo! sure enough, it’s stopping, it’s Moorsburg … the station! …
“Ferdie! Ferdie!”
It’s Le Vig! … Lili answers … with a question:
“Bébert?… Bébert?”
“Right here!”
We get out … so does Proseïdon … and his flock … they help each other down, they give each other their arms … where they’re going? … it’s all one to them …
“This way, colleague! this way!”
That voice! It’s Harras! He’s not alone, he’s with Kracht° … both in full battle dress, chameleon designs … enormous boots, potato mashers, Mausers this big! I ask him:
‘The Russians?”
“No! … but not far!”
“Okay, bring ‘em on!”
“No need to! They’ll get here on their own!”
Always a cheerful word! and obliging! he tells me he’s been expecting us … he’s had a corner of the waiting room rigged up for the four of us … Lili, me, Le Vig, and Proseïdon …
“Where are we going?”
“First some rest … could you sleep a little?”
“Yes! … yes! … definitely! …”
“And eat?”
“Yes!… yes! that too!”
“You’ll have fish!”
Our two sentries haven’t left the train, they’re sitting in our places … they must be going to Berlin … they’ve neither eaten nor slept … duty! … duty! … and back again on the same fish train … except that things could change and there wouldn’t be any train for Warnemünde … and no more fishing … verboten! … Harras knows more than we do … it seems the English had sent two big barges to Zoppot … to drop buoys? … or mines? … why not? there was something funny in the air! … and how about Oberarzt Haupt? what did he think of him? … wasn’t he a number? … with his testing field? … his moribund workers? … Harras knew all about it …
“Oh, you know, he’s doing his best … under the circumstances! of course he’s demented … but in his place?”
The thermometer says 26 …
“It’s not too cold … excellent, the fish train will stay here in the station … you’ll take it … I’ll tell you tomorrow …”
I wish he’d tell me right now … the waiting room … we go take a look … full of soldiers … stretched out … sleeping, I guess … all German railroad stations are the same, sleeping soldiers … some wounded … the right-hand corner is all ready for us, four messkits … cabbage soup … Le Vig and the Greek are done in … they don’t touch their food, they drop off …
“Destouches! … Destouches! let me introduce Sister Félicie!”
Sister Félicie seems perfectly calm … not downcast at all … almost gay … young, about thirty …
“Ordre de la Sagesse! … practicing nurse! … the contagious section … at La Charité … you know, our big hospital! … Sister Félicie!”
“Yes! yes, Harras!”
I introduce her to Proseïdon … Proseïdon pulls himself out of his straw … bows very low … and apologizes …
“Sister Félicie!”
Harras explains that she’s just arrived from Berlin … in a tank … direct … volunteered for the leper hospital … she’d taken care of the lepers in Berlin in the isolation ward … I see they’re old friends, they embrace … first time I’d seen them looking cheerful … she’d been at La Charité for ten years … first a temporary assignment, just for the Catholic patients, and then she’d stayed on … they hadn’t deported her … and she hadn’t asked to leave … a lot of nuns like that, from all countries, at La Charité … even deaconesses … too busy to worry about politics … since the air raids, what with all the wounded, they’d put Sister Félicie in charge of all the contagious cases … and sent all the lepers to her department … these ten, maybe fifteen … and more were expected … seems there were still some in camps … the idea of the leper hospital came from the ministry, Conti’s brainstorm … Sister Félicie was fully equipped, army shoes, musette bag, black bread … the lepers wanted her to attend to them right away, change their dressings … all right with her, but there weren’t any bandages or cotton … ha! surprise! upstairs in the stationmaster’s office … Harras had brought a whole carload of infirmary supplies … ready for use … Kracht would bring them down …
“Ja! ja! ja!”
But Sister Félicie wasn’t ready … first she had to tidy up her coif! … Harras had thought of that too! upstairs! iron, ironing board, wood for the stove … and she’d be alone, the stationmaster and switchman had left for the Western front … I notice that Harras has lost his big laugh, his ho ho ho! … he wasn’t sad, but he didn’t laugh any more … plenty of things I wanted to know … I’d have liked to talk to him … we waited, sitting in the straw … and then we lay down … waiting for Sister Félicie … I think …
I heard another train … choo! choo! … slow down and stop … another fish train? … could be … and then a lot of soldiers … boots and clanking metal … guttural orders and counter-orders in German … didn’t bother to open my eyes … what for? … assembling outside the station? … must be … and inside the waiting room there were other noises, these people lying there … snoring and grunting … and groaning … some of them must have been in bad shape … it wasn’t the Nietzschean system like up ther
e in Rostock, selection by frost, but it probably came to the same thing … I’d have bet that every three or four days somebody came to pass them in review … these men sprawled in the stations … and take the stiffs away … there were pits … a lot died in transport … hemorrhages and gangrene … inevitable, coming all that way … from this front, that front … days and nights flat on the straw, no nurses, no dressings … anyway, we were getting a rest … Le Vig, Lili, and me … not sleeping, no! … but comfortable … plenty of straw! … oh, not easy in our minds! … even Bébert in his musette bag was on the qui-vive, not purring at all … hard to know what was what … with all those noises! … which ones had anything to do with us … two more … there I was sure … Harras and Kracht outside … I knew them by their step … they were looking for us … right! … it’s them! … they step over the bodies … Harras locates me … he lights me up with his torch …
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