Right then there was no door … I’m telling you about Hamburg … I could walk right in with my gang of slobbermouths … the tar wasn’t burning any more, but it was still soft… you didn’t sink in very deep, but deep enough, you had to watch your step … sure to be still hotter in town where the explosions were coming from … boiling … better keep away … but what about our rations? … we wouldn’t go far … only where it looked possible … just the other side of the little canal … Hamburg’s all full of little canals, something like Venice … this one was practically full up with rubble … but only in places … it was possible to cross … “courage, ye blockheads! this way!” … I still hadn’t counted them … they cross over ahead of us …us is Lili and Bébert in his bag, Felipe with his tarp on his head, and me staggering … more ruins, the wreckage of a whole street, heaps of everything like in Berlin … but here it’s hotter, I think … heaps, I said, more like mountains! … that one over there is enormous, this high, this wide … as big as from La Trinité to Place Blanche … there must be whole neighborhoods under there, buildings and people … which naturally accounts for the smell … the smells I should say … we sit down … say, that’s something! … a mountain as high as the one in Lüneburg … remember? … the one I saw my first locomotive on top of … we take a little rest … all of a sudden an idea! … “our kids! our snotnose bundles! … they’ve disappeared … Felipe! Lili! … where are the kids?” … they don’t know … ah yes! Lili’s seen them … they were playing, pushing each other around … on the other side of the mountain … I says to myself: sure as shit! they’re in a hole … they had a thing about these holes … I’d noticed … their dodge was to disappear … bury themselves, two three at a time … the little monsters, the loonybin dropouts! … where can they be? … under a house? … “Lili! Felipe! … come on quick! we’ll go look for them!” … crevasses and fissures … there’s a big one, big enough for the lot of them to crawl into … bet they’re at the end already … no use shouting, they wouldn’t answer, they wouldn’t know how … the deaf cretins! with all the padding they’ve got on they can easily squeeze through the holes, between the rocks and scrap metal … catacombs are just their meat … there must be everything in there … I’ve told you how high it was, from where we were standing to the summit as far as from La Trinité to Place Blanche … can you imagine! maybe the kids had been crushed … or suffocated … even in the open air, in the daylight their movements were jerky … they’d drag themselves out of one hole and flop into another … there in the total darkness I couldn’t imagine … no use trying … how far we’d gone in this fissure … if the kids had disappeared and gotten themselves crushed and mangled, we’d go back to the train, what else could we do? … they’d escaped of their own free will! … Lili says: “the best way would be to let Bébert loose …” if there was a hole, that’s where Bébert would go, when it came to disappearing he was worse than the kids … he’d run in hell-bent … and when he found what he was looking for, he’d miow … “let him loose!” … Lili puts him down on the ground … how’d those kids get through? … I’m wondering … for Bébert it was easy, off he goes … Lili calls him … he miows … a comfortable miow … Lili’s satisfied, she follows him, one two three … on her knees, no trouble for her, she’s an acrobat … not so easy for me, I’ll never make it … say, I can do it! … on my knees! same as her … chin up, kid! … never say die! … damn! … this is clay! … I sing out … “I’m coming! … I’m coming!” Lili answers … we’re all right … I’m getting ahead … on my elbows … with my elbows … I wouldn’t have thought it possible … from outside you had no idea … the passage, I mean this crevasse we’re in, broadens out … into a kind of corridor … not straight, all detours and zigzags … clay floor … not fragile and crumbly, my impression, but very wet and sticky … how’d this mountain get here? … hadn’t seen any others like it in Hamburg … so high and enormous … of course everything was hidden by the smoke … and hollowed out like this … but I’m not a geologist … I sing out “Lili! … Lili! …”… “Yes! … yes! … come on!” Felipe’s got something to say too … “Dottore! Dottore!” he hasn’t lagged behind, he’s right here in the tunnel … at this point it definitely smells of corpses … rats or people? … we’ll see … maybe … quite an adventure, in a way … come to think of it, this hill is shaped like a bell … but how did it get here? maybe some secret weapon … there’d been talk about a secret weapon … that was going to wipe out England or some such rot … maybe it had boomeranged … or maybe a munitions dump had exploded … such things had been known to happen … anyway, an enormous mountain! … and nobody around to tell us how it got there … I’ve given you an idea of the height, from La Trinité to Place Blanche … we were moving ahead very cautiously, step by step … in kind of a half light that seeped in from overhead, the top of the crevasse … I shout: “any light where you are?” … “yes, yes, come on, plenty of light! …” how’s that possible? … an above-ground grotto, so to speak … you get the idea … three four times as high as Notre Dame … further ahead I can see … I’m sure … it must be another fissure at the top … a crater, I mean … fissures are only in the sides … anyway, this mountain has holes all over … try and get the picture, a giant bell of fragile clay … actually more like a blister … an enormous clay bubble … other people must have seen it, why not? … some day they’ll bear witness … the miracle was that it held up! … or we wouldn’t have been there, groping our way … light wasn’t the only thing that came in from up top, naturally it was raining too, the walls were dripping … nowadays there are speleologists that treat themselves to much more difficult descents every Sunday in the Alps, the Dolomites, and the High and Low Pyrenees … this cave of ours was nothing much, just sticky … of course the clay could have collapsed, the big bubble on top of us could have caved in … undoubtedly … but there for the moment we were getting ahead … I’ve told you what it was like, three four times the size of Notre Dame … the tunnel we’d taken, so narrow at the start, had opened out into a giant grotto … and what’s more you could almost see … the light came from up top … the crater hole … the effect, I repeat, was like an enormous nave of solid clay … solid? … well, not so very … in my estimation those walls are pretty thin … but bell, blister, or shell … how’d it gotten there? … a tempest in the subsoil, an earthquake, an exploded munitions dump? … which had been known to happen … maybe there were more mountains … or blown-up bells … like this right here in Hamburg … I hadn’t seen them, I couldn’t see anything on account of the smoke … well, I think we’d come to the end of our crevasse … it stank of corpses all right … much worse than outside … I hadn’t seen any dead animals, no rats, no dogs … as an epidemiologist, you see, I observe … first thing I do is observe … I was kind of surprised … outside we’d seen lots of bodies rolled in asphalt, like icing … and cooled … Harras had told us what to expect … not just whole bodies … separate limbs, especially feet … Hamburg had been destroyed with liquid phosphorus … the Pompeii deal … the whole place had caught fire, houses, streets, asphalt, and the people running in all directions … even the gulls on the roofs … the R.A.F. wasn’t picky and choosy … they just unloaded! … on the roofs, basements, and open spaces! … don’t let me lose you … there I was wondering why it smelled so strong of corpses … I sing out … Lili’s there … and all our lopsided kids … all? … I’ll count them later … and Felipe? … he’s here too, he’s caught up … they’re looking … at something … blow me down, a surprise! … a grocery store! … flattened against the black wall, stuck in the clay … grocery store, I said, you get my drift: Kolonialwaren … how’d it get there? and what makes it stand up? … there’s a sign, you can’t go wrong! … magnificent gold lettering on a red background … and nothing dinky about it … long and wide! … I don’t get it … Felipe looks … he gets it … “it was a grocery store, dottore! … boom! swallowed up! … see?” Felipe w
as right, he caught on before I did … a small pile of bricks … two piles … on part of a house … you visualize the cataclysm? … and don’t think I’m exaggerating … if I tell you that tomorrow France will be all yellow by intermarriage, that all politics is idiotic, because all it gives you is harangues and a jumble of parties, in other words, hot air, that the only reality that counts is the secret, discreet, biological reality you can’t see and can’t hear, that white blood is the underdog, and the only thing whites can do, quick quick their last chance, is harness themselves … to jinrikishas or starve to death … don’t tell me I’m exaggerating … but don’t let me lose you! I was telling you about this giant vault and this spooky grocery store spilling its guts in the clay … I’m entitled to my blurred vision, it’s my age, you can rectify … give me a hand, so to speak … not just a grocery store, a lot of other stores stuck in the clay … a wrecked restaurant and further on a tailor shop … stools and counters! … mashed! … outside there’d been corpses, in the harbor, on the railroad tracks … we’d seen them, but mostly limbs, rolled in asphalt … here in this grotto, under this clay bell I mean, the only corpse I’d seen was the grocer … no rats or other animals … but the smell was too pungent for one corpse, I know about these things … there had to be more! … but the kids? our pissy snotnoses … I’d lost sight of them! I ask Lili … Felipe knew, they’d gone into another fissure … every last one of them! … in the clay … hey, there it is again! … there! … the corpse … dead five six days, I’d say … cold in here, it hasn’t fermented very much, but it stinks all the same … I go over … it’s a storekeeper … sitting … at his cash desk … slumped forward … pharmacist? … grocer? … cash desk, I said … that’s definite, the drawer’s open, all full of paper marks … and a box full of food coupons … the box is open too … you see, I’m giving you all the details … but what interests me … is the cause of death … now I see! a fragment! his guts were hanging out … cut him open from hip to navel … disemboweled, in short … his intestines and epiploon on his knees … a fragment? from where? … Felipe catches on quicker than I do … he shows me … at the top of the roof … a breach … what I was calling the crater … boom! Dottore! an aerial bomb, direct hit! … that’s where it came in! … and, just as he says, boom! … right on the store, the stores, and the pharmacist … or the grocer … I couldn’t tell which … anyway a cash drawer full of marks and ration coupons … this stiff stinks … the kids didn’t stop, they’re not interested in stiffs, their specialty is fissures … where are they crawling around now? … in this one? … that one? . . the lousy little drips! … better go see! … maybe they’ve fallen into a pit … I wouldn’t put it past them … with all these crevasses … altogether a place I wouldn’t recommend, to tourists, I mean, anyway that grotto isn’t there any more … I’ve told you how high it was … and fragile … all clay … a phenomenon hard to imagine except in very unusual circumstances, a whole underground arsenal … boom! … the elements unchained, so to speak! … but what about my slobbering screwballs? … and Bébert? is he gone too? … I wasn’t naturally so weak in the head, but now, I admit, I let go … fatigue, of course, you know all that, and my accident … I won’t start on the brick again … you’ve had it! … first the brats! … Lili calls them … Bébert answers … miow! and here he comes … on the other side, a different opening … I’ve told you that bell, grotto, blister, anything you say, was full of surprises … miow! I bet he’s been to the end and back … now what? … these sticky dripping walls … but it seems to lead someplace … I haven’t got my sticks any more … Felipe, I see, hasn’t got his tarp, left it at the entrance … he couldn’t have … it’s better this way … I could have stayed at the entrance too! … shit! … let them figure it out! … and this guy with his guts all over the place … grocer? … pharmacist? … I don’t know … my ears are on the blink … I’m collapsing and that’s that … they can do what they please … I’m telling you just the way it happened.
I’d have stayed right there on my back … gone to sleep? maybe not … it takes strength to sleep, and I was weak as water … so weak Felipe and Lili were wondering what was wrong with me, if it wasn’t my heart… I told them not to worry, I tried to get up …
“Think you can make it?”
“Not right away … after a while …”
I was perfectly conscious though … I know, because I said:
“Go see what the kids are doing … come back and tell me …
When you’ve been brought up right, anarchist or not, duty comes first … with me it was those drooling cretins, especially their milk … maybe they’d found some … God knows they had the knack! … not of talking, not of looking at things … specimens in jars for instance … but when it came to disappearing, phenomenal I tell you! … the merest mousehole … now you see them, now you don’t! … the slightest crack … mud, ashes, clay … they vanish … and turn up at the other end, some other crack … right now they must be hiding … where? … in the attic? … possible! seeing everything was upside down, the roofs in the cellars! … Bébert was sure to be with them, Lili’d only have to make him miow … nobody obeyed me … all the same I should have pulled myself together and helped Lili and Felipe … helped them do what? … little by little I understood what they were saying … right! they wanted me to help them …
“Christ!”
That’s me coming to … I pick myself up, I’m wobbling, but I make it … “Over there!” I look … I see it! … it’s in the shadow … looks like a stage set … in the middle of the clay … a door … a wooden door … they want me to help them … they’ve tried … it won’t budge … where’s that door lead to? … it’s a backdrop, interior of a shop … and shelves … I can see them now … above this door and along the clay wall … they’re not empty! piled high! … almost to the roof … with bread, sausage, cans of milk … high, I’ve said, and I repeat, three or four times as high as Notre Dame … you’ll say I’m exaggerating, I’ve got witnesses … I think … exactly what we needed, tons of condensed milk! but the kids? … seems they were on the other side of the door … how come? … they’d gotten themselves shut in … they were stuck in the clay, in a pit, and Bébert was with them … we could hear him miowing … certainly he could get out… when a cat decides he’s got to be thin … and a little thinner … he practically fades away … our kids? no problem! … room enough in that pit for twelve or fifteen of them … I hadn’t counted them … all doubled up and slippery with slobber … they could get through any opening, any crack, you’d wonder how … and I’ve delivered babies, fascinated, I might say, by difficult passages, visions of the narrows … those rare moments when nature lets you observe it in action, so subtle, the way it hesitates, then makes up its mind … life’s critical moment, as it were … all our theater and literature revolve around coitus, deadly repetition! … the orgasm is boring, the giants of the pen and silver screen with all the ballyhoo and the millions spent on advertising … have never succeeded in putting it across … two three shakes of the ass, and there it is … the sperm does its work much too quietly, too intimately, the whole thing escapes us … but childbirth, that’s worth looking at! … examining! … to the millimeter! fucking … God knows I’ve wasted hours! … for two three wiggles of the ass! look at the novelists, our masters, when they wanted to put on a big show … they knew the score … they gave you gladiators killing each other! … opening each others’ thoraxes … and senators and their ladies coming down from the stands to watch their bleeding agonies and their beating hearts until they’re torn out and thrown to the wild beasts … our pancratiums are pathetic … that’s what they need … for our senators and their ladies to climb through the ropes and tickle the morituri, and fling their hearts to the people … our poor dear people that shout so much for nothing! … yum! yum! give them a treat! … our decadence is flabby … all it does is jerk off … never stops … me too, curses! … I’d better get on the ball … we were
outside this fool door with all our kids on the other side … supposedly! … so all together! … we pull, we push! … it’s giving … it’s giving … wham! and who gets it? me! the whole works! … one … two … three sugar loaves! … and the whole shelf! … two shelves! on the bean! … and all the merchandise! on my head! you’ll say: he does it on purpose … no! … like with the brick … no! … my head is unlucky! … it’s big, but even so … like with the brick … is it fate? … or just to amuse you? … ding! dong! anyway I hear bells! … gongs! … I say no more, that’s enough! … I’m shaken, I mean I’m out for the count … my hearing’s gone, I lose consciousness, I ought to be getting used to it, I’m really ashamed of myself, I faint at the drop of a hat … it’s that brick! … in Hanover, that house front … the others can take over! … I’m in a coma! … the others? Lili and Felipe … for once, I admit, I’m really out! … I think they try to wake me up … they even shake me … I think … and then little by little my hearing comes back … oh, no intention of moving! … they can move! … I half open one eye … I see a kid … two … our kids … they’re coming out… it’s true, they were down in that crevasse … that’s where they’re coming from … five … six … and all carrying something … where are they going? … Felipe shows them … I get it, he wants them to take their bundles outside … bundles of what? … looks like condensed milk! … grocery store? … pharmacy? … I can see better now … they’ve all got an armful … and not just milk … no, bread and jam and … they’re heading for the entrance … that’s where the tarp is, the enormous tarp Felipe was carrying on his head … he’d spread it out on the ground … the kids were making return trips and emptying their bread and cans of milk … the little cretins were still slobbering, but steadier on their feet, it seemed to me, not falling so much, and some, I think, were even enjoying themselves … out there by the train I hadn’t seen one of them laugh … children perk up quick, just a wee bit of adventure and even the worst little defectives … like ours … are full of piss and mischief! … cripples or not, you can’t keep up with them, they’re in the stream of life … if you’re old, they slip through your fingers, whatever you do! when the menopause comes, the athlete who hangs on, the asthmatic prime minister, are deflated rubbers, fit for the sewer … a lot more ridiculous than our little cretins, puny and pathetic as they were, but for them there was hope, when an athlete is through he’s through, and as for the minister who was all wind to begin with, he hasn’t even got that left … our kids went in and out, each with his jam and a loaf of bread … where were they taking it all? … to the mouth of our crevasse, I think … they come right back … I really ought to pick myself up … and see what’s going on … in the first place, no use kidding myself … this giant vault, this clay blister, wouldn’t last … I’ve told you how high it was … three four times as high as Notre Dame … one more seismic shock, one more subterranean upheaval, you could kiss it good-bye, the whole thing would collapse … on top of us … I was perfectly willing to get up … but the strength? … oh, I’d recovered consciousness all right, but standing up was something else again … Lili and Felipe come over and help me … the “chin up, kid!” routine, I get it … there! I’m up! … same crevasse … same walls … it’s slippery! … we’re going downhill … this wet clay … and there’s the light … broad daylight! … this is the place! … I’d guessed right! … that’s what the kids have been doing! … their return-trips! toting the stuff out here from those stores we’d seen … hidden under the clay … pharmacy? … grocery store? … I never found out… all I’m sure about is the disemboweled storekeeper at his cash desk with his guts hanging out … hell of a good time they’re having … with their bread and milk and jam … playing follow-the-leader … and dozens of screwdrivers … corkscrews and can openers … that stuff looks more like a grocery store … and heaps of little bottles … liqueurs, it looks like to me … some liquor supply! … they chuck everything in the tarp at the entrance, just as I thought … Felipe’s tarp … if you ask me, that grocer was hoarding! … he won’t be hoarding any more, with his belly wide open and his guts all over the place …
Rigadoon Page 19
