by S. K. Lessly
I waited a few painful seconds before I risked speaking to him. I stepped up a little closer to him and spoke in a low tone.
“Paul, I swear to you I didn’t get your calls.” I then said quickly, “If I had I would’ve called you back.”
“How can that be, Lauren? I can show you I’ve been calling you.”
I shook my head then it finally dawned on me why I missed his calls. “Sebastian took me off his plan two weeks ago. That’s why I didn’t get any of your calls. I have a new number.”
Paul’s brows furrowed and he looked over at Sebastian before returning his heated gaze to me. “Why the fuck would he do that?”
I shrugged just happy for the quick reprieve from his hard stare. “I don’t know. You can ask him yourself.” I pointed to Sebastian, but Paul remained staring at me.
“So, you mean to tell me you have a new number and no one knows it?”
“No, of course not. I gave it to Tonya.” I then added quickly, trying to get back in his good graces. “And I would’ve given it to you, but I didn’t think you wanted it.”
Paul pointed to me and said, “Make sure you give your new number to Samson before you leave. You have a lot of explaining and questions to answer.”
I nodded and replied, “Yes, of course.”
Paul continued to grill me with questions. “Why in the hell did you park your car and leave it here?”
I sighed knowing that what I was about to say would just add salt to this already open wound.
See this was the moment I had been dreading. I should’ve bitten the bullet and told him I moved, or at least left him a note. I’ve handled this whole moving situation so wrong, and yet again, I was going to hurt him.
“I asked Eugene to meet me here because I didn’t want him to know where I lived.”
“What kind of sense does that make, Lauren? You parked next door because you didn’t want your date to know where you lived. You could’ve just met him somewhere. Instead, you pull out of your driveway just to park next door. That's…” He paused and stared at me for a very uncomfortable and long few minutes.
The moment he understood what I had done I saw the change in him immediately. The life and emotion in his eyes drained instantly. Distance and coldness replaced the fire in his gaze. I knew before he even uttered a word that whatever hope I had of us reconciling was gone.
Fuck, I’m an idiot.
Paul’s eyes fell on Eugene then a pair of cold, blue eyes returned to me. I shivered from the chill that radiated from his eyes. It was insane how he went from being angry and pissed at me to being indifferent and cold.
“I see,” he said finally and breathed out slowly. “You don’t live here anymore, and you changed your number.”
Reluctantly, I slowly nodded my head. I wanted to say more, remind him that I didn’t change my number, evil Sebastian gave me no choice. However, I knew my words would fall on deaf ears. The fact that I didn’t tell him I moved was the straw that broke the camel's back. He was finished with me.
Paul pursed his lips then straightened his shoulders. He shook his head and said in a low tone. “Yeah, of course, you did.”
Again, I felt the need to reply to him, to apologize and explain myself, but I remained quiet. I just made him feel like a complete fool. Here he was losing his mind thinking I was stuck inside a burning house and he couldn’t save me, and all the while, I had moved weeks ago and never told him.
Regardless of him not speaking to me, I should have at least told him that I had moved, or texted, something, but I said and did nothing.
Paul ran his hand over his head and said in a deadpan voice, “Before you leave here, make sure someone has all your information.”
He didn’t wait for a response. He turned from me and headed toward his house.
As he walked away, I couldn’t help but fight the tears that were threatening to fall from my eyes. I wanted to follow him and to beg for his forgiveness, but I could see in his eyes he didn’t want me to. If we weren’t over before, we were definitely over now.
Samson came up beside me and put his arm around my shoulder. “He was worried sick about you.”
I looked at the ground then up at him. “Yeah, I can tell.”
I quickly gave Samson all of my information, and I spoke to someone from the arson investigation office. Eugene, much to my surprise, was still on the scene. Since my charade was out in the open, I explained to everyone what happened the moment I parked my car. I even admitted stepping on Sebastian’s porch to keep up with the lie that I still lived here. Of course, I looked guilty by omission, but there wasn’t anything I could do about that.
Eugene corroborated my story and gave a timeline on when he arrived to pick me up, the fact that he saw me step on the porch and the length of time I was gone. He also provided the time we arrived at the bar, and how long we stayed. Mr. Lawry also confirmed my story and told the investigator that Sebastian’s house was in order when both he and I left. There was no smoke coming from the house, no smell or any indication that the house was on fire.
The arson investigator asked a few more questions and took down my information again. He even tested my hands and clothes with some device that looked like the ones agents used to test an area or a person for radiation exposure. He explained the device in his hand was used to check for any accelerants or bomb making materials on a person’s body. The device showed no such material. He even checked my car before he stepped away leaving Eugene and me alone.
I sighed and turned to face him. I owed him an apology for my behavior. He stuck around when he didn’t have to, which said a lot about him as a man and person.
“Thanks for sticking around and telling them what happened,” I said to him.
He smiled at me. “No problem at all.”
I took a quick inhale of breath before I blew it out slowly.
“Look, I’m sorry for the way I treated you earlier. There’s no excuse for my behavior, especially when all you were trying to do was help me. I just want you to know I appreciate it.”
“Thanks for that, Lauren. You’re right. I was only trying to help.”
“Yes, well, I appreciate your efforts.” I smiled back and touched his arm.
“Can I ask you something though?” I nodded, and he shifted his weight and looked down at his shoes. “Why didn’t you want me to know where you live? I mean, Lauren, we’ve been going out for a few weeks now. You would think that you could trust me enough to at least know your address.”
“You’re right, Eugene. I’m sorry I deceived you. I’m starting this dating process all over, meeting new people, and it’s a bit scary and intimidating. And I know I could just meet you when we go out instead of keeping up this farce. I don’t have an answer for you on that. Things are just haywire for me right now, which is why I said we could only be friends. My mind is all scrambled, and I just want to take everything slow. I would rather keep my private life as private as possible. I hope you understand that. It’s not a reflection on you, so please don’t think that. I just need to get to know you a little more before I get personal with you.”
That sounded plausible, right? I mean it was better than me saying ‘you creep me out sometimes that’s why I don’t want you to know where I live’. I was sure that wouldn’t have gone over very well.
Eugene grew silent, and I waited for his response. If he walked away, I would definitely understand. I would probably be relieved. However, he didn’t walk away. Instead, he smiled at me, reached for my hand, and squeezed it.
“I get it, Lauren,” he began, “trust is important, and from what I noticed about the men in your life, that’s something you really need.”
I frowned and started to cuss his ass out and tell him he was who I didn’t trust, but he cut me off by touching his finger to my lips. My brows creased deeper, and I leaned back from his touch.
“Before you say anything,” he droned on. “I just want you to know that I will do whatever it takes to gain your
trust. You'll see that I'm a good guy and would worship the ground you walk on. You deserve to be treated like a queen, and I’m just the man to do it. I know you said we could only be friends, but I hope to change that.”
I had no words for that speech, and Eugene took that as a good sign on his part. He leaned in and kissed my cheek. “If you’re good here, I’m going to go. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
And with that, he turned and walked away leaving me with my mouth wide open and the creepy crawlers. I needed to dump him and fast. I shook off his touch, wiped the side of my face like that would erase his lips on me, and went in search of Samson.
I saw Samson heading for what I assumed was his truck and called him over.
“Hey, is it okay for me to go?” I asked when he was close.
“I think so. I’d check with the arson investigator to see if he wants to ask you any more questions before you go.”
I nodded and sighed before I asked, “Umm… have you spoken to him?”
Both of us glanced at Paul’s house before we met each other’s eyes again.
Samson let out a long inhalation of breath himself before he responded. “Yeah, he’ll be fine. He just needs some time that’s all. What about you?”
“Me? I’m okay. I’m still angry at Sebastian but other than that I’m good.”
Samson smiled. “Yeah, about that. I’ve never seen you get like that.”
“Like what?”
“Man, I thought you and Sebastian were about to duke it out.” He brought his arms up and took a boxing stance for effect.
I shook my head and smirked.
“Yeah, it was about to be one. He knew better than to get in my face like that. He knows I don’t respond well to threats. And all that yelling and talking crazy to me, man he was lucky that I didn’t drop kick him in his privates right there. Like I’d burn down his house. Please, he lost his mind.”
“Huh, that’s odd. I mean I get you being pissed about being accused and being yelled at but ah...” Samson looked quizzically at me and added softly, “If that was the case, why didn’t you go hard like that with Paul?”
“What do you mean?” I knew what he meant. I just needed time to come up with an excuse for my behavior or lack thereof.
“Ah come on. You know what I’m talking about. Paul was all up in your private space, and you didn’t go off on him.”
I shrugged not able to come up with shit to explain my actions, well not anything good anyway.
I retorted nonchalantly, “I don’t know. I guess I was so shocked to hear the tone in his voice that I was rendered speechless I guess.”
“Uh-huh, just say you’re in love with him.”
I looked at the house where I spent many of nights curled up with him, wishing I could give in to all the temptations I was feeling, but instead, I said simply, “That goes without saying, Samson.” I then looked around me, as if I had no clue where I was or what I was doing and said, “Have a good night.”
I made my way to the arson investigator to see if I could go home. He told me I could, and I made a quick dash to my car and raced home as fast as I could, eager for this nightmare of a day to end. I crawled into my bed a few hours later and tried not to think about Paul.
I failed miserably.
Paul
I took down the second drink in a matter of a few seconds and slammed the empty glass on the bar. I was still dressed in my turnout gear, boots, and a black tee. I was supposed to head back to the firehouse to finish out my shift, but the chief excused me for the rest of the day. That was a good thing on his part. I was not in a good headspace. I would be a hindrance to any team, the public, and myself.
I poured myself another drink and tried to get rid of the anger, which continued to flow through my veins. Those moments where I had thought I’d lost her was the worse feeling I had ever felt. Then to find out she was okay was still the worst feeling that I had ever felt.
I couldn’t believe how much emotion, rage, and fear flowed through my body. I didn’t know what to do. My first reaction, when I caught sight of her, was to pull her into my arms and kiss the fuck out of her. My second reaction was to bend her over my knee, spank her ass, and then fuck the shit out of her. What stopped me though was seeing her with that guy.
God, I was so enraged that I couldn’t see straight. The possessive look in his eyes had me wanting to beat the ever-loving shit out of him. Didn’t he know that she was mine? Apparently not and I was so close to showing him. No one had ever made me feel that out of control before in my life. I acted like a grade A, unprofessional, ass and in front of my superior no less. I hated the fact she was able to take me there so easily.
I shook my head and took the drink down in a rush.
She had moved on. I think I was more pissed off with that truth than anything else.
I had to come to grips with the fact that she and I were through. She found someone else to warm her bed, to hold her, kiss her, and make love to her. She found someone more her speed, someone of the same race.
I should’ve expected it. Lauren was a very beautiful and sexy as shit woman. Any man would be stupid not to approach her or ask her out. I had been trying to prepare myself to see her with someone else, or hear she found someone new, by getting back on the horse myself and dating. I had hoped that seeing other people would allow me to move on from my past. Seeing her tonight showed me just how much my efforts were in vain.
What I needed to do now was officially move on. I needed to forget about the woman that drove me crazy every second of every day and start fresh. It was time and what better way to get over someone than find someone to have under you… or something like that. The point being it was time to move on.
She did.
She moved away right under my nose and didn’t have the decency to tell me. Her lame ass excuse didn’t hold water at all. If she thought I didn’t want to talk to her, she could have texted me, left me a fucking note, or sent smoke signals— something.
Nevertheless, she didn’t do any of those things. She didn’t think of me at all and that not only pissed me the fuck off, but it made me feel like a fool. No more. I refused to be made a fool out of. That shit won’t happen again.
I poured myself another drink and took it down quick. I then pulled out my phone, searched for the number I needed, and hit send.
It rang a few times then a sultry voice answered on the other end.
“Hey, stranger,” the woman said softly.
I grinned and breathed out a sigh of content. “Hey gorgeous, are you busy?”
“Nope, never busy for you.”
“Well, that’s good to hear. I’ve been thinking about that date number two. Are you free tomorrow night around seven?”
I held my breath hoping that she wouldn’t shoot me down, but I was wrong for even thinking it. The woman didn’t hesitate.
“Of course, I’m free. I’ve been waiting for you to call me. Where do you want to go?”
4
Lauren
It was the end of November and my friend from work, Lizzy, decided to have a fall wedding. She found a very nice hall in Jersey City to have the reception, which surprised the hell out of me. I had only been exposed to the questionable areas of Jersey City. I had no idea there was an upscale hall in the area to rent out. The hall was a diamond in the rough. There wasn’t anything to the outside of the building, but the inside was beautiful, elegant, and chic with a huge crystal chandelier hanging in the reception hall, white floor-length tablecloths, white matching chair covers and beautiful crystal center pieces that adorned each table. White, sheer curtains draped from the ceilings and along the floor to ceiling windows giving that air of sophistication and elegance. What added to my awe of the place was the stunning view of the New York City skyline pictured outside of the expansive windows.
The wedding ceremony earlier was amazing. Both Lizzy and Rafael looked so happy. Rafael cried as Lizzy walked down the aisle, which made me cry. Sebastian didn’t cr
y for me when I walked down the aisle toward him. Now that I thought about it, he looked a bit bored and resolute. He was probably questioning what in the hell he was getting himself in to. Or he was thinking about his boyfriend. Who really knew?
As I said, the wedding was so beautiful and emotional. The reception though was one of the best parties that I had ever been to. I had never been to a Latin event, and I felt that Lizzy should’ve told me to leave Eugene at home. Rafael had family and friends that were very good on the eyes. They seemed to be fresh out of a Latin soap opera or fashion magazine. Nevertheless, I was on my best behavior, honest.
Oh yes, I forgot to tell you. Eugene and I were a thing.
Yeah, I know. Before you go off on me or call me something other than a child of God, let me explain… Okay, yeah, I have no great reason to offer. I was a weak woman.
All that bravado about Eugene and how I had planned to kick him to the curb went by the wayside. I was blaming my weakness on just being lonely and sad and… weak. I also felt slightly guilty for alienating Eugene. As I thought more about everything that happened the day of the fire, I had decided that I needed to stop being judgmental and give the man a chance.
He was very sweet to me, kind and attentive, and I was treating him unjustly. After all, he hadn’t really done anything that completely creeped me out. Plus, I’ve been out of the dating game for a while. Maybe this was how things went. So what he was a bit clingy and nosy and a tad bit pushy. I could work those bad habits out of him with no problem.
I even went to the next level and told him where I lived.
See, I was doing better.
Okay, we’ve also had very hot make-out sessions in his car and on my porch. I hadn’t invited him inside my house just yet, and we hadn’t done the deed. I refused to take things to that level. I did, however, let him grope me. That’s the least I could do, right?
