by S. K. Lessly
“Thank you,” I managed to croak out.
Brian squeezed my forearm. “Come on, little sis. We’re family. We’re here for you whenever you need us.”
I looked in his eyes. I’m so sorry I hit you, I wrote on the whiteboard that Mark had bought me earlier today, which was a blessing in itself. I was tired of writing on little pieces of paper.
“Yeah well, I deserved it. You don’t owe me an apology. I’m the one that owes you one. All that stuff I said was fucked up, false, and mean. I said that shit to intentionally hurt you and for that I’m sorry. You mean the world to me and to this family. We wouldn’t be complete without you. We love you very much. You’re the glue that keeps us together.”
I was stunned, and I was sure my face showed it. I grabbed the whiteboard and wrote quickly, Ok, where’s my bro, and what have you done with him?
Everyone laughed, and Brian kissed me on my forehead. “Look, I know I’ve been a horrible big brother, being all about me and everything, but that’s no more. This family is all I have, and I will not lose it to anyone or anything.”
Brian or wait, maybe I should start calling him Will or William… nah… Brian it is.
Brian grinned at me and rubbed his hands together. “Hey, get ready for tomorrow. We have a playoff game to watch. The Eagles are going all the way this year I can feel it.”
I grinned and nodded. “Absolutely,” I whispered.
Brian stepped back, and my father came close. He too kissed me on my forehead. My family was doing a lot of that, touching me, hugging me, kissing on me. It would take some getting used to, but I hoped it never stopped.
“William speaks for everyone, Lauren. I’ve never thought you were a mistake, and I’m sorry that you felt that way all these years or that I made you feel that way. You definitely gave me a heart attack growing up, but that’s just because I wanted to protect you. You were my baby, and I didn’t want anything to happen to you.”
“I’m sorry for hurting you guys,” I said softly, biting the inside of my mouth to stop the tears from falling and failing miserably. “I love you all so much.”
Everyone crowded my bed and came in for a group hug. It was beautiful until my nurse came in and kicked them out again for the second night in a row. Before they left, we vowed as a family to never to let anything come between us. Whatever happened in the past would stay there. From now on, it was all about family. We would uplift each other and be in each other’s corners at all times. It was a long time coming, but I was glad a change had come.
* * *
During the next few days, my family became my constant. In between my family taking over my hospital room, I had other visitors too. Tonya and Tyler came to see me one day. Tonya had been an emotional wreck, blaming her pregnancy for crying, but I knew better. She’s such a softie.
Lizzy and Rafael came one day and even Samson, John, and Manley stopped by bearing flowers, balloons and a stuffed animal. Who I hadn’t yet seen was Paul. I had to admit that he hadn’t been completely MIA. We’ve texted multiple times, but it didn’t compare to seeing his handsome face in person. However, that changed on the seventh day of my hospital visit. Everyone had gone for the night, and I was dozing off when I heard someone come in.
I opened my eyes expecting to see the nurse but was pleasantly surprised to see him. I grinned up at him.
“Hey, you, where you’ve been?” I prodded softly.
My voice wasn’t back fully, but I was able to talk without it hurting so much. The doctor said it was normal considering my injuries and the procedure they had to do in order to save my life. However, he assured me there wouldn’t be any long-term effects to my voice from the surgery.
Paul walked further inside with a beautiful bouquet of red roses. He placed the flowers on the table next to the bed, moving the ones he sent me just two days ago. He sat next to me on my bed, leaned in, and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes and waited for his lips to touch me. I sighed when they did, unable to stop myself then smiled. He smelled good. He looked even better. He wore a simple gray Henley shirt and jeans, but he could be dressed in a banana suit, and I would still find him sexy.
“Sorry about that, I’ve been working. Plus, I wanted to give you time with your family. How’s everything going?”
I brightened at the thought of the strides my family and I have accomplished. “Things are going great. My family and I talked everything out. Things couldn’t be better between us.”
He smiled. “That’s great. I’m glad for all of you.”
I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “Mark told me everything you did for me. You’re my hero.”
He shook his head. “No, I’m not. I was just doing my job.”
I gave him a side eye. “Oh, so your job is choking out my attacker?”
Paul grew serious. “Yes, it is.” We looked into each other’s eyes before he broke the connection and looked down at our entwined fingers.
“So, when are you getting out of here?” he asked, looking back at me.
“Tomorrow, and I can’t wait.”
“Yeah, I’m sure it would be good to sleep in your own bed.”
I paused knowing what I was going to say next wouldn’t go over very well.
“I’m not going home just yet.”
“Oh?” he replied, his eyebrows creasing. “Where are you going?”
“To Philly. My parents feel it would be best I go there for a few weeks, you know, to rest up a bit. I haven’t been sleeping very well. I keep having nightmares about Eugene and the whole attack. They, meaning my two shrinks, think I need a change of scenery.”
“Ah, I see. It makes sense,” he said not able to hide his disappointment.
“I really need to get my head on straight, Paul. Right now, I don’t know if I’m coming or going.”
He nodded but didn’t say anything.
“Paul I—” I began, wanting to explain more, but Paul placed a finger against my lips.
For the past few days, I had time to think about us. The doubt I had earlier about reconnecting had gotten stronger. I knew he loved me, had feelings for me. I just didn’t want him to be with me out of obligation. It didn't help that I hadn’t seen him in days. I understood that he wanted to give me time with my family, but still, if he wanted to be with me, why would he stay away for so long?
And yes, I understood he had to work and that I was being irrational. It’s just… god I just… I wanted him to confess his love for me because he couldn’t live without me, and not because I damn near bled to death in his arms. Is that so wrong? However, instead of confessing this to him, when he lowered his finger from my lips, I found myself saying something that I hoped would be better for the both of us.
“I need time.”
Paul sighed, and I could tell he was frustrated with me, his lax posture disappearing instantly.
I felt like shit and again started to explain my train of thought, but Paul trapped my face between his hands and crashed his lips to mine. I felt his tongue push against my lips, and I opened for him instantly.
The man kissed me as if his next breath depended on it. The kiss was something I never experienced from him before. His grip was possessive, demanding and yet his tongue languidly caressed mine and stole my breath away.
When he finally released me, I inhaled deeply, my heart pounding, my body coming alive. He rested his forehead against mine, our breaths intertwining, the world falling away around us.
I ran my fingernails along his scalp and rested both my hands on his shoulders. Paul took a deep breath and said to me on a whisper, without breaking our connection. “If you need time, I’ll give you the time you need.”
He then lifted his head and looked me hard in the eyes. “But when I’m tired of waiting, make no mistake, I will come for what’s mine. Count on it.”
With that, he placed a rough kiss to my already bruised lips then let me go. He sat up abruptly and without another word left the room. I stared after him in a daze.
Did he just…? I shivered.
Good god, that was hot!
16
Lauren
For two weeks, I convalesced at my brother, Mark’s house healing in more ways than one. It was bittersweet being back home, but I loved every minute of it. Things between my family and I couldn’t be better. It was better for all of us if I was being honest. No more arguing, backstabbing, calling each other names, well not as much, and none of the petty shit. It’s been nothing but love, compassion, laughter, and warmth.
From time to time, I had wondered if I had died and gone to heaven. Everything felt so unreal. However, that thought would always die a vicious death as soon as my nephew, Will would step into the room. As I said before, the boy was hell on wheels. No way was I in heaven with that terrorist in the room.
Despite my crazy nephew and niece, Brian and Janet's kids, I was glad to be with them. I’d have to reprogram them to listen to me, but it was well worth it to see them and love on them.
Here’s an update on the psycho.
Eugene Brooks was arrested and charged with attempted murder and aggravated assault, as well as other related charges. There would be a point in time where I would have to see him again, when I testify, but I was hoping that wouldn’t be the case. Brian said he had some connections in Jersey, and he’d see what he could do to NOT let that happen. There was no way I wanted to see that asshole again ever in my lifetime. It was bad enough that he haunted me in my dreams. Having to relive that night over and over and wake up in cold sweats, rubbing my neck, was enough for me. I didn’t want to have to relive that night for public consumption.
They had my statement and accounts of that night. The dumbass dropped the knife in his car and left it there, my blood and his prints were both on the weapon. He had placed the knife in a baggie, and I figured he was going to get rid of it at some point but never got the chance. For the life of me, I wasn’t sure why he showed up at the hospital. Maybe he figured he erased his tracks in my house and I wasn’t able to finger him, so he was good. Who knew the reason, as I said the man was certifiable.
One thing I regretted missing was seeing Paul go all alpha on him. I was sure that would have been fun to watch. A boy scout he was not that day, let me tell ya.
Speaking of my boy scout, he and I had spoken on the phone multiple times since I’d been in Philly. Our conversations were light, nothing heavy. I asked him about his job and his coworkers, and he asked me about my family. Most of the time our conversations were filled with me telling him all about Will Jr. and his shenanigans.
He would ask about how I was feeling, and I’d try to deflect. I didn’t want him worrying about me. I had two, count them two shrinks in my midst. They had me on the proverbial shrink’s chair almost every day since I stepped into Mark’s home. They weren’t letting me dwell on what happened to me. They also supplied me with the best sleeping pills I could ask for. I was okay from that standpoint.
To be honest, I was still scared half out of my mind. If anyone moved suddenly around me, I’d jump. My nerves were shot to hell, which was why I stayed with Mark and not my parents. My parents both still worked during the day, and the thought of being alone scared the bejesus out of me. Maria was home every day, and their kids were well behaved. Maria was a beast when it came to handling her kiddos; I barely heard them when they were home. They gave me my space when I needed and crowded me when I didn’t.
Back to Paul.
I missed him like crazy. I missed his face, his smile, those sexy dimples of his, everything. I know I said that I was concerned about us getting back together and that I was messed up in the head… yadda yadda. After a lot of soul searching, I realized that I had been on heavy pain meds when I confessed that to myself. Good thing I didn't say it to Paul directly. I already had to do some serious groveling. Any more and you might as well change my name to Usher.
Seriously though, being away from him this long, only able to talk to him and not see him, helped me see the light.
I began thinking about the reasons why I had broken it off with Paul, after Samson’s party, and compared it to my current hesitation. There was one common denominator, fear. Yup. It had all boiled down to me being scared to lose him. I had fallen in love with him. I had given myself to him wholeheartedly, mind, body and soul, which was something I had never done before. He was in control of my heart to do as he pleased and that scared the crap out of me.
I think that’s why I decided that Paul and I needed space back then. I wasn’t sure if he felt the same way, and I was afraid to ask him. Then how he treated me at Samson’s party, how he ignored me, brought it home for me.
Now, hindsight being what it was, the way things went down during the party was my fault. If I hadn’t told Paul we needed to sneak around, I was sure he would’ve been with me that night; he wouldn’t have ignored me. Also, I should have been the grown woman I claimed to be and had gone over to that table and claimed my man in front of everyone. He was ready to tell the world that he loved me, and I couldn't admit to anyone that I even liked the guy.
I had been afraid of how people would’ve perceived us. I didn’t want anyone to think I was a home wrecker and went after Paul when we both were married. Also, I wasn’t sure about the race thing. Paul and I were from two different worlds. I had worried myself sick wondering if we could survive the world’s ignorance.
I had wondered things like, were we strong enough not to let outsiders ruin us? Or, more importantly, would he be able to relate to the struggles I’d face on an everyday basis as a black woman? Would he be strong enough to be my rock when I needed him?
I had been dwelling on the race thing the most back then and even now. I wasn’t used to dating outside my race. Hell, if I was being honest, I wasn’t sure if I was strong enough to handle it. But that was when my family pulled me away from idiotic-land and brought me to reality.
A few days ago, we were all hanging out at Mark’s house, since Maria was still on house arrest. We had just watched the championship game, and yes, my Eagles were going to the Super Bowl.
Did you hear me…?
My Philadelphia Eagles were bound for Minnesota!
I was stoked to no end. This day was a long time coming, and it was finally here for us. Tom Brady had better watch out! We’re not going home without the title. Just wait and see!
Okay enough about my Eagles.
My fam and I were sprawled all around my brother’s fully finished basement. I was lounging on one end of his sectional, my feet up on the footstool. My parents were next to me, legs kicked up, sharing the footstool with me. Mark and Maria were on the other side of the sectional, which pulled out into recliners. Brian was in a separate recliner and Hillary was sitting on the floor next to her husband.
The kids were everywhere; terrorizing each other, entertaining the adults with their laughter and silliness. Typically, Will and Lyla were bad as hell on their own, but surprisingly, when they played with the twins, Mark Jr. and Maria, yes, they named their kids after each other, they actually behaved. Maybe it was because of the attention the twins gave them that soothed their savage beasts, who’s to say.
As I was saying, we were laughing, drinking, and enjoying each other’s company when Mark looked over at me and asked, “What’s going on with you and Paul?”
I shifted in my seat. “What do you mean?”
“Who, the white guy from the hospital?” my sister cut in then looked at me. “Oh, Lauren, he’s very good looking and that body of his, whew.” She fanned herself and smiled at me.
“What white guy?” Hillary asked, and I prayed no one answered her. I still didn’t like her. I tolerated her for the sake of my brother, but if she never spoke to me again or showed up at family functions, I wouldn’t mind.
“Come on, sis. Don’t be coy,” Brian butted in ignoring his wife’s inquisitiveness. “You know what he means.”
I looked around the room and gave them a half shrug.
“I don’t
know. I mean…” I trailed off not wanting to get into this with my family. Sure, we were mending broken ties, but we weren’t that close to where I was comfortable bearing my soul to them. But in my family’s fashion they pressed on ignoring my reluctance.
“Do you love him?” Brian asked.
I sighed. “It’s not that simple,” I said in reply.
“Actually, yes, it is. Lauren, not only did that man save your life, but he almost choked out the man that tried to take your life.”
I looked at Brian in astonishment. It wasn’t the first time I had heard it, but when he said it like that, it brought goosebumps to my flesh and made my stomach drop to my toes.
“Look, sis.” Brian added, sitting up and regarding me intently. “You know I’ve always been against interracial dating, no matter the race of the person. I especially think a black woman should be with a black man. However, what I saw in that white boy’s eyes, when he had homeboy hemmed up against the wall, shocked me. The man would have avenged you without thinking twice. That’s love, little sister.”
I leaned forward in my chair, matching his stance, and looked at him.
“But you see, is it enough?” I countered. “Don’t get me wrong. Paul is an amazing man. He’d take care of me, no problem. I just wonder if love would be enough. Not only are we two different people, but we were also raised differently. What does he understand about the struggles of black people? Of black women specifically? Would he be sympathetic or would he ignore the issues around us? Could we even talk about racial inequality without it turning into an argument? And what about how others will look at us?”
“Since when do you care about what other’s think?” Mark questioned.
I looked over at him. “If it means the health of our relationship, yeah, I do care,” I answered firmly. Everyone fell silent for a few minutes then my father spoke up.
“Lauren, there are going to be lots of challenges in a relationship, no matter who you’re with. The goal is knowing the person you’re with. Race is a difficult subject for everyone. And you’re right. If you’re wondering about that, you two should talk about it. The issue will be how both of you respond to it.
