She leaves me breathless; a lucky disaster I can't escape
Matt’s soulful voice melds with the guitar as the sound pours out from him. Each note strumming at my heartstrings. It’s as if nothing else exists in the room but him and me, until the crowd begins to applaud, stifling the illusion.
The sound of voices demanding drinks break the spell and take away the one moment of peace I had for the night.
Where is Tristan?
“Any particular reason why you work here?” Chris asks as we clean the bar. He, his husband, and Matt stayed after their performance, while AJ had to leave for the night. Mommy duty called. I wished I had met her. I couldn’t even see her all that well. “Are you a masochist of some kind?”
I release a laugh and shake my head. “No. It came with the housing.” I point toward the ceiling where I live. “Though working here has made my self-control stronger. I discovered that the more I’m around it, the less I’m likely to succumb to it. Maybe it’s psychosomatic, but so far it’s working.”
His grin widens and he doesn’t correct me or judge me. As he finishes drying the last glass, his husband approaches the bar from the other side. “Babe, are you ready to go?”
“Just about, Gabe. Have you met Thea?”
“Yes, Matt introduced me to her while I worked the bar along with them,” he responds, his eyes never leaving his husband. “Are you sure you should be working on that side of the bar?”
“Yeah, Thea does and she’s been sober for years.”
I gasp at his words. He wasn’t supposed to tell that to anyone. Well, I never asked for his discretion, but I wouldn’t be telling everyone that he’s a recovering alcoholic.
“You haven’t told anyone?” I shake my head, taking small sips of air while ordering myself to keep my shit together. A panic attack is out of the question. “Well shit, I’m sorry for running my mouth. Though it’s nothing to be ashamed about. I’m not saying that you should scream it to the four corners of the earth, but sharing that with your friends and the ones you care about is part of your journey.”
“Six weeks and he jabbered that to me,” Gabe informs. “But I think it was because we had become friends. He trusted me.”
“Nah, it was because he moved into my house, and I had to make sure he didn’t leave any alcohol around.” Gabe gives him a stern look. Chris walks toward him and kisses him. “I love you, and yes, it was because I trusted you, babe. Now drag me home. I want to make sure you know how much I like to trust you.”
“Ew, take your sexual innuendos somewhere else,” Matt protests stepping closer to me. “We have rules. You two aren’t allowed to even think about sex while I’m around.”
“That was a great song, Matt. Have you recorded it yet?” Chris suddenly switches the conversation.
“It’s new. AJ and I have to work on it.” Matt tilts his head. “You recorded it, right?”
“An unusual request, but I did.” Chris stops and stares at him. “You just came up with the song . . . Shit, that’s fucking awesome. Seriously, Mattie, never seen anyone doing that shit before without fucking up at least a chord or a word. What is it? Candy, soda, a new car, a crafted beer?”
“Can we discuss the source of my inspiration at a later time, Pops?” Matt’s eyes shoot daggers at his father. “It just hit me, and it felt like the right song to close the performance. Please don’t make a big deal.”
Chris lifts his palms, shrugging. “I won’t, but know that it is a big deal, Mattie. I’ll email you the recording tomorrow. Unless you want to come over for lunch, then I can help you polish it. AJ might be free.”
“T, time to head home,” Reed calls from the usual spot, close to the back room. “Matt can help us finish closing up shop.”
“It was nice meeting you,” I say to the Deckers, then move my eyes to Matt. “That was an awesome song, I loved it.”
“See you in a few, Butterfly.” He bends closer and whispers in my ear, “Glad you loved it.”
Every once in a while, Seattle has one of those beautiful days—brilliant sky perfectly illuminated by golden streaks and zero clouds. Lucky for me, today happens to be one. To celebrate such a glorious day, I decided to pack my computer, and head to the park. I made my way to the green. I found the perfect spot, far enough from the playground to avoid the distraction, yet close enough to observe the movement. People and families fascinate me. As it’s a Saturday, the park’s visitors include couples pushing strollers, others jogging with their pets, and a plethora of specimens to observe and envy. To the best of my recollection, I never shared these kinds of moments with my family.
Snapping myself out of my reverie, I push my family out of my head. I spread my blanket and set my laptop on top of it. I’m almost done typing the manuscript. Next week will be dedicated to editing it and discussing with Matt where he wants to take the book. A long sigh leaves my chest at the thought of Matthew Decker. Damn that man and his sexiness. That charismatic man, that smiles every time he sets his eyes on me. There’s not a moment when he isn’t sweet, yet, his sex-on-a-stick persona makes my entire body go all quivery for him.
Matt and I have spent every night together for the past two weeks. The bond we’ve created makes me want to risk getting hurt. My brain comprehends that Matt is a lot of fun to play with, but he’s not the settling kind. Though, it’ll be nice if, just once, I could let myself dream of something else. Believe that someone would want to keep me. That if I open my heart and let someone inside, I’ll be loved—forever.
A small, multi-color, floral ball rolls over my computer, pulling me from the thoughts. I glance up finding the beautiful smile of a toddler who watches me close before bending to retrieve the ball.
“Is this yours?” I lift the ball and hand it to her.
“Mine,” she says, her bright blue eyes glimmering while grabbing it with her chubby hands.
A man approaches us. “Willow, pumpkin. Come back.”
“I’m sorry.” A beautiful woman with blonde hair and a baby bump joins the tall, good-looking man.
“It’s all right.” I stare at the whole picture and smile at them. “She’s cute. Beautiful.”
“Thanks.” The mom grins, watching her husband pick up her daughter. Her eyes shine; life is perfect for her. “Let’s go. Again, thank you.” They wave at me and leave.
As I watch them, an ache forms in my chest, a bigger hole digs inside my heart. The mom and dad continue playing with the girl who laughs as they toss the ball at her and she lets it drop. She claps and her uneven piggy tails wiggle with every laugh.
If only one day that could be me. It’s too late to have that with my parents, but I have time to be like that woman. A wife. A mom. Part of a family that goes out and has fun. During my daydreams it happens. Those are the times when all is possible. The moments I’m free to be the happiest woman. In real life . . . my own insecurities don’t let me dare. Maybe someday I’ll stop yearning, or one day it’ll happen.
The moment my phone rings, my eyes turn to it and my lips do what they always do when I see, hear, or think about Matt. Smile.
“Hey,” I answer.
“Where are you, Butterfly? I’m at your place and no one is answering the door.”
“Working, at the park. You want to join me?” I blurt out without giving it a second thought.
“Would love to. Text me the location, and I’ll be there soon.”
My gaze shifts back to where the happy family plays. I shake all previous thoughts and focus on typing. Matt’s voice sucks me into the world he has created. That’s my biggest escape in life—books. While growing up, before my life turned ugly, I spent my free time reading. I wish I had continued on that route and not the self-medicated one that I followed. None of it matters. Instead I concentrate on Nix, escaping into Matt’s fantasy world. Losing myself inside his genius mind.
Space-cars, telepathic sex scenes, and a pretty hot morphed being entertain me for a while. I’m almost done with chapter twenty-three,
when one of my ear buds loosens. That’s when I hear an amused male voice. “I couldn’t help but notice you’re alone and in need of feeding. Is this seat taken?”
I nod, meeting his smiling eyes, and stop the recording. “That was fast.” I look at him, drinking him in. A navy blue, tight T-shirt wraps his broad, muscular chest. My entire body buzzes with excitement but I tame it right away. I forbid myself from swooning, even when he sings like an angel, writes the best books I’ve ever read, and looks like a sin that I want to commit.
“It wasn’t.” He sits next to me setting down a brown bag. “I went by a few places and bought some food. Sounded like we’re having a picnic while we work.”
“How do you do it?” He reels me in by his gestures, sweet words, and that freaking smile I now love. “Say the perfect thing, do something that’s just . . . right.”
He quirks a crooked grin, and my heart flutters. Damn him. Why does he have to be so adorable? “You make it easy, Butterfly.”
Heat flushes my entire body as his eyes caress me with his deep stare.
“Things are about to slow down at Silver Moon. On your first night off, what do you say about going out on a date?”
“I'd only go if you're ready to date, remember?”
“That's why I’m asking,” he whispers, leaning close to me. “Be my date, Butterfly.”
Those three words startle me: be my date. I’m not sure if he hears me gasp, because his stunningly clear blue eyes sparkle, and the corner of his lips tilt slightly as they await my answer. A date, is he crazy? Does he have any idea who I am? I guess I made sure he doesn’t, because he wouldn’t understand. His family wouldn’t understand.
Just say no and keep your personal life apart. Next time don’t invite him to spend time with you—at all.
“How about we play a game called: I’m your editor and we work on your manuscript?” I moderate my shaky voice. I feel stupid, behaving like an insecure child. Maybe that’s another issue to work with my shrink. Start living and stop second-guessing every action. Wiggling in my seat, I steer the conversation to a safer subject. “Tucker shouldn’t go to the Delta quadrant—it’s a bad idea.”
“It was just a question,” Matt reassures me, touching my hand. “Is the idea of a night out with me so terrible that you almost had a heart attack?” I shake my head, and our gaze locks.
Not terrible. Dreamy—maybe in another life with a different Thea. I push my lips to opposite sides, but the smile never appears. “It’s not that, it’s just—” God, Thea, you’re more articulated than this. What is it about him that twists your tongue?
“I get that you’re shy and all. How about we work on that first and then move to the next level? In the meantime, we can continue getting to know each other,” he says casually.
I nod and offer him a weak smile. “That sounds like a plan.”
My lungs sag with relief. Crisis averted. For today anyway.
That was the opposite of casual and smooth. Thea is making me lose my touch. Yesterday I serenaded her. Other than saying, I loved the song, she didn’t say one fucking word. Usually women throw their underwear at me when I sing to them, and men beg for at least a touch. Thea seems to want to jump out of her skin before she goes anywhere with me in any kind of romantic setting. Her overly nervous reaction when I asked her to go on a casual night out between friends speaks volumes.
“So, let’s hear it.” I play with her long hair. “You had a terrible first date, last boyfriend was an ass, and you’ve sworn off men? Are you into chicks? Because if that’s so, you hide it pretty well.”
She chuckles. “Um, no, I’m not into chicks.”
Thea bites her lip, then lowers her eyes and lands them on her laptop, saving her work and shutting it off. Fixing her long skirt, she hides her colorful toes. She continues with synchronized movements until finally her neck cranks just enough to return her attention toward me.
“My life is . . . complicated, Matt. There’s a part of me . . . of my past that—” she says. It’s as if she is speaking to some stranger. “I just can’t go there, okay? How about we talk about the book. I have some comments about the first chapters I’d like to go over with you.”
“What? No.”
Thea jolts. “No?” She frowns.
“I’m Matt, your friend.” I push her stuff out of the way and take her hand with one of mine and lift her chin with the other. “Come on . . . I’ve made my way through your barriers, remember? It was fucking hard. I worked hard to demolish it and made it through. You don’t need to shut me down again.” I drop her chin and kiss her hands. “Please?”
She laughs. “You’re sweet and silly. I’m not trying to shut you down, but there’re things about myself that I hate. Stuff I’d rather not tell anyone. Ever.”
“That’s honest.”
Sweet and sexy Thea flashes me a genuine grin and I’m a goner. I could never find anything that would make me have a negative opinion of her. She’s smart, kind, vivacious, beautiful, and the best quality, funny. Whatever it is she’s hiding, it doesn’t matter.
“That’s as much as I can give you, Matt.”
“Promise me something.” She raises her eyebrows at me in anticipation of my question. I release her hands to open the bag of Thai food and start setting the cartons on top of the blanket. “That you’ll let me earn your trust. Someday, you’ll tell me your uglies. And hopefully by then, you’ll let me take them all away.”
Her answering grin gives me hope. “My uglies?”
“Yeah, the ugly things—shit you’re ashamed of, the things you believe make up the worst side of yourself.” I hand her a pair of chopsticks then offer her one of the boxes. “Pad Thai?” As she accepts it I continue. “One of my uglies is that I’m dyslexic.” She frowns. “I’m ashamed of it. I shouldn’t be, but I hate it and I hate people’s reactions to it when I tell them. My parents worked hard to help me overcome my disability. But that doesn’t mean that people outside my family treat me like I’m an ignorant who can’t read and has no idea what he’s doing, just because I do stuff differently.”
“That’s not an ugly thing.” She lifts her hand caressing my jaw. “Just means that you’re amazing and brave because you’ve had the strength to overcome it. And look at all you’ve done despite of it.” She sighs audibly and looks past me. “My family is pretty messed up, Matt. They’re bad people. You wouldn’t like them one bit, and I’m afraid you wouldn’t like me if you knew them.” Her eyes are overflowing with sadness, but she doesn’t let one tear fall. Now I get why she doesn’t speak about her family; they seem to be the thing that makes her sad. “You’re my first friend in a long time, and I’m not ready to lose that yet. Can you let me have that, my friend?”
I slide over a few inches, closing the gap between us. Carefully I pull her into my lap and embrace her. “BFFL,” I whisper, while pressing her against my chest, trying to push the sadness away. I hate when she loses her smile, even for a minute. “Best friends for life, Butterfly. That’s what we are. No matter what, you’re part of my life. Do you understand?” She nods, burying her head in my chest. “But I mean it when I say that I want to take you out—and more. We can table it for now, though, and just stick to BFFL.”
A day or two tops, I think to myself.
I smirk, because the feeling of having her close, having her in my arms, fills my heart with joy. Thea fills a void I didn’t know existed and it’s hungry for more. There’s just something about this violet-eyed girl. Maybe it is the whole happy thing that she has going on most of the time. Or that sincere smile. Her natural look. Her fascinating way to expose and yet hide herself behind the tattoos and flouncy clothing.
I’ve always believed there are people in our life who are so important that they morph our needs.
Our pathway.
Our life.
They become the must-haves in your life. Aside from my family, I haven’t met anyone who should be part of that group. Not until Thea. Thea Dennis was becoming my m
ust-have. If only I can figure out how to keep her forever. Like her, I don’t want to lose my friend, but I want to have her in my arms forever as more. Much more.
I walk the short distance to the Silver Moon rather than take my car. No doubt Matt will drive me back home after we close down for the night. Though I’m not in the mood for a night at a bar, I’m looking forward to spending some time with Thea and Matt. They’re easy to be with, even talking with them about nothing. Ever since our hike, it’s as if we’ve become tethered, which has surprised me to no end.
Approaching the back entrance, Thea comes out from her place. Damn, she’s beautiful. There’s something about her that . . . often I find my mind wandering back to her. I check the time. Six. Weird, usually she’s in earlier to help open the place.
“Running late?” I ask, stepping right next to her while she locks the door. Without second-guessing, I kiss her cheek. “How was your day?”
Thea shoves her keys inside her tight jeans and turns her attention to me. I smile and tilt my head, expectant to know what she did, who she was with, and just to listen to her voice. “My day was . . . interesting. I worked for a while at the park on edits. Matt helped. We came over to open the bar and then I went to my apartment to change. Where have you been? Working?” I nod. She leans forward and kisses my cheek, and then taking my hand—as if it is the most natural thing in the world—we both walk toward the bar.
“You work too much. Tomorrow we should do something—hiking?” Our eyes lock, and that energy that whirls between us is there.
“We’ll do whatever you want,” I blurt without second-guessing. Damn, I’m fucked.
“Look what you brought, Butterfly,” Matt says, when we find him. “Glad you’re both here because we’re ready to open.”
His eyes have that shine to them. “What did you do?” He shakes his head. “Decker?”
He tosses his hands in the air. “Tweeted that I’ll be at the bar tonight, but security is on it. They’ll maintain the number of patrons.” I close my eyes briefly and shake my head. Thea squeezes my hand; I open my eyes and find her smiling at me. “Cooperson, you know that we’re going to have fun. I serve, you two do the fancy stuff.”
Uncut (Unexpected Book 4) Page 13
