by Meg Jolie
There was a knock on the partially opened door and Tristan poked his head in.
“Mom just called. I’m supposed to remind you it’s your night to make dinner,” Tristan told her.
Jamie’s face fell into a pout. “Why can’t you make dinner?” she demanded.
“Ah, because she asked me to go shovel the sidewalks,” he told her. “Do you want to trade?”
“No,” Jamie told him.
“Didn’t think so,” he replied. His gaze slid over me for a second. At first I was surprised. Then I realized it was possibly because he felt me watching him. Why I was doing that, I wasn’t sure. He gave me a smile before he shut the door and disappeared again.
Willow had a smug look on her face. “There’s the answer to your problem, right there.”
“No,” Jamie said without even looking up. “I’m not spending the night hanging out with my brother. It’s just not happening. I don’t care how good of friends he and Britta are. We’ll get someone else to go with her,” she said decisively.
Before I could respond, Willow was diving into the conversation again.
“Come on,” she pushed as she smirked at Jamie. “They might have fun. I mean, it’s obvious that boy’s had a crush on her forever. Or at least ever since he realized why boys and girls wear different bathing suits.”
Jamie scowled at her. “Tristan doesn’t even date!”
“That’s not exactly true,” Willow countered.
Jamie narrowed her eyes at our friend. “What do you mean?”
“He dated Stacie Fredrickson for a while,” Willow told her.
“No he didn’t,” Jamie scoffed.
“Yes,” Willow argued, “he did. I know it for a fact.”
“When?” she asked. She was clearly not convinced.
“Last fall.” Willow placed her knitting needles in her lap as Jamie closed the bottle of nail polish she’d just finished with. They both looked like they meant business.
“How do you even know if that’s true?” Jamie demanded as she got up to put the nail polish back in the basket on her dresser. “And if it is true, why am I just hearing about it now?” she demanded. She balled her hands up and wedged them into her hips.
Willow smiled knowingly. “It is true. Stacie was late for volleyball practice one night. Coach Ericson sent me to look for her. I found her under the bleachers. She and Tristan were—”
“Stop!” Jamie held up her hand in a halting motion as she let out a sound of disgust. “Stop right there!”
“And that,” Willow said with a satisfied grin, “is why I didn’t tell you about it.”
Willow and I burst into giggles at that. Jamie shot us both warning looks. Willow had told me all about it. We both knew this was exactly the kind of reaction Jamie would have to it. Therefore, we’d both decided it would be best if it just never got brought up.
Jamie shook her head, ignoring both of us. “It’s irrelevant. Britta can do so much better than my brother. I mean, she’s not desperate for a date. Not yet anyway.”
It bothered me when she talked about Tristan that way. But I’d decided long time ago it was a sibling rivalry thing. Or maybe just a flat-out sibling thing. I wouldn’t know, being an only child and all.
“I wish you wouldn’t say that,” I told her. “I mean, I get he’s your brother and you two don’t really get along. But if he wasn’t, you wouldn’t talk about him like that.”
She shrugged. “You don’t know that.”
After that, Jamie worked at keeping the conversation far, far away from her brother. She started rattling off plans for the dance we may or may not all be attending. The afternoon passed quickly and a short while after Willow’s mom came to get her, I decided I should start for home, too.
“Do you have to leave already? If you go, that means I’ll have to start dinner.” She was awfully close to pouting.
That was exactly why I needed to go. If I didn’t leave soon, I’d end up helping her with dinner. I knew this from past experience.
“Yeah, I should,” I said as I got up. “We have bags of stuff to put away from this morning.” Mom had probably already put the majority of it away. But I kept that to myself as Jamie followed me out of her room.
“Willow has to work tomorrow, but you can come over if you want,” Jamie told me as we made our way down the steps.
“Maybe,” I agreed. My mom had planned on going into her office, too. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to hang out with Jamie or not. I’d gotten a nice stack of books for Christmas and I was anxious to dive into them.
I heard Tristan’s door open behind us and then I heard his footsteps following us down.
“See you later,” Jamie said.
“Bye,” I told her as she disappeared into the kitchen.
I stuffed my feet into my boots and noticed Tristan was doing the same. I raised my eyebrows at him.
“It’s almost dark out,” he stated. “I’m walking you home.”
Sweet thought but, “I walk here all the time, Tristan. It’s not that far.”
He shrugged. “I didn’t say it was far. I said it was dark. Big difference,” he said as he gave a lock of my hair a tug. “So you can just agree to let me walk with you. Or you can argue and I’ll just follow along behind you like some creepy stalker.”
“Let him go the creepy stalker route,” Jamie said from the doorway that led into the kitchen. “It’s what he usually does.” She smirked at him and he ignored her as he pulled his coat out of the closet.
She wasn’t serious. Was she? Did Tristan usually follow me home? Doubtful. She was just trying to annoy him. He had his back to me so I couldn’t tell if it had worked.
“Fine,” I said with a laugh as he shoved his arms into his jacket. “Please, walk me home.”
“See you later Brit,” Jamie called from the kitchen. I heard her banging around, starting dinner as I zipped up my coat.
When we stepped outside, I realized Tristan was right. It was pretty dark. This far out of town, we didn’t have streetlights. Just the good old-fashioned light from the moon and stars. The temperature had dropped significantly, too. I shivered despite my sweater, bulky jacket, thick boots and gloves. I stuffed my hands into my pockets for added warmth. I scrunched up my shoulders because frigid air was creeping down the neck of my coat. I really ought to wear a hat and scarf. The cute, cream set that Willow had made me for Christmas would’ve been good to bring along.
He cleared his throat slightly as our boots crunched down on the snow. Things with Tristan had always been easy. But lately…things seemed different. I couldn’t exactly say how. They just were. I realized it had started when Corey and I ended. They weren’t awkward or tense…just different in a way I couldn’t quite comprehend.
We talked about nothing in particular as we walked. Once we rounded the curve in the road, my house was in plain sight. I almost told Tristan he’d walked me far enough. But then I wondered if that would be rude. I didn’t want him to think I was dismissing him or trying to get rid of him. And I wasn’t. So I didn’t say anything. I decided if he’d wanted to turn around, he would’ve. So I let him continue to walk me, unnecessarily, down my driveway.
“You know,” he said as we reached my front steps, “it’s not like I meant to listen in or anything. But Jamie’s door was open. And you guys talk kind of loud. My bedroom is right across the hall…” He shrugged apologetically. I cringed, replaying everything we’d talked about earlier. I was fairly certain that by the time we’d started talking about him, he’d shut Jamie’s door to give us some privacy. “So I was just wondering…” He paused and let out a breath. The air was so chilly that his exhalation came out in a frosty puff. “I mean, I guess I wanted to ask you…”
My head was spinning with possibilities of where this was leading. I was pretty sure I knew by the way he was hesitating. I frantically began thinking of a way to steer the conversation to something else without seeming obvious. I couldn’t think of an easy way to do that. I also
knew I should stop him before it was—
“The Valentine’s dance,” he finally managed to get out.
Too late.
I’d hesitated and now it was too late to stop the question from coming. Only, it wasn’t a question. Not yet. It had come out sounding like more of a statement. Regardless, it seemed pretty obvious to me where he must be going with this. I instantly started trying to manufacture a reasonable excuse to decline. The only thing I could come up with was Jamie. She wouldn’t be happy about this. Not at all.
At least, not if threats of rotting corpses were any indication.
“You know, I could be your back-up plan,” he said as we reached my front porch. “Like Grant always is for Willow. I just…well, the offer is there.” Mom had left the outside light on for me. Tristan’s face was fully illuminated as he gave me an embarrassed shrug. His eyes darted away from mine as he looked out into the darkened tree line that skirted our yard.
“My back-up plan?” I parroted. I wasn’t expecting him to say that. I also wasn’t expecting the slight twinge of…Disappointment? Is that what I was feeling? It couldn’t be. That was a complication I didn’t need. I shook my head at the thought. Tristan mistook it as a refusal to his offer.
“You’re right,” he said. He scrunched up his face, clearly wishing he’d never brought it up. “That was a stupid idea. Besides, you’re not going to need a back-up plan. Corey is a moron. You’ll be dating someone else in no time. Or he’s going to be on his knees begging you to take him back,” he said with a small laugh. The laugh held no humor.
I shrugged. “I really don’t want him back.” The more I said it, the easier it was becoming to believe it. Of course, it also probably helped that Christmas vacation meant I had been at home for the past week. Not at school where he was thrown in my path multiple times every day.
Tristan, however, didn’t look so sure. “Really?” he asked. His eyebrows were raised and questioning. His dark eyes were searching mine. His expression had turned uncomfortably serious. “Because for a while there…”
He let the statement fade away. I was grateful because I knew where he was going with it. For a while, I’d been a wreck. An embarrassingly emotional, broken-hearted, depressed wreck. I didn’t like to think about it. I really didn’t want to have it pointed out to me, either.
I let out a frustrated sigh. “I don’t want to want him. That has to count for something. Right?”
I was pretty sure I’d been in love with Corey. And I thought he’d been in love with me, too. I was sure of it, actually. But someone should’ve reminded me that high-school romances expire sooner rather than later. Looking back, it should’ve been obvious to me. But I’d naively thought things were going well. I had been wrong. Definitely not the first time and surely not the last, either.
We were standing on the porch now, right in front of my door. A few more minutes out here and my teeth were going to start to chatter.
This time the smile he gave me, though small, was genuine. “Sure,” he said. “It counts for something.”
“I mean, it completely sucks when you want someone and they clearly don’t want you the same way,” I said as I bounced in place just a bit, trying to fight off the cold.
“Yeah,” he said with a sigh. “I know. I better let you get inside. It’s freezing out here.”
“Okay, well thanks. For walking me home,” I told him.
“Not a problem,” he said as he turned and made his way down the steps. “See you later, Britta,” he called over his shoulder.
I wasn’t sure why. But I just stood there watching him as he began to blend into the darkness. For just a second, I’d thought he was going to ask me to the dance. My initial reaction was a small spark of panic—wondering how I would politely get out of it. Because Jamie surely would not approve. If I’d ever had any doubt—and I really hadn’t because honestly, the thought had never really crossed my mind—now I knew she was completely opposed. But when it turned out to not be an actual request, I was disappointed. Whether I wanted to admit it or not. And had he really asked me? I think I just might have said yes.
So, really, I told myself, it was probably a good thing he hadn’t asked. And honestly, I wasn’t even sure if his offer to be a back-up still stood. Seemed to me, he’d withdrawn it. Not that I wanted him to be my back-up.
That was just silly.
Tristan was a complete sweetheart and too good to be anyone’s back-up plan.
When he reached the end of my driveway, he turned around. It wasn’t until that moment that I realized I was just standing there, in a contemplative daze. He raised his hand and I quickly returned his wave. Then I hurriedly let myself into the house, attempting to banish all thoughts of my best friend’s brother as I went.
3
I was on the way up to my room when Mom’s voice called me back downstairs. She met me at the bottom of the steps. She had the kitchen phone in her hand and an unhappy look on her face.
“I just had an interesting phone call with your father,” she told me.
My stomach dropped and I cringed. As soon as her words were out I felt bad that she had to deal with him. No wonder she looked so unhappy. She should be able to be done with him completely. But, because of me, she’d always be linked to the jerk.
“Apparently he’s been unable to get a hold of you on your cell phone.” She paused to look at me with raised eyebrows.
I shrugged. “I wasn’t in the mood to talk to him.”
“Ever?” she asked.
I had no idea why she sounded so surprised.
“Ever,” I agreed.
She blew out a sigh. “Oh, Britta,” she said as she shook her head. “You need to talk to him. He said he tried to reach you over the holidays. He sounded really hurt. Did you block his number from your phone?”
“Yes. I don’t want to talk to him.” I couldn’t believe I really had to explain this to my mom. She, of all people, should get it! He sounded hurt?! So what? I wondered. After what he did to us…? Just thinking about it made every muscle in my body tense. “I’m sorry he called the house phone.” I don’t know why, but I didn’t see that coming. I guess I figured he was doing his obligatory reaching out during the holidays and once they had passed, I had thought he’d forget about it.
Apparently not. Apparently he was trying to pretend to be interested a while longer.
“You need to call him.” Her voice was firm but the look on her face was pained.
I understood what she was doing. She didn’t want to have to deal with him any more than I did, I was sure. Yet, she probably felt it was her maternal responsibility to force me to fix things. But I didn’t want that. I sure didn’t need it, either. Neither did she.
She tried to hand me the phone. “Why don’t you call him now?”
“I’ll do it later,” I said. I made no move to take the phone from her. When I said ‘later’ I meant maybe in a year or so.
Or maybe never.
“I think maybe we need to talk about this.” A sigh accompanied her statement.
I felt horrible already. She was moving on. She didn’t need him pulling her back into the past. And I was sure it was. Because that’s exactly what happened to me. Every time I thought about him, I thought about what he had done.
“No. We don’t need to talk about it. I’ll call him,” I said with a sigh of my own.
“When?” she demanded because she was my mother and she knew me well. “Because this is important. He’s your father. You need to talk to him. I think it’s time you two move past what happened.”
“Why? Have you?” I asked. My tone was a little more accusatory than I meant for it to be. She flinched, telling me she hadn’t. How could she have? I instantly felt bad. I was saved from feeling the need to apologize when the doorbell rang.
“I’ll get that,” I offered. I had no idea who it would be. It wasn’t as if we had company frequently popping in.
As I was swinging the door open I belatedly wondere
d it could be Mom’s boyfriend. Um, man friend? Significant other?
Or heaven forbid…my father…coming to demand I speak to him.
It wasn’t either of those two.
It was Tristan.
I immediately realized he could be my salvation. And more than anything at that moment, I wanted to be saved from the conversation Mom was forcing me to have.
“Oh, hey!” I said as I pasted on a smile. “I was wondering when you would get here!”
The door blocked his surprised expression from Mom’s view. His eyebrows were furrowed and he was frowning slightly. As he opened his mouth to speak, I rudely—but necessarily—interrupted him.
“The CD is upstairs!” I said with a little too much cheer. I assumed he’d come back to discuss his non-invite to the dance. But we weren’t going to do that here, in front of my mom. So I thought I might as well try to take advantage of his sudden appearance. “The CD that you made me last summer? The one I forgot to bring over earlier today. I know you want it back and I keep forgetting to give it to you.” I threw in a small palm to the forehead gesture for good measure.
“Hi, Tristan,” Mom said with a smile as she moved so she was behind me.
“Hey, Lila,” Tristan said as he gave her a small wave. Then he returned his confused self back to me.
“It’s up in my room,” I told him. I had my back to my mom. I made what I hope to be a just-go-with-it face. I grabbed him by the hand and tugged him inside.
“Ohhhkay,” he said as he kicked off his boots.
Still holding his hand, I towed him up the stairs behind me.
“We’ll talk later!” Mom called after me.
“Uhhuh,” I noncommittally replied.
We reached my room and I pulled Tristan inside, shutting the door behind us. When I was dating Corey, Mom of course had a door-stays-open rule. But since I was with Tristan and it was completely not the same thing, I figured it didn’t apply. I mean, why would it? It was pretty much just like having Jamie or Willow over.
“What are you doing here?” I asked as the latch clicked shut.
He shrugged and gave me an amused smile. “Picking up a CD? You didn’t like it? You want to give it back?”
