Two male paramedics were just getting out of the cab. One hauled out a black supply bag.
It was cold and dark outside. White snow gusted off the roof. I could see my breath.
“You’re going to need a stretcher,” I told them, and pointed to the side of the house. “There’s an entrance to the basement apartment just around that corner. It has a wheelchair ramp. I’ll go unlock the door for you.”
They went to fetch the stretcher, while I shut the door and ran back downstairs.
As soon as the paramedics entered Gram’s apartment, I backed away and gave them room to examine her. She was still breathing, but had not regained consciousness.
“My name is Gary,” one of them said while he hooked her up to a heart monitor. “Can you tell me what happened?”
I explained how Gram fell, and how long ago it occurred.
The second paramedic pulled a neck brace out of the bag. He was just putting it on Gram, and they were getting ready to move her, when Elizabeth came bounding down the stairs.
“What happened?”
I felt a great sense of relief. “Thank God you’re back. She fell down the stairs.”
Elizabeth looked down at her. “Has she been conscious at all?”
“No,” I replied. “Not since the fall. I feel terrible. It’s all my fault. I was standing right next to her. She paused at the top of the stairs, then she just collapsed.”
“She collapsed?”
“Yes.” I shook my head, as if to clear it. “She pressed her hand to her head and winced. I touched her shoulder and asked if she was okay.”
Elizabeth turned to address Gary. “What’s her BP?”
“One-ninety-two over one-o-eight.”
She fished through the paramedic’s bag, searching for something.
“What are you doing?” Gary asked.
“Where’s your pen light? Here.” She pulled it out of the back, flicked it on, and checked Gram’s pupils.
“Have you called Ryan?” she asked me.
“Yes, he knows we’re coming.”
“Call him again and tell him Gladys likely had a stroke.”
“A stroke?” I replied. “Are you sure?”
Both paramedics looked at Elizabeth questioningly.
“She’s not breathing,” the younger one said.
“Shit,” Gary said. “Let’s bag and mask her.”
My whole body went rigid.
Elizabeth rose to her feet and moved impatiently around the paramedics. She began pacing like a caged tiger.
“It’s because of the stroke,” she said. “She’s got a blown pupil and the pressure on her brain is causing her to cone. You’re going to have to intubate her. What’s your name?”
“Gary.”
She watched Gary dig into his bag and pull out a lighted scope, then he searched for the properly sized breathing tube.
“Maybe we should get her to the ambulance first,” the other one said.
“Are you nuts?” Elizabeth shouted. “No, dammit; do it here!”
“He’s new,” Gary explained.
“Jesus.” Elizabeth continued to pace. Just then, the heart monitor flatlined.
Gary checked for a pulse and said, “I got nothing.”
Elizabeth addressed the younger one. “Start CPR.”
He leaned over Gram and began chest compressions. “Hurry up with that,” she said to Gary, who was preparing to intubate.
“Ma’am – you’re not helping,” he curtly replied.
“Sorry.” She chewed on her thumbnail, and I sensed she was fighting the urge to say more.
“Do you have epinephrine in that bag?” she asked. “Atropine?”
“Yeah,” Gary said while he inserted the tube into Gram’s mouth and attempted to push it down her throat.
Even I could tell he was struggling.
“It’s stuck,” he said, pulling it out to try again.
“Let me do it.” Elizabeth knelt down and nudged him out of the way.
“Are you a doctor?” he asked.
“No.”
I watched in shock as she skillfully intubated and bagged my grandmother, then told Gary to start an IV.
“Give her a milligram of epinephrine and have one of atropine ready,” Elizabeth said. “Do it now.”
Gary shot the drug into the IV tube while the other guy continued with chest compressions.
They transferred Gram to the stretcher and extended the wheels.
“She’s not coming back,” the younger one said, sounding defeated.
Elizabeth grabbed Gary’s stethoscope and listened to Gram’s chest. “There’s no sign of pneumothorax. And her jugulars aren’t distended. Let me take over.” Elizabeth began chest compressions while walking alongside the stretcher as they wheeled Gram outside.
I was in shock at this point, watching in anguish as I followed them up the ramp. The frigid December wind cut through my sweater, and the snowflakes stung my cheeks like tiny razorblades.
How had Elizabeth known to do all of that?
“I’m going to ride in the back of the ambulance with her,” Elizabeth said to me over her shoulder. “Bring my car and follow us. The keys are in my purse in the front hall. Go get them, now.”
I ran inside, grabbed my coat, picked up Elizabeth’s purse, and hurried back outside. I locked the door behind me.
Gram was now inside the ambulance. The younger paramedic slammed the back doors and hurried around to the front. I was relieved to see that he would be doing the driving while Gary and Elizabeth would take care of Gram – because Elizabeth seemed to be the only one who knew what she was doing.
First, however, we had to get through this storm and reach the hospital. In good weather, it was a half-hour drive.
Chapter Sixty
ELIZABETH BROUGHT GRAM back to life shortly after they backed out of our driveway, but I was not informed of that until we reached the hospital, which meant I had to endure a lonely, white-knuckled, tearful drive over snow-covered roads behind the ambulance.
I couldn’t get it out of my head – how Elizabeth had pushed the senior paramedic aside and intubated my grandmother, as if she were a seasoned ER doc.
That was the moment I knew she was no ordinary home care worker. There were things she had not revealed to us on her resume, things she had kept hidden from us.
When we reached the hospital, I was told Gram was alive. Then Ryan took charge, and Gram was wheeled into the trauma room.
A short while later, a CT scan revealed that Elizabeth’s early diagnosis had been correct. Gram had suffered a massive bleed in the brain while standing at the top of the stairs.
In addition, she had broken her wrist, ankle, leg, and hip in the fall.
The doctors and nurses reset her wrist and ankle with casts that night and put her in traction, but the surgery required to fix her hip would have to wait.
While Ryan worked on Gram, Elizabeth spoke with the paramedics in a back room somewhere. I was stuck in the waiting area.
When Elizabeth finally appeared, she shook hands with Gary in front of the triage room and thanked him for everything.
She approached me with a look of concern, and I felt as if I didn’t know her at all. Who was she? Clearly, not the person I initially believed her to be. I didn’t understand why she would keep something like this secret from us, yet I was eternally grateful for everything she had done for Gram back at the house.
I rose from my chair.
“Please sit,” Elizabeth said as she reached me.
I didn’t know what to say. This was all so strange, and I was still traumatized by the memory of Gram tumbling down the stairs.
“How is she doing now?” Elizabeth asked. “Have you heard anything?”
I shook my head. “As far as I know, she’s still unconscious.”
Elizabeth rubbed a comforting hand up and down my back. “It’s a good thing you were there with her when it happened.”
“Really?” I pinched t
he bridge of my nose. “That’s not how I see it. I was standing right next to her, but she just... slipped out of my grasp. There was nothing I could do but watch her fall. I can’t tell you how horrible it was.”
There was no escaping the tears at that point.
“It wasn’t your fault,” Elizabeth said. “Gladys had a massive stroke. Even without the fall, she’d still be in a coma right now.”
I pulled myself together and sat back, nodding. A voice came over the speaker system, calling for a Mr. Kirkman to report to the third floor nurses’ station.
“How did you know how to do everything you did?” I asked her. “You’re not just a regular home care worker, are you?”
Inhaling deeply, she raked her fingers through her hair. “I used to be a paramedic,” she confessed. “In another life.”
“What do you mean by that?”
She looked down at her hands, now folded on her lap. “You know that I was married once...”
“Yes, Ryan told me.”
“Well, my husband – my late husband – owed a lot of money to some bad people. After he overdosed, they came looking for me to settle his debt. I didn’t have the money to pay them, so they knocked me around, gave me a black eye and three days to come up with the money, or else they were going to come back and break both my legs.”
“Oh, my God. Did you go to the police?”
“Yes, but they couldn’t do much except promise to keep an eye on my house. I didn’t feel safe, so I left town and came here to lay low for a while.”
“I can’t believe it,” I said. “How long ago was that?”
“It’s been almost two years.”
I stared at her with wide eyes. “And you still don’t feel that it’s safe to go back?”
She shook her head.
“Why didn’t you tell us about this sooner?” I asked. “Maybe we could have helped you.”
“How?” She looked away from me. “You don’t understand. The dealers were after me, and they’re dangerous. I didn’t want to involve you in that. I didn’t want to put your family in danger, too.”
We sat in silence for a moment while I digested everything she had told me.
“Since I’m finally confessing the truth,” she continued, “you might as well know that this isn’t my real hair color. And do you remember how I was dressed when you hired me? The combat boots aren’t my usual style.”
“The tattoo on your wrist?”
“Temporary. I quit wearing it when I began to feel like a part of your family. There were times when it seemed like that other part of my life didn’t even exist anymore. I was so happy.” Her eyes met mine with a meaningful stare. “And my name isn’t Elizabeth. It’s Kate. Kate Worthington.”
I felt my eyebrows pull together in a frown. “Were you into drugs, too? I’m sorry; I have to ask.”
“No. Never. It was only my husband.”
I dropped my gaze. “I really wish you had told us.”
“I couldn’t. I was scared, and I didn’t know if I could trust you. When I started to fall in love – with all three of you – I was so afraid you’d be angry, or you wouldn’t trust me with Gladys. Honestly, I was going to tell you eventually. I just didn’t know when, or how.”
“We would have understood.”
“I’m sure you would have.” She looked down, as if ashamed. “I should have told you.”
I glanced up to see Ryan walking toward us, pale and exhausted.
“How is she?” Kate asked.
Kate... It seemed strange to call her that.
He sank into the chair next to me and rubbed a hand over his face, then pulled me close to kiss my temple. “It was rough on you, baby,” he said. “I’m so sorry. But you did great. So did you,” he said to Kate.
I hugged him tightly. “Has she woken up yet?”
Kate leaned forward to hear his answer.
“No. We reduced the fractures in her leg and ankle and casted them, but she hasn’t regained consciousness.” He paused and took hold of my hand. “This isn’t easy to say, Marissa, but you’re going to have to prepare yourself. It was a very bad stroke. She may never wake up.”
“But miracles do happen,” I argued. “Surely there’s a chance.”
He wiped my wet cheek with the pad of his thumb. “No, honey. I’m sorry. There’s too much damage in her brain.”
“Was some of that damage caused by her fall?” I asked. I couldn’t seem to let go of the idea that I could have prevented this, if only I had grabbed hold of her arm and pulled her one step back from the stairs, or if I had asked her what she wanted from her apartment and gone to fetch it myself.
“No, it was from the stroke,” he replied.
“Can I see her?” I asked.
“Yes, but she’s hooked up to a lot of machines. It won’t be easy.” He stood up. “You should come too,” he said to Kate.
She hesitated. “Maybe you two should go in alone. I’ll wait here for a bit, but then I’d like to talk to you, Ryan. In private.”
“All right,” he said, bewildered.
I followed him out of the waiting room.
Chapter Sixty-one
THE WIND HOWLED and the snow fell doggedly through the night while I sat at Gram’s bedside.
Kate joined me eventually, after she confessed all her secrets to Ryan and told him her real name. They were locked away in his office for a long time. How had he taken the news? I wondered, as I waited at Gram’s side. It hadn’t been easy for him to open his heart to Elizabeth Jackson, but now we both had to face the fact that she wasn’t who we thought she was. I felt as if everything was slipping away.
At dawn, when Ryan suggested we go home and get some rest, the storm had finally stopped raging and the sun broke through, reflecting off the clean white landscape in a blinding sea of sparkling ice crystals.
Kate and I drove home in weary silence, on roads freshly plowed and salted, while Ryan remained behind, waiting for one of the other doctors to take over his shift.
I was physically and emotionally exhausted. It was only when we pulled into our driveway – our wheels churning through a foot of tightly packed snow – that I realized it was New Year’s Day.
Ordinarily, I would feel hopeful about an ambitious New Year’s resolution I had set the night before, but on that bright, sunny morning, all my hopes were crushed. I couldn’t seem to dig myself out of the black hole of my grief and guilt. The vision of Gram collapsing before me and tumbling down the stairs replayed over and over in my mind. I had to squeeze my eyes shut and fight hard, mentally, to push the image away.
Kate turned off the car and got out.
“Is there someone we can call to clear the driveway?” she asked, looking back toward the road. “I don’t want Ryan to have to deal with this when he comes home.”
“We have a snow blower in the shed,” I told her, “but there’s a neighbor up the road with a plow on his truck. I’m sure he’d do it for us.”
The cold seeped through the mesh fabric of my running shoes as I trudged through the deep snow to the front door. Once inside, I immediately removed my shoes and slapped the snow from the bottom of my jeans.
Kate hung up our coats. We ambled to the kitchen at the back of the house, where I squinted into the blinding light that streamed in through the windows. During the night, the snow had drifted across the deck. It surged like an ocean wave up against the bottom of the glass doors, and froze there, in stillness.
The house was unusually quiet. There was not even the sound of a clock ticking. My gaze shifted to the coffee table in the living room, where Gram’s blue and green painted globe sat on the newspapers.
I circled around the sofa and sat down to look at it. “She painted this just before the stroke,” I said.
Kate sat down beside me. “It’s beautiful. Look at all the details. Is that Nova Scotia?”
She reached out to pick it up, but I laid a hand on her forearm. “Please don’t touch it.”
P
ausing to stare at me, Kate slowly sat back.
I felt numb inside. Confused and lost.
“Where were you last night?” I asked. “You were gone such a long time, and you didn’t answer your phone when I called.”
“I was waiting for the cake,” she explained. “It wasn’t ready when I got there. They had no record of the order.”
“It takes about two minutes for a baker to squeeze out the words ‘Happy New Year Gram’ on a cake,” I informed her.
“I had other shopping to do as well,” she calmly explained. “You saw my list.”
I let out a breath. “I just wish you had been here. Or at least answered your phone.” Rising to my feet, I went into the kitchen to plug in the kettle.
“You’re angry with me,” she said, turning to rest an arm across the back of the sofa.
“I suppose I am,” I coolly replied.
She watched me for a moment, and then joined me in the kitchen where we sat in silence for a moment.
“It wouldn’t have changed anything if I had been here,” she finally said. “You heard Ryan. It was a massive bleed in her brain. There wasn’t anything anyone could do.”
“I just wish you had been here,” I repeated, knowing intellectually that she was right. She hadn’t done anything wrong – at least when it came to the events of last night. My emotions, however, were less forgiving. I’d felt as if I’d been abandoned when I needed her, when she didn’t answer her damn phone.
And what about all the lies?
I faced her. “Was this just some sort of fantasy life for you?” I asked. “Were you pretending to be the creative, loving person who took such good care of Gram? Was it all an act? And did you really fall in love with Ryan, or was he just part of the escape, too?”
“I was never trying to escape from myself,” she told me. “I was only trying to escape the drug dealers my husband brought into my life. That was something I never wanted. My feelings for you, Gladys, and Ryan were always real, and completely unexpected. Please believe that.”
I turned and poured hot water into my mug. My emotions were simmering, yet I knew it was my grief, my exhaustion, and my guilt that were fueling that fire. I needed to point my rage at something, lay blame somewhere else.
The Color of Heaven Series [02] The Color of Destiny Page 14
