“I can’t thank you enough for the phone, Jake.”
“I’m so glad I brought it with me tonight. I feel a little better knowing that you can contact me.”
“Me too.”
“I’m sorry but I’ve got to ask, has he always been such a fucking psycho?”
I stop, shocked by his choice of words.
“Where did that come from?” I ask.
“God, I’m sorry. Bethany, I didn’t mean it come out like that but your silence is making me even more reluctant and terrified about sending you back to him.” He sighs unhappily and takes a step closer towards me, brushing a stray bit of hair out of my eyes.
“Jake…”
“I just care about you and I want you to be alright, I have to know that you’re safe.”
“I can assure you that I am. I’ve learnt to control him; he thinks the world of me, Jake.”
He nods his head, reluctant to accept what I’m saying.
“Oh, I almost forgot, here’s the charger for your phone. It would be pretty useless without it.” He smiles at me but his intense and arresting eyes don’t hold the same sparkle that they did earlier tonight.
I take the charger from him, wondering how the hell I’m going to manage to conceal the items when I go back into the house.
“Well, I best go.” I say unenthusiastically.
“Bethany, promise me you’ll use the phone, ok? I want to hear from you at least once every day to let me know you’re alright. Promise me?”
“I promise.”
The time we’ve spent together this evening has left me feeling drained and emotionally spent. A big part of me just wants to rewind and erase everything that we’ve spoke about. I want to forget about all of my personal revelations and only think about the desire I see in Jake’s eyes when I do that one thing he seems to find so attractive.
I seductively graze my teeth along my bottom lip and as I predicted, Jake’s eyes drop down as his entire focus zones in on my moistened lips.
“Bethany, you really need to get going. Seriously, or I won’t be able to stop myself from…” He trails off, leaving the rest of his sentence unsaid.
“From what?” I saunter over towards him as I struggle to conceal the satisfaction I feel from being able to turn him on like this.
“Aw, Bethany, don’t make me say it.”
“Please tell me.” I urge him.
We’re standing so close together I have to bend my neck right back so I can look into his eyes.
“God, you’re so tiny, it’s adorable.” He says, leaning down to place a delicate kiss against my forehead.
“Hey, stop changing the subject! I want to know what you’re going to be unable to stop yourself from doing.”
He sighs in exasperation and lowers his gaze to the ground at our feet.
“I won’t be able to stop myself from kissing you. It’s taken an unbelievable amount of will power for me to stop myself from giving into temptation.” He says, dragging his fingers through his hair.
“Maybe you shouldn’t fight it, next time you see me biting down on my bottom lip like that, take it as a sign that I want you to kiss me.”
He gapes at me in astonishment. I’ve even managed to surprise myself by the way Jake has got me talking. He seems to bring out this bold and fearless side of me that I’ve never even knew existed until now.
“Damn, if only I’d known that earlier tonight.”
I grin at him mischievously and walk away from him; my heart is pounding and my knees are trembling. The ache and the empty feeling inside my chest grows in strength with every step I make, distancing myself from Jake is honestly one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.
Seven days… just seven days to endure until I can see him again.
Chapter Six
Jake
I watch her walk away from me and I’m pretty sure my mouth is left hanging open. I don’t know if that girl just likes toying with me or if she really has no idea about the affect she has over me. It’s crazy, unreal and just plain… unbelievable. I’ve only met her three times and yet she’s all I can seem to think about. When I’m not with her all I can think about is seeing her again and when she’s in front of me all I want to do is kiss her. If she was any other girl I’d have probably sealed the deal by now but I instantly could see that she’s not like any of the girls I’ve previously associated myself with. She’s innocent and vulnerable, qualities which I won’t undervalue and disrespect.
As soon as I met her I started to feel this unexplainable and powerful need to protect her. I remember that first night, she stood in front of me looking so uncertain and afraid, I felt compelled to find out more about her and the attraction for her has rapidly taken over my mind, body and soul ever since. She’s like this terrifyingly incredible addiction that I’ve quickly grew dependent on. I’ve tried my best to conceal this ferocious intensity from her, I really don’t want to scare her away, that’s the last thing I want to do. I try so fucking hard to act as unaffected as I can around her, I know that my fixation would freak her out and until she’s mine I cannot risk her being overwhelmed by my growing obsession with being with her.
I realise that it’s been several minutes since Bethany’s silhouette disappeared into the darkness and I’m still standing in the exact same spot. I shove my hands into my pockets and head in the opposite direction.
I wanted to delay this; I knew that as soon as I’d be left alone with my thoughts I’d begin to reflect over everything Bethany told me tonight. My heart rate accelerates when I think about her returning home to that sadistic bastard of a father. What kind of sick fuck does that to his own daughter? If I ever see that son of a bitch I swear I won’t be held responsible for my actions. I already feel so protective over her, the idea of anyone hurting her fills me with an intense rage that I thought I had said goodbye to a long time ago.
I’ve often felt this way defensive over my sisters, they’re all younger than me and it’s my job to protect them and see that they’re ok but with Bethany it runs much deeper than that. When she told me what her father had done to her all of those years ago I could barely control my potent rage. I could hardly think straight, all signs of rationality and reason left my mind, all I wanted to do was find him and kill him. I had to turn away from her because I didn’t want her to see that dangerous side of me. I never want her to be afraid of me and I knew that if she saw the ferocious gleam in my eyes then she would certainly be afraid.
I still can’t believe that she thought I blamed her for what her bastard of a father did to her. It’s her immense vulnerability and innocence that makes her so spectacularly different to anything or anyone I’ve ever known. When she looks up at me with those remarkably tempting and inviting eyes I can hardly control myself. I should be congratulated on my monumental level of restraint for never in my life have I wanted anything as much as her.
I try so damn hard to be a different type of person around her. I don’t want to be that guy anymore, the idiot who lashes out with his fists and thinks about things later. I’ve had issues with my anger in the past but there’s never been a guy who I hurt and didn’t deserve it. The last jerk I beat to a pulp went out on a date with my sister Katie. I didn’t even know she was going out with him or I wouldn’t have allowed it in the first place. She came home one night from this date crying and clutching her top which had been ripped. As soon as I saw the state she was in I saw red. I forced her to tell me what had happened and as soon as I found out who the guy was I stormed out to find him. He was in hospital within the hour. I’ve calmed down a lot since then but the guys I know now understand to keep away from my sisters if they want to remain on my good side.
My mind quickly reverts back to Bethany. For the last few weeks my mind has refused to think of anything but her. I picture the perfect image of her when she does that thing with her bottom lip. My God, does she not know what she’s doing to me when she does that? When I see her biting down on it I immediately pi
cture me doing the exact same thing to her. I imagine what it would feel like to have that beautiful plumb lip of hers between my teeth. I have to stifle my groans and it takes a phenomenal amount of strength on my behalf to keep my hands by my sides and not smash my lips against hers. I so badly want her to respond to me, I want to hear her moan into my mouth and know that I’m the first and only man to make her whimper like that.
God, I’ve never thought so intensely about kissing someone before now. In the past all I’ve had to do is mutter a few lame chat up lines and the girl is mine. They offer themselves up on a plate to me and there’s never been hard work involved on my part. I don’t have to beg for their attention and I guess I’ve eventually become bored with knowing that every girl I meet is a sure thing.
I’ve never really cared before but with Bethany it’s like I care too much. Hearing in detail what her father had done to her nearly caused the old Jake to resurface. All I can say is he better say his prayers, if I ever see that sick fuck he’ll come really close to being carried away in a body bag.
It was fortunate that I managed to suppress my impending fury tonight. I never want Bethany to witness this part of me that so far I’ve managed to keep under wraps. If she knew of the things I’ve done… she would run from me without a backwards glance and that is never, ever going to happen, not if I have anything to do with it.
I’m nearly home and I force myself to ignore the familiar feeling of dread that accompanies me whenever I return to this place. At least I managed to convince Bethany to accept the phone I bought her. I couldn’t stand being completely cut off and separate from her again, at least now we can keep in touch and I pray that she’ll do as I asked and call me if she’s ever in trouble.
I round the final corner and hear the noise coming from my house before I even set eyes on it. There’s a large crowd of people standing outside of my house drinking and making way too much noise. Fucking brilliant, this is just what I need. Why the hell do they still think that it’s ok to use my house as their personal party venue? I know most of the people there but the crowds are increasing in numbers every week.
It would be a good thing if my mum even cared but of course she doesn’t seem to mind the raucous group of people who invade her home every Friday night. She loves to be around young people and the alcohol that they bring makes it even more appealing for her to stick around and join in the fun.
I sigh, digging my hands even deeper into my pockets as I head towards the chaos that I now have to shut down and bring to a premature end.
“Everyone look, Jake’s here!”
I inwardly groan as soon as I recognise the voice of a girl who I really don’t want to deal with right. She races over towards me wearing heels that she can barely walk in; it quickly becomes obvious that she’s had far too much to drink because she nearly falls over as she wobbles over and clings onto me.
“What’s up, Laura?” I ask, trying to disentangle her fingers from around my arm.
“Jake, you’re here! I can’t believe it; I haven’t seen you in so long! Where have you been? I never see you around anymore!” She complains whilst reattaching her hand to my upper arm.
I sigh impatiently. I really can’t be doing with this.
“I’m just on my way inside, I’ll see you around.” I force myself to smile weakly and dodge around her to head on into the house.
“But… I want to hang out with you; I haven’t seen you in forever.” She wails at me whilst batting her fake eyelashes. The desired purpose is somewhat ruined because one of them has come unstuck and is hanging off. She wraps her arms around my waist and tries to pull me towards her. I remove myself from her and hastily walk away. The thought of anyone touching me besides Bethany makes my skin crawl. She shouts my name but I choose to ignore her, I can’t be doing with this bull shit anymore.
As I draw closer towards my house the sound of the music increases in volume. I recognise Sean Kingston’s ‘Beat It’ and the base is so loud I can feel the vibrations of it down the entire street.
A couple of year’s ago this would have been my idea of heaven, drinking and girls always equalled a good time but now… I feel nothing. I’ve been craving more for a long time and the atmosphere here tonight frustrates me more than anything. I’m not in the best of moods and my patience is rapidly disappearing. I’m still struggling with the idea of what Bethany’s father did to her, I’m pissed off, I’m angry and part of me is desperate for a fight. I somehow need to find a way to unload some of my anger.
I’m quick to determine what this feeling is that’s taking over me, it leaves me feeling disconcerted and disconnected to my surroundings. I haven’t felt like this in a long time and it’s unsettling for me that my irate fury has returned. Going to the gym usually helps when I feel this way; it’s a place where I can take out my pent up frustration on a punch bag instead of a person.
I’m so glad that Bethany felt she could confide in me, I’m honoured that she’s already placed so much trust in me. I just hope her confession doesn’t tip me over the edge; I don’t want to be that guy anymore. She deserves better.
“Jake! Where have you been? Come and join us. We got booze; we got girls and any other substance you want!”
I close my eyes and count to ten inside my head. One of the guys I used to hang out with comes over to me, throwing an arm around my neck as he tries to lead me over to the group he’s with. Like Laura he’s also drunk and unfortunately for him has picked the wrong moment to wind me up.
“No thanks, man. Count me out.” I shrug him off me and congratulate myself for not losing my temper.
“What’s with you, Jake? You think you too good for us now or what?”
I slowly turn and come face to face with the gormless idiot who has no idea what he’s just done. The alcohol he’s consumed has made him brave, there’s no way he would dare to speak to me like that if he were sober. On any other night I’d probably be more tolerant of his foolish mistake but right now his drunken behaviour is like waving a red flag in front of a bull. I force myself to remember that he doesn’t know what he’s saying, he’s pissed and just showing off. We used to be pretty tight and he probably resents the fact that I’ve outgrown him and the rest of these guys I used to socialise with.
“You know I don’t think I’m better than anybody. I’m just not interested in this shit anymore so fuck off, Alex. Let me by. I stare him down, daring him to push me a little further. He nods his head and makes the right decision, he doesn’t say another word.
A few more people try to stop me to talk but I ignore half of them and walk right by the rest. I really want to find my mum or one of my sisters to make sure that they’re ok.
“There’s Jake.” Someone whispers behind me.
I turn around and inhale sharply when I see her. My stomach drops and I feel like I’ve been hit with a sledgehammer. She’s really here. She’s at my house and standing on my fucking lawn.
“Sarah?” I know it’s her so I have no idea why I say her name.
“Hi, Jake.” She looks up at me nervously and bites down on her lower lip; her action reminds me of Bethany and how she does the exact same thing but watching Sarah do it makes me feel nauseas.
The friend who whispered to her and told her I was here walks away, leaving us alone.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, unable to believe that she would actually come here.
“I’m sorry if me being here makes you uncomfortable, Jake. My friends dragged me out tonight; they said it had been long enough and that I couldn’t carry on spending all of my time indoors. I just thought that I’d come out for a little bit and catch up with some old friends. I didn’t think you would be here, I heard that you’ve been giving these things a miss lately.” She looks so uncomfortable and awkward that I almost believe her. Almost.
“I guess its ok. It’s just a shock to see you here.” I avert my gaze because it still physically hurts to look at her. She looks good, really good, so different to
the last time I saw her. Her long blonde hair reaches her waist and cerulean blue eyes are just the same as I remember. I hate to admit how attractive she looks but I can’t deny it. Sarah’s gorgeous and the only trouble with that is she knows it. She’ll use the way she looks to her own advantage whenever she can.
It’s a surreal and bizarre feeling to see Sarah again so soon after I’ve said goodbye to Bethany. It’s like my past and my present are colliding right in front of my eyes.
“Jake, I know this might sound like a stupid question but how are you? Are you ok?” She wrings her fingers together as though she’s afraid of my reply.
“I’m ok.” I respond despondently.
She opens her mouth to say something else but I hold my hand up to stop her. I suddenly have an intense need to get far away from her. I can’t do this; I’m not ready to have this conversation with her.
“Jake, please. Just listen to me.” She begs.
“Look, Sarah. I have to go, feel free to stay if you want to but I can’t do this.”
“I understand. I’m sorry.” She whispers softly. She looks devastated but smiles at me sweetly. That smile of hers could easily lure a perfectly good man over to the dark side.
I turn away from her and make my way into the house. My breathing is out of control and I’m struggling to even out my erratic heartbeat. I never thought she would still have such a powerful affect on me. I lean against the front door with my eyes closed. A few minutes go by and when I next open them I frown as I spot my sister making her way upstairs.
“Katie, where are you going?” I demand, grabbing a hold of her arm.
She spins around with a guilty expression on her face.
“What are you doing here, Jake? I thought you were out for the evening.” She seems disappointed that I’m here and I know that’s because she knows I’ll make sure this entire party will be shut down before midnight.
“Where’s Mum?” I ask her.
“She’s passed out on her bed; she was wasted by nine o’clock.”
Always & Forever Page 9
