by Anne Fraser
Abby finished tidying the kitchen while listening to Emma’s excited chatter. It was so good to see the little girl back to her usual self.
‘Emma, I need to talk to you about something,’ Abby said when Emma drew breath. ‘Why don’t I make us a cup of cocoa and we can take it in to the sitting room and chat there?’
When they were settled, Abby turned to Emma.
‘You know how we spoke about your dad? Remember I told you I tried to find him when you were very little?’
Emma nodded and waited for Abby to continue.
‘Well, I’ve found him.’
‘Where? Who is he? How did you find him? Did he come looking for me? ‘ The hope in Emma’s eyes made Abby’s heart stumble.
‘He couldn’t look for you, sweetie, because he didn’t know about you. I kind of found him by accident.’ Abby took a deep breath. There was no going back now.
‘You know Dr MacNeil? The man we met on the beach? He’s your father.’
Emma looked stunned. ‘Dr MacNeil? I thought you said my dad was a windsurfer.’
‘Well, he is. We saw that down on the beach, but he’s also a doctor. He taught windsurfing as a way to put himself through medical school.’
A slow smile crept across Emma’s face. ‘That’s so cool. Does he know? Did you tell him? What did he say?’
Abby smiled at Emma’s excitement. ‘Yes, he knows. I told him.’ Abby leaned across and took Emma’s hand in hers. ‘It was a bit of a surprise to him. He had no idea that your mother had even been pregnant. I guess it’ll take him a little time to get used to the idea he has a daughter.’
Emma’s brow puckered. ‘You mean he doesn’t want me.’
Abby took the mug from Emma and placed it on the coffee table, before pulling her daughter into her arms. ‘Of course he’ll want you. He just needs time to get to know you better. You and I have always known that you had a dad out there somewhere, but this has all come as a big surprise to him.’
‘Is he still going to take me windsurfing?’
‘I’m not sure. Em, don’t get your hopes up too much. Remember when we’ve spoken about this before, we always said that even if we found your father, he might not want to be as involved as you might hope.’
‘I don’t care,’ Emma said fiercely. ‘I know I’ve always got you.’ She sat up, her brows furrowing. ‘This won’t make any difference to us, will it? I mean, you’ll always be my mum, won’t you? He can’t take me away from you, even if he wants to, right?’
Abby had wondered the same thing herself. When Sara had died, Abby had thought about adopting Emma officially, but it hadn’t seem to be necessary. The social services had been more than happy to leave Emma in her care. Surely, and Abby thought this was unlikely, even if Mac did want to have Emma with him full time, no one would give him custody?
‘I don’t think that’s going to happen. You’re my daughter and no one is ever going to take you away from me. Look, let’s take this one day at a time. You and Mac can get to know each other and we’ll take it from there.’
Emma nodded. ‘At least the kids won’t be able to tease me about not having a father any more.’ She hugged Abby. ‘I can’t wait to meet him properly. What’s he like? Tell me everything you know.’
Emma was too excited to go to bed and she and Abby talked into the night. Abby brought out all her old photos of Sara and repeated the stories of their childhood that Emma could never get enough of. Finally she was able to persuade an exhausted but happy Emma to go to bed. Looking down at her sleeping child, Abby made a vow: Dr William MacNeil would not be allowed to cause her daughter so much as a moment’s pain.
Early the next morning, there was a knock on the door. Abby opened it to find Mac standing there, an uncertain smile on his face.
‘Can I come in? ‘
Abby was glad Emma was still in bed, catching up on sleep after their late night.
She stood back to let him in.
He brushed past her and started pacing her small sitting room. He only managed a couple of strides in each direction before he had to turn round.
‘Have you told her?’ He hadn’t even said hello.
‘Yes. Last night.’
‘How did she take the news?’ He seemed nervous, uncharacteristically unsure of himself.
‘She was thrilled. I warned her that I didn’t know what you were going to do about it.’
‘I’m not going to ask for a DNA test,’ Mac said abruptly.
‘Oh? Why not?’ Had he made up his mind that regardless of whether it could be proven Emma was his child, he still didn’t want to know? Abby’s heart gave a sickening thud. It would be hard telling Emma, but perhaps it was for the best. In that case, either Mac or she and Emma would have to leave Cornwall. It would be too cruel for Emma to be reminded daily that she had a father who didn’t want her.
‘I don’t want a DNA test because it’s not fair to Emma. You say she’s my child. The dates fit. She looks like me. If I insist on a DNA test, how will that make her feel? I know that if I were in her shoes, I would think that my father was trying to prove I wasn’t his. No child deserves to be put through that.’
‘So what are you saying, Mac? I’m afraid you’re going to have to spell it out.’
‘Look, I don’t know what sort of father I’ll make, but I’m going to give it my best shot. You and Emma will just have to be patient with me. Can you do that, Abby? Can you accept I can only do the best I can? That it might not be good enough?’
Abby was relieved he wasn’t insisting on a DNA test. But as far as what kind of father he would be? Well, that was up to him. It wasn’t as if she could go and pick him up a set of instructions from some kind of parent supermarket.
‘Just promise me you’ll do the best you can,’ she said softly.
He sighed. ‘You’re going to have to help me here, Abby. As I said, I have no idea how to go about being a father. I mean, what do I do?’
He looked so different from his usual confident self that Abby’s heart melted a little.
‘I think taking her windsurfing is a good start,’ she said. ‘That way you and Emma can get to know each other without it seeming forced and unnatural.’
‘I can do that. What else?’
‘Let’s just take it day by day, Mac. Learning to be a father takes time.’
‘Tell Emma I’ll see her on Saturday.’ And with that he turned on his heel and was out the door as if the devil himself were after him.
CHAPTER SEVEN
MAC took a gulp of his beer as he waited for Josh to emerge from the changing room. It had been a good match, even if it had been closer than Mac would have liked. Shortly after Mac had started working on the air ambulance crew, Josh had invited him to join the five-a-side football team that many of the staff at the hospital played for. In the end, their team had just pulled the match out of the bag. Mac was pleased. He hated to lose.
‘I got one in for you,’ he told Josh when he appeared, gesturing towards the pint he had placed on the table.
After the match, the team would have a quick pint and usually talk about work. For various reasons tonight it was just him and Josh who’d stayed for a drink. Everyone else had had reasons to rush away, but although Josh was married he never seemed in a hurry to leave after the game.
Mac knew little about Josh’s personal life. He had met his wife, Rebecca, once or twice when she had dropped into A & E to see her husband. Mac had got the impression that Rebecca was a little lonely. The life as a wife of a consultant could be like that, especially if, like Rebecca, she didn’t work. Another reason to stay footloose and fancy-free, Mac decided—except he wasn’t, not any more.
‘How’s Rebecca?’ Mac asked. ‘Does she like living here?’
Josh studied his pint glass as he twirled it around in his hand. ‘I think Rebecca is more of a city girl. She misses being able to pop into the shops any time she pleases.’
‘Yet she agreed to move here? ‘ Mac said.
; ‘It was too good an opportunity for me to miss. Hopefully in time Rebecca will make friends. Although it’s difficult when she doesn’t work. Not having children doesn’t help either. If we had kids, she’d probably meet some mothers down at the school gates.’
‘If you’re planning on having some, I wouldn’t leave it too long. How old is Rebecca? Thirty-three? Thirty-four?’
Josh frowned. ‘Thirty-four. But we always agreed they weren’t part of the plan.’
The expression on Josh’s face darkened for a moment. What’s going on here? Mac thought. But whatever it was, it was none of his business. Josh and Rebecca’s private life had nothing to do with him.
‘Anyway, what about you? I guess you’re not the father type either. Or haven’t you met the right woman yet?’
Mac shifted in his seat. Served him right. He had started this conversation. Besides, people were bound to find out sooner or later.
‘Er … Actually, it turns out I am a father,’ he said. The words sounded strange, still unbelievable.
Josh’s eyebrows shot up. ‘You kept that quiet. A bit of a dark horse, aren’t you?’
‘I only just found out myself.’ If it were possible, Josh looked even more astonished. But he said nothing, simply waited for Mac to continue.
‘It’s complicated,’ Mac said. ‘You know our new paramedic, Abby Stevens?’
‘She’s the mother of your child?’ Josh’s eyebrows couldn’t go any higher.
‘No. She’s the aunt of my child. Emma, my daughter, is the result of a relationship I had with Abby’s twin—years ago.’
‘I think you’re going to have to be more explicit,’ Josh said, leaning back in his chair. ‘Go on, I’m all ears.’
Mac wasn’t used to talking about himself, but he had to tell someone. Perhaps thinking out loud would help. So, hesitantly, between sips of beer, he told Josh the whole story.
‘And you had no idea Sara was pregnant?’ A shadow crossed Josh’s face, making Mac wonder, but he kept his thoughts to himself.
‘None. It never crossed my mind.’
‘And you believe Abby?’
‘If you knew Abby better, you’d know that’s a daft question. She’s not the kind of woman to lie about something like this. She’s totally upfront. With Abby, what you see is what you get.’
Josh raised an eyebrow again. There was a hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth. Mac wanted to tell him that he was mistaken, that there was nothing between him and Abby, but he knew his protests would only increase that amused look in Josh’s eyes.
‘Besides, it is entirely possible. The timing works out. And I was young at the time. Not always as responsible as I should have been.’
Josh’s frown deepened. Did he disapprove? Surely Josh must have behaved in ways he now regretted when he had been a medical student. But perhaps Josh had been sensible enough always to take precautions. As medics, they knew better. Or, at least in his case, should have known better. But, damn it, he wasn’t asking Josh for his approval. ‘Shortly before she died, Sara told Abby I was the father and I can see no reason why Sara would lie. Besides, Emma has my eyes. I don’t think there’s much doubt.’
‘So what are you going to do about it?’
‘No idea, Josh. It’s not as if I planned to be a father. I’m pretty sure I’ll make a rotten one. But I can’t turn away from my responsibilities. I told Abby that I’ll spend time with Emma. I’m going to teach her to windsurf. At least I can do that.’
Josh looked thoughtful. He put his glass down on the table and leaned forward. ‘You know, Mac, sometimes life deals us a hand we never wanted, or expected. We get one chance at grabbing what’s in front of us. If we don’t take it while we can, it might be a mistake we end up regretting for the rest of our lives.’
Something in his voice made Mac wonder if he was speaking from personal experience, but before he could decide whether to probe further, Josh went on. ‘If I were you, I would think very carefully before you turn away from something that might turn out to be the best thing that’s ever happened to you.’
‘It sounds as if you know what you’re talking about,’ Mac said.
‘Let’s just say, if I had a particular time over in my life, I might have made different choices.’ Josh picked up his and Mac’s empty glasses. He nodded in the direction of the bar. ‘Fancy a refill?’ he asked.
On the way home Mac thought about what Josh had said. There was a mystery there, he was sure of it, but he respected his colleague too much to speculate on what it could be. If he wanted him to know, he’d tell him. As far as his advice about Abby and Emma went—that was different. He had promised Abby that he would get to know Emma and he had never gone back on his promise. But the thought still scared him witless. What did he know about being a father? He hadn’t exactly had a good example himself. Unless it had been how not to be a father. His father had walked out on him and his mother without a backward glance. Walking out of the marriage had been one thing, but abandoning your only child had been quite another.
He swallowed his anger. It was no use thinking like that. What he did have to think about was his child. Whatever the future brought, however much he hadn’t planned on having a child and however much disruption that might bring to the life he had carved out for himself, there was really no choice. He was Emma’s father and he wouldn’t—couldn’t—abandon her.
CHAPTER EIGHT
THE next couple of days were busy, and Mac and Abby were seldom alone together, for which Mac was grateful.
He was still getting used to the fact that he had a daughter and almost as strange was that Abby was the mother of his child. For the first time in his life he was confused by his feelings for a woman.
He liked working with Abby. He admired the way she was with the patients: calm, assured but gentle, as if they really mattered to her.
They had the usual callouts to walkers with broken ankles that turned out to be badly twisted, and a couple of car accidents that thankfully turned out to be less serious than initially thought. When there wasn’t a callout, the team went over rescue procedures and updated each other with new medical developments. Mac was careful to treat Abby like simply another member of the team.
It wasn’t easy. He’d come to recognise the habit she had of biting her lip whenever she was anxious, and more than once he had to stop himself from leaning across and brushing a lock of hair from her eyes. He could hardly keep his eyes off her. He loved the way her mouth curved and her eyes lit up when she was pleased about something and he resented the way he kept imagining what it would be like to feel her mouth on his. Okay, so she was beautiful and sexy and warm but now he knew about Emma, Abby was out of bounds. He already had one commitment he had never expected and he didn’t need another.
It was just after lunch on Wednesday when they received a call to attend a woman who had been thrown off her horse and then trampled. The only information they had to go on was that the woman was unconscious and in a field with no road access. The call had been transferred to the RAF, which was sending out a Sea King so that the medics could be winched down to the casualty if necessary
Within minutes Abby and Mac were being flown towards the injured woman.
‘This could be nasty,’ Mac said into his radio. ‘If she’s unconscious, it’ll be difficult for us to be sure just how badly injured she is.’
‘In that case, don’t we treat her as if she has a spinal injury? ‘ Abby asked.
‘The most important thing is to keep her breathing,’ Mac agreed. ‘And not to make things worse.’
Ten short minutes later they were hovering over the accident site. A man was standing next to the woman, waving a brightly coloured jacket to get their attention.
‘As we thought, there’s nowhere to put down, I’m afraid,’ the pilot said. ‘It’s too marshy. You’re going to have to be winched out.’
Mac glanced at Abby and was surprised to see a flash of fear in her eyes.
‘Are you okay?�
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Abby nibbled her lip. ‘It’s the first time other than training that I’ve had to winch down. I’m just a little nervous.’
‘Tell you what,’ he said. ‘Seeing there is someone on board that can lower us both, why don’t we go down together? That way we can get down quicker.’ It wouldn’t really make much difference timewise, but going down in tandem would make Abby feel better. It was the first time she had revealed a less than certain side to her and it made him feel unusually protective. Whether it was because she was the mother of his child or because this woman engendered feelings he had never experienced before, he didn’t want to think about. He much preferred to think it was the former.
Mac stood and attached the winch to the harness they always wore in the helicopter. Although she was determined not to show it, Abby was relieved he’d be going down with her. She was intensely aware of the touch of his hands on her legs and hips as he tested the buckles.
The last few days he had been polite but distant towards her. When she’d asked him whether he still intended to take Emma windsurfing, he’d looked surprised. ‘I don’t go back on promises, Abby,’ he’d said. ‘Especially not to a child.’
They were lowered over the side, pressed together, one of Mac’s arms holding her close. This was almost worse than going down alone. Her fear disappeared under her awareness of his hard, muscular body touching every inch of hers. She raised her head to look at him and he winked. She wasn’t sure whether she was glad or disappointed when they touched the ground and Mac released them from the winch. All she knew was that her body felt as if it was on fire and that the blood was whooshing in her ears.
