by Ali Parker
“What?” I said, furrowing my brow. “You paid my debt and then paid for another whole month of life support? Why?”
“Because I care about you,” he said, noticing my irritation. “I wanted you to be able to relax for a month, maybe get ahead on things with her, with you and Mikey. You deserve a life that is calm and beautiful, and you deserve to make decisions based on how you feel, not what you can afford.”
“That’s all well and good, and I’m sure in a perfect world, that’s the path I would take, but that’s not my life,” I said. “I’m trying to appreciate what you did, I really am, but you should have come to me first.”
He shook his head, his expression crestfallen. “I don’t understand why you’re angry. I thought you would be happy this was taken care of.”
“It’s not taken care of.” I crumpled up the paper. “It’s just prolonged. Don’t you understand that my mother has a very good chance of never recovering from this? Don’t you get it that maybe not being able to make the choice, ultimately, made it easier to let her go?”
“Amanda, I …” He stopped and put his head down. “I just wanted to take care of you. I wanted you to be unburdened for once in your life, even if it was only for a little while. I wanted to see you smile and be carefree like we were at dinner the other night.”
“Not all of us can afford to be carefree in this life,” I snapped. “And you trying to make me like you isn’t going to solve any of the problems going on. It’s only going to make them worse.”
I started to pace like I usually did when I was angry. Somewhere in me, I knew I shouldn’t be angry with him, but I was. I was furious at the idea that because he had so much money and power, he thought he needed to take care of the less fortunate, that I was some kind of charity case for him to take up in his spare time.
“You understand that I have taken care of myself for a very long time, right?” I said. “I’m strong, independent, and dating you was not a ticket for me to the good life. I started dating you because I liked you, not because I needed you to take care of me. I don’t need anyone to take care of me. I’ve been doing fine without you this far, and I can continue to do fine without your money and your gifts. When I had Mikey at seventeen years old, I never thought I would stand on my own two feet, but I did, and I am, and it’s because of the hard work I put in, the long nights that I forced myself to take. It was not by some millionaire thinking I was a lost soul he felt the need to save because he’s on some soul-searching adventure, trying to make up for the things he’s done.”
“That’s not what this is,” he said angrily. “If you stop and think about it, you know that’s not what I’m doing. You’re being unfair and unreasonable, Amanda. I did something for you because I care about you, not because I think you need to be fixed.”
“I am being unfair and unreasonable?” I said. “Me? The one who has to deal with this long after you’ve abandoned the idea of being a good man, long after you’ve moved on to some blond bimbo from the bar who wants you to shower her in gifts? You know what’s unfair? Waking up every morning, thinking about how I’m going to get my mother through one more day of life support. Wondering if it’s time to let her go or not every damn morning of my life. I went to those support groups so I could figure out what the best choice was, and I was starting to get to the point where I knew I had to let my mother go. Unfair is having to pull the plug and take the life of someone you care about more than yourself. Unfair is looking your child in his eyes and telling him his grandma is gone. Those are the unfair things in life. I’m sorry if your privilege has kept you from experiencing them, but you should be thankful you don’t have to.”
“I told you at dinner I wanted to help you through this,” he said.
“And I told you it wasn’t your burden to bear. It was mine,” I said angrily. “I don’t need you to fucking save me, dammit. I needed you to just be there if I wanted to ask you for help, the help that you know, deep down, I would have never come to you for.”
“Then, what are we even about?” he yelled. “If you can’t go to the person you’re in a relationship with to ask for help, then what are we doing?”
“Honestly?” I said. “I don’t know anymore. I thought I did. I thought when I came to work on cloud nine that everything was going to change for the better, that you really understood me and what I was about, but I can see now that you still have no idea. You took it upon yourself to push your way into a very sacred and private part of my life instead of letting me choose when to let you in.”
“That’s not what I did,” he said, calming his voice. “I just wanted to help. I just wanted to see you smile. Why can’t you understand that?”
“Why can’t you understand that no matter how many dollars you put on this damn account, it won’t bring back my mother?” she said, throwing the balled-up paper at me. “That is not what will make me smile. Kind words, hugs, understanding, that is what makes me happy. Paying to prolong the inevitable without even coming to me and talking to me about it first is not something that will make me happy.”
“I can see that,” I said, shaking my head. “I can see that you are so angry, you’re incapable of understanding that I was only trying to help.”
“I am not incapable of that,” I said. “I am incapable of understanding how you think there are no boundaries in your life. You think you can come into someone else’s and think you’re some white knight. I don’t need a white night, Elon. I needed a partner who doesn’t go behind my back and do something without talking to me about it first. This is a betrayal of my trust, a really big one, and I don’t even know what to think about it.”
“Amanda,” he said, walking toward me.
“Don’t.” I shook my head. “Don’t touch me right now. I am not okay with what you did, not even in the least. I need some time alone.”
I turned and walked from his office, slamming the door behind me and heading straight over to mine. Dalton looked at me but didn’t say a word as I closed my door and leaned my back against it. I was furious, but even more so, I was heartbroken. I was hurt that he would betray my trust and my wishes like that, and I was sad because I had finally come to a place where I was happy, possibly even ready to let go of my mother. I was ready to take the next step in my life and say goodbye to the woman I loved so much, but all he had done was complicate things even more. He took the choice out of my hands, and he didn’t even ask me what I wanted.
I walked over to my desk and laid my head in my arms, feeling the emotions washing over me. Maybe I shouldn’t be so angry, but I couldn’t help it. I was the only one who could make a decision like that about my mother. I didn’t need someone coming in and making Mikey and me believe things would get better. Nothing lasted forever, and I had to remember that about everything in my life, including relationships I knew from the beginning I should have never gotten myself into.
Chapter 42
Elon
The door slamming rang out in my ears so loud, I clutched my head and groaned. She had been so angry, angrier than I had ever seen her before. I walked to the window and crossed my arms, looking out over the cityscape. She was right that I didn’t know trauma like that in my life, and though I had busted my ass to make this company what it was, I did live in a different world now than she and Mikey did. After a long, amazing dinner at an upscale restaurant, I went back home to my top-floor penthouse while she went back to her small apartment on the outskirts of the city, just her and her son and a pile of bills she didn’t know what to do with. I hadn’t had a bill that wasn’t paid immediately in years, and I had no idea what it was like to be responsible for other people who couldn’t take care of themselves. My life was a lot simpler on those terms, but I did know what it was like to care about someone and want to see them happy.
I was no one’s white knight, nor was I trying to be that for her or for her son. I was only trying to show them how much I cared. I wanted to show her a little peace and happiness, even if it was short-
lived. I still couldn’t figure out what was so wrong with what I had done for her. I turned and walked toward my desk, picking up the balled-up invoice off the floor. When I’d sat in that hospital room looking at Amanda’s mother, staring at her pale cheeks and lifeless body, my heart had fallen to the floor. I couldn’t bear to think about Amanda facing that pain every day and, on top of that, wondering how to even keep her cared for.
I never thought I would care for someone the way I cared for Amanda. It had come over me quickly and before I could really think about it. I had fallen for Amanda like I had never fallen for anyone else, and I hated that she was fighting me on it tooth and nail. I felt like there was nothing I could have done to help that wouldn’t have made her angry. She did tell me it wasn’t my burden, but I didn’t think of it as a burden. I never could think of her as a burden. I really needed to figure this out. I couldn’t sit there and let her walk away from me like that. I walked over and opened the door, staring out at the pit where everyone was working so hard. I glanced over at Amanda’s door, wanting to go to her but not wanting to make her even angrier.
“You okay there, boss?” Dalton said behind me. “You look like you lost your puppy.”
“Dalton,” I said, grabbing his arm. “Come in my office.”
“Well, okay,” he said, chuckling. “Whatever you need, boss.”
I started to pace the floor back and forth, trying to come up with the right words to say to him. I didn’t want to go and piss him off, too, but I had a feeling he could give me a little more insight on what I should do than I could myself. If I chose the course of action, I would go smashing into her office begging for her forgiveness, and I wasn’t sure that would actually work. Dalton would know what I needed to do.
“I did something, and Amanda is mad, but I don’t know why she’s mad or how to fix it,” I blurted out. “I had good intentions, and she sideswiped me with complete and total anger.”
“Uh-oh.” Dalton came over and sat down in my chair. “First of all, you need to breathe before you pass out. Me leaving you here on the floor unconscious is not a good look for me. Secondly, sit down and tell me what happened, and don’t leave anything out. Women are complicated.”
I nodded and breathed in and out deeply, closing my eyes and getting myself under control. I walked to my desk and sat down, rubbing my face with my hands. Dalton sat on the other side, looking at his nails.
“How do I manage to fuck something up that seems so simple?” I groaned.
“You are a man,” he said. “It’s in your DNA. Now, tell me what happened.”
“During the dinner the other night, she told me about why she was thinking of taking the job at Diamond, that she didn’t know how she could afford to keep her mother on life support,” I explained. “So, this morning I went to the hospital and visited her mom. I read to her, talked to her.”
“That is adorable,” Dalton said, swooning.
“Yeah.” I chuckled. “Then I went down to the administrative office, and I paid up the past due amount on the account and put a credit on there to cover another month of life support. I thought that maybe it would help her be able to cope better if she wasn’t worried about the money part of it so much.”
“Let me guess, she didn’t see the sweet and kind sentiment in it that I’m seeing,” Dalton sighed.
“Not even in the least,” I said. “She balled it up and threw it at me, telling me I had no right and that she wasn’t some charity case. It was bad. And I just stood here like an idiot, not knowing what to do or say because I couldn’t figure out why she was so damn angry.”
“That is so typically Amanda,” he said. “Look, when Amanda got pregnant at seventeen, she thought she had the whole world ahead of her, with a man by her side to do it. When he left them, she was left with all the baggage. Now Mikey is amazing, and she wouldn’t change anything about him, but she’s had to be a grown-up, a provider, a mother, a daughter, a caretaker, all since she was a teenager. She had her mom, sure, but everything she earned and everything she created, she did it for herself. She doesn’t know how to accept help from someone, and I think it makes her feel like she failed in some way when someone does something for her that she couldn’t do for herself. It’s all very Dr. Phil, but it makes sense.”
“All I was trying to do was make her smile, help her heal a little and move forward,” I said. “I never meant to insult her.”
“Oh, honey, you don’t have to tell me that. Your sad little puppy dog eyes say it loud and clear,” he said. “I know you were trying to do something nice, especially with the fact that you sat with her, talked to her, and tried to put yourself in Amanda’s shoes. You didn’t really do anything wrong at all. Amanda is a strong, grounded, independent woman, and those are things she holds closest to her. She’s afraid to let go and have someone else do for her. It makes her think if she ended up alone again, she wouldn’t be able to do for herself and for Mikey. She has seen low days, spending all her money on her son and eating whatever I brought over to feed her at night because she didn’t want to eat his food. She never wants to get back to that point.”
“I didn’t think about that,” I said. “But how am I supposed to grow any kind of relationship with her if she won’t lean on me even in the slightest?”
“It won’t be that way forever,” Dalton said. “One day, she’ll give into the idea of relying on another person for at least something. It will take some work, letting her know she can trust you, so you have to know that if you go in, you go in all the way, no skirting out because of fear.”
“I know that,” I said. “I may have been a playboy, but I never did anything I wasn’t certain of. Except on whiskey nights. Those nights were a little unknown, but I’m not planning on drinking whiskey and chasing her down.”
“Good choice.” Dalton laughed. “I’m going to her place tonight to eat dinner with her and Mikey. I’ll talk to her about everything, and she will get over it, I promise. It just takes some gentle hands to get her to put her guard down a bit and look at it from an outside perspective. She wants to be happy, I know that. She wants to be happy in her life, and with someone else, she’s just stuck, too afraid to move forward. I have to say, you pluck her emotions in a way I have never seen before, and I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. She’s been alone a long time. Just give it time, and she’ll come around in the end.”
“I hope you’re right,” I sighed. “I already lost her one time, and when I got this chance again, I told myself I would do everything I could to make her feel right about this. Somehow, I screwed it all up and in a matter of minutes.”
“You didn’t screw anything up,” he said. “You did what you thought was right, kind, and for her best interest. No one but me and her mother and father has ever looked out for her best interest. The difference is, you’re new to the picture and that scares her. I know Amanda very well, better than anyone probably ever has. She has never had help, and though she should be ecstatic, and take it and run with it, she’s not that kind of girl. She’s the kind of girl who runs in the opposite direction.”
“Thank you for talking to me,” I said. “And thank you ahead of time for talking to her.”
“Of course,” he said, waving his hand. “That is what I do. Okay, I have to get back to work.”
“Right,” I said, giving him a forced smile as he walked out.
I was glad Dalton was there. I wouldn’t have known what to do otherwise, and I would have probably made the whole situation even worse. I sighed and reached for my coffee mug, suddenly realizing it was empty. I got up, groaning, and headed out of the office and toward the lounge.
“Mr. Truitt,” one of the artists called out. “I’m sorry to bother you, but Amanda didn’t want to be disturbed.”
“No, it’s fine,” I said, glancing over at her door. “What can I help you with?”
“We need an okay to continue on the Hollywood idea,” she said. “We weren’t sure if you wanted to present multiple options t
o the client or not.”
“Oh, uh,” I stood there trying to get my mind straight. “I’ll be honest with you. My head is not on straight today. I want you and your team to take the rest of the day off with pay. I don’t think Amanda or I am going to be very much help in getting through the project today.”
“Thank you,” she said excitedly, running back to tell the team.
I looked down at my empty cup and shook my head, walking back to my office. I needed some time that day to really think about things. My focus was on Amanda and what had happened between us. I knew there was nothing I could do to change that until it was resolved.
Chapter 43
Amanda
Giving the entire team the day off with such tight deadlines on the project was probably a terrible idea, but I wasn’t going to question it. After everything that happened this morning, there was no way I was going to be able to focus on work, much less work side by side with Elon. So, since it was early, I headed to the hospital, figuring spending the day with my mom might help me sort through some of my thoughts and emotions. When I got to the hospital, everyone was happy to see me but surprised I was there in the middle of the day. I usually only came at night or on the weekends. I was just happy to be away from the office, where I could think and work out my thoughts.
I went to my mom’s room and stood by her bed, smiling down at her. I opened up the blinds and let the sunshine in, trying to freshen up the dark room. A little sunshine never hurt anyone, and my mother, and me for that matter, could use the pick me up. I reached down and took her hand, smiling at her calm face. She looked different in the light of day, and I could see glimpses of those sparkles that used to shine from her face when she would laugh with me. This was exactly what I needed, some time with my mother to make things better. Everything had been so crazy today, and though I’d started the day thinking life couldn’t get any better, it looked like I was already at the point of being done with the entire thing.
