I’ll be asking him to give up this team, these new friends. Yeah, he’d be able to play basketball wherever they went—but maybe not this season. For a kid this age, starting all over mid-school year sucked. Sean would know, because he’d done it so recently.
Nolan didn’t know what he’d do if Sean threw a fit and said, “No way am I going.”
Crap.
What if the decision came down to an either-or? Nolan asked himself. Allie or Sean? The yawning pit in his belly gave him a good idea what she’d gone through when she was seventeen and faced the same dilemma. Maybe what she faced this time, too, if she really did love him.
Allie or Sean?
Suppressing a groan, Nolan had no trouble making that decision.
He was sticking to both of them. However much Sean bitched, this choice wasn’t his to make.
That realization gave Nolan new sympathy for Allie’s mother. Parents sometimes did have to drag their reluctant kids along, the way she’d done. Hell, it happened all the time, when one parent or the other got transferred on the job, say. Of course, her decision had been different in a big way, he reminded himself; her husband had had to give up his business, Allie the chance at a brilliant future as a ballerina. And, yeah, they’d all given up their names.
He’d be asking that of Sean, too.
It’ll be tough, he told himself, but Sean will adjust. Kids did. The most important thing to a boy with Sean’s background was finding out that his new dad wouldn’t abandon him for any reason at all—and wouldn’t abandon the woman he loved, either.
Settled in his mind, Nolan watched as the jubilant home team shook hands with their opponents and then headed for the locker room. Nolan joined the exodus from the bleachers.
Sean hadn’t had much of an appetite earlier. “I guess I’m nervous,” he’d admitted. Nolan had promised pizza on the way home.
When the boys disappeared into the locker room, Nolan called the pizza parlor and ordered an extra-large, everything-on-it one to go. This was a conversation they couldn’t have in a restaurant.
In the parking lot, Nolan leaned against the fender of his truck and waited with the other parents. Sean emerged finally, showered and triumphant from the win. He and Nolan exchanged high fives.
“Man, I’m starved!” was the first thing out of his mouth.
“One step ahead of you. I called and ordered a pizza to be ready for pickup.” Nolan hesitated. “There’s something I want to talk to you about.”
Predictably, Sean badgered him, but Nolan held his ground until they got home. He waited until he’d set plates, napkins and drinks on the table while Sean opened the box and devoured his first slice of pizza in a couple of gulps.
“This is about Allie,” Nolan said, knowing the gravity of what he felt and was going to ask of the boy had to be obvious in his voice.
Sean didn’t reach for another slice. “What about Allie?”
Nolan hesitated. “You can never repeat anything I tell you. Not to anyone. Not a best friend, not a girlfriend. Not ever. You can’t hint at it on your Facebook page. This is...really important.”
The boy stared at him. “You sound like...I don’t know, like she works for the CIA or something.”
“Do you promise?”
“Yeah. Sure.” Seeing the look in Nolan’s eyes, he added hastily, “I promise.”
Nolan relaxed slightly. “Here it is, then.” He talked, laying out the whole story. Mouth agape, Sean listened.
“Wow,” he said finally, “you really stepped in it, didn’t you?”
“No shit.” Nolan grimaced at the bad pun. “Yeah. Having her investigated was the absolute worst thing I could have done.”
“She’s really just going to leave so she can stay with her mom? Is it because she’s so mad at you?”
Nolan hesitated. “I think it’s complicated. She’s mad, she’s hurt, sure. But also...her mother is the only continuity she’s ever had in her life.” He told Sean what he’d figured out, about how everyone Allie had ever loved expecting her to make any sacrifices that had to be made.
“I kind of get that,” Sean said unexpectedly. “Grandma loved me, but even with her I could tell having me around wasn’t really what she wanted. You know? I had to try to fit in depending on who I lived with.” His shrug was awkward. “Until you, no one ever really put themselves out for me.”
Choked up, Nolan had to clear his throat before he could speak. “You deserved better all along the way.”
Sean shrugged, as if that was beside the point. “You’re thinking you’ll go with her, aren’t you?”
Surprised at his perception, Nolan raised his eyebrows. “I guess I am,” he said after a minute. “That’s why I had to talk to you before I talk to Allie.”
Sean ducked his head. “So I know.”
“Because this affects you as much as it does me,” Nolan said slowly. “I’d be asking you to start all over, too. Seems like school is going really well for you. You’re making friends. Given that we’re midseason, you might not be able to play basketball until next fall at a new school.”
“You don’t think they could find me a foster home in West Fork.”
Nolan stared at him. “I mean wherever we go. It could be damn near anywhere. It doesn’t sound like we’d have any say in that.”
Looking stunned, the boy raised his head. “You mean...” His voice cracked. “You’d take me with you?”
“Oh, hell.” Nolan rose to his feet and circled the table. “Of course I’d take you with me. I told you. You’re my son now.”
A single harsh sob broke from Sean’s throat. His chair scraped back. His arms came hard around Nolan, as Nolan’s did around him.
“You’re my son,” Nolan repeated.
It was a long time until Sean drew back, his face wet. Averting his face, he grabbed a handful of napkins and swiped at tears before blowing his nose.
Nolan discovered his cheeks were also wet, and he reached for a napkin, too. At last he went back to his seat. “Eat,” he said, nodding at the pizza.
“Yeah.” Sean scooted his chair forward again and reached for a slice. “So that’s the deal? If Allie wants us, we go with her?”
“That’s the deal.”
“Would my caseworker let me go? Especially if we’re leaving the state.”
“I’m thinking the U.S. Marshals can make that happen if they want. You don’t have family in the area. There’s nothing holding you here.” He studied Sean. “You’re okay with this?”
“Me? Sure.” The pizza hadn’t made it to his mouth yet. “Moving to a new school sort of sucks, but I can do it again. Allie needs to know we’re willing.”
“We might even get new names,” Nolan warned. “I’m not sure about that.”
A gleam showed in Sean’s eyes. “Can we pick them?”
“I don’t think so.”
“What if they call me something stupid?”
“It’s more likely to be something boring. A name that won’t stand out.”
He mulled that over. “I guess I can pick a cool nickname if I don’t like whatever they call me.”
“Yeah.” Nolan had never known pride could fill a man until his chest hurt. “You can do that.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
ALTHOUGH EXHAUSTED, Allie’s body refused to succumb to sleep. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried every technique she knew for falling asleep.
A black velvet sky settling gently over her...deep, dark, like the shadows beside the old lilac bush where Nolan had kissed her. Damn it, no.
Okay, concentrate on happy moments. Cuddling a kitten. But instead, all she came up with was Cassie’s long pink tongue wrapped around her hand.
Something fun, then. When had she last had fun? Waterskiing...knowing Nolan was waiting for her back at the dock, proud she’d been willing to try even though she was timid in the water.
And so it went. Every single blasted effort she made to relax herself seemed to involve Nolan, and her body got s
tiffer and stiffer until she felt as if only her heels and her shoulder blades were actually touching the mattress.
Groaning, she slapped the pillow down on her face. Oh, why not get up? She might as well read or quilt or something.
Except when she did get up, her eyes burned and felt gritty. Her chest was being squeezed by a tight band and her stomach was knotted even tighter.
Maybe I’m hungry.
She opened the refrigerator and stared inside. Somehow a salad didn’t sound very palatable in the middle of the night.
Cupboard. Maybe soup...?
Finally she put water on to boil to make herself a cup of herbal tea. Neither of the varieties she found promised to aid sleep, but warm milk had always sounded disgusting to her.
Waiting for the teakettle to whistle, Allie stared blankly at the refrigerator door, decorated only with a handful of quilting-related magnets. Refrigerator doors, she thought, were meant for displaying children’s artwork.
The pressure in her chest became more intense, stealing her breath. For a moment she could have sworn some colorful drawings did hang on the otherwise white surface. She heard a giggle and turned her head sharply, but of course she was alone.
This might be my only chance. Do I even want children, if they aren’t Nolan’s?
Allie wondered what their children would look like. Would they take after him, solid and quiet and intuitive? Or after her, small, slight, inclined to settle only in front of her quilt frame? She would love to have children with his bright blue eyes.
Nolan was so good with Sean. He’d be the best father in the world, endlessly patient, gentle. She pictured him swinging a little girl into the air and laughing up at her.
Oh, damn. She squeezed her dry eyes closed and dropped her head onto her forearm, only to jump when the teakettle whistled.
I love him.
Finding Nolan had been a miracle. The stone man, who had the kindest heart she’d ever known and was incredibly sexy besides. She loved every minute she’d spent with him. The past few days, once she’d admitted her secret to him and he had told her he loved her, had been the happiest of her life.
She tried to summon the memory of other joyous times—when she was accepted to American Ballet Theatre, or was cast in Firebird, but none compared. They were triumphs, but only steps along the way to a far-off goal. Loving Nolan was...finding where she belonged. Her dream of dance seemed very long ago.
She had been called to dance. But for all the joy dance had given her, all the passion and dedication and even pain she had been willing to give in return, she had lived without it. Ultimately, becoming a quilt maker had given her joy, too.
What she’d never done in her life was give her heart—until she had looked up at that almost-homely face and straight into Nolan’s stunningly clear blue eyes, the expression in them equally arrested. From that first moment, she thought.
I don’t want to be alone anymore. Who had said that, him or her?
We don’t have to be.
She stood up and turned off the burner, moving the teakettle off it without bothering to pour water into the cup. Her tension and pain seemed to be floating away, leaving her feeling extraordinarily light. Maybe, she thought frivolously, absurdly, she could do that jeté now and stay airborne as long as she liked.
She made herself remember that he’d had her investigated, but couldn’t muster any anger at all, because she did understand why he’d done it.
She really was a lousy liar, and Nolan had an especially deep-seated fear of lies. It wasn’t hard to picture how incredulous he must have felt at the idea that in loving her he was replicating his parents’ relationship. It was no surprise he’d had to get answers about her, one way or another.
Despite what he’d done, she believed with all her heart that she could trust him. When he made a commitment, Nolan would keep it. Even Sean was starting to have faith, Allie thought, although he hadn’t been with Nolan all that long.
If I choose him, he’ll be on my side forever and ever.
Between one heartbeat and the next, she made her decision. It was easier than she’d imagined it could be. She didn’t understand why coming to it had taken her so long.
If only he’d forgive her. Allie couldn’t believe that she’d ever been so foolish.
Middle of the night or not, she wanted to call him. Drive over to his house and pound on the door. But of course that was silly.
Mom, she thought, on a renewed stab of pain. I have to talk to Mom. It seemed only fair to clear the decks before she went to Nolan.
Come morning, heavy-eyed, she called her mother first. “We have to talk,” she said simply. When her mother questioned her, she pretended to have a customer.
She couldn’t reach Barbara, and made the decision to close the shop for an hour when her mother got here. She’d never done that before, but other shopkeepers here in town did it from time to time. Nobody would be able to see her and Mom sitting in back. She scribbled a quick note. Family Emergency—Back at 11:00.
When Mom walked in, Allie hung the note and locked the door, grateful not to have any customers at the moment.
“Let’s go in back,” she said, and her mother followed her down the central aisle.
They sat down and looked at each other.
“I won’t be going with you,” Allie said, and braced herself for the storm.
Instead, she saw dignity and pained acceptance. “I thought that’s what you’d decide.”
“You’ve been acting as if you assumed I would go.”
“I’ve been hoping,” her mother corrected. “Selfishly, I know.” She gave a small, twisted smile. “Despite what he did, I think your Nolan is a good man. He can make you happy. You deserve that, Allie. And more. I suppose I’ve clung to you, but it’s time for me to stop.”
“Oh, Mom.” Tears, hot and fierce, spilled from Allie’s eyes. “I love you. I don’t want to lose either of you. I don’t.”
Their hands connected, squeezed so tightly it was hard to tell where one began and the other ended.
“No. I know. I hope you don’t have to.”
Allie wasn’t the only one crying. For once, the tears seemed to be freeing. For forty-five minutes, they sat and talked about good times and bad without any of the emotional tension that had been there for so long Allie wasn’t sure when it had begun. It was as if, in a moment, they had both been able to let go of all the resentment, all the expectations, everything except the friendship and love.
At the end her mother looked at her. “If I’d known then what I know now, I would have made a different decision. I hope you know that.” The movement her mouth made couldn’t even be called a smile. “Admitting to myself how much I hurt all of you hasn’t been easy. I’ve resolved to write Jason and tell him how sorry I am, too.”
“Back then, you couldn’t know what would happen,” Allie said.
Mom shook her head. “I knew how miserable all of you were. I told myself... Well, it doesn’t matter now, does it? I can’t take any of it back.”
“No.” Allie in turn tried to smile. “Maybe you won’t have to go anywhere, Mom. I want you to stay.”
“I want to stay, too. Needless to say, I couldn’t sleep last night. I kept thinking about you and what I was asking you to give up. I decided that I won’t agree to a move unless there is real evidence someone is looking for me and may be close to finding me.
“I want to stay close to you. I want to hold my grandchildren. I like my job and my house and...darn it, I want to be president of the Friends of the Library!”
They both laughed, although Allie for one had a lump in her throat.
The next second, her mother was swiping at new tears. “Oh, damn. I’m crying a river. For goodness’ sake. It’s time I leave you to open the store again. You don’t want to lose customers. We can talk again.”
She’d mostly mopped up all the tears by the time they reached the front of the store. They hugged, whispered, “I love you,” and her mot
her slipped out and hurried away.
Allie flipped the sign back to Open and crumpled up the handwritten note. She stood for a long time looking out the front window at the surprisingly busy downtown street of this small town. Home, she thought, but knew in the next second that it wasn’t the place that mattered, any more than things mattered.
If she called Nolan, would he come? Remembering again the way he’d looked at her that night, she was afraid she knew the answer. She had to go to him, not the other way around.
As soon as she closed the shop, she would drive straight to his house and pray he was there and willing to listen to her.
* * *
NOLAN PARKED HIS truck at the curb in front of the beauty parlor a couple of doors down from Allie’s store and wondered if this was a really bad idea. He sure as hell didn’t want this discussion to be interrupted.
You’ve come this far, he told himself.
He grunted in something close to amusement. He had yet to display any patience at all where Allie was concerned. Why break a streak?
Finally he grabbed the warm bags from the passenger seat, got out, locked the truck and walked the forty feet or so to her door.
He was glad he’d worn his sheepskin coat. The pale gray sky and biting cold hinted at snow. It wasn’t common at this elevation in November, but ski season did typically open Thanksgiving weekend in the Cascades.
Thanksgiving was less than a week away. Not that long ago he’d assumed he would be celebrating it with Allie and her mother as well as Sean. He’d thought about trying to talk his sister into flying out and joining them. He really wanted to see her, and he’d wanted her to meet Allie.
How quickly things changed.
Pausing outside her store, a part of him noted how effective her window display was, with a quilt draped artfully and surrounded by coordinating bolts of fabrics. Several quilting how-to and pattern books lay scattered as if left in an absentminded moment. Enter, the display whispered. Look at the wonders within. You can do this, too, you know. Don’t you want to find out if there’s an artist inside you? Irresistible.
Anything for Her Page 25
