As Cole rolled on the floor, Riley stood over him, daring his cousin to retaliate.
Simms crossed the room and reached for Riley. Sensing movement behind, Riley spun around, one arm stiff, the fingers splayed. Maggie thought he looked carved from stone. Deadly. Capable of killing. Something in his eyes stopped Ben Simms, and they stood facing each other, two figures frozen in time.
It was Maggie who finally moved, going to Cole and helping him to his feet. She sat him down in his chair, then spoke to Riley. “That’s enough. Sit down. You boys are too rough on each other, and I won’t have you fighting at the table.” She hoped she was conveying to Simms that this was a family dispute, plain and simple.
“You wanted to talk to us, Mr. Simms?” she asked, turning to him with a gracious smile.
“Yes’m. I come over here to thank you for them clothes you gave my daughter and to ask you not to give her any more. Some of them things ain’t suitable for a gal her age, especially some of them nightclothes.”
Maggie stiffened. Then, after a long moment, she said, “All right, Mr. Simms, I won’t give Luana any of my clothes.”
“And I’d be real obliged if you’d keep these two boys away from her. Especially that one.” He jerked his thumb in Riley’s direction. “And I’m sad to say I don’t think you own boy is any better. Luana’s young, real young, and she ain’t wise when it comes to boys. You know what I’m saying, Miz Tanner?”
She smiled grimly. “Yes, Mr. Simms. I know.”
“I’m takin’ you on your word, Miz Tanner. When I went into town last night, I didn’t know a minute’s peace leavin’ Luana all by herself at home. If you don’t bring those boys into line, Luana and me will have to move on.”
Silence lay heavy in the room long after Ben Simms left. Then Maggie’s anger erupted.
“I hope you’re both satisfied. And I hope that poor man doesn’t really know what’s been going on here, or I feel sorry for Luana.” She told the boys of the time she’d heard Ben beating his daughter. “I should have stopped it, I know, but it’s hard to know where to draw the line. It isn’t easy interfering between a father and daughter. Now I’m afraid for the girl and there’s no one to blame but you. She’s not blameless, but you both know the difference between right and wrong. From now on that girl is off-limits to both of you. Understand? Off-limits!”
She stalked out of the dining room, her thoughts rioting with images of Luana and Riley and Cole. She felt sorry for Luana, even sympathized with her. At Luana’s age she hadn’t been much different, a little girl searching for something. But sympathy only went so far—looking out for herself and the boys took precedence. And they’re was no getting around it: Luana was a scavenger.
The thought made Maggie’s blood run cold.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
The first day of May was all an early spring day should be. The new grass was a tender green, the windswept sky a vital blue, and the air fragrant with Grandmam Jessica’s early roses.
It was a perfect day for traveling. Maggie’s bags were packed and ready to be put in the car. Cole joked that it looked like a mountain of Louis Vuitton. Despite her high spirits, however, Maggie dreaded her stopover in New York. Eight hours to see and talk to Sawyer before she went to Hawaii. Eight hours to try to set things right when a lifetime hadn’t been enough.
She checked her purse. Airline tickets, travelers’ checks, a full line of credit from the bank in case the cost of refurbishing the house was more than she anticipated. Car rental reservation, a map of the island, directions to the Kamali house. She had everything she needed. Everything except Rand. He came to mind suddenly, as he always did, when some foolish thing or word reminded her of him. She’d sent him away and hadn’t returned. She couldn’t even find it in her heart to blame him. How could he know, how could he trust, that she knew her own mind and now had the courage to follow her heart?
Maggie snapped her handbag shut and turned to Cole and Riley. “I’m not going to lecture you or beg you to behave while I’m gone. I trust you. Both of you. If you know what’s right, you can’t do wrong. Remember that. Don’t bring shame on Sunbridge.”
She embraced both boys, lingering a moment longer with Cole, looking deeply into his eyes. She smiled at what was reflected there and gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze. “I’ll call after I see Sawyer. So stick around, okay?” She looked around at the gentle slope rising behind the house, at the fair expanse of lawn and the miles of white fencing creeping off into the distance. “I hate leaving here. I love it so.”
“You’ll be back before you know it,” Susan said cheerfully. “Good luck, Maggie. But don’t expect too much. Some things can never change.”
Maggie smiled at her sister, then leaned in close. “C’mon, Jessie, give Aunt Maggie a big buss.” The infant gurgled happily in Susan’s arms. “Take care of things, Suse. So long, guys.”
Cole watched the big limousine take his mother down the drive. She seemed to be taking something with her.
It was Susan who noticed Cole squinting up at the sky. “You still don’t get it, do you? Maggie is the sunshine. She just took a little bit of it with her.”
Adam Jarvis sprinted down the stairs to answer the bell. He looked through the peephole. “Oh, Jesus!” It was Maggie. He recognized her at once from the pictures Sawyer used to carry in her wallet. That had been many years ago, but there was no mistaking the shining dark hair and summer blue eyes, or the striking resemblance to Sawyer. He sighed deeply and opened the door. “Mrs. Tanner. I’m Adam Jarvis.”
“Hello, Adam. I was hoping to see Sawyer. Is she at home?”
Adam hesitated. “Yes, she’s up there. I was just on my way out to jog.” He wavered as a thought struck him. “Mrs. Tanner . . . before you go up, could we go down to the corner and have a cup of coffee? There’s something you should know.”
Maggie walked beside Adam to the coffee shop, in reality a Jewish delicatessen complete with the tantalizing aromas of cured meats and garlic pickles. Adam found them a table and held the chair for her. Maggie was quite taken with him, aside from knowing how much Billie liked this young man. He was near Sawyer’s age and she knew, already quite successful. Tall, broad-shouldered, good-looking, and with such an expression of tenderness in his eyes that she wondered how Sawyer was able to resist him. He loved Sawyer; Billie had said so, and now Maggie could see it for herself.
“I don’t want to be there when you see Sawyer,” Adam said abruptly after he’d ordered two coffees. “Okay, so I’m a coward, but she’s been putting me through hell and I don’t know how much more I can take.” Those broad shoulders seemed to slump, his chin lowered to his chest. “I guess I’ll take whatever she wants to dish out, won’t I? It’s no secret. I’m crazy about her.”
Maggie stretched her hand over the table and touched Adam’s. “Yes, it’s pretty evident how you feel. Adam, I’m so sorry.”
“I didn’t drag you down here to get your sympathy, Mrs. Tanner.”
“Maggie, please.”
“Maggie, there’s something you must know. Sawyer’s going to be livid when she finds out I’ve told anyone, but that’s a chance I have to take. She’s had tests, more tests. We went to the Sloan-Kettering Institute, where they do a lot of experimental work. The group of doctors there have reached the conclusion that Sawyer’s tumor might be operable. They give her a twenty percent chance of success.”
Maggie’s eyes brightened with joy and relief. “That’s hope, real hope!”
“Not according to Sawyer. She refuses to have the surgery.”
“Why? I can’t believe—”
“I don’t know why, and I don’t much give a damn what her reasons are!” he exploded. All the worry and concern, all the defeat, everything he felt was there on his face, in the agonized tone of his voice. “She swore me to secrecy, but I had to tell someone. We’ve been arguing for days.”
“This is stupid. I’ll have to call her grandmother. If anyone can talk some sense into her, Mam can. When do they
want to operate?”
“As soon as Sawyer will allow it. Fortunately, that thing in her head is growing slowly, but there’s no doubt it will be fatal if she doesn’t do something.”
“You want me to talk to her?”
Adam nodded, his eyes glazing with tears. “I love her, Maggie. But she’s so filled with resentments and hates, she wants to punish the world. It’s almost as if she wants to die to get even with everyone who’s ever hurt her. Does that make sense?”
“No,” Maggie told him sadly. “But these things never do. C’mon, walk me back to the loft. Then you can go for your jog. I think I should see Sawyer alone.”
Lugging the carry-on bag over her shoulder, Maggit climbed the stairs and let herself into the apartment. It was a beautiful loft. A loving place. She could feel it.
She walked around slowly until she found the dining area. Sawyer was at the table having coffee, dressed in a lavender sweat shirt and jeans. It was impossible to believe she wasn’t in the best of health. Her golden hair was shining, her skin clear and luminescent in the sunlight streaming through the windows. She registered no surprise when she looked up and saw her mother.
“Slumming?”
“Hardly. This is a beautiful home you’ve made here with Adam.”
“Why are you here? What do you want? Whatever it is, I’m all tapped out.”
“Sawyer, I want to talk, about us.”
“You’re a little late, Mother.” Sawyer was trembling so inside, she had to use both hands to hold her coffee cup.
“You aren’t going to help me, are you?”
“You’re right about that. I told you, it’s too late.”
“It’s never too late. Look, Sawyer, I won’t beg you. All I can do is ask that you try to understand. I’m sorry—”
“Sorry!” Sawyer laughed, a bitter sound that sent chills down Maggie’s back. “Who’s that supposed to make feel better? Me? You? Go get absolution somewhere else.”
“Look, Sawyer, I can’t undo what’s past, but I want to try to . . . to at least have an understanding with you. The past is gone; the future isn’t here yet—all we have is the present. Why can’t we work on that?”
“For some reason that doesn’t make me feel better. I’m going to die. I won’t be in your life anymore. That shouldn’t bother you. It never bothered you before. I hate you,” Sawyer cried vehemently. “Don’t you understand that?
“And you know something else? I’d have worked my butt off to get Cole away from you. You won that round, too. You always win, Maggie. You’re a bitch—a living, breathing bitch. If someone has to die, it should be you.”
Maggie flinched at the hatred in Sawyer’s eyes and the venom dripping from her tongue. But she didn’t turn away. “I thought the same thing,” she said quietly. “That I should be the one to go. I did make life miserable for everyone. If you’d let me try to explain... maybe you could . . .”
“Forgive you? Never. I don’t know a lot about motherhood, but I know this: either you’re a mother or you aren’t. You never even bothered to pretend.”
“Everything you’ve said is true. Maybe I am a bitch. But as long as you want to fight in the gutter, let’s tell it like it is, okay? I did hate you, but it was a crazy kind of hate all mixed up with love I didn’t understand. For God’s sake, I was only a child myself. What did I know about babies? You got it all. You got to live at Sunbridge; I was sent away. You had everything that should have been mine. You had Mam. You helped bring Pap’s dream to life. I couldn’t share any of that. You were loved, doted on. I was the outcast. Everything that should have been mine was given to you.”
Sawyer’s voice was filled with ice. “No good, Maggie. It’s all bullshit. The only thing I ever wanted was you. You couldn’t be bothered. What was your excuse when you were finally on your own?”
Maggie spread her hands. “It was too late. Mam filled my shoes. I had to live with that. There wasn’t a day that I didn’t think of you. Most of them I spent hating you; I admit that. I fed off that hatred for a long time, just the way you’re doing now. I understand. Maybe, in some small way, I can help.”
“I don’t want your help. I don’t want anything from you except to be left alone. You have it all now. Grand, Sunbridge, Rand, Cole. Even Riley thinks you’re the best thing since peanut butter. They just don’t know you. You said I was a thief, that I stole your life from you. What about you? You just walked in and took over. Man-eater Maggie. Get out of here and don’t ever come back.”
Maggie stood her ground. “If you’re referring to Rand, let’s get one thing straight right now. I didn’t snatch him from you. If you want to be crude about it, he dumped you. And he had his own reasons for doing it, Sawyer—Rand and I were nothing more than friends at the time. Later on ... yes. I did go to bed with him. Several times, as a matter of fact. The first time was out of anger, anger with you. I had your man, the one who dumped you. At the time I thought you had your whole life ahead of you, that one rejection wasn’t going to kill you. I was still hating, you see, even then. But he made me take a good long look at my feelings. And when I did, I saw that I cared for him. But I didn’t want the wrath of God coming down on me, so I sent him away. And that’s the truth.
“You say you want honesty. You want truth, right? Okay. Well, now I’m going to give you some more. Mam said if Rand made me happy, I should go after him. She told me I deserved to be happy. I couldn’t believe it at first. I love that man, Sawyer, but I sent him away because of you. Everything is always because of you. I’d cut off my right arm to keep you alive if I could. Rand loves me; honest-to-God loves me. But I was willing to give him up. Hell, I did give him up. I wrote to him afterward, but he hasn’t answered. That should make you happy. He doesn’t want me either now. I did not steal him from you.”
“I loved him, too,” Sawyer said through clenched teeth.
“Sometimes that isn’t enough. Rand loved you, but in a different way. I tried to be jealous of that, but I understood. The commitment two people make has to be strong, unshakeable. I never had it—and I flubbed up just when it was within my grasp.” She smiled bitterly. “I always fail. Surely you’ve noticed that. Whatever I touch seems to wither and die. I couldn’t be a mother to you because I knew I’d fail you. And that’s the best, most honest explanation I can give you. Now that my guts are hanging out to dry, I have something I want to leave with you.” Maggie tossed her carry-on bag across the floor to Sawyer.
“Whatever it is, I don’t want it,” Sawyer said flatly. “I don’t want your garbage invading the place I live.”
Maggie’s eyes brimmed. “I can’t say as I blame you. But don’t be too quick to discard what’s in that bag. It’s my life. Up until last evening. You can make today’s entry, any way you want. I have a plane to catch. If there’s anything you need or want, call me.”
“I’d die before I called you.” The realization of what she’d just said made Sawyer bite down on her lip. She tasted her own blood. She could barely see Maggie through her tears, but she heard her voice before the door closed behind her.
“A twenty percent chance is better than no chance at all. You’re a quitter. I used to be like that. You don’t like me, don’t want to be like me, yet you’re doing just what I used to do—give up, don’t fight. Blame everything on someone else. I said it before, and I’ll say it again: You have no guts. You say you care about Cole; you say you care about Mam, but it’s a lie. If you did care, you’d fight.
“Twenty percent. Some people don’t even get that. I can’t believe you’d use your own life to get back at me. That’s sick. You’re trying to make us all guilty. Well, it won’t work with me. If you need my help, you know where I am. Call me.”
Sawyer screamed, “Didn’t you hear me? I said I’d rather die than call you!”
“Then you probably will,” Maggie said evenly.
“You bitch!” Sawyer screamed again. “You can’t fix this. You can’t go back and make it right!”
&nb
sp; “It’s taken me all my life to realize that. I’m glad you finally do. Good-bye, Sawyer.”
“Go to hell!” Sawyer yelled. “Go to hell, goddamn you!”
“I’m already there,” Maggie whispered to herself as she made her way down the narrow steps.
Sawyer paced the apartment, wishing Adam were there. Marble followed her, her tail swishing furiously as she tried to rub against Sawyer’s leg.
The nerve, the gall, the unmitigated gall of Maggie. How dare she come here and . . . and... Why had she come? To offer help, to pity her. To tell her Rand didn’t want her, either. Was that supposed to make them friends?
No guts. It was true; she had no guts. A fifteen to twenty percent chance for success. Why bother? An accident on the operating table wasn’t her idea of the best way to end her life. Even worse, what if she lived through the operation but came out a vegetable? It could happen. Still, if the operation was a success, she might live to see Cole grow to manhood. Riley, too. Maybe someday she could fall in love again. She might even get the chance to dance on old Maggie’s grave.
“Get away from me, cat. I’m trying to think, and I have enough trouble without you crawling up my—” Sawyer broke off as she saw the bag. She bent down to pick it up, surprised at the weight. She unzipped the nylon bag and looked inside. Diaries. Old Maggie was really pulling out all the stops now. Well, wasn’t she going to be surprised when she found out they’d been burned.
Breathing heavily, Sawyer hefted the bag and carried it to the fireplace. She was shaking the little books from the bag when Adam walked in.
“What are you doing?” he asked curiously.
“Burning Maggie’s life. She must be out of her mind to think I’d want to read about her trashy life! Where are the matches?”
“We ran out,” Adam lied. “Don’t do it, Sawyer. If you don’t want to read them, okay, but don’t destroy them. I’ll pack them up and mail them back.”
Sawyer’s foot kicked out, scattering the different-colored journals. She was pleased to see a fine dark ash settle all over them. “Go ahead. I have to leave now. I have an appointment with Nick.”
Texas Heat Page 42
