He was a criminal, plain and simple. He did bad things to people, he hurt them, he used them, he was dangerous, even if not to her.
“Why do you do this?” she asked suddenly. “I give you all the information, I’m no use to you anymore. I must be…how do you say? A weakness?”
“A liability,” Liam corrected.
“Yes. A liability. Why keep me when I am only liability?”
Liam’s eyes grew dark, and he cleared his throat, looking almost uncomfortable. Katya watched him warily, wondering what he was thinking, feeling. She firmly believed he felt and thought much more than most people realized.
“I left you that night,” he said finally. “The first time I found you when they had you taped to the chair? I left you.”
She remembered it well.
“In my line of work, I do things that aren’t good, things that hurt people, but until that night, I’d never felt guilt for any of it. After I left that room, after I left that house, I realized leaving you was the worst thing I’d ever done.”
She stared at him, almost disbelieving. “You kill men, no?”
He gave her a look that said he wasn’t going to answer that question, but that same look gave her all the answer she needed.
“How could leaving me feel worse than killing?”
He scratched his head, a wry smile sliding across his lips. “The people I deal with in my job, they chose to be there. They knew the rules, they knew the risks, they’re willing participants. And while I feel sorry for their families, that’s between them and the people they love. You didn’t choose this. You didn’t choose to be kidnapped. You didn’t choose to be used or beaten. You didn’t choose this life.”
She felt those damn tears burning behind her eyes again, and this time, she wasn’t sure if she could keep them away by sheer will.
“Many years ago, my brother was forced to do something he didn’t choose. It changed him and it changed me forever. I understand what it means to have your choices taken from you. And after I left you there that night, I realized this was a chance. A chance for me to give someone back their choice. I want to give you back your choice. I want to help you in whatever you decide to do from here.”
And that was when the dam broke.
Katya gave one gut-wrenching sob before she pulled it all back inside, tight in a knot in her center where she held on to it with everything she had, because she feared if she let it go, she would never be able to pull the pieces together again.
She put a hand over her eyes, trying to cover her shame. Then she felt Liam’s skin on hers, warm and rough. He gently pried her hand from her face and looked at her as tears rolled down her cheeks.
“Don’t be ashamed,” he told her fiercely. “Don’t be ashamed to let me see what it feels like. I’ve known a lot of men in my life—men who do horrific things, men who are big and tough and scare others—but I have never known anyone as strong as you. If you need to cry, you cry. If you need to yell, you yell. And if you need me, I will be here to make sure you always have a choice.”
As Katya gave in to it, she fell into his arms, sobbing. He held her gently and stroked her hair, and for the first time since she’d been shoved in the back of that van, she felt hope.
The Russians were demanding a meeting with Xavier, and Lila felt like she’d swallowed a lead balloon.
I need to see you right away, she texted Cian as she opened the door to her row house and stepped inside, shutting it firmly in the face of the guard that Cian kept on her at all times.
It was nearly ten minutes before Cian texted her back.
What’s wrong?
Need to talk in person.
Meet me at Starbucks in one hour, came his reply.
She paced up and down the length of her small living room, glancing every few moments at the message she’d received from the Russians nearly ninety minutes ago. It demanded a meeting, very soon, it had stipulated.
Since the day she’d fed the Russians information about Cian being alone at his boxing gym, Sergei hadn’t asked for anything. The way Lila figured it, the Russians had been distracted by setting up their brothel, so they hadn’t been thinking much about Xavier.
But now that an all-out war between the Bratva and the MacFarlanes was gearing up, they’d circled back around, wanting Xavier to give them whatever information he could, suspecting he might be double-dealing with the MacFarlanes and probably preparing to eliminate him because of it.
Lila also knew as soon as the Russians realized someone had beaten them to it and Xavier was already dead, they would come after Rogue, and they would come after it hard. She could leave, disappear, dump Rogue, let it all play on without her. Her mother was recovering from the surgery; her treatment was over. If Lila had to, she could go now. But something strange had happened in the weeks she’d been managing the dark website. It had started to feel like hers. And right now, at this point in her life, there was virtually nothing else that did.
Lila’s father was most likely dead, and while the cancer treatment had gone well, Lila knew deep down that her mother might not be in this world much longer. Cian seemed to be temporary as well, since he showed no signs of asking for something longer term. Rogue was the only thing she had that was truly hers, that she could control, that she had a say over. The idea of walking away and letting the Russians destroy it didn’t sit well.
An hour later, Lila slid into a chair across the table from Cian at their Starbucks. He was in his standard business-casual attire—a moss-green short-sleeved button-down shirt that molded to the planes of his chest, untucked, with flat-fronted dark slacks. His hair was messy, his eyes tired, and more than anything, she wanted to reach out and just hold him until that tortured look had left him for good.
He reached across the table and held her hand in his. She stifled the ache that swelled in her heart. Every time he touched her, every time he spoke to her in the dark, every time his body covered hers, she knew she gave another piece of herself to him, pieces she could never get back.
“What’s happened?” he asked, concern etching his words.
“The Russians want a meeting with Xavier.” She glanced around to make sure no one could hear their conversation.
“I wish I could say I’m surprised, but I figured this was coming. We’re in a war now, and they’re going to insist on using every advantage they have. They’re going to want to meet face-to-face with Xavier in order to impress upon him what will happen if he doesn’t give them what they want.”
Lila’s heart beat a little quicker at that.
“All you can do is quit communicating with them. We haven’t gotten much useful out of them in days anyway.”
“If I cut them off, they’ll come after Rogue.” She wondered how Cian could be so cavalier about the potential for damage here.
“Don’t worry. Even if they come after it, they don’t know about you. They’ll be looking for Xavier. Once they’ve figured out he’s vanished, it won’t matter.”
“They’ll destroy Rogue, though,” she repeated. “If they can’t find Xavier, they’ll start hunting for it and they won’t stop until they tear it down. And if they can’t do it themselves they’ll give the feds information they find, especially since they know the MacFarlanes are doing business there.”
Cian looked at her grimly. “And as much as I hate to lose the family the income, it might be time to shut Rogue down anyway.”
Something in Lila rebelled at that. It was hers. Xavier might have started it and she may have acquired it by some pretty dark dealings, but Rogue was hers.
“No.” Her words sliced through the air between them.
Cian’s eyes widened. He didn’t get told no often, and he’d never been told no by her.
“Look, I understand you’ve worked hard there, but this has been coming. You’ve known you need to leave. You can get out of town and let us handle whatever happens to Rogue.”
“There has to be another way. Rogue is doing better than e
ver. It’s earning you money, it’s earning a lot of people money, and I’m not ready to shut it down.”
Cian leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. The look on his face said he wasn’t going to budge. But Lila’s mind started spinning out the possibilities.
“Never in any of the communications I’ve seen between Xavier and the Russians did it say they had met him in person,” she pressed. “I don’t think they’ve ever seen him, I don’t think they’ve ever spoken to him on the phone.”
“But you don’t know that.”
“Not for certain, but pretty damn close.”
He shook his head, his mouth in a grim line, jaw tensed. “I don’t like where you’re going with this.”
“It’s perfectly believable that I would have an alias I operated under, that I would choose to be a man online. Especially when dealing with people like the Bratva.”
“Uh-uh. No. Way.” He sat forward, arms on the table. His voice was low so no one would overhear, but his tone brooked no argument.
“You will not meet with the Russians, Lila.”
She felt heat climb into her cheeks as anger bubbled up in her chest. “Why not?” she snapped back.
“You have no idea what they’re like,” he answered sharply. “They do not take kindly to being duped. They do not take kindly to being denied. You may think you have an idea of what they’re capable of, but you don’t.”
“I can do this.” A thread of steel ran through her words. “I can meet with them, I can feed them information that we decide on, and I can keep Rogue in business.”
“Over my dead body.”
“No,” she snapped back, “You’ll shut down Rogue over mine.”
Chapter 11
Cian stared at Lila in shock. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. This was Lila—smart, savvy, sweet Lila. Lila was brilliant, but Lila lived behind a screen. She might crawl all over the dark web, but she didn’t do anything like that in real life.
Hell, as long as Cian had known Lila, she’d been so very normal in how she lived. He’d had to force her to learn how to defend herself and shoot a gun, and he still wasn’t sure if she carried it like he’d told her to. Now suddenly, she wanted to meet with a Russian mob boss? Had she lost her mind?
“Have you lost your mind?”
“No more than the rest of you,” Lila replied, eyes flashing. “You and your family got me into this. That doesn’t mean that you get to decide how I get out.”
He sat back in his seat, more than a little shocked by both her tone and her words. While Cian knew he and his family bore some of the responsibility for the predicament Lila found herself in, he’d also done everything in his power to protect her and keep her out of the line of fire. She’d never blamed him, never accused him, never seemed to harbor any ill will toward him. But now, here it was.
“I had no idea you felt that way.”
The spark in her eyes didn’t dim, but the grim line of her mouth softened somewhat. “I know you didn’t get me into this life. But since I met you, things seem to get more and more complicated every day. And now that they have, now that Rogue’s mine, I’m the one who gets to decide when I give it up.”
Cian wasn’t used to being disobeyed by anyone but his brothers. The FBI might manipulate him, the Russians might threaten him, the Mexicans might get in his way, but in his own house, in the MacFarlane organization, no one disobeyed Cian. Well, no one except Liam, Finn, and Connor.
But now this tiny slip of a woman was daring to, and what the hell was he supposed to do with that?
“Lila,” he said softly. “You know I only want to keep you safe.”
She continued to stare at him, and for the first time, he started to understand why she was so good at what she did. There was a tenacity there in her eyes, a stubborn patience that said she could outlast anyone or anything.
“I can’t send one of my men with you if you were to meet with the Russians. There’s no way for us to protect you. I don’t think you realize… I couldn’t bear it if something happened to you.”
That mask of defiance finally slid away from her face. Her gaze gentled, and she swayed toward him even though he was across the table.
“I know you can stop me from doing this, but I also know you respect me. I’ve proven my loyalty, and even without the personal stuff between us, I think you know I would never do anything to hurt you.”
“It’s not me I’m worried about getting hurt here,” he pleaded.
“But isn’t my safety my choice?”
“When I took care of things for you that day,” he said with an edge to his voice, “you became one of my responsibilities. You are part of my organization, and that means you answer to me. You do what I say, when I say. You are no longer a free agent. You are a member of the Dublin Devils.”
She blinked at him, and he saw the tiniest of tremors in her bottom lip. He got a knot in his core and wanted to take it all back immediately. “Lila—”
“No, it’s fine. I understand. I’ll start working to shut things down at Rogue. And I’d like that plane ticket you promised. Please let me know as soon as you’ve made the arrangements.”
Before he could say another word, she stood and was moving toward the door. He sighed in frustration, running a hand through his hair, as he watched her walk away.
“So that went well,” Danny said as he approached Cian’s table, glancing at Lila over his shoulder.
Cian glared at his guard, who smiled back cheekily.
“Where to now, boss?”
Hell, thought Cian. Straight to hell.
Liam hovered over Katya as she packed her meager belongings, and Cian watched with a mixture of horror and fascination, his brow furrowed in concern. He’d never seen his brother like this. Yes, Liam had an active social life. Lots of women. He was a party on beefy legs, always up for a night out, a drink, and a quick trip to the nearest flat surface. But Liam didn’t hover—especially not over a woman.
“Hey.” He motioned for Liam to come outside with him.
“I’ll be right outside,” Liam told the willowy blonde. She smiled at him sweetly and nodded. Cian’s head began to throb. This was the last thing he needed right now.
As the door to the small house closed behind them, Cian walked to the porch railing and leaned back against it.
“You’re sleeping with her? Really? I mean I guess I should have predicted that one, given what she looks like, but I have to admit, you fooled me. I really thought you felt guilty for leaving her there and wanted more information on their operation.”
Liam crossed his arms in front of his chest, his forehead wrinkling beneath the baseball cap he wore backward.
“I’m not sleeping with her. I did feel guilty for leaving her, and I did hope she had more information about what Sergei was doing.”
Cian nodded, crossing his own arms and creating a tension so thick between them, it could probably be felt a block away. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Danny move away down the sidewalk to give them some privacy. He tried to keep any dustups between him and his brothers private, but he was so frustrated right now, he couldn’t stop himself.
“So all the doe-eyed looks in there don’t mean you have a thing for her? Dammit. We don’t have time for shit like this right now, Liam.”
Liam scowled at the wooden floor of the porch for a moment. “I seem to remember you having plenty of time for Connor and his woman when they wanted to leave town together—leave the family, leave the business, leave you with their mess to clean up. I tried to get us some valuable information and now I’m staying low for a few weeks. I’m not seeing why I’m the one getting his ass chewed.”
“So you do admit you’re involved with her?”
“No, I’m not—not that way. She was dealt a crappy hand, man. She was kidnapped and forced to—” He swallowed and his voice broke, and Cian knew then, even if Liam didn’t yet, that it was over. He hadn’t thought he’d ever see the day his stubbornly loyal young
er brother would turn that loyalty toward someone other than a MacFarlane. But as he watched Liam struggle with the onslaught of emotions Katya’s predicament brought, he realized he might lose his biggest protector in a way he’d never dreamed.
Liam looked up at him. “I don’t know everything they did to her in there.” His voice was hushed now. “But you have to realize it was a nightmare. She was covered in bruises, and I could see the panic in her eyes every time I got within arm’s reach of her. It’s only the last couple of days she’s started to trust I’m not going to hurt her. I can feel her relaxing.”
Cian nodded, amazed his brother had noticed these things about Katya.
“And she’s still sick worrying over her friend,” Liam added, looking away for a moment.
“We can’t save the friend,” Cian warned, though it rubbed him wrong to say it.
“I know that.” Liam’s mouth grew tight with frustration. “Stop acting like I’m Connor. I’m not going to run off on some tangent and do something stupid.”
“You grabbed Katya from the Russians,” Cian reminded him. “That wasn’t the height of rational thought.”
Liam flipped him off, and Cian couldn’t help but grin.
“Speaking of women, I’m having a little trouble with Lila.”
He probably deserved Liam’s smirk, but it still made Cian want to smack it off his brother’s face.
“So you’ve come to me for some advice? It makes sense. I do fancy myself something of an expert.”
“You seem to forget who taught you all those tricks in the first place.”
Liam chuckled. “Yeah, I suppose that’s true.”
Cian ran a hand through his hair and narrowed his eyes for a moment. “The Russians are insisting on meeting with Xavier. I told Lila it’s time to close up shop and for her to leave town.”
Brush of Despair (Dublin Devils Book 2) Page 11
