by Dara Nelson
He came by every night for the next few weeks, in more ways than one. Where this stranger watching me used to permeate my dreams every few months or so when I was growing up - he was now in them every night. Strange, intriguing, erotic dreams that always woke me with my heart pounding, my chest heaving, and me always wanting more. He also came by the house every night, walking with me when it was nice, sitting with me when it was raining. We’d talk, watch basketball games, walk. He started to tell me more about himself - he used to be a police officer. He was married once, but his eyes had so much sadness in them when he told me this that I didn’t pry, I knew he would tell me when he was ready. On the night of the basketball finals, I had just won my bet and I was teasing him about this, when I suddenly stopped. For some reason I suddenly had to make sure that he knew. I hated to talk about it, but I knew I had to get this over with so I could move on, even though I was fairly certain he already knew.
“What?” he said, “What’s wrong?”
“Don’t you know?” I asked, not really expecting an answer and not really wanting one either, because, even if he already knew, I still had to tell him. He seemed to sense this as he just held my hand and waited. “I’m pretty sure you already know, but I have to tell you anyways,” I said as I already felt the tears welling up. “May 5, 2005,” I began. I was trying to watch his eyes, to see his reaction, to see if he already knew, but suddenly there were too many tears to see anything. It had been almost four years, but the pain when I talked about it was still as if it had happened yesterday. He gently wiped a tearoff my check as I tried to go on. “May 5, 2005 is the day my heart died. The day my husband and son were on their way to their favorite fishing spot and they were taken from me. That stupid logging truck just had to blow a tire, it just had to lose control and cross the center line just before they passed. It…”I sobbed, I couldn’t go on.
He pulled me to him and I cried into his chest. I managed to stop long enough to look up at him and say, “I had to tell you because I needed to thank you.” I was gulping for air. “Thank you so much for helping my heart begin to heal.” That was it. I couldn’t say anymore. The sobs took over. Emotionally exhausted, I rested my head in his lap. He never said a word;he just bent over, wrapped his arms around me and rested his cheek on my head. He patiently waited until I cried myself out. Then, with me half-asleep, I felt him lift me up and carry me to my bedroom. As he laid me down, I grabbed his wrist and mumbled, “Please don’t go.” He hesitated for only a second then lay down next to me, wrapping me in his arms, where I fell quickly into a peaceful sleep.
When I woke for work the next morning, I was immediately disappointed that he was gone, then thrilled when I found the note on the pillow. In the most beautiful script he had written “You are healing my heart too, Sarah Jensen. And I thank you for that.”
I knew at that moment that I was in love with him. I still wasn’t exactly sure where this was going, but I was so grateful to him for making me feel alive again that it didn’t really matter to me.
When I saw him that night, at first all I could do was just hug him. I didn’t even let him in the door. He seemed to know I wasn’t going to let go, so he quietly said, “Ummm, we’re letting all the cold into the house. Can we at least close the door?” I stepped back and smiled at him, then remembered what I had been doing before he came so I grabbed his hand and pulled him to the couch. He looked at the map and the hiking guide spread out on the coffee table. “What’s all this?” he said.
“Well tomorrow is Saturday, the weather’s supposed to be decent and I was hoping I could collect on that bet,” I smiled.
“Really? Yes, I’m free tomorrow, but do I get to know what I’m doing?” he said.
“I kind of wanted it to be a surprise, but you need to dress right so I guess I have to tell you… we’re going hiking,” I replied.
“Sounds nice,” he said. “What time do you want me here?”
“Early, if that’s okay. Around eight? Is hiking okay? Do you like to hike?”
He smiled at me. “Relax, Sarah. Eight is fine, hiking is fine and yes, I do hike.”
We spent the rest of the evening planning our day. And my heart melted when he took my free hand in his as I was pointing out our route on the map to him. He hugged me and kissed me on the cheek when he left. As he left, I watched him and thought how wonderful it was going to be spending the entire day with him because I really hated it when he left.
He was on my porch at five minutes to eight for our Saturday hike at my favorite place - Mt Rainier National Park. It was our first hike together, our first full day together, and it was the first time I almost passed out… because he kissed me.
It was cold and the trail still had a little snow on it, but the sun was out. There wouldn’t be any rain today. He was wearing a ski cap, a skin-tight long-sleeved shirt (that I couldn’t help but notice accented every beautiful ripple on his chest and stomach) jeans and hiking boots - a very nice change from the ever-present black that he usually wore. The trail weaved up and around a rocky outcropping. I had to stop several times to catch my breath, but he never seemed get winded. As we walked, I decided to ask him a few questions.
“So, I know you said you were a cop for a while, and you mentioned once that you had also been in the army, what do you do now?” I said, trying really hard not to sound out of breath.
“I was wondering when you were going to ask me that,” he said, smiling at me. “I’m semi-retired. I own a private detective agency, but I’m not involved in the day-to-day work. I seek out new clients when the firm needs them.”
“Really?” I said. “That sounds exciting and interesting.”
“Occasionally,” he said, “the case work is pretty boring and too time-consuming, but I enjoy the sales part of the work usually.”
“Oh wow,” I said as we came around the corner. We stopped then for a bit and he patiently waited while I took pictures of the breathtaking view of Mt.Rainier that had appeared as we rounded the bend. I thought I was a good hiker, but he was definitely making me look bad. He never took a drink of water, never seemed to need a rest, he was never out of breath. I was an avid hiker, but he was in amazing shape and I was definitely impressed.
Just as I put my camera away and turned to head down the last part of the trail that would lead us back to the car, he caught my arm, turned me around, lifted my chin, and floored me by saying, “Thank you for making me so happy, Sarah,” just beforehe kissed me, his soft cold lips pressing hard onto mine. Thankfully he wrapped his arms around me because I felt like I was going to collapse… I was dizzy… and devastatingly happy.
“Ummm, you’re welcome?” I finally managed to say, after taking at least a full minute to recover. Then I smiled, “No, scratch that. How about thank you for making me so happy too.” He smiled, kissed me once more thentook my hand in his (again…so cold. My mind wrestled with the answer to this, the obvious one was staring me in the face but this couldn’t possibly be it, could it? This isn’t a movie where my costar is pale white and never ages. It’s not make-believe. Things like that aren’t real, are they? I pushed the thought back. I was too happy right now. I really never wanted this to end). Besides, it didn’t feel that cold in my hand. In my hand it just felt right. We headed down the trail to the car.
He told me he had an appointment when we got back to my place, but promised to returnthat evening. The rain came back in the early evening, a real downpour, and I grew a little concerned when he wasn’t there at seven, even more so when eight came and went. I was just thinking about giving up on him and going to bed at nine when there was a knock at the door. I smiled as I walked to open it but my smile fell when I noticed the strained and concerned look on his face. I let him in and saw that he was soaking wet. I helped him out of his coat and he slowly took off his boots as I went to the bathroom to get him a towel. What he told me next would change my life.
Chapter Two
He was on the couch when I returned. And he was j
ust staring down at his hands. I hesitantly walked over to him and placed the towel over his head. When he didn’t move to do it himself, I began rubbing the towel around his head, drying his hair for him, my mind again thinking, “I definitely could get used to this.” It felt to me like he was wrestling with something in his head. I knew I was right when he started shaking his head but I wasn’t expecting what happened next. He grabbed my wrists, gently stopping what I was doing, started to stand and said, “NO, I can’t do this. I have to go.”
I didn’t hesitate more than a heartbeat. He wasn’t leaving this time, not if I had any say about it. I stood in front of him, blocking his path. “No,” I said, “you cando this, and you are not leaving, Matthew.”
He sank back on to the couch and whispered, “You have no idea what you’re doing, what you’re getting yourself into, what I’m getting you into.”
I stared at him for a moment, wondering if I should really tell this man that I had only met a little over a month ago, that I didn’t care what I was getting into as long as it meant that he wouldn’t leave, ever.
I decided to throw caution to the wind. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t care what I’m getting into as long as I’m getting into it with you, Matthew. I’ve been a dead, empty shell for too long. You’ve helped me come alive these past few months. Now, let me help you. Please, I want to know, I need to know what you’re struggling with. I want you to stay, please tell me, please don’t go,” I managed to say before my pounding heart kept me from saying more.
He looked into my eyes and his face softened. He took a deep breath and said, “I just can’t keep this from you anymore.” He seemed to grow stronger when he said this. He sat up straighter and looked me in the eyes. “This will be a lot for you to hear right now but please trust me when I say that, once I tell you, we won’t have much time.”
I took a deep breath, nodded my head and waited for him to continue.
“There are things that will be set in motion, soon, with me telling you what I’m about to tell you and, depending on your response, it could get dangerous for you, for me, for both of us. I’ll have to act quickly to keep you safe… that is my first priority… my second is finding a way for us to be together, forever.”
He allowed this to sink in for a moment. I stood there stunned, trying to remember to breathe. I looked into his amazingly deep, incredibly beautiful eyes. I was vaguely aware of his cold hands resting on mine. I glanced down at them and looked at his beautiful pale white, opaque, almost translucent light blue, skin. I turned one hand over, studying it, so smooth, not a single flaw, yet so gentle… and so cold. I looked back up at his face and brushed my finger down his cheek to his jaw line, it was just as cold and smooth as his hand. I cupped my hand over his cheek. As I did this he closed his eyes and smiled, looking like he had been waiting forever for me to do that. I finally stammered out, “I - I don’t understand, but please, tell me more.”
He smiled so softly. “I know,” he said. Suddenly he stood and for an instant I was afraid he was going to try to leave again, but instead he turned and guided me to sit on the sofa. He gently placed my afghan over me, as though he knew I was suddenly cold and shivering. He went to the fireplace and quickly started a fire then he came back and sat on the couch, facing me, with one arm draped along the back and his other hand gently reaching over to hold mine.
“Okay, Sarah,” he said, “there isn’t an easy way of telling you this, so I’m just going to say it all. I won’t hold anything back. You can ask as many questions as you need to and I’ll answer as many as I can, but I will tell you that this is going to be very hard for you to hear. Are you ready?”
I swallowed hard, took a deep breath, tried to say yes, but only managed to nod.
“There are things that exist in this world that most people don’t know about or don’t believe in,” he said.
“You’re talking about ghosts… and vampires, right?” I whispered, because my subconscious already knew what he was talking about. It’s just that I kept trying to ignore all the clues that were right in front of me.
He stared at me for a moment, then smiled and nodded his head. “Yes, like ghosts and vampires,” he said.
“And you’re the second one on that list,” I said.
Again he smiled, “Yes, I am.”
“And you drink blood?” I asked.
“I’ll get to that in a minute,” he smiled as he said. “First my history, then my diet.”
“Okay,” I quietly said.
His hands trembled slightly as they held mine and he continued, “I’m breaking all the rules here and that scares me to death,” he smiled at his irony. “We really aren’t allowed to do this, but because of you, rules don’t matter to me anymore… you are the only thing that matters.”
My heart was slamming in my chest - this really can’t be real. My head screamed at me that I should be terrified. I mean he did just tell me that he was a vampire. Shouldn’t that scare the crap out of me? Either because it was true or perhaps he was completely insane? But, for some reason, I felt strangely calm, relieved actually. Maybe because he was finally telling me what I had seen him struggling with for a while now.
He went on, “My kind have been around for many, many centuries. But we’re very different than how we’re portrayed in books and movies. Our population is small, there are very few of us. We were created and we exist to keep good people safe, to keep evil from taking over. We seek out evil. When we find it, we destroy it.” I gulped when he said this, I was fairly certain I knew what he meant. “Our numbers are controlled and kept low for one reason - so that humans don’t know we exist. The Elders control us. They are very old, they are very strong and they keep us from knowing too much about ourselves and how we’re created. They watch and look for those who are strong and good, and they change them in a secret process at their hidden location. After a new vampire is created - he or she must stay at their Fortress, where they are taught the reason they were created, taught our rules for existence and taught to control themselves. If a vampire breaks any of the rules or reveals any secrets, The Elders elite guards, the Enforcers, are sent to bring them back to face punishment.” His eyes flicked to the door when he said this.
I looked at the door too, puzzled, then gasped and said, “And you’re breaking rules by telling me this and the Enforcers are coming for you?”
“They will be,” he nodded.
“For me?” I whispered.
“No,” he said, “for me, but you could be… hurt… if you are with me.”
“But how will they know you’ve told me?” I asked.
“They won’t, exactly,” he said. “Vampires can link minds to communicate. One of the Elders’ rules is to keep our minds open to them at all times. Whenever they want, they’re supposed to be able to know what I’m doing. But I’ve closed my mind to them. They can’t see me anymore. Whenever a vampire does that, they send out the Enforcers to find out why.”
He suddenly had a look of pain on his face that made me reach for him; I took his chin in my hand and asked, “What is it, what’s wrong?”
“I’m so angry at myself for being so weak,” he said. “I’m putting you in so much danger here. I never should have spoken to you, I should have stayed away.”
“No, Matthew, you’re wrong,” I said. “I’m so glad you’re here, in my life,” I smiled. “Please tell me more.”
He smiled, shook his head, muttered something about “no resistance” under his breath and then continued. “I don’t know why the link changed for me, why I was able to be near you, to come to you… to fall in love with you,” he said softly.
“The link?” I asked, still digesting the rest of what he had said. Did he really just say he was in love with me? Could my heart possibly beat any faster?
He smiled and went on. “Your love, your compassion, is so much that it overflows out of you and into me. It wraps around me and makes me see possibilities, makes me see hope, makes me feel whole. I be
lieve this and the great sadness you’ve suffered somehow changed the link in a way that no one has ever seen. Many vampires link with humans. We do lead a fairly solitary, lonely existence, so it’s a natural occurrence for us. We see a human that we are inextricably pulled towards, that we have an undeniable need to protect and we link to them. But the Elders also made it so the links, when they do form, also keep us at a distance, it prevents us from getting too close. We actually feel pain if we get too close. A link has never, until now, until you, allowed a vampire to be to near the one they protect. The way it had always happened when we link is, we watch over the one we’ve joined with, keeping them safe, but we have to allow their lives to take a natural course. They live, go to school, fall in love, get married, have children, grow old, die, all the while not knowing we’re there, not knowing we exist. But we do our best to keep them safe from evil until they pass on.”
