Love with Every Beat

by K. L. Shandwick

  Lily was still trying to recover and dropped her eyes. “Well Alfie, casual sex isn’t something I’m comfortable doing, but I’ll give it some thought.”

  She was lying, she wanted something more. Dipping my knees, I bent my head to get eye contact again. When our eyes locked together my dick twitched, and I couldn’t contain the grin I had been trying to bite back when I knew she was feeling the same. “Uh huh…you too? Huh?”

  “Damn I have the biggest boner now, look.” Lily’s eyes dropped to my groin, and I couldn’t help but smirk when she did what I told her, even after she blushed. “How can you say no to me now?” Damn this wasn’t how this was supposed to go at all in my mind, and I just couldn’t seem to stop myself.

  Lily was still blushing and looked awkwardly back at me, but the defiance was still there. She smiled slowly, trying to appear unaffected, but fuck if she wasn’t. “Well Alfie, it’s not something I’m accustomed to doing, but like I said, I’ll certainly give it some thought.”

  The girl was a fucking enigma, and I couldn’t help smiling back at her. Coming back all sassy like she had this kind of offer every day. “Give me your cell.” She dug her arm elbow deep into her oversized bag, pulling out her smartphone, and handed it to me without hesitation. I punched my number in labeling myself ‘SEXPERT’. My cell rang. Good, now I have her number. I had already decided I wouldn’t call her, and she’d get pissed with me after a few days. That would put her off, because I definitely couldn’t put me off of her.

  I winked and handed her cell back to her and she snickered at me, then if she didn’t grab my phone and punch something in before handing it back to me. She had boldly labeled and saved herself as ‘Pink Lady’, and explained the crude reference to the sensitive flesh of a woman when I had furrowed my brow at her.

  Lily told me that if I was looking for a fuck buddy then she should have a name that implied it. That comment surprised the life out of me. She looked like a fucking choir girl and was acting like a seasoned pro with her comment. Hmm, maybe she was looser than I had given her credit for. My mom’s favorite saying rose up from somewhere. “Never judge a book by its cover.”

  “Well, my beautiful Lily, if my proposal is something you want to pursue with me, I just want to say one more thing. There are no guarantees in this life. I can’t say you won’t get hurt. Primal sex is a need in all of us. I can’t offer commitment, but I will respect you as a person and give you honesty and consideration. If you decide to have other partners I will respect your right to form emotional bonds. I don’t want to own you honey; you would be free to break the arrangement at any time, as would I.”

  I almost laughed at my statement, it was preposterous, but I didn’t get the opportunity to think about it before she came back with a slick putdown.

  “And likewise, I wouldn’t be able to guarantee that you wouldn’t get hurt either.”

  Ditto. And fuck if it wasn’t sending me another challenge.

  “No worries here,” I said deadpan still trying to think…what to think.

  She picked up her guitar and turned to leave. “Lily?” I was asking if she was done here.

  “I need to head out now, Alfie, I have plans for tonight. But I’ll consider your interesting offer and get back to you.”

  Her comment knocked me on my ass. I dropped down on the grass again and laid back casually, one leg bent at the knee, my head resting on one elbow. I was aiming for the, couldn’t- care- less attitude, but I was really lying there so that I didn’t follow her back. “Take your time, I know I can be forward, but I believe in shooting from the hip. I’m straight and uncomplicated.” Like hell I am.

  I watched her walk away and couldn’t help but chuckle at her ‘Pink Lady’ moniker on my phone. As I was doing that, I heard her call over her shoulder, “I’m not fazed by your offer, Alfie.”

  My reaction was instantaneous. “I hope you have the guts to call me Lily; we’d be fucking great together,” I murmured to myself, and at the same time thinking it was never going to happen.

  For about fifteen minutes my head was all over the place. I had just set myself up with a whole new complication I could hardly afford with the other stuff going on in my life. Hauling my ass to my feet, my mood was solemn as I made my way home. The only thing in my favor was that I was sure that once Lily had time to absorb everything that had gone on today, she’d be giving me a wide berth.

  A few hours later I was just finishing a long conversation with Drew, one my bandmates and closest friend, when I heard another call coming in. Pulling my phone away from my ear to see who was calling, my heart instantly raced when I saw the ID, Pink Lady. I didn’t even finish speaking with Drew, I just switched the calls.

  “Hey.” A smile formed on my lips when I answered. Lily’s breath hitched as she breathed in deeply, so I kept talking not wanting her to hang up again. She had shown courage calling me, even if it was only to tell me to stay the hell away from her. My thoughts and my mouth were all out of sorts, and I heard myself talking again.

  “Pink Lady, do you realize how happy you’ve just made me?” When she still hadn’t spoken, part of me wasn’t sure whether her phone had dialed me by accident, or she was trying to tell me no, but didn’t know how. So I thought I would push it and let her decline my offer. Hell any woman would be crazy to agree to what I was offering, especially with the way I had treated her earlier. “May I take it this as a yes? Are you free later?”

  She sounded nervous, and I could hear muffled talking in the background. “I told you I have plans tonight, and I’m still out. I want to discuss some stuff with you though. I haven’t decided on my answer, I’ll call you when I’m alone.”

  My heart skipped a beat and banged hard in my chest with the sudden adrenaline surge that took over my body, making me feel all kinds of crazy shit again. She wasn’t saying no. Lily’s voice was squeaky, but she had been aiming for authoritative. So I pushed again. “Hurry up. Go home, you’re killing me, babe,” I mock groaned.

  She didn’t reply and just hung up. Hmm, she was definitely a frigging enigma. I was surprised and, if I were honest, a little freaked out that she was actually considering my proposal. Could I actually go through with it if she agreed? Reading Lily the right way was an issue for me already. It was easy when I could predict how a woman was likely to react. Hey, maybe it was a cultural thing.

  Why couldn’t I read her like all the others? My dick, that was why. There was a power struggle going on between my two heads, and I was stuck in the middle.

  When Lily called back two hours later, I stared at my cell before answering it. It was incomprehensible to me that a stunningly beautiful girl like her was behaving like this. Why didn’t she have a guy taking care of her? Didn’t she know how vulnerable she was making herself, had already made herself, when she let me drag her away from the main area on campus this morning?

  Why focus on some reckless guy like me? Answering, I didn’t wait to see if she would speak. “Hey. Hi, gorgeous, well, I’m glad you called back.” I was glad, but I was also annoyed at myself for feeling so fucking delighted to hear from her, when she shouldn’t even have my number. All my strength to resist her disintegrated as soon as I thought about her.

  Lily softly responded with, “Hey.” Her voice sounded more vulnerable than previously, and there was an awkward silence again. So, I tried to force her hand, scare the living shit out of her, so that she would hang up and not stop me from getting on with my life.

  “Give me your address, and I’ll come over.” As soon as the words were out, I cringed. What if she said yes? Would I? Each thing I was suggesting threw up another set of questions, which I had no answer for either.

  “Whoa,” she said trying to maintain some kind of control between us. “I think we may have a few things to hash out before we get down to… Sheesh… anything.” Snickering at her embarrassment, Lily couldn’t even say the word sex, never mind put herself out there like that.

  She huffed like it was all to
o much and damn if it didn’t turn me on all over again. The girl was too adorable with her posh little English accent. There was no way she would ever allow anything to happen between us.

  So you can imagine my surprise when she began to list the terms and conditions of how it was going to work between us. I found myself agreeing to all kinds of demands from her, even though I was thinking with my dick like a teenage boy in a tit factory.

  I was desperate to get my hands on her again. So I was shitty and kept encouraging her to voice what she wanted and agreeing to anything she asked just to get with her. At the back of my mind a little voice kept telling me she was probably going to play it back to me on tape or post it on YouTube or some shit, just to get back at me. If she did, I wouldn’t have blamed her.

  Once she had dispensed with the formalities of the conversation a comment from left field almost bowled me over. “Okay, your address?” Fuck she really, really means to do this. Suddenly I had ten thumbs as I tried to text my address to her cell. My hands were shaking uncontrollably with excitement at the hint there was something genuine in her question. The shock and anticipation that she was even saying that almost rendered me unconscious with lust at the thought she was even considering coming to see me.

  Calling her bluff, I did send my address her way, waiting for her to come up with some lame excuse as to why it was not going to happen. I heard my text arrive with the pinging noise on her phone. Lily then said she was coming over.

  “You’re coming over now?” I blurted out in disbelief but my tone sounded excited.

  “Make yourself pretty. I’ll be there in thirty minutes.” Then the phone went dead.

  Fuck! I went on to convince myself this was an attempt at a cruel joke. She was trying to teach me a lesson. I guessed her game was that she was going to make me sit and wait for her, and she’d never turn up. I figured I deserved to be treated like that for putting her in that position in the first place.

  Lily was flipping me the bird with style. Two emotions crashed into one another—relief that she’d decided for us both that this was definitely done, and despair for what might have been in another life.

  Picking up my guitar I went back to my first love and began honing the lyrics of the song I had been writing earlier in the day. In one of the recesses at the back of my mind I had the ‘what if’ question playing. By the time twenty minutes had passed, I had convinced myself that she definitely wasn’t coming.

  Any sadness I might have felt was washed away by the feelings of guilt going through my mind. The way I had behaved around her was completely unacceptable. Twisted and torn feelings about not being honest with her were still swirling around inside of me. Not being free to at least explore the dynamic between us.

  Shaking my head, I headed upstairs and began to prepare for bed by taking a shower. Doing that only seemed to revitalize me so once again I returned downstairs and picked up my guitar.

  Another tune began to formulate in my head, and I became lost in my music until I saw headlights streaming through my window in the low light. Poking my head up, I saw the same little black car I had seen Lily in earlier that day. To say there was a sudden burst of fireworks going off inside my head and belly would be an understatement.

  My heartbeat had gone from an unnoticeable, behind the scenes kind of thing to a rapid thud which was increasing in intensity and volume until I could feel it beat wildly in my chest, feel it in my throat and hear in my inner ears. Lily was right there in my driveway.

  Holy shit! She actually came. My first reaction was insane—I wanted to hide, pretend I wasn’t home. Seemed like I had definitely read her wrong after all, and I was the one unsure I’d be able to do this. Stretching my head up at the window again, I cringed when she caught sight of me. I was an emotional wreck as guilt and pleasure fought in my chest for dominance.

  It wasn’t because I was scared to be with a woman, it was because I was scared of how I felt about this woman.

  Whichever one it was, Lily was right there, on the other side of my door. There was no going back now on this gig that she’d decided to attend. Suddenly my confidence was dissolving right along with my willpower. Could this actually be happening or was I dreaming? Was I in some kind of delusional state because of the exceptional feelings that were still so vivid in my mind from earlier on today?

  Heading for the door once again, I felt like I was acting in slow motion. When I reached it, I placed my hand flat on the hardwood, knowing that Lily was standing on the other side of it. I contemplated what might happen when I opened it and even if I should.

  There was no script for what was going to happen next, but the least I could do was make her feel welcome.

  As soon as I opened the door to her, my world crashed and burned around me. Any resolve I thought I might have had in reserve not to get involved with her was totaled. Inside I felt a wreck, with every beat of my heart I was one step closer to losing myself in Lily.

  Excitement.Need.Desire.Want.Ache.Possession. So many feelings coursing through my veins, targeting all the areas, bombarding my body into a state of alertness that left me bursting with lust for her. The lust finely tuned my nerve endings to such an extent that I was left kind of terrified about how I was going to stay gentle with her.

  Lily was right there on the other side of that door and the possibility of the two of us joining our bodies together felt so fucking sweet, I almost forgot to breathe. However, my conscience tried to raise some doubts. My rational side making an attempt to preserve my heart, because the possibility of getting this ‘thing’ that existed between us so wrong was almost inevitable.

  In truth, I was shit scared of what was going to happen when I opened the door because I just knew I’d never be able to keep my hands off her in private if the opportunity presented itself.

  Turning the lock on the deadbolt and then the handle, I widened the open door to see Lily standing there. If ever there was a vision too pure, yet fucking oozing with sex appeal, it was her. Understated dress code and little kitten heels, Lily could pull off any outfit, making it seem so damned hot.

  My eyes did their cursory tick from head to toe once more. Amazingly beautiful—she knew exactly how to present and carry herself. “Fantastic, you found me.” My voice sounded calm but my mind emptied of all the reasons why she shouldn’t be there and filled with fantasies—of feeling her in my arms, beneath me, straddling me—the instant she smiled at me.

  As soon as I looked in her eyes I knew there was no fucking way on this earth—even with the best will in the world—we were not going to get it on. I could see it right there in her eyes. She had come to me because she wanted to have sex with me. There was no one like her. Lily definitely wanted me, maybe even more than I wanted her.

  She was checking me out again; her eyes roaming over my body, trailing slowly down my body, and lingering on my hips. Her sexy hooded eyes were shining and a dead giveaway. She liked me. And fuck if it didn’t make me feel so damn elated about it.

  Smiling as I closed the door softly, I couldn’t help feeling so damned lucky she was with me and to hell with the consequences. Turning, I gripped both of her arms lightly then just held her still in front of me. The connection we had was so strong, like we were magnetically drawn together. It was the weirdest, but most elated feeling I’ve ever experienced.

  Still reeling from the fact she was standing before me, I remembered I hadn’t spoken yet. “Damn, Lily, you are even more beautiful than you were this morning. I can’t believe you’re here.” My smile was wide, but I couldn’t hide the lust when I heard the tone of my voice.

  She smiled shyly. “You’re not too shabby yourself.” Grinning, I didn’t need the reassurance of the compliment, the fact she was standing there was all the confirmation I needed.

  “Oh, you like what you see?” I teased playfully and was rewarded with a shy smile.

  Instinctively I wanted to kiss her but managed to stop my mouth from taking hers by a couple of inches, and inste
ad, I stroked her cute little nose with mine. Everything was happening at lightning speed, we’d only met a few hours ago. I needed to slow this down—control myself. Tilting my head to the side, my lips brushed lightly against her mouth. I wanted to savor our next kiss, the first one seemed to have ended too quickly.

  Taking a step back, I held her away from me, taking her in again. “God, I’m…” I couldn’t finish what I wanted to say—I had whispered, but I wasn’t in control of my voice. Doubt washed over me again, were we actually going to do this? Is she only doing this because it’s what she thinks I want? “You’re sure you’re okay with this?” I nodded slowly.

  “Yeah, I think so…I’m here aren’t I?” She swallowed audibly then continued, “I need to warn you, I have limited sexual experience, so I probably don’t have much in the way of technique.” A little nervous laugh escaped her throat, and my dick went into overdrive.

  Fuck. From how she said it, there was no doubt she’d never done anything like this before either. “Leave the imagination up to me. You are all that I need to work with.” Shit, the pressure was on to get it right for her now. If I had been in my right mind, I would have stepped away with those words, instead of smiling reassuringly.

  I dipped down beside her and swept her up into my arms, inhaling her deeply as when I did. The intoxicating smell of her scent and the feel of her warm soft body in my arms were too incredible for words as Lily melded into my arms. There was no resistance whatsoever. Her nose brushed my neck, and my fingers clenched just a little bit tighter securing the hold I had on her.

  “I thought you didn’t do romance,” she said, her eyebrow raised and a smirk on her lips.

  “I don’t,” I growled. “This… isn’t romance. This is lust…and the quickest way to my bed,” I said. I laughed at the irony of my situation.