Love with Every Beat

by K. L. Shandwick

  Boy, she was pissed. Pissed was good. Anger brings out true feelings about stuff that people buried and didn’t ever deal with, right? So, she wanted to let it out? The least I could do was help her to tell me how poorly I had behaved toward her.

  SEXPERT: Your head might not have wanted it, but your body most definitely wanted me. Badly. Why didn’t you call me on it? If we’d been alone, I would most definitely have taken you tonight, and you would have let me.

  Pink Lady: What do you want from me?

  Honestly? I knew that she didn’t need to ask me that, but if she wanted to hear it I’d oblige. This one I could answer with no holds barred.

  SEXPERT: I want to ride you so hard until you scream my name… but I’m a realist, we’re not F+B anymore, so we’ll be friends.

  Pink Lady: Hmm, I don’t think so.

  SEXPERT: Sure we will. See you on campus tomorrow. BTW: Will= new FB? What does he have that I don’t? I’m interested to know.

  She never replied. Something about that gave me conflicting feelings. Lily liked him. It wasn’t rocket science. They were completely comfortable in each other’s company, and I fucking envied him for having that with her. For being able to touch her when he felt like it, for making her smile in a way that was just pure sunshine. Not a smile loaded with nerves or lust or elicited through some flirty comment or innuendo like the smiles she gave me. As far as I was concerned he was definitely the one to watch.

  Chapter 17 – Storm Doors

  My thoughts about Lily kept me awake all night to the point where I gave up around four in the morning and pulled on some sweatpants, an Airtex t- shirt, some tennis shoes, and switched on my tunes, blaring them in my headphones. I selected my pump playlist and hit the quiet, dark streets to run off some of my frustration.

  Running was my way of the letting tension ease its way out of my pores, and I enjoyed the solitude of it. It gave me time to iron out some of the things going through my head, and it kept my stamina levels high for performing with the band.

  My frame of mind was much more measured after that and by the time I was driving onto campus, I had my apology to Lily for my shitty behavior embedded firmly in my mind.

  Of course the rational discussion I’d been having with myself just flew right on out the window as soon as I saw her wrapped in Douche’s sweaty paws again. It was becoming a regular sight, seeing him mauling her in the parking lot each day and when he saw me, I glared in a way that was usually reserved for my bandmates when they pissed me off to no end. Douche looked unnerved by it but froze instead of stepping away.

  “Hey,” my calm dulcet tone crooned, despite how I was feeling about seeing them together. The sky had darkened as clouds moved in quickly, the air was suddenly very clammy, and I glanced at the downpour that was imminent. “We’re going to have a storm today.” Eying Will then Lily, I could feel my brow furrow.

  I could see that she trying to read what I was thinking. “So Will what’s the deal? You and Lily got it going on?” I narrowed my eyes suspiciously and wagged my finger between them, hoping to make him feel like he was under the microscope so he’d keep his hands off of her.

  Douche, to his credit, looked uncomfortable, shifting from one leg to the other, before glancing at Lily then at me. Will’s voice wasn’t all that convincing, sounding an octave higher than usual. Will was altogether too quick to emphasize their platonic status. “Hell no, we’re the best of friends. I’m with Saffy.”

  I knew who he was with but acted as if it was news to me. I should have gotten a fucking Oscar for my megawatt smile and my casual stance, but he couldn’t kid a kidder. First opportunity that presented to make a move on Lily, he’d take it. I was damn sure of that.

  Mandy called out to Will from across the lawn. He turned and there was a silent plea for permission from him to Lily. “You want to see what she needs, Will?” she said softly flicking her chin in Mandy’s direction, giving him permission to leave us, and damn if it didn’t make me feel incensed all over again.

  All the promises to apologize and leave her alone I’d made as I bargained with myself on the way there were forgotten, as I turned up the heat again. My irrational thoughts began suppressing the rational ones that were sinking like stones with every second that passed.

  There was a twisted logic going on inside of my head. As long as she and I had this connection, and I could keep her mind on that, it would keep the douche out of her bed.

  I sprang into action, rubbed her hands together, thinking on my feet and wanting to maximize her feelings about what we can’t be together. I reasoned that even if it hurt her, I was doing it for her, because she’d regret it if anything was to happen between them. So I continued to rub my hands together as the words formulated, which I knew would strike a chord but sting.

  My intention was clear. I wanted to draw her emotions to the surface. For her to be in touch with what she had felt when we were together; the way we touched, felt, and tasted each other. Our infinite connection. Tilting my head to look at her, those stunningly innocent sky blue eyes bore straight into mine. “Do you remember me fucking you Lily?” I purposely kept my voice low and laced with seduction.

  She bristled, and her jaw almost dropped before she reined her feelings back in and became more self-aware. An awkward shrug of embarrassment was evident but she stood still holding my stare, the emotions in her eyes belying her true feelings. She didn’t want to revisit those particular events in her mind. If I had affected her like she had me, there was no doubt in my mind she was tortured by them.

  I sneered and prompted her again. “Well? What? You do… you don’t… you’re indifferent?” I hissed the words out for emphasis. I broke the stare to glance across the lawn to make sure Will wasn’t on his way back.

  She swallowed hard. The proximity of my body so close was affecting her. “Yes,” she said quietly.

  “Which part?” My eyes searched hers keeping the pressure on.

  “Of course I remember. It isn’t as if I’d done a lot of that before,” she said quietly, licking her lips and swallowing audibly.

  I couldn’t help smiling as an image of Lily sitting astride me entered my head. “I remember as well, Lily. Although, I had… done a lot… well, you know…” I offered pretending to be embarrassed about admitting there had been other girls apart from her. She looked hurt, and the look on her face took me aback. Making me toe the line.

  I knew the way I was acting toward her was despicable, and I had no right to do this to her. I had effectively told her I didn’t want her, yet I wouldn’t let her find happiness with anyone else either. Standing upright, I stuffed my hands deep into the pockets of my leather jacket and smirked again for good measure.

  Before I knew it, honest words fell from my mouth again. “You felt all those amazing feelings with me. I wasn’t there on my own,” I said, shaking my head at her.

  She blushed and bit her lip, but she was angry, her top lip curving up into a sneer. “You’re going to throw this back at me now, to try to have me again? You wanted no ties, Alfie… you’ve got them.”

  My voice was husky. “No ties, right. It doesn’t mean I don’t want those feelings… you want those feelings again, Lily, don’t you?”

  She shook her head, a tired, defeated look in her eyes. “I, one hundred percent, don’t want that with you, like that, with no feelings involved. I don’t want to be ‘mind fucked’ by you either, Alfie,” she admonished.

  “I just want to be left alone to study and have a normal life. You’re killing me with this.” Her voice was low and angry. She turned on her heels and walked in Will’s direction, leaving me standing there. I crossed my arms wanting to portray an air of arrogance, but my heart was burning and solidifying in my chest as I fought to keep myself from going after her to tell her I was sorry. That the whole scene today was a fat lie made up by me to keep her away from other men.

  Suddenly we had a torrential downpour of rain. Lily was just about halfway across the lawn but still
had about a hundred yards past that to make it into the building that Mandy and Will were disappearing into.

  The grass was becoming waterlogged, and she turned and headed toward the building behind me which was nearer. Her chin was tucked in; her head down, concentrating on her feet and trying make it safely off the lawn without skidding on the wet grass. Her feet were making large splashes with every step she took.

  By that time, I was standing just inside the massive wooden doorway watching her heading toward me. Something inside told me that if she saw me she’d change direction again so I moved just inside and slightly behind one of the doors.

  She had just cleared the first door to start to make her way inside, and I was worried she might slip on the wet tiles between the outer and inner doors of the entrance. She looked as if she was faltering when I reached out and grabbed her wet, slippery forearm and pulled her toward me and around the door.

  People were still congesting the doorway running inside, and there was a lot of jostling going on as everyone hurried to get out of the rain. Swinging her around to look at me, my body automatically sagged toward her as my center of gravity shifted. My hands landed either side of her head and my hips tilted into hers, effectively pinning her to the wall, but I swear none of that was a premeditated act on my part.

  It seemed like Mother Nature had thrown us together and planted me hard up against her. Hard in both senses; our physicality and my raging erection, which seemed to thicken with every breath I took. And damn the feel of her hot, soft, sexy little body, and the heat of her temperature radiating through the thin layer of her blouse and into my t-shirt was the most incredible feeling. It detonated explosions in all of my erogenous zones.

  Having her near was overwhelming. Her warmth. Her scent; wet garments clinging to her slender body accentuating her slender curves. I was fascinated by the small rivulets of water that formed and dropped one by one from her hair, trailing down the side of her cheek and neck, before disappearing into the valley of her cleavage.

  Lily’s sexy long dark hair was plastered to her head and hung in ringlets, the curls becoming much more pronounced and formed as they began to dry. The feel of the shiny soft skin on her forearms topped off by the appearance of a fabulously delicate lacy bra that was visible through her blouse.

  Her blouse had become transparent thanks to the rain. I’d challenge any erotica writer to turn me on more by writing a sexier scene than the one that was playing out before me right then. She was sin and innocence. A sensational oxymoron and I wanted to devour her.

  Lily looked totally disheveled and absolutely ravishing. A mighty fine hot mess. A slow smile curved my lips that was so indulgent on my part but damn if what I was looking at wasn’t the sexiest woman I’d ever seen. I couldn’t look away, and neither could she.

  We were both captivated by each other in our own space of time. Our stare became intense as we stood in a reverent silence. “Stay here. The rain won’t last long,” I whispered softly.

  The way she looked up into my eyes, with her beautiful breasts heaving up and down as her lungs struggled to compensate for her oxygen loss was captivating. Her body slightly trembled in anticipation—it was clear how I affected her.

  She closed her eyes briefly. When she did, I allowed my eyes to feast once more in her natural beauty; her beautiful skin, even features, cute button nose, lusciously long dark eye lashes. I stared at her soft plump lips that were so easily swollen and bruised when we kissed. The raw, carnal feelings Lily brought out in me were unfathomable. The draw of her so strong she rendered me powerless to resist her.

  Dropping my eyes to her lips was a mistake. The feeling of need to take what I wanted from her, what I needed from her, was too huge for me to fight at times. I was still staring at her lips when she opened her eyes, so my thoughts turned into words without hesitation, and I was lost in the moment of being with her.

  “Do you remember my kiss, that feeling when my tongue penetrates your lips into your hot mouth? Remember the feelings when I sucked on your tongue, Lily?”

  Her eyes dropped to my mouth, her eyes flashing to mine, with all kinds of emotions running through them, before resettling firmly on my lips. Her breath was still uneven from running, but she took another deep gulp of air when I said that to her. She licked her lips and caught her teeth in her bottom one at the memory. “You’re so fucking beautiful, I can’t stand it.” My confession was out before I’d even processed the thought.

  The friction at our hips was totally of my doing this time, a deliberate act as I let her feel how she made me feel about being there with her. She was so responsive and tried to stifle a groan, but I heard it anyway. There was no disguising what our bodies did for one another.

  Right then, at that moment, I would have stripped us both bare and buried my dick so deep inside her, not caring where we were or who might have seen us. My lips were so dry because just being with her made me so fucking thirsty.

  I moistened my lips with my tongue, and her eyes followed the path it took across my lip. She shivered in response making me grin. She felt just the same as I did, and when I saw the hooded sexy way she looked at me, my eyes flashed widely.

  “Look at you. You’re so fucking turned on right now. Do you want me to kiss you? Do you want my mouth on yours exploring you? Allow yourself that one word, Lily, and I can make you feel so good.” Our mouths were so close, I was so close.

  The anticipation of her response was a heart stopper for me. When she was taking her time, I crouched to look at her, my dick brushing against her mound again, and I swear she arched forward as well. I chuckled because she was having just as much trouble with her control as I was.

  This—whatever it was that we had—wasn’t just in my imagination. I so desperately wanted to kiss her, but I wasn’t about to take another liberty with her. If I did kiss her it would be because she wanted it as well. “Do you want me to kiss you? Do you want my mouth on yours exploring you?” I whispered again.

  Lily held her breath and swallowed hard, licking her lips, and I bit my lip in response. I was shaking slightly because my body was humming at the proximity of us to one another. I thought for a microsecond she was moving forward, but in small voice she squeaked out, “No.”

  Never in my life had I heard a no that sounded more like a yes than that one. She was lying. I raised an eyebrow at her and moved my lips so close to hers allowing my forehead to brush against hers. Her eyes sent out a silent plea for me to kiss her, and she closed my eyes to shut me out. The only way she could resist me.

  Of all the low down, fucked-up things I could’ve done to her, this had to be one of the worst so far. Instead of apologizing and ending the poor girl’s torture as I’d promised myself when I set out this morning, here I was again, twisting the emotional knife, making sure she’d suffer even more.

  I had to find the strength to leave her alone. So I pushed myself off of the wall and traced a finger down her cheek in a silent apology, then headed out the door to give her the space she needed to get on with her life.

  Chapter 18 – Slow Down

  When Mandy invited me to her place to hang out with her friends my first thought was to turn her down flat, but she was persuasive and when she rattled off who was going, she hadn’t mentioned Lily. Douche was going with his girl, and there were a few students who were great guys who she mentioned. Neil, her boyfriend, was into the same music as I was, and we’d had a few conversations before as well.

  So, I figured I should go and hang out for a while, I didn’t get to do much of that, and it was one of those rare nights where I had no escorting or band work. I was struggling to push Lily out of my mind, so any distraction would be welcome for that.

  Her little get-together was in full swing when I arrived. Douche’s car was parked right up there at the front of the driveway signaling he’d been one of the first to arrive. It would be an interesting evening if I could size him up without Lily by his side.

  Mandy seemed pleased
and surprised that I had actually taken her up on her invite. A wide beaming smile on her face as she ushered me through, handed me a beer, then headed toward her small backyard where everyone else was situated. The smell of the smoky barbeque and fried onions made my stomach growl in protest at not being fed.

  When I reached the patio door I was taken aback, Lily and Will were sitting together, and as usual, Lily was the center of Will’s attention. My eyes quickly registered all the faces present. The douche’s girl wasn’t with him, and he was busy doing his subtle grooming routine toward her, but it was a less than a subtle ‘touchy- feely’ routine to me. A tap on her knee here, stroking her hand, and nudging her. When he bumped shoulders with her I wanted to grab him by the shirt and head butt him for all the sneaky, flirty shit he was doing with her.

  Lily looked up and immediately blushed at seeing me. It was a euphoric feeling that I could command her attention and make her feel something just by looking at her. Of course once I had noticed her everyone else there was invisible—I only had eyes for her. She continued to chat, because she was much stronger than me; I seemed to become incoherent whenever she was around.

  She broke her gaze to look at Will who gave her a slow loaded smile, and fuck if she didn’t respond to that as well. The bastard capitalized on that by flinging his arm around her neck and pulling her head down toward his chest before squeezing her tightly in a hug.

  Will’s voice was full of humor as he said, “Only kidding, you know I love you, honey.”

  Bile rose in my throat as I struggled to remain passive to what I saw him doing. They were there together without any of their usual crew.

  Maybe the douche was beginning to ease himself gently from friend into the hint of something more to her. Staring straight at Lily, I was secretly thanking God for helping me to see the sequence of events leading to me being there to prevent her from making a terrible mistake.