Love with Every Beat

by K. L. Shandwick

  When I looked in the tumbler and realized the volume, I’d way overdone it. I was so busy hurrying to claim my place next to her, and I hadn’t been concentrating on what I was doing. Grinning wickedly, like I had meant to pour that much, I said, “Only enough to get into your panties.” I smirked, and the other guys laughed out loud. Lily’s cheeks reddened, and I felt horrible having a laugh at her expense. However, these guys knew me better than most. I couldn’t let them see how much Lily got under my skin.

  I knew it wouldn’t take Drew long before he’d come sniffing her out to see whether there was any progress between us. Wandering to the front, he pulled out a beer before stopping beside Lily on the way back to his seat.

  “Drew, pleased to meet you, Lily. Is that a London accent?” He knew almost as much about her as I did. I briefly remembered the long chats we’d had night after night on tour, when I was trying to get my head straight.

  I had gone on and on about her during the five weeks on tour and by the end of it he told me on one occasion to, “go all in or leave her the fuck alone.” I wouldn’t have taken that from anyone else, but he was my best buddy and knew me better than anyone else, so at the time I’d sucked it up and never replied.

  Watching Lily speak to Drew made me so fucking jealous. They were so at ease with each other, and I suddenly longed for that with her. Every time I’d spoken to her, there was always the sexual tension present between us, getting in the way of normal thoughts and conversations. In fact, she was enjoying their little conversation, and that made me pissed at Drew.

  It had taken a lot for me to invite her, and probably more on her part to accept, and here was Drew muscling in on the precious little time I had with her until we got to the venue. Swigging my beer, I stared at the both of them, and Lily glanced at me more than once. Clearing my throat I set my green beer bottle heavily on the table, glaring at Drew.

  “Okay Drew, enough. Get your own girl.” Lily blushed, and Drew’s eyes quickly narrowed. He’d read that I was pissed at him and made a hasty retreat back to the seat at the back. Lily looked awkwardly at me, but damn if that little chin didn’t just turn up as Lily stared at me with a defiant look her face.

  “Were we making you jealous, Alfie?” We were eye to eye as I sat down, and I couldn’t help letting a smirk slip. I was still pissed that they were looking so cozy together, but I needed to get that shit under control. I sat back and began to kick off my boots.

  Lily wasn’t very self-aware, and I could see her confusion about what I was doing. “Just making myself more comfortable, it’s a couple of hours’ ride, maybe we can get to know each other a little better.” Her cheeks turned a deep crimson color.

  She broke the stare, her eyes flicking nervously over the other guys. I smirked again and bent my head forward, my mouth near her ear. “Sorry, honey, I didn’t mean anything by it. I meant life for you before Florida.”

  The relief on her face was instant, and I found her so beguiling. “You’re too cute… I like the way your mind works though.” I winked at her, and she squirmed a little. My smile softened, and I saw her visibly sag in relief that I was letting the matter drop.

  Picking at her dress, Lily started to tell me about her life history, the past few years of it anyway; about her dad being a helicopter pilot, her mom a pediatrician, and some other stuff about her close family.

  She was an only child and that figured because if I’d been a kid competing with her in my family, it would have sucked. Beautiful and an exceptionally talented musician, she’d have had siblings who were so jealous of her. There were more surprises from her, especially when she told me she’d spent time working in an Indian orphanage. She was much tougher than she looked, that was for sure.

  I was watching her while she was sharing intimate parts of her life. What she was saying wasn’t in a smug way. It was all a just matter of fact to her. Like everyone had superheroes for parents; ones who flew around the skies and healed sick kids, and like everyone, traveled to places that were out of our comfort zones to help little orphaned people.

  “Dang, you’ve done some profound stuff in your short life already. So now it’s your music? I heard you sing a little. Your voice is sweet, but there’s a bit of grit in it, unique sounding. Would you sing with me sometime?”

  The look on her face told me she was completely unaware of just how amazing her voice was. Not only could she hold a tune, her voice was capable of stuff that most singers could only aspire to do with theirs. “I’m not bullshitting you, Lily. I want to try some stuff I’ve been working on with you.” She eyed me with suspicion, and I could tell she thought I was just saying it to win favor with her.

  “I wouldn’t feel comfortable singing with you Alfie.” I stared at her incredulously.

  “Sure you would, once you were comfortable with the arrangement.” I let the subject drop, and there was a slight pause in the conversation.

  Chapter 23 – Life Sucks

  “Okay, your turn,” she said as cheerily as possible.

  My life was shit in comparison to what she’d just told me. How could I come back with what my life was like after hers sounded like something out of a Hallmark movie? I ran my hand through my hair and pushed myself out of my seat. “Just a minute, refill,” I said, shaking my empty beer bottle and trying to think of the positives from my life to share with her.

  I made my way to the cooler, grabbing a bottle and when I went back, I sat on the same side as her, not sure that I’d be able to tell her anything about my life. It was too hard to think about some of the things I had been through, never mind sharing it with someone whose life was the opposite of everything mine was.

  I turned to look at her, and I could tell that when my hip brushed against hers she’d been just as affected by the chemistry as I was. Every time I set eyes on her I wanted to push her up against a wall and flatten her against it with my body.

  The urge to touch her drove me insane. Her eyes flicked to my mouth, and I realized I was worrying my lip between my teeth, so I stopped. My lips were dry so I licked the bottom one, and my eyes dropped to look at her luscious lips. I swallowed hard, and it clicked at the back of my throat when I saw that she was still staring at my mouth.

  Sliding my arm along the back of the seat, I made some space between us. I needed it to be able to concentrate and not get emotionally invested if I was going to tell her anything about me. Alfie Black, the ordinary guy.

  Glancing down at her, I could see she was still uncomfortable with my nearness, but damn if her body wasn’t humming in anticipation for…something.

  I focused on looking into her eyes, and she did the same for a few seconds then she looked away. She became tense, I had unnerved her. “What do you want to know? My life has been in Florida…born and raised here. I’ve always been here, apart from the occasional vacation. That might change though in the New Year, there’s a hint we may open for a small tour in Europe.”

  I focused on my beer while I was trying to think of what to say to her. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t come up with anything interesting, heart-warming, or exciting to tell her. “There isn’t anything else to say.” I shrugged. I was being honest.

  Eye contact would have been difficult for me at this point, so I just sat picking at the label on the fucking beer bottle, feeling inept, taking a swig of the amber liquid and setting it down.

  The proximity of the guys was too close for this conversation as well. My eyes darted over to where they were sitting, and I was relieved that they were all sitting with headphones, watching a movie, listening to music or whatever, and hadn’t been listening.

  “What about your family, girlfriend?” Lily asked quietly. I sighed wistfully. “My sister and an aunt.” I wasn’t interested in elaborating, it would only darken my mood, and I had a big night ahead I needed to keep a clear head for.

  “No one else?” I shook my head. Before I sunk into a pity party on that one I began to move again. “You need a refill?” I was alread
y sliding off the bench and back to the cooler again. I knew I shouldn’t have another beer, but damn I needed it, this wasn’t the light-hearted start to the night I’d planned for.

  Pouring another glass of wine for Lily before pulling out another beer, the ice in the cooler sparked a memory of my mom in the hospital when she no longer had the energy to drink. We had used ice cubes as a way of giving her some fluids.

  I inhaled deeply at the memory, and Andy broke me out of my reverie by wanting to talk to me about the percussion arrangement for one of the songs and run through a couple of other things before the gig.

  I asked Andy to join us at the booth, both dealing with what he needed and avoiding any further probing about my life from Lily. When I turned around she was still watching me intently. I tried to smile and passed her the glass of wine. “I really can’t drink that, Alfie. I’ll be drunk!” She shook her head and put her hand up to refuse the glass. Pursing my lips, I tried to bite back a grin, but it gradually appeared anyway. “That’s the idea.”

  Actually it was. I wanted her to relax. Not so that I could take advantage of her, but so that she enjoyed the experience of being on the sidelines of a gig that was in front of thousands of people.

  “Better get that before it spills,” I chuckled, letting the tumbler go, making her grab and steady it.

  I leaned over to open an air conditioning vent. My foot brushed across the soft smooth skin on her leg, and the back of my arm dragged lightly across her cleavage as I sat back down. The accidental contact had my dick dancing in my shorts. The sudden urge to have her on my lap was like the worst addictive craving. Looking at Lily, she had goose-bumps, and her breathing was shallow and more rapid. “Sorry, that wasn’t intentional.” I gave her an apologetic smile.

  Luckily, Andy came over and sat opposite us, preventing me from taking a liberty I was sure I would have if it weren’t for the interruption. We discussed the set order for the gig, and the changes he wanted to make to the arrangements for two of the numbers.

  All of the time during the first five minutes Andy was talking, Lily was studying at me. Not checking me out, studying me. I could see her out of the corner of my eye and wondered what was going through that pretty little head of hers.

  Practically grinding into the seat, Lily was wriggling and squirming. Whatever she was thinking about, there was definitely a sexual element to it from the way she bit her lip, ran her tongue over her lips, and twice her eyes fell to my package. She was tucking the wine away as well, not concentrating on what she was drinking because whatever she was thinking was thirsty work.

  Looking at her, I could tell the moment her nerves settled and the wine had taken effect. Her eyes drooped closed, and her head rolled from side to side with the motion of the van. She nodded a couple of times, head jolting back into position.

  Lily began to slide down in the seat so I scooped her alongside me, and she settled herself into my side. She just felt so right there. Like she belonged. Like…the final missing piece of me that I could never have. And it fucking hurt to think that.

  Andy stared at her hard, and when he looked back at me, his eyes were full of pity. There were no words needed, he’d heard it all before. He knew how I felt about her and the reasons why it would be a bad idea to get with her. We shared quiet moment about that then I sighed. “She’s fucking wrecking me, dude.” Andy nodded and stood. He placed his hand on my shoulder and gave it a firm squeeze, patted it, then heading back to Des and Drew at the other table.

  Sliding further down in the seat, I decided to indulge myself in the fact that Lily’s warm soft body was melded against my side. She smelled incredible. I swear the girl made me feel high when I inhaled her scent. Her shampoo was awesome. It probably smelled really average, but on her it was the most potent aphrodisiac for me.

  A heavy sigh escaped my mouth, and I looked over at Drew who twisted his mouth in concern for me. Fuck, I hated being pitied. I moved my arm down the length of her body, skimming over her ribs to settle along her outer thigh. As if on reflex I pulled her closer against me. She felt absolutely right by my side.

  The strongest compulsion came over me. I had to kiss her. I needed to kiss her. Dropping my head I brushed my lips against her temple and fought the painful almost overpowering want for more. Pulling back I inhaled sharply. My heartbeat was banging against my chest; so ridiculously turned on by someone who wasn’t even awake. I closed my eyes and let my head roll back, facing the ceiling of the bus.

  I could say to fuck with everything and just let myself get lost in her, try to be her ‘everything’ instead of punishing myself out of some loyalty to a dead friend who didn’t give a flying fuck about the effects on everyone else if something happened to him when he signed up for active duty.

  I was conscious that I was tense, so I physically made my body go lax, choking back my feelings before swallowing them back down. I reverted to the relaxation breathing technique my counselor taught me after my father died. It worked. Either that or the alcohol did, because I dropped off to sleep holding her.

  Drew nudged both of us as we arrived at the Firestone Live venue in Orlando. She stretched a little, making a small mewling noise, and my dick was as hard as a fucking rock. Lily peered up at me with one eye open, her nose wrinkling in a really cute way. “Do all English girls sleep as much as you?” I whispered intimately in her ear and smiled at her.

  There was a fleeting look in her eyes and for a nanosecond I thought she was going to kiss me. If she had, I would have been done, but then she spoke. “Nope, just me, I think. But the wine didn’t help.” She smiled sleepily, stretching a little again, groaning, and it was as sexy as hell.

  A groan tore from my throat in response to her warm squirming body next to me and that fucking sexy little noise she made. My dick was almost snapping in two in my shorts it was so rigid. I almost let myself go, and my hand almost caressed her cheek to pull her in for a kiss. Something in me held back and instead, I swept my index finger down her nose and pushed me away from me. I stood up before I lost it completely and began to speak rapidly as if on auto pilot.

  “Okay, Dan, our driver, is going to look after you, honey. I need to get with my band. You’ll be okay in the wings with him. We can hang out and watch the others when we’re done.” Her mouth spread into a smile, and I clenched my fists to stop me from reaching out for her.

  “Go do your thing, rock star!”

  I threw her a grin and kissed her forehead, still needing to make that connection. I tried to hug her but kind of clung, before I found the strength to pull back, turn around, and run after the others without looking back her.

  Dan would take great care of her, of that I was sure, so I had to put my thoughts about her to the side and get my head into the zone and prepare for the gig. I did some vocal warm ups, and there were so many people interacting with us from producers to tech guys that I was soon lost in the buzz of performing at ‘Firestone Live.’

  By the time the emaciated girl with the huge specs and clipboard gave us the five minute call, I was bouncing on my toes with nerves. As a rule I never got nervous but I was really feeling this gig. Whether it was because she was going to be watching me or the fact it was the biggest we’d ever done, I wasn’t sure—maybe a combination of both.

  When we walked out into the darkness on stage, I could feel her presence. I can’t explain it, because I knew she was really there, but if I hadn’t known, I just know I would have known she was there. The lights dimmed and the emcee’s voice boomed out, introducing us as, “the hot new band, Crakt Soundzz.”

  The roar of the crowd was deafening, constant whistling and cheering, screaming and catcalls—then they killed the lights and the auditorium fell silent in one rapid wave streaking across the venue. The tension of the crowd was almost palpable. There was an air of anticipation like nothing I had ever felt before when I waited in the darkness like a coiled spring anticipating its release.

  Andy counted us in, his drumsticks ticking
the beat and sounding hollow in the darkness. Des hit the bass and on the first note I was up, vibrations from the heavy bass running up my legs and stroking my dick, making me so fucking hard with excitement.

  That first few minutes on stage was always like foreplay to me, until I settled into the first song. Then it was strictly about making music and thanking my mom for the gift of it.

  I grabbed the microphone and screamed out, “Hello Orlando! We’re so gonna rock the fucking roof off tonight.” The crowd noise swelled and reached a crescendo in appreciation. High pitched whistles and catcalls followed in unison as our band’s music blared from the massive speakers along the stage.

  I was buzzing, I had so much pent-up energy and sexual tension that I was bouncing around while playing the intro to our first song. When I began to sing, the cacophony of the crowd was incredible.

  It was the best feeling in the world when the audience was right there with us singing along to a song that we wrote. The relentless heat of the overhead lights on stage were so dehydrating though. Sweat was pouring down my body and running down my face. I lifted my t- shirt to dry it, and the women at the front went berserk. I couldn’t help but smirk. I mean, it was only me.

  By the time we got halfway through the set, I had to pull my t- shirt over my head and ask Dan to throw me another. The crowd went wild again, and I’m sure they felt I’d done it on purpose but I didn’t, I just couldn’t bear it next to my skin for another second. I’d have rather stood there playing naked than be dressed in anything because it was desperately hot up there with those lights.

  Our set was a mixture of fast-paced heavy rock and slower ballads. As the lead singer and rhythm guitarist, I was pretty well-known now around Florida, so I had to make sure that I gave my best all of the time. The songs were second nature, but there was one number in the set that I always had to sing no matter what.