Love with Every Beat

by K. L. Shandwick

  “C’mere.” I said softly pulling her up. My mouth found her neck, and I inhaled sharply. “God, I’ve missed you so much,” I whispered.

  Leaning back to look at her, I said, “I’m so sorry, honey. I’ve been between a rock and a hard place since I met you, but I’m figuring a way ahead for us. Trust me.”

  “I’m not sure I can do that. How can I have a relationship with someone who’s wrapped up in a web of lies about his makeshift family?” Lily was right not to trust me, everything I had put us both through had been soul destroying.

  Trying to reassure and make my voice sound convincing, I said, “We’ll make it baby, with time, trust, and love.” I kissed her temple and inhaled sharply and wasn’t sure if I was trying not only to convince her, but myself as well.

  “So where do we go from here, Alfie?” she whispered.

  “I’m gonna work it out, Lily. I need you in my life like I need to breathe. I’m not letting you go this time, if you’ll give me another chance.”

  Pushing past me and out of the bathroom she threw over her shoulder, “How can I give you another chance, Alfie? We’ve never been together, we never had a chance.”

  Looking at her incredulously I threw my arms out to my sides.

  “Lily, who were we kidding? As far as I’m concerned, we’ve been together since the first time we kissed in the long grass back at college the day I met you. I knew I wasn’t able to commit to you, but I still had to claim you in some way as mine.”

  I sat down on the bed beside her, gazing into her eyes, and took her face in my hands. She was so beautiful, I smiled and when Lily smiled back my heart ached with the love that was in there for her.

  “You look so handsome when you smile,” she whispered and I responded.

  Taking Lily’s hands and lacing my fingers in hers I said, “You look so damned beautiful no matter what. I’ve treated you so fucking badly, Lily. Can you ever forgive me?”

  She stared into my eyes, before answering, “I don’t know, Alfie, treating me badly is pretty much an understatement.”

  Hearing her say that was hard, but she was right. It must have been a nightmare for her, dealing with me and all the fucked up moods and emotions I’d been feeling. Saying one thing and doing another. I swallowed hard and nodded, acknowledging what she was saying.

  “Are you going to leave me stranded if Kara calls you? What about if I need you too? Who are you going to choose? Right now, I have to believe it would be her, if for no other reason than her child. How am I supposed to compete with that?” she asked.

  “Trust me, Lily. I’m working on it, you have to believe me.”

  I let go of her hands and brought them up to her face. My thumb pad smoothed over her cheek, as the palm of my other hand cradled her jawline.

  “We’ll make it work. We have to try, and the situation won’t go on forever.” I smiled and dropped my forehead on hers. Gazing into her eyes until Lily kissed me.

  As soon as her lips met mine, I deepened the kiss, our tongues dancing around each other. My body trembled with excitement, her body humming and responsive to mine.

  Grasping the back of her neck she shivered as I lay her on her back and lay over her. Damn she felt incredible, I was losing control and kissing her hungrily when she broke the kiss.

  “You’re crushing me,” she mumbled against my lips, so I rolled us over and pulled her on top of me.

  “Better?” I asked, raising my brow, cupping her ass and rocking my brick hard dick against her pubic bone. Lily ground herself against me and damn, I hadn’t had to fight against taking what I wanted from her so much.

  Sliding my hands down the back of her jeans, I palmed the globes of her ass. Her little lacy panties made my bold move even more of a turn on. “Fuck, so sexy,” I whispered into her neck before kissing her again.

  Breaking the kiss and exhaling, I said, “Same again… less clothing!”

  I flipped her over as I stood up, pulling her off the bed to stand in front of me. Smiling at each other, we locked into an intense stare before I pulled her in next to me, inhaling the scent of her.

  “You smell amazing, honey.” My hands wrapped around the base of her spine as I pulled her closer to connect us from her face to our thighs. “We’re not fucking losing this,” I growled before kissing her passionately again in a fierce, angry kiss. “Less clothes! Much less clothes… I need to feel you, skin on skin,” I mumbled again as I pulled my t-shirt over my head.

  She was about to take her t-shirt off when I put my hands over hers. “No…me, I want to do that.” Gazing into her eyes, I gripped the bottom of her top and began to lift it—like I was unwrapping the most precious gift anyone could gave me.

  My thumbs brushed over her breasts when I saw her. “You’re so fucking fine, baby. Breathtaking… steals my breath away, Lily.”

  When I had taken her t-shirt off, I stepped away to fully appreciate her.

  “So fucking beautiful, you fulfil every fantasy I ever had of a woman. You have no idea of what you do to me, Lily.”

  She didn’t smile back. Instead, she reached out to unbutton the waistband of my jeans. Her fingers trembled slightly. When she slipped her hand in and to my dick, I inhaled sharply. “Ah, fuck, so fucking good.” Closing my eyes and letting my head fall back, I enjoyed her touch.

  When she began stroking me, I pulled her hand away, and held both arms out stretched, grinning and shaking my head. “I’m not letting you play with that tonight. I’ll come, and the only place I plan on doing that is inside you.”

  Lily retorted, “Who says you’re doing that?” She frowned, and I quickly put her arms down by her sides and held them tightly, restricting her movement.

  “Who says I’m not?” I teased smirking at her then released her arms. I pushed her back on the bed and started tickling her. When I saw the lust-tinged eyes she was giving me, the play stopped. I stared at her intensely and began undoing her jeans, kissing her skin as I peeled them from her body.

  Once they were at her ankles, I shoved her knees to her chest, and as soon as I saw the dark patch on her panties, I buried my nose into the lace, inhaling deeply on the scent of her sex, before sucking on the lace. “Oh, shit!” Lily squirmed and writhed under the skill of my mouth.

  “You’re fucking soaking wet,” I growled, pulling the material free of her pussy with my mouth.

  “Damn, so ready for me, so wet. You’re too fucking much for me.” A growling bubbled up from my chest and tore from my throat, as my control disintegrated. Tugging her panties to the side, I stuck my tongue as deeply as I could into her hot moist sex. Lily was right where I wanted her, and seeing her unable to move her legs made the scene before me even more erotic.

  My hands clamped over her hips and pushed her down, as my tongue flicked around and inside her wet heat. She groaned, “Alfie, yeah, yeah, shit… stop.”

  Raising my head to look at her, I asked, “Okay?”

  She smiled. “If that was okay, I’m scared of the great,” she teased me playfully.

  Widening my eyes, I smiled. “I could do this all day to you,” I returned softly. “Your taste is like nothing I’ve had, but it’s something I never knew I couldn’t do without until I’d had you.”

  Planting a chaste kiss on her pussy, I changed positions, rolling her on her back and hooking her legs over my shoulders and parting them at the knee again. “Get out of that one,” I teased.

  Lily’s jeans were still around her ankles, and her pussy was completely mine. Right there in front of me. Curling my fingers around the lace on her panties I ripped them clean off of her and discarded them over my shoulder. “Now, then, enough of this novice shit. It’s time to get serious.”

  Lily lying there so open for me, her pussy glistening with her juices, mesmerized me. I realized I had stopped when I heard Lily’s voice.

  “What are you doing, Alfie?”

  “Just… looking,” I answered honestly. Lily giggled and crunched up to look at me, smacking me on t
he head.

  “What?” I looked up at her puzzled at her.

  “This is kind of embarrassing for me, lying here with you doing that, Alfie,” she smirked but was embarrassed.

  “Why? Lily, you could totally be a vagina model.” I meant it as well. Her pussy was amazing to look at. Men would drool for hours over it. “I’m dead serious, Lily, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a prettier one.” I hadn’t and I’d seen a lot of pussy in my time with the band.

  Wanting her to know what I meant, I tried to explain, “I mean your outer lips, what are they called?”

  She cringed. “Labia Majora.”

  “Yeah, the puffy ones, you have just enough, not too much.” She giggled and the sweet sound of it made my dick twitch. I loved hearing it.

  “Seriously, Alfie, can you stop, this is turning into an anatomy session.”

  Grinning, I chuckled at her. “Your point being?”

  “How would you like it if I stared at your cock and discussed with it with you?” Kissing her pussy again, my tongue parted her lips, and I dipped my tongue inside her. Lily’s breath hitched and her body sagged into the mattress with pleasure as I kissed it as thoroughly as I did her mouth.

  Raising my head again, I answered, “I wouldn’t mind, I know I could easily be a penis model.” I grinned. “Or a snake decoy,” I joked.

  Lily burst out laughing again. “What the fu… a snake decoy?” Pretending to check out my dick, I looked back at her, and she was grinning at me.

  “Definitely, it’s long enough, don’t you think?” She giggled, but I was focused on her pussy again. Bending to kiss it again, then replaced my mouth with my fingers, sliding first one, then two inside.

  “Damn, so wet and ready for me. You’re a great kisser down here by the way,” I teased gesturing at her pussy with my eyes. “Did I ever tell you that?”

  She chuckled, and I wondered what I ever did to deserve her, “You’re insane.” I smiled but thought maybe she was for putting up with all the shit I’d given her.

  “Only when I’m with you, Lily, it’s your fault,” I replied.

  Taking Lily’s jeans off I crawled up beside her, and when I didn’t do anything else Lily asked me what was wrong.

  “I’m sick, honey.” Lily leaned up on one elbow to look at me.

  “You’re sick?”

  I nodded. “I don’t think if I’ll ever recover,” I muttered shaking my head.

  We had a pause for a moment when neither of us said anything before I finished, “I’m fucking lovesick, Lily. I told you, you were killing me.” I winked and she chuckled, but I could see that what I had admitted was affecting her.

  “Turn the light off, honey.”

  “Mr. Voyeur wants the light out now?” Lily teased.

  “I’m not fucking you, Lily. I do have some restraint, turn the light out,” I said dryly, fighting for control of myself and not to give in to my urges.

  Lily switched the nightstand light off and curled back into my arms, kissing my pectorals and inhaling deeply against me.

  “Why?” she asked, rubbing her palm up and down my arm. She gave me goose-bumps, and my dick twitched.

  “Hey, you’re giving me goose-bumps again,” I chuckled.

  “Good to know, but you didn’t answer my question,” she said deadpan.

  “I can wait for you. I’m waiting until we have more time.” I took her hand, wrapped mine around it and pulled it into my chest, releasing a loud sigh of contentment.

  “You don’t have a sexually transmitted disease do you?” she asked me teasingly.

  “I’m clean, I’ve been checked, and besides, if I have, you gave it to me.” Fuck. What the hell did I say that for?

  Lily stiffened and rested up on one elbow, facing me in the dark. “How do you figure that, and I’m not diseased,” she bit back in a clipped tone.

  “Then it’s all good,” I answered deadpan again wanting to close the subject down. “I haven’t been with anyone else since I’ve been with you, Lily.”

  “Since the New Year you mean? I believe you when you told me what Kara is to you.” Lily wanted me to quantify my statement.

  Sighing, I explained, “No, honey, I haven’t been with anyone since our first time.” I was met by a wall of silence, because we both knew she had been.

  She swallowed hard, not knowing what to say.

  “You’ve gone quiet, Lily? I know what you’re thinking.” I shifted my position and perched my head on one elbow meeting her face with mine in the dark. With my other hand I cupped her face.

  “I’m okay, Lily. I hate that you may have been with someone else, but it’s not your fault. It’s mine.” I did fucking hate it, but he wasn’t around anymore. I wouldn’t have been as gracious about this if he was, that’s for sure.

  “It was complicated, Alfie.”

  I tried to silence her. “Shush.” I kissed her mouth softly, but she was persistent.

  “No, if we’re starting fresh, then we need to do this, all of it. There needs to be no secrets between us. I don’t want to start something with you and for there to be a cloud that may or may not burst over us at some point, taking me back to how I felt on New Year’s morning.”

  Reaching for her, I tried to pull her down to hold her. “No Alfie, don’t. I need to be honest with you.” I lay back for a few minutes. Exhaling, I rolled on my back.

  “Shoot.”

  Lily told me about her getting with Max, the cowboy, and I knew that anyway. It was my fault, and I tried to smooth over it not really wanting to remember how he moved in on her and abused her trust.

  “Don’t. I get it, Lily. You don’t need to tell me anymore. It happened, but you won’t see him again, right?”

  When Lily told me there was more I just knew she was going to tell me that fucker Will was involved. Fuck. “Will?” She sat quietly for a few minutes then started to sniff, and I realized she was crying.

  Eventually her small voice answered, “Yeah,” kind of a whisper, then sniffed again and swallowed audibly. Fuck. He was the guy I’d been most worried about and my instincts had been correct. Taking a deep breath, I rolled away from her turning my back on her and facing toward the window.

  “Shit. Why, Lily? When? Why lie to me, I asked you outright about that, and you stared me down and told me I was crazy.” When she touched me, I flinched. I hadn’t meant to, but I was so incensed that he’d made a move on her.

  “Something happened with Will after you asked me Alfie. It was a mistake, one that I deeply regret now. It should never have happened.” When I didn’t respond, Lily sighed and continued, “It happened at Mandy’s birthday bonfire party, when we weren’t seeing each other,” she added in a whisper.

  “But he was seeing Saffy, wasn’t he?” Saffy was the reason Lily came to Florida in the first place, then she deserted her and went back to Oklahoma to take up with her old boyfriend again.

  “That didn’t stop both of you, though, did it?” Hearing her work a swallow, I waited for her to answer, when she didn’t I turned to look at her again.

  “What happens the next time you’re drunk alone with him, Lily? You’ve both crossed the line.”

  “No, I’ll never sleep with him, Alfie. Hell I have no idea what happened. I’m not attracted to him, like that, at least not normally.”

  Sighing, I said, “Well, that’s a relief, as long as you only sleep around when you’re drunk.” My voice was full of sarcasm. Perching on my elbow again I asked, “Well, you can’t say the same for him. Once he’s tasted you, he’ll try again. Hell, it’s probably killing him that he hasn’t already.”

  Lily shook her head. “I think your bias Alfie. Just because you feel that way, doesn’t mean all men want me.”

  “I’ve seen the way he looks at you, Lily. The way every guy looks at you. Believe me they want you.” My voice had an incredulous tone, almost like a half laugh.

  “You can talk, every girl around campus notices you, Alfie. I’ve seen them checking you out, overhea
rd the things they would like to do to you. I’ve largely ignored it otherwise we wouldn’t have gotten to this point between us, as fucked up as it is.”

  Lily knelt beside me, and I lay back down, rolling onto my back. “Alfie, tonight started off with you trying to win me over, yet suddenly we’re here, talking about how I’ve fucked up?”

  Damn. She was right, but I wasn’t finished with this topic of conversation yet. “So we still do this, and I have to watch you every day with Will and pray the fuck you don’t both get drunk when I’m not around?”

  My breathing sped up a little as I waited for her to answer. “Either you can trust me or you can’t. I’ve laid myself bare to you here.”

  Swallowing hard, Lily took a deep breath. “I didn’t have sex with him, not intercourse anyway.” Lily told me that Will had got drunk and Saffy had gone home and left them. Lily, with the help of a designated driver, took Will home, and she decided to stay there because Will was so drunk he was passed out on the couch.

  Apparently Lily got into Will’s bed and went to sleep. She was having a female version of a wet dream and woke up to Will performing oral sex on her. He swore to her that he thought she was Saffy…well that was how she summed it up anyway.

  “So, it’s okay because you were dreaming about me?”

  Lily huffed, “No Alfie. It’s not okay, it was never okay, and I can’t change that. I’m being completely open with you because I won’t risk something coming between us if we are going to be together. Now you have to decide if we go forward together, and I decide whether I’m going to let everything slide that’s gone on before too. Don’t forget how much you hurt me.”

  Staring at her in the dark, I needed Lily, and although I was far from happy about it, I hadn’t staked my claim when that happened with Will or Max. So I had to do that to earn the right to comment otherwise.

  “I love you, Lily. I’ll have to get over it, and you’ll have to earn my trust with him. It doesn’t mean I have to like it though. I don’t want you to be all touchy feely with him from now on.”