Love with Every Beat

by K. L. Shandwick

  Each day when I finished work, I’d check my cell, just in case she’d changed her mind and called or texted me, but she never did. When the five week mark arrived, it was a watershed moment, because it was officially the longest time I’d gone without her since I’d met her. As if Jack had a sixth sense, he called me.

  “Want to come to a gig tomorrow night? I’m interviewing, and it’s for Cobham Street. There’s an after-party, and I just figured with you playing for the band before, you’d want an invite.

  “Sure, I’d love to go with you, just let me know where to meet you, and I’ll be there.” And, just like that, I was moving on without Lily.

  Jack, incidentally, worked as a journalist for a music paper. He picked me up and took me with him to interview Rick. It was weird seeing Rick again, and I was embarrassed because he behaved like a fan toward me when he was probably the greatest rock star on the planet.

  Jack got an amazing interview and was stoked because Rick was a lot more open with me there than he’d have been had Jack been on his own.

  Cobham Street were amazing, and for the first time in my life I was watching a band and learning my craft from them, instead of just enjoying the music.

  Observing the interactions between the band members, how they interacted with their fans, the delivery of the performance, technical ability—what worked and what didn’t work as well. Learning how to polish our performance and give a grade ‘A’ gig to the crowd, and still manage to go home at night and sleep.

  We were in that function room for the after party for all of five minutes before a tall, leggy brunette with the biggest tits I’d ever seen outside of a porno movie came over and straddled my hips. It didn’t take much to make me hard, because I was as frustrated as fuck.

  Emotionally, I was still shot to hell, thinking about Lily and no one else measured up, so she didn’t do much for me. She kissed me, and I let her, thinking that it would maybe shift something in me and open me up to experimenting with other girls again, but while I was kissing her I just thought she was sloppy and what I was doing felt wrong.

  Okay. Jack should have been the rock star. More than game with the women, he was definitely enjoying the attention he was getting from the copious amount of groupies hanging around him.

  He wasn’t holding back either, Jack’s hand was stuck up the skirt of the woman that was eating his face while he was finger fucking her in full view of everyone in the room. When he broke the kiss breathless he winked at me, “Room for one more in the band, Alfie?”

  Both of us started belly laughing and it was the first time in a long time I remembered doing that. Rick came across and chucked a key card at Jack, inclining his head but talking to me. “If he’s one of yours, tell him to get a fucking room, he’s putting me off the buffet. How the fuck am I supposed to mingle and talk shop if there is a live sex show playing out here on the side lines?”

  Jack smirked and said, “It’s only a finger Rick, doesn’t everyone use their fingers at a buffet?” Rick almost choked on his drink, spurting it out and laughing so hard he had the attention of most of the room.

  Smirking and turning to Jack, he said, Dude you’re coming on tour with us one day, cracking jokes like that is something I could do with on a daily basis. It sure would make this shit much more bearable. Well…that and fucking more women.”

  Still smirking, Rick shook his head, and Jack went back to poking his tongue down the throat of another girl, who was running her palm across the bulge in his jeans. Pulling out a chair, Rick spun it around and swung his leg over it, clasping is forearms across the back of it.

  Glancing at Jack, Rick grinned this time and shook his head, turned back to face me. “So, I take it by your lack of interest in the ladies, pretty little Lily is still doing it for you, Alfie? Don’t blame you for not playing away on that one, dude. She’s so fucking hot.”

  Lily had obviously made quite an impression on Rick because he’d only met her once and considering his notorious ‘two- a- day’ reputation that was quite something.

  Embarrassed that I was going to have to admit Lily and I weren’t together, I shrugged and mumbled. “Nah, that didn’t work out, dude.” Rick widened his eyes and stared at me.

  “Are you fucking sick, Alfie? Believe me, I’ve had hundreds of women…probably thousands, but I’ve never had one like her. Generally; I know this is wrong and I’m a bastard an’ all, but I categorize women—keeper, sleeper, fucker, sucker, ducker.”

  Rick had the grace to look sheepish after he said it, and I seriously had to bite back a grin. WTF? When Rick started to explain his selection process, I realized he was indeed serious about this.

  “See, the ducker is self- explanatory. Avoid them at all costs. Sucker, bad rack, good lips, I can still use them, but it has to be slim pickings for me, if I do. Fucker, well again, maybe not that great to look at but has something about them that gets me interested enough to fuck them. I mean, who looks at the mantle when they’re poking the fire right?”

  He raised his eyebrow, waiting for me to comment before continuing. “Sleeper, well they are the ones that are still fuckers but need a bit more work to get what I want from them. Kinda like the ones you have to buy dinner and they stay overnight, as opposed to the community cycle that everyone gets to ride. Then there are the keepers. To be honest with you Alfie, I figure Lily is the only girl I’ve met that could fall into that category.”

  Staring at Rick, I was struck dumb, wanting to laugh but thinking, jeez this guy has really thought this through. When I started smirking, Rick threw his head back laughing and slapped his hand on my shoulder.

  “Alfie, your face is a picture, you can’t believe I said that shit can you? This is the kind of thing I do when I spend too much fucking time on the road. I’m not really serious dude, all women are beautiful in one way or another, but your little Lily is in a class of her own.”

  Rick’s face was more serious. “So, you’re not ready to dip your wick again yet? Losing a girl like Lily, I can understand that. Take your time, but the best way to get over a girl is to fuck your way out of that funk. Although, with a girl like that to get over, your dick might fall off in the process, dude.”

  Rick stood up and left without another word, and when I looked over, Jack had disappeared, and I guessed I was making my own way home.

  According to Patrick, another guy at the record label, he reckoned it could take up to a year for some artists to put a good album together. There was no way we’d be doing that. With so much material to choose from we had at least three albums’ worth, maybe four and about thirty other songs that just needed some polish to go from the good category to the great one.

  Drew clashed quite a bit with one of the producers, but I could see where he was coming from. The producer was trying to make us sound too similar to another band, and that would have made us more ‘cover’ than original in our output. Besides, we liked our versions better.

  At one point, Mr. Hughes was called in to arbitrate and agreed that our version done our way was the better of the two. So, to cut a long story short we had our album in six weeks and three days, and four days later we started on our first European tour.

  The record company had pushed us hard, and we’d saturated the market through the media channels. No longer able to walk down the street without being mobbed, and the most we’d done was play on a few choice TV shows and a couple of warm-up gigs that were televised. Our album wasn’t even out at that point, but we were definitely on our way up.

  Thinking about Lily became manageable. She was still there hanging around in my mind, but I only let her out when it was quiet, and I had time to indulge in the memories of her. Coping much better, although my heart still ached for her, I had come to terms that we were definitely over.

  When Elle and Jack were leaving to go on vacation in Miami, it was a really low point for me. It was only two days before the Crakt Soundzz tour, and there were so many things that I wanted Jack to tell Lily for me. Howeve
r, I understood Jack enough to know he probably wouldn’t tell her he’d seen me unless it was absolutely necessary.

  After Jack left I was as restless as fuck, knowing he was spending time with my girl, and I couldn’t even text her any more. Still shattered by the loss of her, I wondered if the ache in my chest would ever improve.

  Alcohol, I needed alcohol, so I called in at the store and bought a bottle of Jack and a case of beer, some Chinese food and a bottle of tequila. Anyone would think I was having a party.

  Drinking alone was always a bad idea. After I’d eaten, I poured myself a Jack and Coke and settled down to watch a movie. Halfway through I was matching the movie with the contents of the bottle. Drinking accentuates depression.

  People become more honest when they are drunk, too honest for their own good. When it does, they tend to say and do stupid things. Well me anyway. The more I drank the more I thought about Lily. The more I thought about Lily, the more I drank. That pity- revolving- door thing, but all the worse for the alcohol I’d consumed.

  Wanting to know… actually, needing to know how Lily was, I sent a text to Mandy.

  Alfie: Hey. How are you doing? Any idea how Lily is?

  Falling sleep in my drunken stupor, I never saw Mandy’s reply until I was sober and hung over in the cold light of day.

  Mandy: She’s perfect!

  At first I wasn’t sure what I was looking at, it was a video of a band in a club. Mandy’s voice was singing in the background and then I heard Holly. Sitting up straight and scrubbing my hand down my face, I stopped it and restarted it again. Twenty eight seconds of video clip, damn! It was Lily, and she was incredible.

  Playing it over and over, it was clear that Lily had not only moved on from me, but was kick- ass amazing as a rock chick as well. Gorgeous as ever and sassy as fuck.

  The chick was striding around on the stage front of a crowd in her six-inch heels, playing a complex riff on her guitar. Her skimpy hot- pant leather shorts and her red clinging t-shirt with a see-through stringy thing over it made her look sensational. Hot damn, I was as hard as a rock just looking at her. My little Lily.

  Chapter 40 – Starlets

  Lily’s video got me through some tough times during the following six weeks on tour. Five days out of seven, sometimes two gigs in each country and sometimes one in another the following day. Punishing schedule they set for a newly signed band. Stranger still, we were sold out all over Europe.

  Flitting from country to country didn’t mean that much to me. Seeing sights I would have been desperate to see if I had Lily by my side. Each site I went to see, I took a ‘selfie,’ a snapshot of myself holding my arm outstretched. Only I knew the significance of that pose.

  Everyone said I should have been having the time of my life, and to be fair to myself there were times when I put on a good show—being seen with a beautiful girl on my arm, but always going home alone. One of the oddest things was the little starlets that crawled out of the woodwork wanting to link their name with mine.

  The PR department had lined up a few red carpet occasions and stuck some cute, ‘girl- candy’ on my arm. I’ll admit, a couple of them I did get frisky with; I’m a hot-blooded man, but secretly I was still holding out for Lily, so I still couldn’t let myself fuck them, no matter how turned on I was.

  Drew was subdued as well, and Des had to use Andy as his wing man when he went to nightclubs and after-party events. Sitting after a gig two weeks into the tour, Drew finally shared what was wrong with him. Apparently, he thought he and Elle had quite a serious thing going then she’d come back from Miami and told him she’d been seeing one of the guys in Lily’s band.

  Drew still hadn’t seen Elle face to face because of the tour. Our first tour wasn’t as exciting as we expected, with all the traveling and face- to- face interviews, meet and greets, and performances. There was only three after parties during the whole tour, and all three were a let-down. And Drew and I were stuck on two girls that were making neither of us happy.

  One I pretended to be sick at and went home to bed because I was so wiped the fuck out, both physically and emotionally. Another, where Drew and Elle had a massive blow up in front of everyone over Cody, the guy in Lily’s band, and one where Des got blind drunk and let himself down by taking his pants off in public and pissing on the chocolate fountain that had been laid out for everyone.

  Groupies were an occupational hazard as far as I was concerned. Most of them we saw were seasoned whores who hung around the venues and went from group to group. No shame and no inhibitions a lot of them as well.

  Many of them trying for original ideas to catch the attention of some guy, who under normal circumstances, would struggle to get laid on their best days, but because they happened to be in a band, were singled out for special attention.

  I was great at avoiding them, except for the one who managed to squeeze into the elevator with me in France. Crazy chick had my zipper down and my dick out of my jeans before I could restrain her hands. Working like a wildcat she was determined to verify it wasn’t a sock I stuffed down there.

  Closing the last gig with ‘Insatiable,’ I had mixed feelings about everything I’d been through in the past couple several months. The song was a forever memory of Lily, who helped me write it. Relief and apprehension are the words I’d use for how I felt at that moment—relieved the tour had ended and apprehensive about going home.

  Eight days in Miami. That was all I could think about as we headed to the airport. Exhausted and struggling with the mixed feelings I had about the time off I had coming up. Flying back home to the emotional shit storm of knowing Lily was close by and finding the strength to leave her alone. Nearly five months away from her, and I still thought about her every single day.

  First day back, I slept most of it, and went to the store to fill the fridge and catch up with Kara and Harrison. After that I went to see Mandy. Delighted as always to see me, she welcomed me in like an old friend. Really happy to be spending time with me, we talked about the gigs, but also about the upcoming one Mandy was performing with us. She wasn’t nervous at all either, but with a voice like hers there was nothing to worry about.

  Desperately fighting not to ask her about Lily, I skirted around the whole college thing, and she was doing the same. A few awkward moments during the conversations which made me feel really uncomfortable because we’d exhausted everything else except the biggest thing we had in common, Lily.

  Taking a deep breath and exhaling heavily, I heard myself ask, “Is Lily well?”

  Mandy swallowed audibly. “Alfie, Lily has asked me not to discuss her with you, and it puts me in an awful position because I love both of you.”

  Smiling I touched Mandy’s hand. “It’s fine, I shouldn’t have asked.”

  Mandy touched my arm and said, “Alfie, Lily’s moved on, you should do the same.”

  Swallowing hard, my heartbeat thumped in my chest. “There’s someone else?”

  Mandy pursed her lips and nodded, and my eyes closed, not wanting to see her response a second longer. So that was it. Even after months without her, I had still been holding out hope in my heart that there might have been a way ahead for us. I only realized I had when Mandy spelled out to me there was no chance of that now.

  Arriving home from Mandy’s, I saw a strange SUV in the driveway. Ethan Parks, one of my old friends from when I was a student, climbed out of the driver’s seat and stalked over, grabbing me in a bear hug. Slapping my back he said, “Damn, Alfie Black, great to see you, dude.”

  Ethan was like a breath of fresh air, we’d been friends in college, but he decided that he’d do better working as a logistics guy for bands rather than playing in one. We’d been close during the last year then he disappeared to California to set up a business with his cousin.

  Telling me he had one night in Miami, he wouldn’t take no for an answer, and began to push me for a night on the town. Time flew fast with all the catching up we had to do, then I found myself in a club
I had only been in once before. D’mond was a massive club and reputed to be one of the best nightspots in Miami.

  Impressed with the layout, they had a circular stage at the center of the largest room, where up and coming bands as well as established artists performed. D’mond was packed with people, and Ethan was up for a good time, scouting around, smirking and raising his eyebrow every time he saw a girl who had potential in his eyes.

  A few drinks in and the DJ killed the music and the blue lights donned the stage. Within seconds a live band began an intro and although I couldn’t see them, the lead guitarist had my attention. When the lead singer began to sing, and a girl’s voice joined in, I was stunned.

  Lily? It was Lily’s voice that was filling the room, and I was on my feet pushing past people, trying to get a better view of what was happening in front of me.

  My heart beat was racing, my skin was covered in goose-bumps, and the hair at the back of my neck stood on end. Jesus, there she was, my beautiful girl. Rocking the house with her incredible talent.

  Everything I’d taught her in three days was there, and her confidence and skill had grown extensively since just a few months ago. Her performance looked completely effortless, and my heart swelled with pride and cracked with the ache to hold her at the same time. Ethan pushed alongside me and nudged my shoulder. “Fuck me, I’d definitely tap that.” He winked.

  If looks could have killed, Ethan would have been dead on the spot. “She was my girl, Ethan. Mine.” Ethan stared at me. “Damn, and she’s not anymore? What the fuck did you do, Alfie? You let that go?” He nodded toward the stage, his eyes fixed on her, just as she had mesmerized me that first time I saw her.

  “Sorry, dude, but I need to get out of here.” I pushed my way back through the crowd and left Ethan standing in the club on his own. I needed to think, and I couldn’t do that as long as her voice was drowning out everything else that was in my head.