by Skye Winters
How are you okay with this? She wasn't freaking out at all.
"Shouldn't you get some sleep?" She had to have been tired by now. No way working her magic all night hadn't left her with a hangover. Wolves got it from shifting and I was sure humans did as well. Including those using magic.
"I can sleep when I'm dead," she said, her eyes closing the slightest bit.
My mother had said the same exact thing. Now I know where she got it from.
"Rowan won't be back for a few more days," I said, picking the arrow off the floor before shoving it into the quiver. "We'll have more than enough time tomorrow—"
"No," Surrena said, grabbing the arrows from me. "We do this now."
Exhausted and in no mood to argue, I settled back in my chair. "Fine." But don't complain to me when you're hungry and too tired to hunt for food. Not like there was much around here anyway.
"How many wolves do we have left?" Surrena replaced the arrow I'd taken off the floor and stretched her back.
You mean so long as Devlin hasn't killed any of them? "Eight, I think." If we were going to make copies of every wolf, including the staff, that meant eighteen wolves total. Less than that if my memory was off. I wasn't aware of how many wolves we lost and could only go off of what I'd seen before I left. "Maybe less than that."
"Okay then. Tell me about your brother Caine."
Chapter Six
"Either we've got company or that's your informant making a mad dash across the field."
I glanced up from the book of herbs and remedies. Surrena grabbed her bow, arrows and the gun from her belt, holding it at her side once the hammer was cocked.
I left the book of remedies where it was and squinted out the front window, searching the field of tall grasses for movement. A moment later, a flash of red and brown caught my eye before it vanished again.
"I know that wolf," I said, not taking my eyes away from the tall grass. "It's Rowan."
Surrena nodded and gazed far behind Rowan's wolf, but whatever she was looking for wasn't there. She stepped over to the door and opened it once Rowan was near.
Rowan had a hard limp along her left flank, her right ear was torn and her fur was ragged, but there was no mistaking it was her. No other wolf shared her red pelt. At least, not within our pack, and certainly not any of the other wolves I'd ever come across.
Rowan loped into the house, shifted, shed her coat and staggered into a wall. Her face was red, her eyes wide, but the rest of her was considerably pale.
I drew her to me and guided her over to Surrena's bed. I grabbed the fur Rowan had given me and draped it over her shoulders as she shivered for warmth. She leaned her head against me and tucked it under my chin.
"Tell me what happened," I said, looking from her to Surrena. "Is the pack safe?" Then in a voice so low only she could hear, "You have me worried. Are you okay?"
She shuddered again, and this time it was so strong it ran up my arms and down my spine. "His wolves followed me." Her voice was hoarse, and the longer I held her, the harder she shook. "I couldn't shake them."
"Is that why your wolf's injured?"
She nuzzled my chest.
"How did you evade their scent?" Surrena asked, putting her bow down as she knelt beside the bed.
"Wolfsbane," Rowan coughed, gripping at the sides of my shirt.
My stomach dipped, and when I met Surrena's gaze, her eyes were wide. Mine probably weren't any better. "You touched it?"
"Ran through it. A large patch of it." She laughed then, a weak, tired chuckle. "It got them to stop."
But you kept running.
"Did you ingest any of it," Surrena asked. When Rowan didn't respond, Surrena squeezed her arm and asked again. "Please. I can't help you unless you tell me exactly what happened."
Rowan shook her head. "I don't think so." She released my shirt and dropped her hands to her sides.
I couldn't read the expression on Surrena's face, but when she turned away from me and picked the book of remedies off the ground, I didn't have to ask what she was doing. I continued to hold Rowan, rocking back and forth as Surrena leafed through pages of concoctions. When she found what she was looking for, she tore out a piece of paper, grabbed her belt and headed for the door.
"I'm going to find something that may help," she said, her voice not nearly as confident as I would've liked. "I'll come back as soon as I can."
And with that, I was alone with a very pale, very weak Rowan.
******
It had been two days since Surrena and I arrived, and the sun was already starting to dip toward the horizon. I hadn't expected Rowan for a few more days, so something else must've sent her this way, before the other wolves attacked her.
I lowered her onto the bed, removing my shirt and jacket as I did. I still had her spare change of clothes behind the house from her last visit, but I didn't feel comfortable enough to leave her, even if it was only for a few seconds. So I lay beside her instead, pressing her naked body to mine as I did whatever I could to share my warmth with her.
I took off my bra and slung it over the side of the bed, allowing our bodies to touch skin to skin as her teeth chattered. Her skin was hot and clammy. Her hairline was soaked with sweat.
I stroked her hair, moving it away from her face and the brilliant blue eyes that happened to stare back at me. "It's okay," I said, wincing when my voice shook. "I'm not going anywhere." Just don't leave. Not yet. "Surrena will come through, you'll see."
Rowan may not have ingested the Wolfsbane, but for a wolf, touch alone was enough to cause severe nausea, vomiting, fever, hallucinations and, if left untreated, irreversible effects. Like death.
No, I couldn't think like that. She was fine. She'd had fevers before, and thanks to her wolf, they'd broken almost as soon as they began.
"I'm the one who takes care of you," Rowan said in a thin whisper.
I swallowed around the lump in my throat. "It's my turn. You've done more than enough for me. More than any wolf ever should."
"But I'm your bonded."
"Especially my bonded. You've given me so much strength, so much life and hope—" I cut myself off and pressed her forehead to mine.
I arced my thumb across her cheek and kissed her on the lips as tears bit at the backs of my eyes. She reached for me, holding my arm with what must've been the small amount of energy she had left. She didn't kiss me back, and she didn't have to. Her eyes had closed, but her breaths were even.
Please hold on.
"Surrena," I called out as moisture streaked down my face. "Where are you?"
Silence formed a thick cocoon around us. Rowan's hold on me weakened, and I lowered her hand so it was resting on her stomach. I let my tears fall, placing her body under mine with the fur covering both of us. She didn't shiver. Her teeth didn't chatter, but I knew she was burning up.
Beads of perspiration formed along her hairline, and I pulled my attention away from it to fight back the sobs that had gathered in my chest.
Why? It was all I could think about. She knew what Wolfsbane could do to us, and yet she gambled its effects instead of facing the other wolves. She'd mentioned wolves trying to court her before, but were these the same ones? If she crossed from the boundary to the outskirts, would they follow her?
She was injured. The wounds weren't as obvious in her human form and shown more like a bad bruise, but I'd seen her wolf. Not terminal, but clearly enough to slow Rowan down and further expose her to the wolves that had been flanking her.
Running through the Wolfsbane got the other wolves to stop. Rowan still made it to the cabin. But what if we hadn't been here? What if this happened a few days ago when Surrena and I were still in the city? What then? And why had she come so soon after her last visit?
She had been unable to get away as often as we would've liked. Something must've changed. But until Rowan woke or Surrena returned with the remedy, all I could do was run in circles of why, what if and how did this all happen.
&nb
sp; I rested my head on Rowan's shoulder, nuzzling the side of her neck as I skated my hand along her ribs. It was something she loved, to the point of tickling her, but calming at the same time. And while she may have passed out, the subtle movement of my hand took me back to when we lay in bed together, sprawled out in the sunlight on a lazy day.
She always had a way of slowing me down, teaching me to take our time and enjoy the few short moments we had together. As the rest of the pack moved around us, we gathered the few scant crumbs—moments in time—when we could lose ourselves in each other's arms.
I closed my eyes and breathed in Rowan's scent, crinkling my nose when I caught the hint of something I didn't quite recognize. It took me a moment to resurface from memory to the bed we shared, then the foreign smell became all too clear.
The Wolfsbane.
I winced as my heart ached for the woman lying beneath me. Even with her more-than-usual pale skin and fiery red hair, I found myself simply admiring her form. The rosy cheeks she only had during a fever or after a hard run. The way her hair curled along her brow whenever it was wet.
Her breasts snug against mine. Warm skin under tentative fingertips.
A shudder, mine or Rowan's, reminded me this wasn't the time or the place to think of our first kiss, or how she looked under the spray of a waterfall. Nor was it the time to think on the pack, or how I'd survive my time as alpha without her at my side.
Carefully balancing between thoughts of lust and grief, I teetered to one side, then the other. But I never fell.
Surrena will find a cure. She had to.
I closed my eyes and fought back my tears. Maybe if I'd gone with her, she would’ve been back by now.
If you'd left, and came back too late, then what?
A pang of regret hit my stomach, and I pushed any concerns I may have had regarding Surrena's whereabouts to the side. All that mattered right now was this woman, the one I was trying to cover with my entire body, sharing whatever warmth I could in order to get her fever to break.
There were no cool streams nearby. None close enough for Rowan to travel to, and certainly none with a large enough water supply to give her a proper washing.
She should've stayed within the boundary.
If she had, she could've died.
Devlin's wolves were ruthless and would stop at nothing to cause our pack pain unless Devlin asked them not to. Considering how far we were from the haven, there was a good chance he didn't know about his wolves' attacks on Rowan or her trips outside the boundary to Surrena's cabin.
And that was another problem altogether. Outside the boundary, she wouldn't heal. Without the strength of the pack—our pack—the regeneration most wolves went through when facing an illness wouldn't exist.
She's lucky she was able to shift out here at all.
Whenever she visited, it was for short periods of time. But she'd been here for more than an hour now, and I could see it was taking a toll on her body.
I was thankful for Surrena's illusion of a warm, comforting cabin as well as the way she kept my wolf at bay. Ever since she caught me in the ally, I didn’t suffer the strong abdominal pains I'd had before.
I wasn't fighting another part of myself while holding back my emotions at the same time. I was free to feel my grief and fears without the worry of shifting or blacking out. I was able to experience my love for Rowan and my dependence on her without my wolf interfering or making it any less clear.
The pack swears our wolves make us stronger, but if I were to be honest with myself, I'd say they make us blind. Any pain, fear or panic, and our wolves claw to get out. Most of the pack shifts when this happens, leaving each emotion and painful thought to the wayside as their wolves run free.
No burdens. No anguish. No reason to remain human for long.
If we don't experience pain, we remain focused.
Pack life made it so hiding our pain was a necessity. Showing it meant weakness, and if seen by another pack like Devlin's, it only gave them more reason to rub it in.
Chapter Seven
"How is she?"
I jolted awake as Surrena walked into the room, carrying an assortment of flowers and roots before unloading them onto the floor. I was about to rise from the bed when I realized I was still partially naked.
"Unchanged," I said, dropping my gaze. Did I pass out? "She's been asleep ever since—"
"I know." Surrena grabbed her quiver and poured out its contents. With the arrows on the floor, she pulled something else from a small compartment I hadn't noticed earlier.
I frowned as I studied the small ceramic bowl and hammer. "A mortar and pestle?"
She shrugged. "As close as we're going to find out here. I used to use it for making poison-tipped arrows, but it'll work all the same."
"Once you clean it, you mean," I pointed out.
"It's been cleaned."
Surrena crouched beside the herbs and took her time breaking petals off one and leaves off another. She tossed the ingredients into the bowl and ground them with the ceramic hammer, loosening the natural juices until the herbs themselves were a thin paste.
I grimaced at the mixture, as much from its fecal-like appearance as the stench. "That smells horrible."
"And it will taste just as bad." Surrena offered me a sympathetic look. "Anything medicinal usually does." She rose to her feet to stand beside the bed. "Sit her up and hold her tight as you can. She isn't going to like this. Her wolf will probably lash out."
I hesitated.
"What is it?" Surrena cocked an eyebrow at me. "The more time you waste, the less likely this is going to work."
"I thought you said the effects would be instantaneous."
"For the vial of Wolfsbane, not the cure. Especially when I couldn't find the quality herbs I'd like."
"Which means it might not work?"
"It should. The herbs out here are sparse. They aren't flowering very well, but we'll work with what we've got."
I sat up and drew Rowan into my lap. The fur fell away from us, and I averted my gaze as I held Rowan's arms close to her body. She stirred, but she didn't wake.
The smirk I expected to find on Surrena's face when she found us naked wasn't there. Instead, her brow furrowed with concentration as she leaned forward, pressing the ceramic bowl to Rowan's lips.
"Tip her head back a bit," Surrena instructed, keeping her hands steady as her eyes focused on Rowan's lips. "There. Just like that."
"Shouldn't we wake her?" Won't she choke?
"That's what we're trying to do. She 's too far into the Wolfsbane's hold. The only way for us to draw her out is with this. She'll drink it, she just won't like it."
Making sure I had a firm grip on Rowan, I nodded to Surrena. The huntress was quick, holding Rowan's chin in her hand as she pried open her lips with the edge of the bowl.
Rowan thrashed in my arms, turning her head to one side and then the other to evade Surrena's cure.
I hugged her close and kissed behind her ear, which quickly resulted in another fit from Rowan and a bruised nose for me. Fuck.
If I wasn't awake before, I was now. Hot pain surged along the bridge of my nose as I blinked fresh tears from my eyes. Surrena had stopped what she was doing, but once she was sure I was okay, we continued.
I exhaled and held a hand on Rowan's forehead, keeping her steady until she consumed the rest of the mixture.
"You can let her go now," Surrena said as she stood away from us, turning back for her quiver on the floor. "It may take some time. Best thing we can do is wait."
I rocked Rowan side to side, combing back her soaked hair as I did. She was still now. She didn't fight back and no whimpers escaped her lips.
I rubbed my nose between my thumb and forefinger, blinking at the white specs that happened to form around my vision.
"Is it broken?" Surrena asked, glancing over her shoulder.
I touched it again, grimacing from the tender flesh, but no, it didn't seem to be broken. "I don't thi
nk so."
"That was a mean crack. You okay?"
"I will be." I looked at Rowan. Once she wakes up.
"I can see now why you trusted this informant more than family. She did a lot to get here, even risked her own life."
I smiled then. "It's the same you'll be doing for my mother."
"It is." She got quiet for a moment, then turned back for me. "Why didn't you tell me about your relationship to her before?" The hurt in her eyes was palpable. "Didn't you think I'd understand?"
I barely know you. "I didn't think it was important."
Surrena looked from myself to Rowan. "She's important to you. And if she truly is your bonded, then it's part of who you are. Why hide that? Your bond is sacred, no matter who it's with. It's the most beautiful part of your being."
"Not to the pack."
She exhaled and moved a stool over to the side of the bed before offering the fur back to me. Surrena sat down and went on. "Your mother said the same thing."
"What did you tell her?"
"Exactly what I'm going to tell you. I can't claim to understand how hard it is to be in a pack, let alone an alpha. But love isn't meant to be complicated. It only ends up that way because we make it so. If we listen to what our bond truly wants and take everyone else out of the equation, there wouldn't be any reason to deny your love for that woman."
"But it is complicated." I'm an alpha. Being a lower ranking wolf wouldn't make it any easier. "The pack governs what's acceptable. Not just for the alphas, but the other wolves as well."
"And yet you've fallen for this woman knowing that. You hold her now like your life depends on it. You care for her, possibly more than your own blood. What would happen if the Wolfsbane had a chance to claim her? What then?"
I swallowed hard. "But it won't. We got it in time."
"For now, but you need to be realistic. This won't be the only thing that threatens her life once you take your place as alpha. Your attention will be split between those you love, and those you have a responsibility to protect. So, when your back is turned and you're focused on the rest of the pack, what happens to the woman who stole your heart?"
