“Whatever you think.” I can hear the doubt in her voice. “But I don’t know how long you’re going to be happy like this.”
“I’m just taking one day at a time.” I push my empty mug back and stand.
“I’m glad today brought you by to see me. Will you stay for supper?”
I shake my head. “I came straight from work, so I haven’t even been home to let the dogs out.”
“I hate for you to go home to an empty house.”
I smile. “I’ve seen Jack almost every day since the Fourth. It won’t hurt me to be alone a little bit. Besides, I just got my first shipment in from that Christian mystery book club I joined. I think I’ll curl up with a good book tonight.”
She hugs me and watches me walk out to my car. As I drive home, I plan out my evening. How long has it been since I just vegged out, as Jenn says? Too long.
The dogs are glad to see me. I have a doggie door, but several months ago a tree fell on my backyard fence, and I haven’t had time to get it fixed, so for now the doggie door is sealed. Maybe I should call someone about that tonight. . . . No. Tonight is veg night.
After a shower, I slip into capris and a T-shirt then pad into the kitchen to forage up some supper. Cocoa and Shadow follow me. “Hey, girls, wanna help me clean out the fridge? You can eat what I don’t.”
Just as I touch the refrigerator door handle, the doorbell rings. I groan and head to the door. When I pass the mirror in the hallway, I groan louder. Riotous curls play around my face, which is bare of makeup. Please let this be a traveling evangelist or a Girl Scout selling cookies.
The doorbell peals again, and the dogs are in a perfect flurry of joy. I peek out the side curtain and open the door to Jack’s upraised hand. He halts just before knocking on my forehead and offers a sheepish grin.
“Guess I shoulda called first, huh?” “Um, that’s okay.” I step back for him to enter, and the dogs have a contest to see who can bark louder as they leap around him.
“Nice T-shirt.”
I glance down at my shirt, which proclaims, “I ride Missouri fox trotters. If I wanted to bounce, I’d buy a trampoline.” Since we both own gaited fox trotters, I guess it’s appropriate. “Thanks. What’s up?”
He squats down to pat the dogs and looks up at me. “I heard a news report that people need more spontaneity in their lives. So I thought we’d do something on the spur of the moment.”
“Who are you kidding?” I give his hat a playful nudge. “You forgot to call. You are so busted, buster.”
He readjusts his hat and stands with a rueful grin. “Okay. You caught me. I did hear that report a few days ago, but I forgot about it until just now. I was just thinkin’ we could take the dogs to the lake and let them play awhile. I meant to call earlier and ask you, but I got busy, and, well, it seemed silly to call five minutes before I got here. So. Wanna go? Jenn can come, too.”
“I’m sure Jenn would love to, but she’s spending the night with Miranda.”
“Well, how about it? I’ll load the dogs.” He scratches a dog with each hand, and they look up at him like he’s their hero.
“I’m not ready.” “You look fine to me.” He must be wearing blinders. Oh wait. I guess he wouldn’t care what his old college roommate’s hair looks like, so why should he care about mine? Still, I have a little self-respect.
“I have to do something with my hair and change clothes before I can be seen.”
His dimples flash. “Wrong. I see you right now. You’ve got to outgrow this notion of invisibility, kiddo.”
“You are so funny.” I want to tell him I’m going to stay home and read a book, but I admit it, I’m weak. So sue me. “Go ahead and load the dogs while I get ready. I’ll be out in five minutes.”
Four minutes later, I exit the house, still in my capris and T-shirt but with my hair piled on my head and held by a giant clip. No makeup. What are a few freckles between friends?
“I am so impressed.” Jack opens the truck door for me. “All I did was put my hair up. I don’t look that much better,” I protest as I climb in.
“I wasn’t talking about your looks, missy. I’m impressed because you got ready so fast.” He shuts my door, walks around the truck, and gets in. He flashes me a mischievous grin as we head toward the lake.
So is he saying my looks don’t impress him? I take a deep breath. That’s a good thing. Friends. Buddies. Pals. Got to stay on the right page, Rach.
When we arrive at the lake, the dogs leap out of the backseat and head straight for the water. The summer sun is still fairly high, but the oppressive heat has lifted. Jack hands me one of the bright orange dummies the dogs are trained to retrieve. He takes the other, and we follow the dogs. We start with short throws, but in our bantering mood, we’re soon seeing who can toss the dummy farther.
It’s a foregone conclusion that Jack will win, but I keep trying. I want to keep trying forever. When I was a kid, I remember that sometimes a moment that seemed perfect to me would occur, and I’d think, I wonder if I’ll remember this moment when I get old. I want to, because I’m happier than I’ve ever been, right now. That’s how I feel. No matter what the future holds, right now, in this moment, I’m happy. And I’m thankful for that.
“One thing about it,” Victoria drawls, “after takin’ care of Sheila, a baby will be a picnic.” She carries her tray to our table, with Allie and me tagging along behind.
“Lark’s running herself ragged, all right,” Allie agrees as she pulls out a chair.
“I wonder how Craig’s holding out.” I’m still amazed that Lark missed our Pinky gathering.
Allie shakes her head. “Lark says even though it was his idea to adopt, he sure isn’t crazy about the way things are going.”
Vic sits down and takes a sip of her latte. “We need to keep praying for them.”
“I know.” I sit down next to Allie. “I haven’t seen her since I stopped by her house a couple of weeks ago. When she called me this afternoon to say that she wouldn’t be able to come tonight, she sounded so worn out. So I told her my news on the phone.”
“Having a baby has been her dream for so long,” Victoria says. “What if it doesn’t happen?”
“Lark’s stronger than we think,” Allie says softly. “She’ll lean on God to get her through whatever comes.”
For a second, I wonder if my friends could say the same about me. Will I lean on God to get me through whatever comes? Or will I just keep trying to stand on my own?
“Speaking of news, what’s your big announcement, Rach?” “Yeah, spill. Was Mama Ruth right after all?” Allie grabs my hand and holds it up. “Where’s the ring?”
“You’re just hilarious.” I stir my coffee to buy a little time. “I’ve told you both, Jack and I are just friends.”
“We hear what you’re saying, but we see what we’re seeing.” Allie daintily sips her latte and blots her lips with a napkin. “And from here, it doesn’t look like ‘just friends.’ ”
“Seems to me, shugah, like you’re spending more time together than some married couples do.” Victoria winks at me.
“She’s right. Let’s see”—Allie begins ticking off items on her fingers—“you ride horses together nearly every morning, you have the committee meetings every Tuesday night. I don’t believe there’s a decent eating place within a fifty-mile radius that the two of you haven’t been to together. What am I forgetting?”
Victoria picks up the count on her own fingers. “Bowling? Fishing? Didn’t you take Jenn and Dirk to a rodeo the other night?”
“Jenn needed to see for herself how the events were done. Our rodeo is in two weeks.”
“Sounds logical,” Victoria says, nodding exaggeratedly.
I blow out an exasperated breath. “Is there a problem with two people who are friends doing things together? We’re all friends, and we do things together all the time.”
Our gazes lock, and we burst out laughing, since this is the first time in over a month that
we’ve actually sat down and talked. Now that I think of it, most of my spare time has been spent with Jack.
July has gone by in a haze of activities, punctuated by “committee meetings” and connected by office hours. But the highlights have all included a certain cowboy.
“So really, Jack’s happy just being friends?” Allie presses.
“I don’t know.”
“Are you?” Victoria asks quietly.
I shrug and shift in my chair. “What choice do I have? For now, it’s all there is. I can’t really go forward with a relationship.”
“Maybe you need to—” Allie starts.
But it’s time for a subject change. “My news.” I sigh. “Ron called the other day. It’s official. I’ve been nominated for Shady Grove Citizen of the Year.”
Vic frowns. “Well, shugah, I surely do sympathize with you. It must be an awful burden, having people think you’re so wonderful, an’ all.”
“Be serious. You know how I hate to be in the public eye.”
Allie pats me on the shoulder. “Congratulations, Rachel. You do so much for your patients and this town. It’s about time someone recognized it. I’m proud of you.”
Victoria shakes her head. “I’m proud of you, too, you goose. But I want you to be happy with yourself, too. You’ve got to let go of the past. You’re carrying it around like a camel carrying an extra hump.”
Allie spews coffee and fumbles for a napkin.
I laugh and reach around to check for humps, extra or not, on my back.
Vic says, “Well, you know what I mean.”
Ever tactful Allie snatches me from the frying pan—“Did you invite Jack to go with you to the banquet?”—and throws me right into the fire, thank you very much.
“Well, of course she did,” Victoria pronounces. “The girl is not dumb. She knows a good thing when she sees it. And he is definitely a good thing.”
I sigh. I seem to be doing a lot of that lately. “Do you know how hard I’ve worked this last month to keep my relationship with Jack strictly friends? Then there’s all that awful publicity we had with Blair. My patients are finally letting me treat them without asking for the latest development in my social life. I already told Jack about the banquet, and he knows I’m taking Jenn.”
My friends look at me as if I’ve lost what little sense they thought I had.
“Rachel,” Allie says, as if she’s talking to a particularly stubborn child, “you can’t let Blair intimidate you. I, of all people, know how hurtful her broadcasts can be. But look at me now. If I’d let her get to me, I wouldn’t have the landscaping contract with the city, I wouldn’t have Daniel—” Her voice cracks, and she falls silent, unable to continue.
“Allie’s right,” Vic chimes in. “Each time Blair walks on someone, she just gains power and steps higher. You’ve got to stand up to her. Take the bull by the horns. Or, in this case”—she grins—“the bull rider.”
Allie and I groan.
But my friends do make sense. I’ve run from “What will people think?” since I was seventeen years old, leaving home to save face. “Okay, I’ll ask him to go. But only as friends.”
Vic shrugs. “That’s a start.”
About half a mile from the Lazy W, it occurs to me that Jack may be busy, gone, or even—this thought is a shocker that doesn’t bear considering—have a date already for tomorrow night. He answers my call on the first ring.
“Jack, is it too late for a friend to drop in?”
“Of course not. Is everything okay?”
“Things are fine. I just need to talk to you a minute.”
His tone is guarded. “Good talk or bad?”
I pull into the driveway as he finishes the last question. He’s standing on the porch watching me. I close my cell phone without answering and climb out of the car into the warm moonlit night. A night that’s playing havoc with my heart, which is once again threatening mutiny.
The cowgirl always falls for the cowboy in the moonlight. It’s a known fact. And seeing Jack striding down the porch steps toward me, all broad-shouldered and long-legged, with horses whinnying in the distance and crickets singing their hearts out, well, what’s a cowgirl to do?
Get a grip, that’s what. Jack meets me halfway across the drive and pulls me into a loose hug. I allow him to hold me for a minute. Because there’s the moonlight and the crickets, and. . . and because it makes me feel incredibly peaceful, like all is right with the world.
“What’s wrong?” he whispers against my hair.
I push back, and he releases me but slides his hand down to enfold mine.
I don’t pull away as we walk up to his porch swing and sit down. “Nothing’s wrong. I just need to ask you something.”
He smiles. “Since when do you drive out here at bedtime to ask me something?” He squeezes my hand, and I stare down at our entwined fingers. What am I doing on a dark porch holding hands with this cowboy?
I gently tug my hand free. “Since I decided at the last minute that maybe I do need an escort for the Citizen of the Year banquet.” I try so hard to sound casual, but I’m afraid that I just sound like I’m trying hard to sound casual. I push to my feet, lean out over the porch railing, and look up at the moon. “I thought you might want to go with me.”
“You askin’ me or the man in the moon?” Jack says from behind me where he’s still sitting. There’s a tone in his voice that I haven’t heard before.
I turn around and rest my back against the railing, suddenly nervous. “I’m asking you.”
“As a date? Or as friends?” His face is in the shadow now, but his clipped words are giving me a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.
“As friends.” Nothing has changed. So that’s all I have to offer. Take it or leave it. Except, please take it.
“No.”
“No?”
“I’m sorry, Rachel. I can’t go with you to the banquet.”
Anger, hot and sudden, flares through me. “Why not?” I can see Allie and Victoria counting off all our excursions on their fingers. I can hear their voices, teasing me that Jack is just waiting for me to give him the all-clear sign. “You’ve gone everywhere else with me for the last month, but I need an escort to a public banquet where I’m the guest of honor and you can’t go?”
As quickly as the anger comes, it’s gone, and mortification takes its place. He didn’t say he won’t go. He said he can’t go. He probably has another engagement, or he’s expecting company, or he’s allergic to banquets, or he has to wash his hair. . . . I’m sure there’s a good reason.
He stands and crosses over to me, and the moonlight falls on his face. His features are set in hard lines tonight. The laughing, joking cowboy I know isn’t anywhere to be seen. “You asked for us to just be friends for a while. And I agreed. But it’s been awhile. And I can’t do it anymore. I thought I could give you all the time you need. But I can’t.”
“Oh.” My voices is as small as I feel. He could go. He won’t. He touches my shoulder, and I cross my arms in front of me. If I let him hold me again, I’ll crumble.
He drops his hand as if he’s touched a hot stove. “I love you, Rachel.”
All sound ceases. The night sounds are no more. I stare at him, his brown eyes so dark, and the horror of what is happening dawns on me. “I. . .I. . .don’t know what to say.”
He utters a short laugh, void of mirth. “I didn’t think you would.” Then he nods slowly. “Let me know when you think of something.”
He turns toward his front door, his boots tapping against the wooden porch as he walks away from me.
“Jack?”
He turns around, holding up his hand to silence me.
“Remember when I told you about Maggie? I said I reacted stupidly after she left?”
I nod.
“The truth is I found out later that she’d been engaged to some guy even while we were together. I followed her back to Boston and punched out her fiancé. I guess I thought he was the reason
she wouldn’t love me. A night in jail woke me up to the fact that you can’t force love. Either it’s there or it’s not. I promised myself I’d never try again to make something be there that isn’t there. And obviously, for you, it’s not there.”
“But I. . .” I what? I love you? If I say that, then I’ve opened the gate. The rest of the truth will come tumbling out. All my shame will be right out in the open, and he’ll hate me anyway. Either way, I’ve lost him. “I. . .”
He opens the screen door and turns back to face me one more time. “Bye, Rach.”
And just like that, he’s gone.
“I still don’t understand why I couldn’t ask Dirk to go to the banquet with me.” Jennifer spins around, admiring her white dress in the foyer mirror.
I lean forward and peer at my reflection. My extra-heavy makeup is hardly noticeable. “I told you, it’s a girls’ night out.” Besides, if I can’t have a date, you’re not about to have one either.
“Miranda and Katie’s dad will be there.”
A smile plays across my lips. How quickly Daniel became “Miranda and Katie’s dad.” “He and Adam and Craig don’t count.”
“Just because you and Jack—”
I turn and raise an eyebrow in warning, and she shuts up. She doesn’t know what happened with Jack, but she’s definitely taken note of my puffy eyes and red nose today. And noticed that I didn’t get up for our morning ride. I think she figured out right quick that I don’t have a cold.
“So, are you okay?” she asks a little grudgingly. But still, for a fifteen-year-old, that’s pretty considerate, I think.
“I will be.” I hope. I cried so much last night the dogs finally got off the bed and went to sleep on the floor. Today I’m numb. Nothing. It’s weird really. But I remember when I first moved back to Shady Grove, a widow we knew lost her home and all her possessions in a fire. The next day she seemed fine. Lark and I marveled at how quickly she’d found peace, but Lark’s granny said, “Peace takes time, honey. Shock is what gets you through the first few days.”
Along Came a Cowboy Page 20
