by Leigh Riker
It seemed pointless to go on with that line of questioning. Grey had gotten nowhere, and for a moment he regretted even coming to the apartment. Then another topic crossed his mind, more recent but as much of a mystery to him. “While I’m here, I’ve been missing some Angus cattle. More than two dozen head. The truck and stock trailer the rustlers are using to haul them in is a white Ford F-150. Extended cab. Kansas plates,” he said. “I’m not accusing you—”
Calvin’s face, always an indoor kind of pale, had turned ashen. The dark cowlick on the crown of his head stood up.
“White, you say? Must be dozens of them in Stewart County alone.” Echoing Grey’s own thought, Calvin glanced toward the street. “Can’t help you. My car’s a used Kia sedan. It’s parked in front of the café right now.” He grinned, but the too-quick expression fell flat. “Least, I think it is. I don’t remember driving home last night, to tell the truth.”
Grey hadn’t asked Calvin about his car. He’d answered too fast.
“That’s what I’m looking for. Truth.” Grey added, “Know anyone who does drive a white truck? Someone who could handle a bunch of frightened cattle?” He looked directly at Calvin. “Maybe you saw something at Rowdy’s.”
Calvin laughed. “Good thing you’re not a lawman. Your technique needs work.” Before Grey could react, Calvin grasped his shoulder and pushed him toward the door. “I’ve told you what I know. Now go. Don’t come back.”
Grey went. He wasn’t about to get into a fight with Calvin Stern. Most likely, he had been involved at Rowdy’s last night, but that was his business—and Finn’s. Grey still thought Calvin knew more than he’d let on about Jared and the gun.
He’d had that lingering unease in his eyes, as if Grey had come too close to the truth he needed. And not the truth about the white truck. Or a bar fight.
CHAPTER TEN
BY THE TIME she got home, Shadow felt limp. Ava had continued to balk at leaving Jenna’s house in Shawnee Mission, and after they got underway, she’d begun to cry, which broke Shadow’s heart. She was tearing Ava from the home she’d known for the past few years, even as Shadow felt sure this was the right thing to do. Several times she’d checked the rearview mirror, trying to show Ava she understood her tears, but that had only made her cry harder. Shadow had a lot to make up for.
Because they’d left at rush hour, the drive had taken extra time. As she drove into Barren, Shadow breathed a sigh of relief. Home, she thought, amazed. In the year she’d been back, living here only during the week, she’d never called this town home. But she was making that life for herself—for Ava—and with the new house, they would have roots.
Shadow’s mother met them at the door. After their packing session at the farm yesterday, Shadow had invited her for dinner tonight, but she had forgotten to call her from Jenna’s house to say that wasn’t a good plan, after all.
“What’s happened?” Wanda asked, her gaze darting to Ava.
“Later, Mama.” Shadow went down the hall to the second bedroom. Ava followed, carrying her backpack stuffed with the wadded-up clothes she’d thrown in with angry reluctance.
“This will be your room, sweetie,” Shadow told her. “Can you get your other bag from the car?”
“I guess.” With a look at them that seemed to wonder what she wasn’t supposed to hear, she left the room.
Her mother leaned in, lowering her voice. “Except for her eyes, that child is the spitting image of you at her age,” she said. “Now you’ve brought her here. To Barren.”
“I couldn’t leave her with Jenna. This is just sooner than I planned to bring her home.” Quickly Shadow told her about David. “You can imagine how distraught Jenna is. I hated to leave her, but she wouldn’t budge. That house is still a comfort to her. She needs the privacy and time to figure out her next move.”
“You don’t think she’d try to harm herself?”
“No,” Shadow said. “But she’ll need to do some hard thinking. The future doesn’t look very bright to her right now.”
“She doesn’t even have a job to fall back on,” her mother pointed out.
“I know.” At twenty Jenna had married David without completing college, but at least, unlike Shadow back then, she’d finished high school. “At times I’ve wished she’d never gotten that admin job at his firm. She was so young—”
“I think your daddy and I met David twice—once at their wedding—and he didn’t want us there. I still don’t like him.”
“Mama, we all have fences to repair.”
“I’m not sure I’m up to that—with certain people.” Then she brightened. “I forgot to tell you. Derek’s taking good care of my hens tonight,” she said with pride.
“If he remembers to feed them,” Shadow couldn’t help saying.
“I’ve asked him to pay special attention to Little Addie and Beulah. They haven’t been eating. They’ll likely miss me. They may be feeling poorly.”
Shadow sighed. Her mother sounded more worried about her flock than her troubled daughter. “We need to make dinner. I promised Ava homemade pizza.”
As Ava came back into the room, lugging her second suitcase, Shadow’s mother slipped out into the hall. “Too much change,” she said as she started toward the kitchen. “I hope you have bacon for that pizza.”
Ava dropped her suitcase on the floor. “Is that Grandma? Does she live with you?”
“No,” Shadow said. “She’s visiting. You two will have a chance to get to know each other better.”
Ava continued to survey the room. The first thing Shadow had done after she moved into the house was to decorate this space for her.
The walls were light—blush pink, the paint chip had read—and the familiar white and black accents were everywhere. Stick-on decals of familiar, whimsical Hello Kitty characters adorned the walls and the quilt pattern on the bed. Even a throw pillow on a chair and the pencil cup on the student desk in the corner displayed the popular logo. Shadow had meant this as a surprise, but now she realized she’d made a mistake.
Her spirits plummeted. Remembering the posters of Tim McGraw and boy bands in Ava’s room at Jenna’s house, she knew she’d misjudged this situation. Somehow, Shadow had missed Ava’s change of taste, of interests. How many other, much more significant, changes had she failed to see?
“Why is there Hello Kitty everywhere?” Ava said. “I’m tired of that.”
Shadow’s throat closed. “We can repaint. Choose a theme you do want.”
But Ava shook her head. “I’m not staying that long.”
A strange silence had settled over the house that had so briefly been Shadow’s lone refuge. Bringing Ava here was what she’d yearned for, planned for, but this wasn’t how she’d envisioned it.
Ava was searching for something in her backpack, and Shadow’s heart melted when she pulled out the stuffed pony that had been a baby gift. She’d slept with it every night. Did she still? Shadow had wondered about that, but something squeezed painfully in her chest when she realized she hadn’t known.
“You still like horses?” Shadow asked gently.
Ava nodded. “Aunt Jenna said maybe I could take lessons to see how I liked riding and then we could talk about leasing a horse...but I don’t think that will happen now.” The brown pony had a slight tear in the fabric near its black tail and the stuffing showed through. “I’ll keep Stormy always. I would never let him go.”
She held the pony tighter, her hair sliding over her cheeks to hide her expression. “A mother should never leave her child,” she said. “Even for a little while.”
Shadow weakened, as if all the stuffing had come out of her instead of Stormy. There would be no good-night kisses to Ava’s nose and cheeks tonight. Her daughter wouldn’t let Shadow hold her close. What had she done to this child whose well-being had been her ma
in priority since Ava was born? Had she made the right choices? Or done damage to her child’s spirit that could never be repaired?
Shadow had always tried to take responsibility for her actions. The only person she’d ever blamed for anything was Grey and she wasn’t as sure about his responsibility in Jared’s death anymore, either.
* * *
AFTER LEAVING CALVIN Stern’s place, Grey had stopped across the street at Mother Comfort, where a makeshift sign informed him that Shadow was gone for the day.
Grey had gone back to his truck. He’d considered calling her, then thought better of it. Instead, he’d gone home to do afternoon chores before he headed to Shadow’s in the early evening. He was certain he’d found a weak spot in his old case. He wanted to share that with her, maybe convince her she’d been wrong about him years ago and there was still something more to be learned. He also wanted to see her again. Maybe he could urge Finn to talk to Calvin now, ask better questions, and Grey would get somewhere in his search for answers about Jared.
When no one answered Shadow’s door, he hit the bell again. While he waited, he studied the neighborhood. He hadn’t been to her house before, but he liked the rows of neat yet simple homes, the well-kept lawns and flower beds. Except for Shadow’s property. She hadn’t planted any marigolds or geraniums in spring and no summer perennials had popped through the now-warm earth. The grass needed mowing.
He wished, because of her difficult childhood, that she could have grown up here instead, that he’d always been welcome.
Finally, the door was flung open. To his surprise, Wanda Moran stood there, but she wasn’t glowering, as he might have expected when she saw him. Instead, she looked shocked. Still, he imagined she’d checked him out through the security peephole. Squaring her shoulders, she blocked the entrance, and Grey tried not to be too obvious about glancing past her. He hoped to see Shadow there, but Wanda appeared to be alone.
Grey removed his hat. “Mrs. Moran. Long time.”
Her gaze seemed to say, not long enough. She took him in, from his everyday straw cowboy hat to the tips of his scuffed Tony Llama boots. He should have worn his go-to-town pair, polished to a high sheen, and his black Stetson. Not that better clothes would have made her like him.
Grey felt like the teenage kid he’d once been, coming to call on his girlfriend.
“Is Shadow home?”
“She may be.” Wanda fidgeted with a dish towel in her hands. She didn’t invite him in.
Grey removed his hat. “I have something she needs to hear.”
I doubt that. She didn’t say so; she didn’t have to. Her opinion of him was written across her face, and she hadn’t moved half an inch from her spot in the doorway. Grey stared right back.
Ten years faded away, and he could almost hear the wail of sirens on that dark night, see the whirling strobe of red ambulance lights in front of his house and the prone body of Jared Moran, blood seeping from underneath him. So still that Grey, his ears ringing from the gunshot, had known Jared was dead before he hit the ground.
“You can leave a message,” Wanda said. “I’ll try to see that she gets it.”
No, she wouldn’t. Like him, she hadn’t forgotten—how could they?—and, like Shadow so far, she wasn’t ready to forgive. He’d have to drive into town again tomorrow and hope to find Shadow in her office.
Grey had turned to go back down the few short steps to the sidewalk when he heard other voices behind Wanda. Somewhere from the center of the small house, he made out Shadow’s tone. So she was home.
“Mama?” she called. “Who’s here?”
Wanda didn’t answer. She made a jerky move to close the door, but before she could manage it, an unseen hand stopped the motion. Shadow peered over her mother’s shoulder and turned pale.
“I need to talk to you,” he said, twisting his hat in his hands. “This won’t take long. Would you come outside? I know I should have called first, but I only want to—”
She stepped in front of Wanda, but her mother stayed put in the doorway. He’d been afraid of this. From her mother, she must still hear diatribes against Grey, and he couldn’t blame Wanda Moran for how she felt. If he’d had any doubts about that, Wanda had just dispelled them. “Five minutes, that’s all I need.”
“Is this about the wedding party trip to Kansas City?”
“Nope,” he admitted, which only made Shadow’s features tighten. Her face had no color and her lips were pressed tightly together as she suddenly spun around at the sound of footsteps behind her.
Wanda placed a hand over her heart. “I told you, Shadow. This would happen.”
“Oh, Grey,” she said.
Half hidden by Shadow’s body, a little girl gazed up at him. Her eyes were wary, and she had Shadow’s dark hair. The stubborn tilt of her chin could have come from his father...and so could the color of her eyes, the exact blue-green of Grey’s. Actually, the chin was his, too. Every ounce of blood, and all of his strength, seemed to leak from him in that moment as if he were Jared Moran, gut shot and going down for the last time.
“Shadow,” he managed. The reality of this—his child—raced through his mind. He’d wanted to meet her, but hadn’t been prepared for the shock of actually seeing her in person. It was even more stunning than when Shadow had told him about her.
Shadow reached out a hand, but their little girl darted forward, coming to stand right in front of him. She wore a Shawnee Mission Elementary School T-shirt and denim shorts, her feet bare. She had his mother’s toes.
Shadow cleared her throat. Wanda had disappeared. I told you, Shadow. She didn’t resent Grey, even hate him, solely because of Jared. Wanda resented him for this child, the permanent connection between Grey and Shadow.
Shadow laid a hand on the girl’s shoulder. “Grey, this is...obviously—”
“Ava.” He didn’t even need to think about it. “I should have known.” That name had been their first choice. He’d even remembered that day at the diner. “We always talked about that, certain that someday we’d... I’ve never forgotten.”
Ava gave him a curious look. “You know my mom?”
Grey could hardly speak. His breath seemed to be locked in his lungs. His eyes met Shadow’s above their daughter’s head, and held.
“I thought I did,” he said.
* * *
SHADOW WATCHED GREY’S truck pull away from the curb. He hadn’t said another word before spinning and clattering down the steps. She’d expected him to burn rubber, but he didn’t. He used his blinker before pulling out, eased onto the street and then rolled slowly toward the corner. Way under the speed limit. Oh, yes, she should have known. He was angry. No, far worse, he was hurt. And she hadn’t been able to say a word.
He’d said over and over that he wanted to meet Ava. But Shadow had stalled, wanting to prepare her first. She’d never expected him to just show up at her door. And on the very day she’d finally brought Ava home.
“Who was that man?” Ava asked, standing beside her.
Heart aching, Shadow turned. Not now, she thought. Not yet and not this way. Her voice shook. “Someone I used to know,” she murmured. “Go help your grandmother, sweetie. You can tell her what you like on your pizza.”
But her mother appeared from the kitchen, her eyes on Shadow, then Ava. For the first time since Ava had walked into the house, her mother addressed her directly, with a soft look that Shadow hadn’t seen in a long time. “Go, darling,” she said. “I’ll be right there to help.”
The subtle order galvanized Ava, who didn’t seem to know what to think of her grandmother, never mind Grey. Without a backward look, she went off to the kitchen, and Shadow thought, Can this family get any more broken? The answer was yes, which seemed to be her fault again. She’d hoped to work up to this, yet she should have guessed something like this might
happen. Grey could be impatient, and he hadn’t liked being put off before. Why had he decided to come tonight?
Now, he had finally met his daughter. Shadow wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there, licking her fresh guilt like a mortal wound. She kept seeing his expression, that stunned and angry and injured look, even worse than when he’d first learned about Ava. She remembered Ava’s questions about her father over the years, and Shadow’s own wish that she could simply go to him, let him know. And yet each time she’d thought of their painful breakup, and of Jared. And that had stopped her.
“You were right, Mama,” she said around the lump in her throat. “I should have told him sooner. I almost did.”
“Well, he knows now.”
“Yes,” she agreed. “I should have let him see her. I just couldn’t figure out how to tell Ava first.” All along he’d had a right to know, even with Jared’s death between them. And yet she’d kept Ava from him. How differently things might have worked out if she’d told him sooner. How many times had she yearned to tell him about the Merritts, about not going through with the adoption, about all of Ava’s milestones?
If she and Grey hadn’t broken up, still loved each other as they did once, they would have been married for nearly a decade by now. They would have raised Ava together, two parents instead of one. But living at Wilson Cattle, no matter what her mother had implied, was not an option for Shadow. The ranch was another obstacle because of what had happened to her brother there. No, even when part of her had longed for a relationship with Grey, it hadn’t seemed possible. At least not then. But now...
Leaving her mother behind, she went down the hall to her room.
Shadow moved a pile of fresh laundry off the bed then sat down there and took her laptop from the nightstand. Still seeing Grey’s face—that handsome face with its strong planes and angles, the firm mouth that knew how to kiss so well—and the way he’d left so abruptly, as if he couldn’t trust his own reaction. She didn’t look up but sensed her mother in the doorway. “Mama, I need to be alone. I have to go over a few things for work.” Her business couldn’t sustain her tonight, though.
