by Jae
"Yes, but back then, I was Phin's betrothed, not your..." Rika trailed off, not sure what to call herself. Was there a word for what she and Amy were to each other?
"My sweetheart," Amy said with a smile and a blush. She reached over and squeezed Rika's hand. "It'll be all right." Her voice trembled, though.
Steps thumped across the veranda, and Amy let go of Rika's hand.
When Rika lifted her head, she came face to face with Phin, who froze in the middle of the veranda. "Hendrika." Belatedly, he tipped his hat.
Oh, Lord, this is awkward. This was the first time Rika had seen him after refusing his marriage proposal, and she knew she needed to clear the air between them. "Can you give us a minute?" she asked Amy.
Amy hesitated.
"Please?" While she appreciated Amy's protectiveness, it was better if Amy wasn't involved. She didn't want to destroy the friendship between Amy and Phin, and she certainly didn't want Phin to start suspecting Amy was why she'd refused to marry him. Some day, they might need to figure out a way to tell him, but not now, when it was still so new.
"All right. I'll take care of Old Jack." Amy slid from the wagon and freed the gelding of his harness. After one last glance at Rika, she walked away.
"So..." Phin shoved his hands into his pant pockets. "You're really back? Must have changed your mind at the very last second."
"Yes." It was hard, but she forced herself to look him in the eye. "I know it must be awkward for you. I'm sure people are talking."
"Any particular reason for your change of mind?" Phin asked as if Rika hadn't spoken.
A lump formed in Rika's throat. Did he suspect that she was staying because of Amy? She swallowed. "I like it here."
"You just don't like me," Phin said. He sounded almost calm, but Rika knew if nothing else, his pride had to be hurt.
Sighing, she climbed from the wagon seat and approached him. "I like you just fine, Phin." She touched his arm, then retreated. "But I don't love you. I'm sorry it took me so long to figure out I don't want to keep living my life making compromises. You deserve better than that too."
Phin took one hand out of his pocket. He rubbed the back of his neck and tilted his head, studying her for long moments. Then his shoulders settled into a more relaxed stance. "I still don't understand why you changed your mind all of a sudden," he said. "But in the end, you did me a favor. My heart wasn't really in it either." A hesitant smile replaced his frowning expression.
The tightness in Rika's throat eased. She breathed in deeply. "Are you gonna have supper with us?"
"No. I'm on my way to town." He pointed to the dotted Appaloosa tied to the hitching rail. "The boys want to celebrate the Fourth of July, and once I leave next week, I won't get as many chances to beat their sorry asses at the poker table."
"Good luck, then," Rika said, not knowing what else she could say.
"You too."
When he walked away, Rika stared after him. And maybe I'll need it. Now that Nora and Luke know I'm not just Amy's friend, this is a bit like having supper with my future parents-in-law. The thought startled her. Oh, Lord.
* * *
Luke placed the tin cups back on their shelf and lingered against the wall, watching Hendrika dry another plate. She rubbed the back of her neck, a bit self-conscious about doing female chores in front of Hendrika.
But Hendrika smiled whenever she handed Luke a dried plate, apparently not thinking anything of it.
At the copper sink, Amy washed the dishes and glanced sidelong at Hendrika. "Is your shoulder all right to dry?"
"Stop worrying." Hendrika bumped her with her left elbow. "It's been two weeks. The shoulder is fine."
Luke bit back a smile. Seems Amy is a mother hen too.
A little later, Amy washed the last plate. When she handed it to Hendrika, their fingers touched and they met each other's gaze.
Then, as if becoming aware that someone was watching, Amy pulled away and turned back toward the sink.
Luke threw a glance over her shoulder, making sure Nattie had left to check on the horses. "It's all right to show affection in this house, you know?"
As if demonstrating, Nora entered and wrapped her arm around Luke's hip.
"You better be careful around other people," Luke said, "but you don't need to keep your feelings a secret from your own family."
"And you should tell your sister," Nora added.
Blushing, Amy busied herself drying her hands. "I will. But not yet. Speaking of not keeping secrets..." She looked up and gnawed on her lip. "Rika knows."
Luke tilted her head and watched Hendrika step closer to Amy. "Knows what?"
"About you."
A feeling of danger rushed through Luke, but she forced back her instinctive reaction. Her gaze darted back between Amy and Hendrika. Grateful, she felt Nora lean against her. "You told her?"
"I told Rika a bit and she guessed the rest."
Guessed? Luke's muscles tightened. Had she become so careless that people were able to guess now?
"Please don't be angry with Amy," Hendrika said. "She didn't intend to betray you in any way, but she was upset and needed someone to talk to."
"I'm not angry," Luke said, more for Amy's benefit than Hendrika's. "I'm just..." She felt exposed, as if her skin had been stripped away, leaving her defenseless, but she wasn't ready to admit it and make herself even more vulnerable.
"I want you to know that I would never, ever give away your secret." Hendrika pressed one hand to her chest and earnestly stared up at Luke. "I respect you so much for telling Amy." Her glance slid over to Nora. "Both of you."
Nora slipped her hand beneath Luke's vest and drew soothing circles across Luke's back. "We told Amy so that she would have someone to talk to, someone who understands how she feels. Now I want to extend the same offer to you, Hendrika. If you ever need someone to talk to or have any questions, please don't hesitate to come to us."
Luke's chest expanded with love. Here I am, acting like a scared rabbit, while Nora willingly opens up to Hendrika. Between the two of us, she's always been the brave one. She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Nora's cheek.
"Thank you." Hendrika smiled — a close-mouthed smile that only reluctantly spread across her face.
She's a bit guarded, not as at ease as she wants us to think. Getting used to the changes in her family would take some time for all of them.
"Actually, I do have a question, if you don't mind." Hendrika glanced at Amy, then back to Nora. "How did you decide to spend your life," she lowered her voice, "with a woman?"
"When I married Amy's father —" Nora stopped and pressed a hand to her mouth. "Lord, I keep saying that, don't I? Some days, I forget that you girls know now." She sent Amy an apologetic glance, then smiled and rubbed Luke's back. "Some days, I even forget that Luke and I... that Amy is not physically a product of our love."
"Maybe I am," Amy said. "Having you and Papa in my life made me what I am today."
Luke sucked in a breath. Was she to blame for Amy looking for love with women, not men?
But Amy smiled, not looking accusing at all. "I learned early on to recognize love when I see it."
Do you see it when you look at Rika? Luke wondered as her tense muscles relaxed. She didn't ask, though. Time would tell.
"It was different for me," Nora said, answering the question that Luke had almost forgotten by now. "As far as people are concerned, I'm not sharing my life with a woman. I'm sharing it with Lucas Hamilton, my husband. If you and Amy want to share your lives, you need to find your own way."
"We can't tell people we're cousins either," Amy said, her shoulders slumping. "Not if we want to stay at the ranch."
Luke thought hard. There had to be a way. "Nattie will leave soon to study back East."
"Yes," Hendrika said, "people in town are already talking about that."
"I can just imagine what they say about that strange Mr. Hamilton who lets his daughter go east unchaperoned." Luke snorted. "A
nd even worse, he lets the girl study veterinary surgery, as if it wasn't enough to have one daughter riding around in pants."
When Hendrika looked stunned, then hid a smile behind her hand, Luke knew that it was exactly what the townsfolk were saying. Not that she cared. "So, with Nattie gone, Nora back to teaching in the fall, and Amy and me out on the range all the time, the ranch needs a woman to look after it."
A squeeze from Nora let her know that she understood where Luke was going. "Yes. We might have to hire someone."
A smile spread over Amy's face. "You mean...?"
"It makes sense," Luke said. "We already know Hendrika and know she's a hard worker and a good cook. Of course, to take proper care of her duties as a housekeeper, Hendrika would have to live on the ranch. Would you want to do that, Hendrika?"
"I—" Hendrika took Amy's hand and squeezed. "Yes, yes, of course! I'd love to live here."
Luke nodded. "Then it's settled."
Amy rushed forward and engulfed both Luke and Nora in an enthusiastic embrace. "Thank you, Mama and Papa."
Luke pressed a kiss to the reddish locks. Over Amy's head, she smiled at Hendrika. "You're welcome."
Baker Prairie, Oregon
July 12, 1868
RIKA'S SUNDAY-POLISHED boots squeaked over the church floor as she fidgeted. She wanted to slip past Reverend Rhodes and out of the church, hoping to escape before he could ask about her canceled wedding plans — again.
But the pastor stood in front of the church portal and exchanged pleasantries with Tess and Frankie, and Rika knew she couldn't leave before it was her turn to say good-bye to him.
"You should come by one morning," Tess said. "We're planning on offering breakfast at the hotel too, and my cousin is a wonderful cook."
When Rika had hired on as a maid in the hotel, she had assumed that Tess would rule the kitchen, while Frankie would take care of their guests' horses. Instead, she found that Frankie and Tess shared tasks equally.
Tess patted Frankie's hand and smiled at her, not hiding her affection.
Without thought, Rika straightened her shoulders too. Frankie and Tess hold their heads up high, even though they had to listen to the reverend going on and on about every sin in the Good Book. They thanked the pastor for his sermon as if he hadn't just promised them eternal hell. It's almost as if they know better and are just humoring him.
She watched them say good-bye to the pastor and wander away, arm in arm.
They're at peace with this, Rika realized. With themselves and each other. Rika wished the same for her and Amy.
Finally, it was her turn to say good-bye. She shook the pastor's hand, mumbled a few pleasantries, and then hurried outside, closely followed by Amy and the rest of the Hamilton family.
Tess and Frankie waved them over.
Amy ducked her head and looked left and right before she walked toward them, as if to make sure no one was watching her talk to the two companions. Then she sent Rika an apologetic glance.
"Come over to the hotel and pick up a basket before you leave," Tess said. "We've been testing out a menu for the hotel, and now we have too much food."
"If you have any apple pie, I won't say no to that," Luke said. "You know I always had a bit of a sweet tooth."
"What about you young folks?" Frankie nodded at Amy, Nattie, and Rika. "Hendrika worked hard this week, and I bet the rest of you did too. Maybe you could go on a picnic?"
"Oh, could we?" Rika clapped her hands. "I've never gone on a picnic." Back in Boston, Sundays had been spent mending clothes, writing letters, and fighting over the magazines in Mrs. Gillespie's parlor.
Nattie looked over to the hitching rail, where Phin was now mounting his horse. "I promised Phin a reading lesson later, so I'd rather go home."
No picnic, then. Rika fought not to let her disappointment show. Still, she couldn't help glancing at Amy, waiting for her answer. Maybe just the two of them could go. She longed for a moment alone with Amy.
"Sure," Amy said. Now that they had confessed their feelings to each other, she was no longer hesitant to spend time with Rika. "If you want to have a picnic, I know the perfect place."
* * *
With the basket of food in one hand, Amy wandered along the river. They passed a few nice spots, but Amy kept going and Rika followed. Soon, the river meandered through the forest.
"You want to have a picnic in the forest?" Rika asked.
"Just wait and see. I promise it'll be perfect — and secluded," Amy added with a slight blush.
They wandered through the forest, padding over a carpet of pine needles and ducking beneath low-hanging branches.
"There." Amy pointed.
Rika stopped to take it all in.
The river twisted south, flowing in a wide arch. In that bend of the river, the trees parted, and they stepped onto a meadow dotted with wildflowers. A willow growing along the bank dipped its branches into the river. Colorful ducks bobbed up and down on the water, paddling against the gentle current.
"Oh, Amy. It's beautiful." The Hamiltons had taken her to almost every part of their land, but she'd never seen the hidden meadow before.
"Papa brought me and Nattie here after Measles died. It's a special place."
Their gazes met and held.
Rika touched Amy's forearm and let her hand linger. "Thank you for sharing it with me."
Amy ran the back of her index finger along Rika's cheek in a gesture so tender that it made Rika shiver. "You're welcome."
Wrinkling her nose, Amy spread a blanket she'd taken from the wagon over a flat part of the meadow. "Sorry. It's a saddle blanket and might be a bit smelly. I should have remembered to bring a clean blanket."
"It's all right. You don't need to impress me by being perfectly prepared. Just spending time together is enough."
The worried expression on Amy's face faded. She plopped onto the blanket and immediately took off the hated sunbonnet, then unlaced her Sunday boots. "Come on." She tugged Rika down next to her. "Let's get comfortable."
Rika took off her boots. When Amy rolled down her socks, Rika caught a glimpse of Amy's bare calves. How soft and pale her skin looked. Wetting her dry lips with her tongue, Rika imagined touching that smooth skin.
Amy nudged Rika's foot with her big toe, then let their feet linger against each other. "Hungry?"
"Starved." Reluctantly, Rika forced her gaze away from Amy's legs.
Heavenly smells wafted up when Amy opened the basket. They sampled pieces of ham, cheese, roasted chicken, and fresh bread with apple butter.
"Mmm." Amy moaned. "Either it's the fresh air or Frankie is a really good cook."
Rika hummed her agreement. "Did they pack anything for dessert? We bought fresh fruit for the hotel, and I think there were leftovers of that too."
"Yeah, I think..." Amy lifted the cloth from the basket. "Oh."
"What?" Rika leaned forward and put a hand on Amy's shoulder to peek into the basket.
Next to the last piece of bread, a box of ripe strawberries waited to be eaten.
An image of Frankie hand-feeding berries to Tess flashed through Rika's mind. All of the sudden, she became overly aware of her hand resting on Amy's shoulder. Heat ricocheted between them.
Amy pulled back her hand from the basket as if the strawberries were poisonous.
Rika couldn't stand the expression of guilt and shame any longer. "You know, these are just strawberries, not forbidden fruit from the Garden of Eden."
"W-what?" Wide green eyes stared at her.
"Did you notice that Frankie and Tess never duck their heads in shame when the pastor talks about sin?" Rika asked. "Somehow, they came to believe that their love is not a sin. They are proud of each other and their love, even if they can't show it openly. One day, I want us to have that too."
"I want that too," Amy answered, her voice barely more than a whisper. "I'm trying, really. It's just hard to get used to the thought that it's all right to feel like this. And when I see how easy
it seems to be for you, I feel guilty about feeling guilty." Her lips formed a trembling grin that didn't reach her eyes.
Rika settled cross-legged on the blanket. "Easy?" She shook her head. "It's not easy for me either, but I've seen sin and crime and cruelty in my life, and I know that this," she touched her chest, then Amy's, "is not it. I watched one of my half brothers being stillborn because my father was too drunk to fetch the midwife. I've seen greedy overseers beat mill girls half to death and children starve because no one cared."
