by Lucy Gage
He brushed her hair from her face and hooked it around her ear, caressing her jaw. It was the loving gesture that undid her every time. Did he know that it sent sparks through her and melted her heart? Was it meant to manipulate her? Or was it because he genuinely cared for her?
He looked at her mouth and then at her eyes. Those gorgeous lashes framed his beautiful brown eyes, which engaged her own brown eyes with such sincerity. His kiss was so gentle as he threaded his hands in her hair and pulled her mouth closer so he could deepen it, but he kept it sensual. It wasn’t frantic like they had just been, but loving. Jenna’s eyes filled with tears.
She loved him so much. Did he realize she had been in love with him since he kissed her the first time?
Liam slowly backed her toward the bed as he kissed her. He removed her clothes, kissing her neck, touching her skin with the pressure of a feather. He was showing her. The words didn’t come, but his caress proclaimed that he loved her, as if he was saying, This isn’t just sex for me. It’s more than that.
The emotional connection she’d felt from that first night all through those months when they were inseparable, he showed her it was still here, even if he’d slept with someone else.
I don’t have this with her, his touch said. Only you. You’re the only one to have this.
After he made lengthy, slow, erotic love to her, he held her in his arms all night long. She woke in the middle of the night and he still held her close to his naked body – even though he was on duty – something he’d always done with her.
Jenna reached for a condom in the drawer, aroused him, then rolled it down his length, mounted him and eased herself onto his ready member. He attempted to speak, but she put her finger over his lips and kissed him as she made love to him, gliding in a timeless dance.
He pulled her closer, met the rhythm of her hips with his own. The emotional connection engendered a unique trust, helped her feel as if he was a literal part of her. Pleasure with Liam was like nothing else. She reached climax easier with him than she had ever before, and when he pressed deeper, his orgasm triggered her own passionate cries.
She removed the condom and his breath hitched. When she returned to bed, he curled himself around her again, nuzzled her hair and sighed as he drifted back to sleep.
He wasn’t ready to hear her say she loved him. If he was ready for that, he wouldn’t sleep with anyone else. But he loved her, she was sure of it. Why else would he hold her every night as they slept when he said he didn’t do that?
**********
The next morning, they ran together on the beach behind Rob. Usually, the conversation between them was constant, even while they ran. This morning, they’d been quiet and that worried Liam.
When they finished their run, Rob told them to have fun today and walked into the house. They smiled their thanks and Liam led Jenna by the hand toward the door. She squeezed back and prevented him from leaving.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, out of breath from the run.
Shaking his head, he took a deep breath, still recovering.
“Nothing, baby. I just thought you might be mad at me. You were kind of quiet this morning.”
Jenna shook her head. “No, I’m not mad at you. I’m sorry I got upset last night.”
He put his arms around her. They were both slick with sweat. It was kind of hot and he wanted to just take her right here on the chaise, but he knew he needed to reassure her.
“I don’t mean to make you feel bad. I’d rather not discuss other women if it will hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you.”
I love you too much.
“I know,” she said, pulling back to look at him.
“I didn’t mean to push. I don’t want to push you away. I told you we could be casual and I’m still okay with that. I don’t want to give this up. Do you?”
He was relieved. Why, he wasn’t sure. Was it because she still wanted casual? Or because she still wanted him, even though he wasn’t ready to make a commitment to her?
“Definitely not. I’m still not ready for permanent ties, but I don’t want to give up what’s between us.”
“Good. Me either. So, what are we doing today?”
Though he was glad for the subject change – he’d started to get antsy – he wondered why she’d so quickly switched gears.
“I think we should surf,” he replied. He always felt close to her when they rode the waves together. Surfing without her wasn’t as enjoyable as it was when he could watch her balance on her board, her sculpted body in motion a work of art in neoprene.
“Sounds like an excellent idea. Can we get naked first?” she asked. Liam would never say no to that, but it seemed like she needed to feel as one with him, the way he always did when he made love to her.
He kissed her gently. “How about if I make love to you and then we shower together. I know we’ll need to shower again after we surf, but I missed showering with you.”
That seemed to lift her spirits. She nodded and gave him a sloppy, wet kiss. “Me too.”
He liked seeing her smile and hated to see her sad. If only he could step up and be the man she deserved, she might not be sad.
Chapter 11
Lynnfield, Massachusetts, two years, three months ago…
It was late June and Liam was in Boston for his birthday tomorrow. This was one of his twice-yearly visits with his crazy, drama-filled family. Dana knew this, since she was friends with his mother. He’d always felt weird about that, but he didn’t have much choice in the matter.
This afternoon, he’d arrived at the Lynnfield house where he’d spent the second half of his childhood. When he’d stepped in the door, he knew Dana was there before he saw her because he could hear her boisterous personality from the other side of the house. Dana’s voice often boomed. Liam was never sure if it was her family, cheerleading or bartending that had embedded loudness into the very fiber of her being, but she’d been high-octane audible as long as he’d known her.
Liam walked into the kitchen and Dana jumped from her chair to hug him before his own mother could. She must be single at the moment. It was at those times when she was eager to touch him and get him into her bed.
“Hi, Liam.” It was sickly sweet.
“Hi, Dana,” he said, hugging her quickly and stepping away.
He walked over to his mother. “Hey, Ma,” he said, wrapped his arms around her and squeezed.
“There’s my boy,” his mother said. “You here for a while?”
“No, Ma. Just a couple days. I’ll meet Rob in Minneapolis before the next shoot.” His Boston accent slipped around his Ma.
“Oh? Robbie visitin’ his family?”
“Yeah. We leave for Toronto after the Fourth holiday.”
Dana cleared her throat behind him. Oh. He’d almost forgotten she was there. “So, Liam, I have to work tonight. You should come by the bar and I’ll take care of you.”
By ‘take care’, she always meant ‘get you drunk so you’ll sleep with me.’ Liam wasn’t particularly interested in hopping into his ex’s bed, but Dana had strategically asked in front of his mother.
That night, he sat at the bar in the pub where Dana worked as a bartender and nursed a beer so they could leave together when she ended her shift. He’d been sitting here for two hours and he was bored. It wasn’t just the scene, the bar.
No, it was mostly that he felt very apathetic about Dana at the moment. Not that he’d ever taken her very seriously – even when they were in high school and she was his first lover, Liam hadn’t seen Dana as much more than a temporary thing.
Bored out of his skull, he was itching for entertainment. Some high school cronies arrived a few minutes later and corralled him into a game of pool. According to tradition, it involved copious amounts of alcohol and he was toasted by the time Dana closed the bar.
He leaned against the bar and Dana set her purse on the chair next to him, then rubbed her body against his like a cat in heat.
“R
eady to go home?” she asked. In his drunken state, when she kissed him, he saw no reason why he shouldn’t kiss her back. As Dana pulled away, he glimpsed her bleached blond hair – it was naturally brown and blond was her current trend of choice – and a flash of Jenna went through his mind.
He tried to shake it.
“Yeah, let’s go to bed,” he said, trying to muster enthusiasm. But just like when he was with Ally, he went through the motions. The entire time Dana rode him like a bull, he closed his eyes and thought about Jenna. Every time he tried to be in the moment with Dana, his dick attempted to jump out of the game.
He’d sobered – enough to know where he was and what he was doing, that he didn’t really want to be doing it anymore – but not enough to drive. There was no way he was staying with Dana or at his mother’s house, where she’d find him. To beg off more sex, he pretended to pass out. Once he knew she was asleep, he dressed, locked the door behind him, and walked down the street to the Citgo station. He bought a cup of coffee and called Mary Cate to come get him.
The BMW pulled into a spot in the store parking lot. Liam walked around to the passenger’s side and slunk in the car.
Mary Cate asked, “Where were you? Why didn’t you just walk home? It’s around the corner, for Christ’s sake.”
“With Dana.”
“Did you tell her you were leaving?”
“Nope.”
“She’s gonna be pissed.”
“Which is why I’m going to your place and not back to Ma’s house. Tony’s gone, right?”
“Of course. When isn’t he?”
Mary Cate’s husband was a banker and came from old money. He was gone more than he was home, leaving Liam’s twin sister alone at their Brookline brownstone with their five-year-old daughter, Lila Beth, all the time. Lila was on Martha’s Vineyard with Tony’s parents this weekend.
“Good. I’m staying with you this weekend. Ma can come to your place. I’m not going near Dana again.”
Mary Cate asked, amusement in her voice, “Why is that?”
She and Dana were supposedly friends, but they’d always had a love/hate relationship.
“Because she’ll want me to jump back into bed.”
“Since when don’t you hump anything that moves?” Mary Cate said, laughing hysterically.
“Hey, I’ve never been that bad!” Liam grumbled.
“Oh, yeah? I recall a time about a year after you joined the Agency when you had a different girl every time I talked to you and half of them were nameless because you couldn’t remember what they’d told you.”
Liam blushed. “Okay, for a little while I was that bad. I haven’t done that in years! Not since before I started working at Deacon.”
“No, you just fuck a handful of girls. Including the one you slept with tonight. You did sleep with her, right?”
Only his sister, and maybe the Deacon brothers, could be so blunt with him and not royally piss him off. “Yes, I slept with her, but I didn’t enjoy it.”
She laughed again. “You’re a man. You enjoyed it.”
“Fuck you, Mary Cate. Just because I got off doesn’t mean I was happy about it.”
“Jesus, Liam, what’s up your ass? Didn’t drink enough? I know you usually get plowed when you screw Dana, but I didn’t think you had to be out-of-your-fucking-mind drunk to do it.”
“I don’t usually need to drink that much when I’m with her. Tonight, no amount would’ve made it worth my time.”
Mary Cate sobered. She put her hand on his knee. “Hey, what’s wrong, little brother? I was just giving you shit.”
“I know. It’s not you.”
“Then what is it?” Liam didn’t know what to say, so he was silent. “Oh, shit. You met someone.”
Damn it. Sometimes their psychic twin thing was annoying.
“Your silence tells me I’m right. Who is she?”
Liam sighed. “Rob’s assistant.”
“The girl that runs all of Robbie’s social network stuff?”
“More like she does all the stuff that Amy, Rick and Raoul don’t. Computer shit. I don’t know all the details and from what I gather, I don’t want to know.”
“Okay. What’s her name?”
“Jenna.”
“Jenna. Wait, you talked about her a few times over the last year or so. You didn’t say you were sleeping with her.”
“I’m doing more than sleeping with her, Mary Cate. We dated exclusively for a while.”
“Holy shit, Liam!”
“Jesus, why is that so fucking hard to believe? Christ, is there a person alive who thinks I can actually have a real relationship?”
“Don’t get your damn panties in a bunch. I’m just surprised, is all. When was the last time you had a girlfriend? College?” she asked. He was silent, so she said, “I take that as a yes.”
But it wasn’t true. There had been Mia, his fellow CIA agent.
From the point he’d been fooled by Mia – Cassandra Wilkes – until he met Jenna, Liam didn’t get to know women. He took from them what they were willing to give and never gave back more than his body.
Of course, Dana was a little different, because she’d known him since they were kids. Ally had never wanted more than sex anyway. Reggie was a great girl and a really nice person. He liked her. A lot. But while they’d had numerous conversations, he’d never told her anything about himself that was truly personal.
Even Jenna didn’t know everything, but he’d trusted her more than he’d ever trusted anyone, and it had terrified him. Maybe that was why he didn’t end things with the other girls. Although, he’d effectively ended things with Dana, and it was hard to imagine going back to Ally after how he’d felt last time.
“Earth to Liam. Where did you go?” They pulled into a spot near Mary Cate’s brownstone.
“Sorry. Still drunk, I guess.”
“Don’t pull that shit with me. It might work with other people, but I know better. You’re hung up on this girl.”
“I’m not hung up on her. That implies she’s not interested.”
“And is she?”
“Hell, Mary Cate, I don’t know. I think so. But we don’t talk about it. We don’t really even talk unless I’m in L.A.”
“How is she your girlfriend, then?”
“I didn’t say she was.”
Mary Cate shook her head as she stepped out of the car. “Men are idiots. You in particular. Let me get this straight, you slept with your ex, who you screw somewhat regularly when you come home, but you didn’t enjoy it this time. So much that you called me to come get you at,” she looked at her watch, “three in the fucking morning all the way in Lynnfield, when you could have just walked down the damn street to Ma’s house. But you’re not hung up on this girl, Jenna?”
“No.”
“Liar. And she’s not your girlfriend?”
“Not officially, no.”
“But you’d like her to be? Is that the issue?”
Liam scrubbed his face with his hands, suddenly exhausted, the time and the alcohol catching up to him. “I don’t know.”
“You can stay with me because tomorrow is our birthday and you’re taking me out to dinner anyway. But since you made me get up in the middle of the fucking night, you’re taking me to my favorite restaurant, like it or not.”
Liam sighed. He knew where she wanted to go, to the pizza place she loved from her college days. For whatever reason, she was attached to that place and Tony refused to go there. He’d wanted to take her somewhere classy for their birthday, but he supposed he owed her whatever dinner she wanted.
“Fine. I’m not sharing that disgusting pizza with you.”
“Wuss. Hamburger and onion is the best.”
“It sucks ass,” he said as she unlocked the door, disarmed her house, and let them inside.
“You suck ass. Go sleep in the guest room. I’ll wake you in the morning and we’ll get your shit from Ma’s house. Unless you want me to have her bring it her
e.”
“Doesn’t matter. If she wants to come have breakfast with us, I’ll take you two over to that place in Little Italy you both love.”
“I’ll call and tell her in a few hours, then. Get some sleep.”
Liam nodded and trudged up to her guest room. He stripped to nothing and hopped in the shower, hoping the hot water would make him sleepy and that he’d get the smell of Dana off his skin. He didn’t ever want to sleep with her again.
Jesus, what had Jenna done to him? He was sabotaging every other relationship he’d had for the past five years or more!
Ally would probably sleep with him again if he asked, but he didn’t want to sleep with her. He’d hated feeling cheap and used.
That night, it took him forever to fall asleep, even though he was drop-dead exhausted by the time his head hit the pillow. To top it off, he had a nightmare about being shot for the first time in months.
So far, it was a pretty shitty start to his thirties.
Chapter 12
Los Angeles, California, two years ago…
Her phone played Justin Timberlake’s Sexy Back, the ringtone for Rob. Sometimes, it made her laugh. His ringtone for her was Tommy Tutone’s 867-5309/Jenny, which made her smile.
“What’s up, boss man?” she asked. This was their daily call.
“Hey, gorgeous. We’re headed back to L.A. next week. We’ve got the L.A. premiere of War Zone.”
“I remember. So you’re warning me that the press junkets are about to explode, right? And that there will be a barrage of stuff out there about you and Cara?”
“Exactly. We have a meeting on Tuesday to discuss our press schedule. One of these days, I’ll have a business meeting with a costar and not make the tabloids.”
Jenna laughed. “Oh? And when will that be, sexy man?”
“Haha, very funny. As if you think I’m sexy anymore.”
“You’re as sexy as ever, big guy. JT still sings to me daily.”
Rob chuckled. “Speaking of men you actually think are sexy, Liam is coming with me, even before the premiere.”
“Is he?” she asked, trying to pretend she wasn’t interested. She hadn’t seen him in several months, not since Rob was in L.A. for awards season. He still never called, emailed her, or sent texts. Rob was her only source of updates on Liam.
