by Lucy Gage
“Why are you telling me now? If this is all in the past, why tell me at all? It’s not like I have a leg to stand on.”
Wasn’t that the truth.
“Because Rob said that you and Emily both knew something was off and if he was going to tell her the whole truth, I knew I needed to tell you, too. We agreed, a long time ago, to keep it between us, for a lot of reasons. I guess when the babies were on the way and you weren’t sure what was going to happen to me or to them, Rob reacted pretty strongly?”
Liam’s jaw clenched. “That was part of it. It wasn’t enough on its own, but it was a component. Coupled with the rather bizarre fact that he had Power of Attorney for you, things didn’t add up.”
“That’s not as strange as you think. I wanted someone I trusted to follow my wishes. My parents didn’t see eye-to-eye with me on my DNR, so I asked Rob.”
“I didn’t know you were that close.”
“We’ve been close for a long time, Liam.”
“How long?”
“We’ve known each other a little over six years.”
“Still seems like too short a time to trust someone that much.”
Jenna sighed. “Except, I slept with Rob the day I met him.”
“So, what, is that story you two tell a lie?”
“No. It’s true. It just leaves out some pretty important parts. Like the fact that we had sex before we had that conversation. The thing is, after that, we became best friends and were more invested in each other than we would’ve been if we’d had a brief, failed romance.”
“Did you sleep with him just that one time?”
“We had an affair immediately after Lola, before you joined him for the Shattered Glass shoot. Only Rick, Amy and Alan knew about it. Did you know he was with someone that last night?” Liam nodded. “That was me.”
“He said it had been going on for a few weeks. You had a love affair with him for three weeks?”
Jenna nodded. “We were supposed to see where we were at when he came back to L.A.”
“But that’s when you met me,” Liam said, looking confused.
“Yes. Rob set it up. He asked me to come over that day to meet you. I thought he wanted to talk about the social network agenda, too. He didn’t say he was playing matchmaker without your knowledge. I figured it out when you didn’t know I was supposed to be there. He didn’t tell you on purpose. If I wasn’t interested, Rob and I would have picked back up where we left off at the end of the summer.”
“But you didn’t. You and I had a passionate love affair for three and a half months instead. When we got together, was that the end of it between you two?”
“It was. Our sexual affair was over.”
“I hear a but.” He looked like he was bracing for something unsavory. Maybe he was.
She sighed. “But our emotional attachment wasn’t. It’s still not. We love each other as more than friends. Our connection runs deeper than that. Which is why Rob was terrified when he thought I was dying.”
“Are you trying to tell me that you’re in love with my best friend?”
“I’m trying to tell you that I love him as more than just my friend. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you, or that I’m not in love with you, or that he’s not in love with Emily, but what we are to each other isn’t just friends. It’s never been that. It’s always been more. It always will be. Nothing is ever going to happen between us again, but we care for each other more than friends usually do. I’d never have mentioned it because it really doesn’t affect you or how I feel about you. But Rob wanted to tell Emily and that meant I had to tell you, too.”
Liam swiped his hands over his face. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with that. If he was anyone else, I might ask you to stay away from him. But that’s not just asking you to end a friendship for the sake of our relationship. That’s asking you to give up your job. And I’d have to give up my best friend and my job, too.”
“Which is why I never intended to say anything about it, and why I said it’s complicated.”
“Why did you want to keep it from me, Jenna?”
“Because I didn’t want it to be this…thing between us, this trust issue. What has always been between me and Rob has gone far beyond friendship, but it was never romantic. Sexual, yes, but not romantic. We both knew that once we found our soul mate, either one of us, that the sex would be over. And it was. When I met you, that ended the sexual relationship we had. But he was still my very best friend. Now, he needs to make Emily his best friend, and I need you to be mine. We have to learn to rely on our partners the way we’ve always relied on each other. It doesn’t mean I won’t walk through fire for him or that he won’t do the same for me.”
“That’s why he said he didn’t care about the press. All he could see was that you were bleeding and pregnant and he wanted to save you. He really loves you.”
Jenna nodded. “He does. But it’s not the same as how he feels about Emily. And how I feel about him isn’t the same as how I feel about you. Do you understand?”
Liam sighed. “I’m trying. I just…I need a little time to myself. Is that okay?”
Jenna nodded. She squeezed his hand. “I love you, Liam. You hold my heart. You’re the only one who ever has.”
He nodded, kissed her softly and left.
Hopefully, he’d come back.
Chapter 35
The knock at the door was feather light. Emily. “Come in,” Jenna replied. Here we go, she thought.
Emily walked into the room and shut the door behind her. “Do you think we could talk?” Emily asked, perfectly polite.
“Sure,” Jenna said. “Have a seat. I assume you and Rob spoke already?”
Emily sat in the chair near the bed. “We did. I have to say, I wasn’t expecting that confession.”
“I think you’re going to have to be more specific. I don’t know what it is he told you.”
“Are you implying that he left something out?”
“No, I’m saying that I can’t respond unless I know what he said. We discussed talking with you and Liam, but how he approached it with you and how I approached it with Liam aren’t likely to be the same. Given that we have different relationships and histories.”
Emily huffed, “This is why he trusts you. You’re as bad as Amy.”
“Worse. My loyalty doesn’t come with family ties. I’m not obligated. It’s by choice.”
Emily shook her head and sighed. “Fine. He told me that the two of you have been lovers.”
Jenna just looked at her. You’ll have to give me more than that, Jenna’s expression said.
Another sigh from Emily.
“He said the story you told the night before our wedding leaves out the fact that you slept together that day.”
“It does. That was over six years ago. Before I met Liam and obviously long before he met you.” Which means you have no right to care about that. It doesn’t concern you.
Emily rolled her eyes in frustration. “He also told me that you had an affair for a few weeks, right after Lola dumped him.”
“We did. Why don’t we get to what you really want to say, Emily. Otherwise, this is going to take all night.”
“Are you in love with him?”
“No. I’ve only ever been in love with Liam.”
“You’ve never been in love with Rob?”
Jenna lightly raised her brows and pursed her lips. Really?
“If I’d ever been in love with Rob, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. You wouldn’t be in this house, be his wife, or have his baby in your belly. Those babies in the other room would be his babies and they’d probably be older. I’d be living in the house in Minnesota, my last name would be Deacon, and he’d never have gone through the hell of Lola or the devastation you put him through.”
Emily furrowed her brow. “You’re presuming a lot.”
“It’s not a presumption. If I’d ever indicated that I was in love with him, Rob would have married me
. I know that, he knows that. The rest is just a logical progression from that fact.”
“Then why aren’t you married to him? Why did he marry me?”
“Because he’s not in love with me. He’s in love with you. Look, Rob is my very best friend. I love him as much as I love Liam and my children. But I’m not in love with him and I never have been. We have a history that goes beyond friendship. What we mean to each other is more complex than simple friendship or sexual attraction.”
“Are you still attracted to him?”
“What you’re really asking is if I still want to sleep with him. I’ll repeat what I said before. If, at any time, I wanted him for myself you would not be here right now. It’s a fact and if you asked him he’d tell you the same. If I’d said I wanted us to be together, we would be. There are millions of people who build marriages on far less than what we have. But we long ago agreed that we both wanted more than what we could give one another. That’s why I’m engaged to Liam and he’s married to you. The two of you give each of us things we could never give each other. It’s not about sex or even love or security.”
“What else is there?”
“Let me ask you a question. Do you love him?”
“Of course I love him!”
“Do you feel a desperate need for him?”
Emily blushed. “Yes. All the time.”
“And it was like that from the beginning?”
“From the day I met him. It was disconcerting. I couldn’t wrap my brain around it. Why does that matter?”
“I never felt that way about him. I love him. I love him more than I love almost anyone else in this world. I would walk through fire for him and I have. But I don’t feel passionate about him.”
“Even when you were sleeping with him?” She asked in disbelief.
“I won’t lie to you and pretend I didn’t enjoy sleeping with him. I loved sleeping with him. He’s an amazing lover. But, no, I didn’t feel passionate about him, even then.”
“Do you feel passionate about Liam?”
Jenna automatically smiled. “From the first moment he kissed me. Have you ever noticed that he tucks my hair behind my ear?”
“Yes. He does that to you all the time.”
“The first time he ever touched me, that’s what he did. And it sparked something between us that has never extinguished. It burns stronger than ever now.”
“Did he know? About you and Rob?”
“No. We never told him. We never told anyone, really. There were a handful of people who knew, including me and Rob.”
“Who knew?”
“I think if you try you can guess.”
“Rick and Amy.”
“And Alan was on duty the night Lola dumped Rob. Before that, we kept it between us.”
“Did you tell them because you were sleeping together?”
“No. Because of Lola. Did Rob tell you what happened the night Lola broke up with him?”
Emily nodded. “I didn’t know he took meds.”
“He usually doesn’t, just for emergencies. His therapist says he can take them whenever he wants or needs them, but he hates how they make him feel so he rarely does. You went with him to the Not Worthy premiere, right?” Emily nodded. “Did he panic?”
“A little. He hid in the bathroom for a while and he was really nervous during the screening.”
“He has a bunch of exercises he’s supposed to do to help him cope with the anxiety so that he can skip the meds. Usually, Liam talks him down from his anxiety at premieres. It was a rough six months for him to be without Liam while he promoted the film.”
“Oh, God. What did I do to him? I knew it was worse than it seemed!” Her eyes suddenly glistened with tears.
“You don’t know the half of it. I was pretty pissed at you, for a long time. I’m the one who had to clean up the mess when you walked out on him. If I didn’t care so much about him, I might not have gone after him. When he didn’t answer the phone, I knew something was wrong.”
Emily sniffed, confused. “He ignored you before when he was with me. Why did you think it was any different?”
“Instinct. I love him enough that I didn’t care if I overreacted and was embarrassed if I was wrong. I’d rather feel like a fool than ignore my gut and wish I’d gone to him. It was far worse than what happened after Lola. He’s desperately in love with you and was completely devastated that you left.”
Emily’s tears blossomed into full-fledged crying. “That’s what I was afraid of later. That I’d crushed him and something awful would happen to him. I knew about his depression. I didn’t know he took meds. Oh, God. It could have been tragic.”
“I had to take care of him like I did after Lola. I moved in with him for a month. I’d have stayed longer, but I didn’t want him to ask me why I was sick every morning. He was so out of it the first night because of meds and alcohol that he didn’t remember anything. I didn’t want him to worry he’d gotten me pregnant.”
“Did you sleep with him again?”
“No. Not this time around. But there were a few times he was confused and he thought I was you. He vaguely recalled that and he asked me a couple of times if we’d been together again. If I’d wanted him for myself, I could’ve told him that the baby was his, that I’d slept with him that first night, and he’d never have been the wiser. He’d have married me, done his best to forget about you and made a life with me. I could never do that to him. I know how much he loves you, and even though I was pissed at you and I wasn’t sure you deserved him at that moment, I loved him enough to help him get back to you. If you’d just listened to Liam…”
“Rob told me what Rachel did to him and Liam. If I’d known, I’d never have believed a word she said.”
“We all made mistakes and we can’t keep wishing otherwise. Look, we didn’t tell Liam before now because my relationship with Rob doesn’t negatively impact my relationship with him. Now, he knows, but everything else is exactly the same. Rob is my best friend and I’m his. We care deeply for each other and we’d do anything for one another. But I’m in love with Liam, and Rob is in love with you. Nothing in our history is going to change the fact that we had lots of chances and we still chose not to be together. We chose you and Liam. I hope the two of you can adjust to the fact that you know and we can all go on with our lives.”
“It’s hard to ignore the fact that you slept with my husband.”
“Do you want to sleep with Liam to even the score?” Jenna asked sarcastically.
“Hardly. I think of Liam like a brother. He’s a good-looking guy and one of the best people I’ve ever known, but I’m not remotely attracted to him. You can’t really say the same about Rob, can you?”
“I have been for six years.”
“But it’s a lie.”
“And there are now two more people in the world who know that for a fact. As long as all the people who know are on the same page, then we’re good. There isn’t any reason for people outside our small circle to know the truth. Is there?”
“No, I guess not.”
“Before he told you, did you know?”
“I suspected because he reacted to you bleeding in our dining room the way I’d have expected him to react if I was the one going into early labor. Given that Liam was more calm than he was at the time, it seemed out of place.”
“Before that happened, did you know?”
Emily sighed. “Before that, I wouldn’t have even guessed that you two were more than employer and employee.”
“It’s important for us to be guarded around outsiders to help maintain Rob’s privacy. You were an outsider. Sharing this makes you an insider.”
She shook her head. “Why didn’t you ever tell Liam?”
“You’d have to ask Rob why he kept it from Liam before he introduced us. After that, I think it was unspoken between us that it might make Liam think I was comparing them.”
Emily sighed. “It’ll take time to get over the fact that he kept t
his from me.”
“And I get that. But the truth is that it really doesn’t matter. He didn’t keep anything from you that you needed to know. By the time you were in the picture, I’d been in love with Liam for three years. All that has been between me and Rob in that time is love and loyalty.”
“He told me there wasn’t anyone after Lola and before me.”
“And there wasn’t. Do you get that?”
She shrugged. “I guess. I know because I’m in that circle of trust now that I’m his wife. Before, I was his girlfriend, no matter how much we meant to each other.”
“Being in the circle means keeping things to yourself. You can’t talk about this to anyone who doesn’t know already. You need to vent to another woman about this, call Amy or Kelly.”
“Kelly knows?”
“Rick tells his wife everything. Rob will tell you everything from here out, but that means you can’t tell your friends the things you used to divulge.”
“I trust them.”
“I don’t.” Especially awful Nina.
“Amy is his PR person, not you.”
“If you believe she’s really the one in charge, you’re clearly not aware. Amy is the public face of Deac Roberts’ PR team. She deals with the media and represents him on paper. I do all the real work. I have a discussion with Rob and Amy, and we decide what gets to stay out there and what doesn’t. No one else on the team has my skills. I release what we want out there and I make things go away if necessary. If something requires immediate attention, I have complete control. Like I said, I walk through fire for him. All the time. He trusts me with his life. Literally. I’ve proved time and again that trust is well placed. No, I’m not his official PR person, but I’m telling you if I find that privileged information has been shared, I’ll be pissed. Believe me, if it’s out there, I’ll find it.”
Emily scowled. “Is that a threat?”
“It’s a warning. Consider what you share very carefully. It’s for Rob’s benefit and now it’s for yours, too. People talk. Talk in the wrong places leads to rumors, and rumors can cause a lot of problems. Do you know how long it took him to recover from Lola’s lies? This is a well-oiled machine. We’re adjusting so you can be a part of it. You need to do the same. No one expects you to like the fact that your husband has a past with his assistant, but you need to find a way to get over it.”
