by Codi Gary
“I’ve decided to take you up on your offer of a couple of days of leave. I’m going to book the first flight I can get to Texas.”
Sparks nodded approvingly. “I think that’s the right thing to do.”
“Yeah, I’m sure you do.” Blake thumped his fist against the doorframe, pausing with his back to his friend. “And thanks for always looking out for me, even when I didn’t want you to.”
“It’s what brothers do.”
Blake swung by the study hall and apologized to his guys, promising to make it up to them, and as he walked out to his car, he realized he did that a lot to the people who cared about him. He hurt their feelings and promised to make it up to them. He’d always been that way.
Maybe it really was time for him to change.
He got in his car, and putting aside his pride, he called Hannah. He wasn’t surprised when it went to voicemail, and he waited for the beep.
“Hey, Han, it’s me. I got your note. I just wanted to let you know I’m going out of town, but if you want to call, I’ll have my phone on me.” He paused briefly and went for broke. “I’m going to miss you, baby.”
He hung up with that and slowly inhaled.
Then drove home to pack.
HANNAH LISTENED TO Blake’s message for what felt like the hundredth time while waiting for her OB-GYN to come into the room. She still hadn’t told anyone but Nicki and Dani, mostly because she was confused about what to do. And Blake’s message had really messed with her head. She’d told him she just needed a break, but his I’m going to miss you, baby had made her think this might actually be permanent. That Blake would hate to lose her, but he’d get over it.
But how was she going to get over him?
There was a knock on her door, and in walked Dr. Grant, smiling widely. The heavyset older woman was in her late forties, with silver-streaked black hair. Her nurse stood behind her, pulling an ultrasound machine.
“Well, Hannah, that’s an affirmative on being pregnant, but I thought we’d do an ultrasound, and then I’ll be able to tell you how far along you are. Sound good?”
“Sure.”
“Can you lift your shirt up, exposing your abdomen, and lower your pants?” Hannah pushed down her leggings and lifted her shirt, jumping a little when the nurse sprayed warm goo on her stomach.
“No daddy?” Dr. Grant asked.
“No, he’s out of town.” Not that it was any of her business.
“Okay, well let’s see what we got. Here is your uterus.” Dr. Grant pointed to the screen. “And that little peanut in there is your baby. I’d guess you’re about seven weeks, but we’ll take some measurements.”
Hannah stared at the screen, her heart stuttering at the blip. It was real.
“Are you taking prenatals yet?”
“No, not yet.”
“You can pick them up in any pharmacy section over the counter, and make sure you take them. I’d avoid foods with too much salt and sugar. If you’re nauseous, there are suckers and tea that can help with that. We’ll get you some pamphlets. Now, it says here that when you made the appointment, you wanted to discuss your options?”
The nurse handed her a printed ultrasound picture, and Hannah smiled. “No, that’s okay. I think I have all the information I need.”
“Great, here, let’s clean up the goo, and we’ll see you back in four weeks. You can make the appointment at the checkout desk.” Dr. Grant touched her knee with a sparkling smile. “Congratulations, by the way.”
“Thank you.”
When they left the room, Hannah almost dialed Blake’s number but chickened out. Instead, she listened to his voicemail again, her eyes closed, letting his voice drift over her.
Then, she hung up and slipped the phone back into her purse.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
ON SATURDAY AFTERNOON, Blake stood in his dress blues, staring at the fountain wall with thousands of copper plaques covering it, all with different names and birthdays. The ceremony had been brief, with hundreds of people watching as they turned the water on. Afterward, Blake had gotten up and walked along the pool until he’d found what he was looking for.
Jenny’s name sat right at eye level, the water running over it lovingly.
“We are glad you could come, Sergeant.”
Blake turned toward Colonel Major’s voice. The man was an imposing, barrel-chested figure. He had dark hair sprinkled with salt and pepper, and his mustache was thick enough to make Tom Selleck jealous.
He shook the colonel’s hand. “So was I, sir. It was a beautiful tribute.”
The colonel nodded. “I’m just sorry we couldn’t do it sooner.”
“To be honest, Colonel, I don’t know if I’d have been able to come back any sooner.”
The colonel patted his shoulder as if he understood. “It was a horrible tragedy. I lost my wife to breast cancer four years ago, and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss her.”
Blake appreciated the colonel’s attempt at empathy as he said good-bye. It was true that he missed Jenny, but where before the pain of her loss had been sharp and constant, it had slowly faded.
He’d done what he’d come to do, what Hannah had asked him to do, but it still felt unfinished.
He had one more stop to make.
Blake left the base and drove, stopping at a local market for a bouquet of pink carnations before heading to the cemetery where Jenny was buried. He parked and got out of his car, making his way through the headstones as if he’d just been here yesterday. Finally, he stopped and stared down at her grave.
Dropping to his knees, he laid the carnations across the green bed of grass, fingering the words on the headstone.
Wife. Daughter. Friend. She will always be missed.
The words were true. The world had lost a wonderful human being, and yet, it had kept turning. He’d survived and continued on with his life.
Even found love again.
The death of his parents had introduced him to a new kind of pain, one that suffocated and consumed. It was worse when Jenny had died, because he hadn’t expected to experience it again, at least not so soon. He had thought he was safe.
Until Hannah had left him.
Only now, the pain was nearly debilitating.
So, if working through his feelings about Jenny’s death was the only way to get Hannah back, he was going to try.
“Hey. I brought your favorites, carnations. I know you always said they were underappreciated.” Sighing and trying not to feel foolish, he kept going. “I don’t know if you’re there, but I know that you’re here.” He held his hand over his chest. “You’ll always be with me. My girlfriend, Hannah—I don’t know if you’ve seen her, but she thinks I haven’t let you go. I swear I didn’t think that was the case, not until I got here. I drove by that hole-in-the-wall shake and burger place we used to love, and it just hit me. Why it’s been so hard to move on. I didn’t say good-bye. You left the house and called out that you loved me, but I didn’t say it back because I was too busy watching football. Because I figured I’d see you in an hour. Because I thought you already knew. But when you were killed . . . ” Blake wiped at his wet eyes. “When you died, I felt like things were left unfinished. That our story wasn’t over.”
The only response was a wind whispering through the trees above him, rustling the leaves.
“I almost didn’t make it that first year. I don’t know if you were watching me, but I alienated just about everyone we knew and was almost arrested. If it wasn’t for Captain Marshal, I’d probably be dishonorably discharged and drinking my money away.
“But he got me a transfer, and I moved to California. I got some help. I know I always said that therapy was a joke, but it actually helped a lot. It was group therapy, but that’s where I met my friends. You’d like them, especially Best. He’s got your perverted sense of humor.”
A car with squeaky breaks drove past, breaking through his monologue, and he almost stopped, but it was as if h
e could hear Jenny telling him to go on.
“I love my job, although I’m not sure my squad will ever talk to me again after the way I treated them the other day. You see, a little over a year ago, I started going into this diner every day after my run, and there was this girl there. She was pretty, a little shy, but she can make me feel so good, Jen. Even before I realized I liked her, she was the brightest spot in my day.
“But it felt like I was betraying you, being with her, so I resisted for a while, until I just couldn’t help it. I think you’d like her. And she loves me. God, how she loves me.”
Taking that last leap, he continued. “I love her, too, you know? I haven’t been able to tell her, but I do. I love that she has the sweetest spirit and that she can turn me inside out with just a look. She’s loving and kind and funny, and it’s hard because that was you, too, but it’s different. I’m different, but with her, I’m better.
“Why am I telling you this? I guess I just hope that this somehow helps me to let go. I’ll never forget you or stop loving the person you were, but if I am going to give Hannah everything I have, I have to take back my heart. My whole heart.”
For some reason, a weight he hadn’t even known had been there lifted off his shoulders, and as strange as it seemed, he actually felt Jenny. Felt her letting go.
Pressing his hand against the grass, he stood. “Good-bye, Jenny.”
Chapter Thirty-Nine
ON MONDAY MORNING, Hannah could hear a thumping noise through the haze of sleep and reached out toward her alarm, hoping to shut off the awful racket. School was out, and it was her day off, so why would she set her alarm?
Sitting up in bed, Hannah realized it was someone knocking.
Milo whimpered from his cage next to her bed, and she let him out.
He tore down the hallway barking up a storm as she followed. She opened the door, expecting to find her mom or dad, but her jaw dropped when she found Blake, holding two coffee cups and a white plastic sack.
“Kenny gives his regards and asked how you were feeling.”
“From the diner? I just saw him yesterday.” Hannah brushed her hair out of her face, stuttering, “What . . . what are you doing here?”
“I’m bringing you breakfast and coffee. Are you going to leave me out here looking like a jackass?”
Stepping back, she let him in and Milo out to do his business. When he finished, he marched past her into the kitchen with Blake, who was grabbing forks from the drawer.
“Blake, why are you here?”
“I told you—”
“No, I told you I needed space and you needed to deal with your baggage, and you just showing up here like everything is the same is confusing and wrong. We can’t just pretend that we don’t have a problem.”
He set the containers of food and cups on the table. “Have a seat.”
“No, I want—”
“I heard what you want, and I’ll give it to you if you’ll just sit your cute little ass down.”
Hannah pulled out the chair and flopped in it with a glare.
“Now,” he said as he sat across from her and took a drink of his coffee, “I have a few things to say. First of all, it was pretty shitty of you to take off in the morning with a Dear John note.”
Hannah’s cheeks burned at his scolding. “I couldn’t take the chance that you’d kiss me until I changed my mind.”
Blake’s smile was understanding, if a little cocky. “Fair enough. Second of all, I went to Texas for Jenny’s memorial.”
“That’s where you went?” Her breathless whisper drew his hazel eyes to hers.
“Yes, and I realized you were right to a degree. I hadn’t let go of Jenny, and I was wrong. I was wrong to start something with you without being completely available.”
Hannah realized where this conversation was going. He was going to tell her she was right, that he couldn’t give her more and that she was right to break up with him. That they could still be friends, and then he was going to say good-bye.
“However, I have discussed my feelings for you, mostly out loud, and come to a conclusion.”
Here it was. “Which is?”
“I love you.”
Hannah thought she’d heard him wrong. “You . . . ”
“Love you.” His gaze seemed to be caressing her face, and her own eyes stung. “I love you. I have for months, but I couldn’t tell you. I wanted to, but I was scared. I was terrified that I’d love you and lose you.”
“But now . . . ”
“Now”—he reached across the table and took her hand in his—“I don’t want to regret not being all in, not loving you with everything I have. Because I do, Hannah. I love you so much. The day you left, I wasn’t even human anymore. I screamed at my squad and lashed out at my friends. I need you. You keep me balanced and make me happy. I can give you anything you need; just tell me I didn’t blow it. That you forgive me.”
Hannah started to squeeze his hand before something occurred to her. “Dani didn’t say anything to you, did she?”
He cocked his head with a smile. “Sparks told me that if I just got my shit together, he had it on good authority that you would take me back.”
“I would. I want to. But there’s something I should tell you first.”
“As long as it isn’t that you’re in love with someone else, we’re good.”
His teasing tone made her more anxious. “Come on, Blake, be serious. What I have to tell you, well . . . it is kind of a big deal.”
“What?”
Hannah took a deep breath. “I’m pregnant.”
Blake looked shocked. “How?”
“Maybe there was a hole in one of the condoms? All I know is I’m seven weeks, and I’m going to keep it.”
“Wait, were you not going to keep it?”
Blake’s tone was outraged, and Hannah raised her chin up in defiance. “I wasn’t sure what I was going to do yet. I wasn’t sure if we were going to work or whether I wanted to raise a baby on my own. And then I saw the ultrasound picture, and I knew.”
“Ultrasound?”
Hannah got up and went to the cupboard, pulling down the picture. As she handed it to him, she smiled.
Blake stared at the picture for several seconds, shaking his head. “I can’t believe it.”
Hannah bit her lip with worry. “So, if you want to take it all back, I understand.”
Blake’s gaze lifted to hers, and then he reached out, pulling her against him so his head rested at the top of her abdomen.
Hannah held him against her, shocked when she realized his shoulders were shaking with sobs. His lips pressed to her stomach, and he murmured, “I love you.”
Hannah’s heart melted as he gazed up at her with hazel eyes shining.
“And I love you, too,” she said. Her voice came out raspy with unshed tears. “I guess that means you’re not taking it back?”
He shook his head and stood up, holding her to him gently.
“Never.”
Epilogue
Three Years Later
BLAKE PULLED UP to the house and let Charge out of the back. He held onto his leash and reached in for the trophy they’d won in Montana for the third year in a row. The Hound It Search and Rescue Tournament had been theirs, but Blake figured it was their last, with Charge being six and starting to get a little arthritic.
But it was still fun to win.
The hot July sun beat down on him as he climbed up the walkway and opened the door. He’d been gone for ten days, and it felt good to be home.
All of their friends and family were inside, milling around the house. His in-laws stood in the doorway to the kitchen, talking to Nicki and her latest boyfriend. Sitting on the couch was Hannah, with all of his friends and their wives and girlfriends spread out around the room.
Hannah’s hazel eyes widened when she saw him. “Hey, I didn’t think you would be here for another hour.”
“I was rushing,” he said sheepishly.
&nb
sp; “Hey, there’s Daddy!” Hannah hopped up from the couch, but before she could reach him, Blake’s leg was clasped by a black-haired imp with golden eyes.
“Daddy, up!”
Blake took the leash off Charge, who was jumped by an excited Milo. Apparently, Blake hadn’t been the only one missed.
He set the trophy down to pick up their daughter, Maggie, tossing her in the air. Her delighted squeal was too adorable not to smile at, and he pulled her in, squeezing her little body in his arms.
“Daddy missed you.”
“Noah!” Maggie started struggling until Blake put her down, and the toddler started stalking Dani and Best’s son, laughing when he ran from her.
“I guess I’ve been replaced,” Blake said grimly.
“Not to me.” Hannah grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him down for a kiss, which he gladly sank into.
“Shit, we come over here to celebrate, and they’re too busy making out to get on with it,” Sparks griped.
Violet smacked Sparks on the arm. “Shut up, and let her tell it.”
“Her?” Blake asked. “I thought we were celebrating Charge and me?”
“You’ve won that thing enough, Blake. Let Hannah have a chance in the spotlight,” Dani said, rubbing her swollen belly. Best bent over and gave her a kiss, his hand joining hers.
Blake stared down at Hannah questioningly, and Hannah held out a letter to him.
As his gaze scanned the contents, his eyes widened. “You sold your series.”
She nodded. “For all four books. Look at the advance.”
His eyes scanned the paper, and he whooped, picking her up and spinning her around.
“I am so proud of you! How could you not have told me?”
“Because I wanted to see your reaction.”
Blake kissed her again and hugged her tight. Although her parents hadn’t been happy about the cart-before-the-horse situation—as her father put it—they hadn’t held it against him. They’d gotten married in Tahoe that July, after Blake and Charge had won their first search and rescue competition in Montana, and spent their honeymoon in the suite again.
