by Dani Hoots
“So,” I heard a voice behind me. “I heard that the manager from Opéra Bastille is going to be at the recital.”
I turned around to find Tabitha behind me. She had her hands on her hips and looked as if she was sizing up her prey.
Der’mo.
“Oh really? I hadn’t heard that.”
She laughed. “Such a liar. I heard Madame Bodrov tell you. And you weren’t going to tell us.”
“It wasn’t up to me to tell, Madame Bodrov was the one who had the right to tell people. I don’t know why she wouldn’t. Ask her.”
I tried to step past her, but she blocked my path. “No, not so fast. Don’t think you are going to get away with this.”
“Away with what? I didn’t do anything.”
She slapped me. With her nails. I felt the warm blood trickle down my face.
Suka.
I couldn’t fight back either, because if Madame Bodrov found out, she would lose her faith of me.
She shoved me into one of the lockers. I was going to bruise big time.
“Listen, we are all trying to get a job here. Don’t think you are special because you aren’t.”
I just took it as she punched me in the stomach. I knew that it would be okay, or at least I hoped it would.
“So think about it next time, and you better watch your back!” she kicked me in the leg.
I pulled myself up as she left. My body was sore I knew there was probably blood on my face. I didn’t want to explain to Maarika what had happened. She wasn’t going to be happy.
I went into the bathroom and cleaned off the scratch. The water was so cold it hurt.
Now I would have to head outside. In the below freezing cold. With scratches on my face. Great.
When I got back to the apartment, Maarika saw the scratches right away.
“What happened? Are you okay?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I’m fine. Don’t worry about it.”
She frowned. “What do you mean don’t worry about it? You are bleeding. You have to tell Madame Bodrov. This can’t keep going on.”
“It shouldn’t be for much longer. I was just told that the manager of Opéra Bastille is going to be at the ballet next week. And she is looking for new ballerinas. Madame Bodrov thinks I have a good chance.”
Maarika jumped up and down and hugged me. “That is wonderful. I can’t believe it! I’m so happy for you!”
“And we will be able to get out of here. The two of us.” I leaned forward and kissed her.
“Oh,” Maarika exclaimed. “There was someone at the window. I forgot to close the blinds.”
I spun around to find Tabitha standing outside. She was smiling.
Der’mo.
“What are we going to do, Nadia? She is going to tell everyone. What are we going to do?” Maarika paced back and forth, biting her nails. “This is a disaster.”
I sighed as I leaned back on the couch. “I don’t know, Maarika. I don’t know.” She and I both knew that if Tabitha told anyone at the ballet school, that I could be kicked out just because of who I loved. We were so close, possibly only a week away. There had to be a way out of this, a way to make sure Tabitha wouldn’t talk.
I would have to persuade her to keep silent, bribe her or something.
“She won’t say anything until I see her tomorrow, so don’t worry about it. She will want to hold this over me, to get something out of it.”
“But what will you give her? What do you have?” Maarika asked.
“If I get the job in Paris, I will be able to pay her off, and she knows that. We will figure something out. Don’t worry about it, okay?”
Maarika bit her lip, as if thinking. She knew that this could ruin everything, that we could lose our dream of escaping because of one tiny slip up.
“She had to of already known,” I commented. “Otherwise why would she have been outside. She followed me home for a reason.”
Nodding, Maarika added, “yeah, I suppose so.”
“Which begs the question as to what tipped us off. Did someone else know. Did you tell anyone?”
Maarika looked at me as if I had accused her. “I didn’t tell anyone and you know that. I wouldn’t hurt our chance of escaping here.”
“I know, I was just asking. You could have told a friend. Don’t you have some friends in the LGBT community? Maybe someone saw you with them and somehow came back around to Tabitha. I mean they know you at the academy, although just as my roommate. At least it isn’t strange to share apartments. And it’s not like many of us have boyfriends since we are working so much. So something had to tip her off.”
She shrugged. “I have no idea. I haven’t talked to any of them in a very long while. I doubt they would tell anyone either, they know the dangers in this country.”
I let out a deep breath. She was right, we all had to stick up for each other here. Citizens and officers were very cruel and if we weren’t careful, someone could lose their life just because of their love for another human. It was disgusting and I wanted out of here as fast as I could. And getting this gig was the only way to ensure that.
“Don’t worry, Tabitha and I will come to an agreement. We will figure something out and everything will be fine.”
I stood up and wrapped my arms around Maarika. She shivered, still cold even though she had been moving around next to the stove. I stood there with her, trying to relax her. I knew she was going to calm down eventually, but it would take a while. I moved her dark hair out of her face and leaned my head against her shoulder. “It will be okay.”
Tabitha was waiting for me early at the academy with a smug grin on her face. I wanted to punch her, hurt her for what pain she brought onto Maarika. Not only that, but it took me a very long time, and a lot of expensive makeup, to hide the bruises and slash marks she had inflicted on me the night before. I prayed to God, if there was a God, that all of this would end. That we would be able to get out of this place. It was all I could think about and it was all that kept me moving forward.
“So, I didn’t think you were the type,” she commented.
“Didn’t know there was an obvious type.”
She laughed. “Well, it doesn’t matter because you aren’t going to get away with it. You and your disgusting lover will pay for being sick and twisted. You are a crime against nature.”
Yeah, I hadn’t heard that one before. Many times when Maarika and I went out, we had seen rallies by LGBT supporters and it never ended well for them. It made us more scared for our lives than ever before. “What do you want for your silence, Tabitha?”
Tabitha grinned. “You think I can be so easily bought?”
I sighed. I didn’t have time for this. Others were going to show up soon and I wanted this sorted out before then. “I think that you haven’t told anyone yet because you want to hold it over me, get something out of it. So what is it? What do you want?”
She examined me, as if sizing me up. “Well since you think you are going to get that job in Paris, how about half your salary for the next five years?”
“Fine,” I said. “It’s yours.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Really? You are going to give in that easy?”
I nodded. “Yup. I just want to get this over with. I don’t want any conflict. So is it a deal? Half my salary for five years in exchange for your silence?”
“Fine. It’s a deal. But also, I wouldn’t tell anyone how you got those bruises. Don’t want to get Madame Bodrov upset at a time like this. Tell her you got in a fight with someone outside, like an abusive boyfriend or something.”
“She knows I don’t have a boyfriend,” I said.
“Well, then, figure something out.” With that, she turned around, flicking her hair, and headed towards the changing room. I waited out in the lobby, not wanting to be left alone with her any longer.
This was getting complicated.
Madame Bodrov was shocked and frustrated at the bruises and cut marks on my face. I had told her I ran int
o some trouble on the way home but got away pretty much safely. She was hesitant to believe it, knowing how some girls were in the academy, so she didn’t push it. She knew that if I ended up telling her the truth, it could end up even worse.
I headed back home, checking over my shoulder to make sure no one was following me again. There didn’t appear to be anyone and since Tabitha got what she wanted, she probably wouldn’t be back.
Maarika wasn’t home yet, as she had a late shift at the bar she worked at tonight. I hoped she would get home safely, as I didn’t like it when she was out this late. Luckily most of the days she worked the day shift. It was probably two-faced of me to tell her to be back at a certain time and to stay out of trouble, while I always came back late and sometimes bruised and scratched from fellow dancers. Maybe that was why I worried so much, that if dancers were like that, how much worse could people at the bar be.
She always told me to go to sleep before she got back since I would have to get up early the next day and needed my sleep, but I could never fall asleep worrying about her. I waited up for her next to the stove, the heat coming off of it feeling good to calm my nerves. I sipped the chamomile tea, letting it warm up my insides. I imagined what it would be like sipping French wine outside on the patio in Paris. I just hoped it would be worth it.
Maarika finally got home in the middle of the night, a frosty cold gust of wind entering the apartment as she stepped through the door. I hated that door and wished there was a way we could come in without letting so much cold air come with us.
“Oh, you’re still up? Nadia, I told you to go to sleep,” Maarika said as she took off one of her coats.
“I wanted to make sure you were okay, especially after everything last night,” I said. She sat down next to me, wrapping her arm around me. She was cold, as she had to walk in the dead of night through the city.
“I know.” She was silent, waiting for me to tell her what I promised.
“She agreed to half my salary if I make it to another city ballet theater,” I whispered.
“Half? Nadia, that’s a lot of money. What are we going to do, we aren’t going to be able to live on that. Don’t you have to pay a percentage to your academy as well?”
I nodded. “Yeah. But it was the only way. I had to do something so that she wouldn’t tell anyone. I could lose my place as Madame Bodrov's star dancer and we wouldn’t be able to leave.”
She sighed. “I know. I know. It’s okay. I will find a job there as well and everything should be fine.”
She said those words to calm me, but I could tell that we both felt something was wrong, that it wasn’t going to be that easy.
The next couple of days passed and everything went on as it normally did. I still watched my back closely, making sure there was no one following me. I felt paranoid but knew it was justified. I couldn’t let anything happen to Maarika, I had put her through so much already.
The ballet was going to be the next night and my nerves were off the chart. I was afraid that I could blow my chance for this, that I wouldn’t be able to get the manager of Opéra Bastille interested in me and that I would lose my chance. If I didn’t score it, then I didn’t know what Tabitha would do to me. I didn’t even want to think about poor Maarika. I was working hard for her and this was my chance.
I wondered if Madame Bodrov could sense my nerves as after our last rehearsal of the day, she told me to stay after. All the other girls left, either laughing at me or giving me a sharp look as if I was the teacher’s pet, and maybe I was. I just tried my best practicing all the moves and it was all I did everyday from dawn to dusk.
“Yes, Madame Bodrov, you wanted to see me?”
She nodded. “Yes, I wanted to make sure you were alright and if there was anything you wanted to tell me.”
I didn’t know what she meant by that. Did she know about Maarika? Probably not but one could never be too careful. “No, I don’t think so. Just a bit nervous about tomorrow.”
She nodded. “Yes, I could see that. But you will be wonderful, don’t worry about that. I just wanted to see if you would come forth about who attacked you in the academy.”
I froze. Was this a set up? Was she seeing if I would tattle on Tabitha right before the show. Tabitha was my stand-in if anything went wrong, otherwise she just had a small part in the show. I knew that if I told her what happened, she would be pulled from the show and she would tell everyone about Maarika. I couldn’t let that happen.
“I don’t know what you mean,” I lied. “It wasn’t anyone at the academy.”
She raised her eyebrow. “Really? Even though someone saw you leave here with the scratches on your face?”
Someone had seen me? This had to be a set up, Tabitha wanted to test me. “I can’t say. I’m sorry.”
She frowned. “You shouldn’t be letting them get away with this, especially since you are our leading dancer. You could have been seriously injured and I will not tolerate that kind of behavior in my academy.”
I didn’t say anything because honestly I didn’t know what to say. If I told the truth, I could lose everything, and if I didn’t, she was right. They would be getting away with it. A lot of girls had to endure abuse by her colleagues, and it was frightening. But like me, none would come forward due to the risk of the assaults getting worse.
Madame Bodrov sighed. “Fine. If you won’t say anything I won’t force you. There is probably a reason you won't talk, I understand that. But do realize I don’t want anyone to hurt you.”
She walked off and I was left, standing there wondering if she knew everything that was going on, would she really feel the same way.
Maarika was as nervous as I was that night and neither of us could sleep. Everything was riding on this moment and we couldn’t believe that our chance to escape was already here. It was a lot to process and a lot to take in.
I was able to get Maarika a seat at the ballet and she promised to be there to cheer me on, though silently because there wasn’t actually any cheering at a ballet. I was glad that she could come as it would give me some comfort as I performed. I always felt better when she was around and even though she was in the audience, I imagined she would be right there with me. It gave me the courage I needed to perform perfectly.
We were only hours away now and I was taking deep breaths to calm myself down. I usually never got nervous like this but so much was riding on it that I was starting to get nervous. I could tell that a lot of the other girls had noticed my nerves and were curious as to why they were affecting me so much at this time. I didn’t tell them it was because the manager was going to be there and that this could be my, or anyone’s really, big break. The only other person that knew was Tabitha and she, for some reason, hadn’t said a word.
The theater was beginning to fill and I looked out to find Maarika. I knew where she should have been sitting but the seat was empty. She usually always arrived early yet for some reason she wasn’t there.
My heart started to race even more. Why wasn’t she here? What had happened?
We weren’t supposed to be seen before the show and if I kept my head poked out like this from behind the curtains, I was going to get in big trouble. I went back behind the stage and decided that it would be okay if I tried and call her at the apartment, to make sure she left.
I quickly called but there was no answer. So she had to have been on her way. I glanced out the curtains one last time. We only had thirty minutes before the curtain would rise.
She still wasn’t there.
Tabitha came around the corner, smiling. My heart felt as if it was about to stop when I saw what she was wearing. The Sugar Plum Fairy costume designed for her in case I couldn’t perform.
“What did you do?” I asked. “Why are you wearing that?”
Her smile never faded. “I decided that I wasn’t just happy with the fifty percent. I wanted it all and the only way to do that is to get you out of the picture. However, I think Madame Bodrov has been on to me so I
knew I couldn’t simply get you out of the way. I had to think up something else. That was why I followed you home, to see if there was any dirt I could use against you. You have no idea how happy I was when I found out the truth of what you were.”
“What did you do to Maarika? Where is she?” I asked. I couldn’t believe this was happening, I couldn’t believe that something like this could happen to her.
And it was all my fault.
“Let’s just say I have some friends who aren’t very compassionate about the way you live your life. I had them meet your precious Maarika half way to the theater and teach her a lesson.”
