"To show you I'm willing to do anything to make you happy."
"You don't have to . . ."
I yank her against me and cover her mouth with hungry lips. A heart thunders. I don't know if it's mine, hers, or both, but I love the manic feeling kissing and touching her stirs in me.
"I want to."
I turn her around and brush her hair to the side as I kiss the back of her neck. My hands run along her stomach, under her shirt, and up to her soft, full breasts. "I want to climb in that tub with you and run my hands all over your naked body because it makes me feel good. And I want to take my time making you feel good," I whisper in her ear. "It wouldn't be fair if you're the only one trying new things."
I pull her shirt over her head and toss it on the floor along with her bra. I don't hesitate before moving down to her pants and underwear. She turns around, a look of awe on her face again as she watches me wrangle with my belt buckle. I don't know for sure if she's wet yet, but my cock is rock fucking solid.
"Now, Marlena Evans, will you kindly get that sweet ass of yours in the bathtub?"
Chapter 7
Marlena
"An MRI?" I ask, reaching into the diaper bag to give Mia a snack. She was fine until the doctor came in the examining room. Once he entered, she started crying and throwing her toys on the floor. I need to focus on what he's saying and not on the tantrum Mia's throwing.
"At this point, we need to take a look at your brain and see what's going on."
I sigh. My brain. The epicenter of who I am. No. It can't be.
"I don't have time. I can't take Mia, and I really don't have anyone to watch her."
"Marlena," he leans against the examination table and folds his arms over his chest. "I understand that you're worried and scared, but once we understand what we're dealing with, we have a better chance of managing it."
My heart sinks a little lower. It doesn't escape me that he said manage and not cure.
"You think it's cancer?"
He offers a half smile, a sympathetic smile. "If it makes you feel better, I don't. I don't believe it's a tumor we're dealing with."
"You think there's nothing really wrong, that I'm just making too much out of nothing, and the MRI will prove that I'm a hypochondriac."
"I've known you a long time. When you say something is wrong, something is wrong. You've been complaining of headaches and dizziness for years, ever since you started coming to me. You're tired, fatigued. You have tingling in your limbs, and now you're complaining of blurry vision. We need to be more aggressive in getting to the bottom of this so we handle it as best we can and slow it down."
"You're not going to tell me what you're looking for, are you?"
"Not until we know for sure. And Marlena, I want it done as soon as possible. That means today if we can get you in."
"Today? I can't. It's impossible."
He stands and places a hand on my shoulder. "Nothing is impossible. Don't worry. We'll get this under control."
I have two hours to leave the doctor's office, find someone to watch Mia, and get to the radiology center. I want to protest before I leave the office, but no one really cares. I have no one to turn to. I feel like I've been abandoned on a desert island, left to fend for myself.
I want to tell Dr. Cummings' secretary that there's no way I can find someone to watch Mia. My mother is taking my father to the doctor, and I don't want to tell Troy's mother. If I tell her, I have to tell Troy, and I'm not ready for that.
Once I know for sure: something real is wrong with me. I have to make a decision about my marriage. I don't want to be forced into making that decision before I'm ready. Damn, I wish Lexi were here. These have been the longest two weeks of my life. My other friends are still working full time. They're either already pregnant or putting off having kids until they are satisfied with their career growth. Either way, they're unavailable. That leaves me with only one person to call. Shit.
Sitting in my car, I close my eyes as I listen to the ringing sound on the phone.
"Marlena!" Selene sounds thrilled to hear from me.
"Hey, I have a huge favor to ask."
A few minutes later, I'm heading to the building Cooper and Selene live in.
*
Cooper opens the door. Shit, he's home. Why is he always around lately?
"Don't you work?"
"I have a few weeks off, so I'm spending as much time as I can with my family. Once the new season starts, I'll hardly get to see them."
"Hey, Mia!" Selene comes to greet us with Jaxson in her arms. "You're going to play with Jaxson and me for a little while. Doesn't that sound like fun?"
Mia wraps her arms around my leg and hides her face. "Mama."
There's an ache in my chest. I never leave her with anyone but my or Troy's mother. I've never had to. I feel awful, but I don't have a choice. I need to get to the bottom of why I feel so shitty. It's affecting everything in my life. Functioning has been close to impossible lately. I need answers. Going today means it will probably be at least a week before we get the results, and then Dr. Cummings will have to run more tests. The whole thing could still take a really long time to get to the bottom of.
I pick my princess up and look into her little face. Everything about her is perfect: her long eyelashes, her tiny little nose, and her rose-colored lips. She deserves a rational mother. She deserves to have the best mother I can possibly be. She sure as hell doesn't deserve the shrew that's taken over my body. Mia blinks her big brown eyes at me, and I kiss her soft cheek.
"You are such a lucky girl!" I feign excitement. "You are going to help Miss Selene take care of Jaxson today! How cool is that?"
"Okay, Mama." She wraps her arms around my neck and leans her head on my shoulder. My chest aches. There's so much pressure in it, I want to break down and cry. I feel the whoosh of the room spinning, and I hope I can get Mia back down on her feet before I lose my balance and cause us both to fall, or worse, fall on top of her.
"One last squeeze." I hug her tight before bending forward and setting her down. I don't let go right away, I wait until I'm sure I can straighten myself up without doing my best impression of a tree falling over. "Okay sweetheart, I'll see you in a little while."
Mia doesn't say anything. She waves as she watches me leave with tears in her eyes. I turn for the door, knowing if I look back I'll lose my courage and will to leave her.
"She'll be fine once you're gone," Cooper says in a soft voice, leading me out the door and to the elevator.
"Thanks. I really appreciate you guys watching her."
"Thank Selene. I'm not crazy enough to be holed up here with two kids under the age of two."
I shake my head. Nothing Cooper says should surprise me. "I'll see you later then."
"Are you kidding? I'm going with."
I stop dead in my tracks. "No. You're not."
"I get it, you don't want to say anything until you get confirmation, but the way you've been feeling, you shouldn't go alone. What if you're not up to driving afterward? That's where I come in."
"I don't need you there, and to be honest, I don't want you there."
"I know you'd rather have Troy, so if you call him right now and ask him to meet you, I'll stay. If not, you're stuck with me." He smiles. He's so cocky, so fucking sure of himself.
Frustrated, I scrunch my eyes up tight. "I can't. Troy doesn't know anything. I don't want him to worry. Not until I know for sure."
"I get it. And I promise I won't say anything." Cooper rubs my back. Now I'm wishing Lexi were home for different reasons. Without his sister around, Cooper feels the need to look after someone. Only I'm not interested in having him serve as my hero. I already have one guy who teeters from hero to villain in the blink of an eye. My husband is the only one I want to rise up and rescue me from this unending abyss.
"Cooper, please. I'm not your goodwill project."
Standing at the passenger side door of my car, he reaches for my arm and turns
me to face him.
"You're anything but a goodwill project. Marlena, I've never been friends with a woman before. I mean just friends. And to be honest, I don't want or need any more drama in my life. It's pretty full between Lexi and Selene. But there's always been a connection between us. Even when you're being a bitch."
I shake my head. "Look, whatever happened was a long time ago. We're both married, we both--"
"Hey, don't misunderstand what I'm saying. I'm not looking to start anything up between us. Selene is my whole fucking life, and I promised I would never do anything to hurt her. And I won't. You know I don't have a lot of friends. I don't let people in, but you and Troy, you're part of the inner circle. Let me be a friend to both of you. Since you're not letting him, let me just be there for you."
I nod and press the button on the key fob to unlock the doors.
"Fine. But I swear, if you so much as undress me with your eyes, Selene and Troy are both going to know about it."
"I don't cheat, Marlena. It's one of the reasons I never committed. I don't cheat, and I don't have respect for anyone that does."
"You don't cheat? That's bullshit."
"Look, it's not my fault if women got the wrong idea. As for me, I was pretty clear about the things I wanted."
Once we're in the car and our seat belts are buckled, I turn to look over my right shoulder before I pull out of the parking spot. I close my eyes and sigh in an effort to not let the sensation that the ground just tilted and we're about to slide off the earth take hold.
The car engine dies. I open my eyes to see Cooper's hand over the keys in the ignition. "I'm driving. This is why I'm here."
I want to protest and tell him to get out and fuck off. I don't need his help, and I sure as hell don't need to be treated like a child, but I don't. I'm tired of pretending I'm okay every minute. I haven't felt up to driving in weeks and have looked for excuses to avoid it. Every time I have to look both ways at a stop sign, every time I get off a curvy exit, or take a jug handle, the dizziness increases. Last week in the middle of a left turn, I couldn't judge where the street ended and the sidewalk began. I get out and switch places with Cooper, grateful for the moment that he insisted on coming.
"Shouldn't you be drinking water?" he asks, glancing over at me.
"No."
"Oh." He can't hide the surprise in his voice. "I thought . . . Never mind."
Cooper doesn't say anything more until we get there. I check in at the front desk and return with a clipboard full of papers to fill out.
"How far along are you?" Cooper asks when I sit back down. I think he's trying to be nice and make conversation, but he's not making sense.
"What?" I ask while checking off the appropriate boxes on the form. No metal in my eyes, or in my body. No pacemaker. No bullets or fragments.
Cooper looks over at the questionnaire on my lap and stops my hand after I check the "no" box to the question, 'are you pregnant or breastfeeding?'
"Marlena," he stares into my eyes, and I see real emotion there. "You're not pregnant? We're not here for an early pregnancy sonogram?"
"Pregnant? No, of course not. Where did you get that idea?"
The color drains from his face and his hand covers his mouth. Before he has a chance to answer the question, a woman opens a door leading into the back and calls my name.
*
"Have you ever had an MRI before?" the woman asks, leading me from the lockers to the space-like machine once I've taken my bra off and locked away my belongings. I shake my head. "Next time wear something warmer, it tends to get cold in the room."
Next time. She's already counting on a next time?
"Okay, you're going to lay down perfectly still on the table. I'm going to put this device around your head, and it's important that you don't move at all, otherwise we'll have to start over, and I know you're going to want to get this over with as soon as possible."
"Got it."
"Once we have you positioned correctly, I'm going to stuff some padding in between your head and the contraption to keep you from moving. I'll hand you a button to squeeze in case you need to come out for any reason, and then I'll slide you into the tunnel. Once we start, the machine is going to vibrate and make some loud knocking sounds. It's all perfectly normal." She smiles.
"Do you have any questions?"
"Does it hurt?"
"Not at all. And we'll be able to communicate with you once you're in there. And then a little more than halfway through, I'll come back in, slide you out, and inject you with a dye so we can get a different view of what’s going on. But even then, it's important that you stay perfectly still and don't move. Are you ready?"
"As I'll ever be."
I close my eyes while the woman sets me up. She places a pillow under my knees, then places ear plugs in my ears. "To block out the noise. Believe me, it's very loud," she says as she places a cage-like contraption over my head and stuffs the sides with soft padding, just as she warned. "Here's the call button if you need anything." She places a device attached to a cord in my hand. "Now close your eyes and relax."
The table I'm on slides into the machine. Once it comes to a stop, I hear the woman's voice coming through the machine itself. "How are you doing?"
"I'm good." I answer, hoping it's not a lie.
"Alright, let's get started."
*
I sit at the edge of the sliding table, waiting until the room stops spinning enough for me to get on my feet.
"Take your time. It's a very strong magnet," the technician explains. "Even people that are perfectly fine get dizzy from it."
Translation. I'm not perfectly fine. Oh fuck. That's what she means. I'm not fine.
"So you saw something?"
"I'm sorry. I'm not allowed to discuss the images with you. They have to be read by the radiologist, and then your doctor will go over everything with you."
She's lying. Not only did she see something, she knows what that something is and that it's not good. The kind sympathetic voice she's using only confirms my suspicions.
I still can't get up, but now I'm afraid when I do, my knees are going to give out.
Chapter 8
Marlena
The second Cooper spots me exiting the door from the back of the facility, he's on his feet and at my side. My eyes meet his for a moment. A moment is all I can handle. The raw panic in them is my first clue that I'm in trouble. The sick look covering his face is the next. If Cooper, who doesn't give a fuck about what happens to me, looks like this, I can't imagine what's going to happen when Troy finds out.
If Troy finds out.
Cooper doesn't say anything. He reaches his arm around my shoulder and pulls me close, as if he somehow knows I don't feel any stronger than a puddle of water and I need him to hold me up. We continue all the way to my car without one word spoken between us. I don't put up any sort of protest when he walks me over to the passenger side. If he didn't let me drive here, there's no way he's going to let me drive home.
He opens the door and helps me in.
"I've got it!" I snap when he reaches for the seatbelt.
Once Cooper is settled into his seat, I expect him to start the car. He doesn't. Instead, with hands on the wheel, he looks straight ahead.
"What's wrong?"
"At the moment, I'd say it's the fact the car isn't running. You can't expect to get very far . . ."
"With you, damn it! What's wrong with you?"
"I don't know."
"Bullshit!" He turns to me, and for reasons I don't understand, he looks destroyed. Guilt fills my chest and threatens to blast through it like a bomb.
"I mean it. I don't know what's wrong. That's why I'm here, so we can find out."
"What did you just have done?"
"Can you please drive? I'll tell you what I know, but I need a minute, and I want to get away from this place."
"Fine," Cooper agrees, starting the car and putting it into gear.
I lean my
head back against the head rest and close my eyes. I shouldn't have done that. Fuck, the drunk feeling is stronger. I can't get used to the idea that the dizziness gets worse with my eyes closed. No matter how shitty I feel with my eyes open, it's always better than with my eyes closed. I feel the contents of my stomach lurching up, threatening to come spewing out. I fight to keep my mouth closed and everything else down.
"Listen, we're going to be a while," Cooper says out of the blue. He continues speaking before I have a chance to ask him why. "I will. I love you."
"Selene?" I open my eyes and look at him.
"Yeah."
"You really love her, don't you?"
"Didn't I tell you a long time ago I don't do the gooey, emotional crap?" he teases.
"Yeah. I remember." My brows furrow while tears sting my eyes.
*
The elevator doors open. My heart skips a beat at the sight of the guy standing just outside. He raises his glistening green eyes to meet mine and time stops. The world stops, and I forget how it's crashing in around me, how literally a second ago I wanted to die. I gasp for air, taking in his Adonis looks and manly scent. The look of pure lust on his face as he looks back at me makes my mouth go dry and breathing difficult. No one had looked at me like this before. Ever.
He's radiating confidence and wearing it like the warm leather jacket slung over his shoulder. Normally I'd be intimidated by a guy with such a strong presence, but this is no ordinary day, and he's no ordinary guy. I keep my eyes locked on his, feeling an electric current sizzling between us, pulling me toward him.
I struggle to keep my feet glued to the spot I'm standing in because I don't trust myself to move. I want him. Right here. Right now. I forget where I am and why I'm here. He is all there is. Nothing else exists. The tears I've been fighting since the door to my father's office closed behind me are long gone. I don't want to tear my gaze from the exquisitely carved statue of flesh and muscle staring back at me. Instead I continue to ogle him, indulging in the sweet piece of eye candy.
He steps into the square box, soaking me in with the hunger of an emaciated man served his last meal before execution. I've never gotten hot with just a look before, but this guy, he makes my skin tingle and burn with just his eyes. Eyes that are affecting me more than anyone's hands ever did. He wants me just as bad as I want him. I see it in the fire in his eyes. I feel it in the heat of his gaze, the white-hot electricity heating up the air around us.
Man Up Husband Page 6
