by Rochelle Alers, ReShonda Tate Billingsley, Brenda L. Thomas; Crystal Lacey Winslow
I nearly peed on myself. Was this how celebrities ended relationships? Humiliated, I left with just the clothes on my back. I went back to my car, and for a fleeting moment I was happy. I’ve still got my car, I thought, then realized that the majority of my jewelry was upstairs, along with all of my clothes.
When I got inside my car, I noticed that my gas tank was nearly on empty.
“Shit!” I screamed and decided to go back to Big L’s room.
As I drove back to the hotel, I had an epiphany. I didn’t like the way my life was headed. Black had been right to be angry. He’d given me so much, and I’d behaved like a spoiled child—the spoiled child my grandmother raised. The spoiled child I didn’t want to be anymore. The thought of losing such a good thing had me frightened. I decided that if I could reconcile with Black, I’d do virtually anything he wanted.
When I walked into Big L’s room, she greeted me with, “I’ve been worried sick. I think this may be some sort of terrorist attack.”
“It is not. Shut up, stupid,” I said.
I had a headache and needed to go and lay down. I needed quiet time alone so I could contemplate my next move. I walked past Big L and entered her bedroom and locked her door. Black’s inconsistency had thrown me off balance. I had never suspected he was anywhere near tired of me. How foolish was I?
Chapter 16
After hours of no service, my cellular rang out of the blue. I rushed to it.
“Nicoli, where you at?” The caller’s voice sounded familiar.
“Who’s this?”
“This Stacy. I know you ain’t speakin’ to me and Fertashia, but I think I need to tell you how it’s goin’ down.”
“What!” I was still angry at Stacy and Fertashia, but I didn’t know exactly why. Then I remembered that I was supposed to be changing my evil ways.
“I just saw Black and Joy together outside. It looked like he was ’bout to go up in her house.”
“What?” I said again, this time in disbelief.
“Joy is wit your man. I think they goin’ up in her crib.”
“Thanks,” I said and hung up abruptly.
I jumped off the king-size bed, ran into the bathroom, and splashed cold water on my face. Big L had her wet towel, boxers, and dirty socks thrown on the floor. She really thinks she’s a man, I thought, and became disgusted with the whole scene.
I took a moment to contemplate my next move. When I emerged from the bathroom, I was focused. Big L was butt-naked, sprawled out on the living room floor eating Twizzlers. I walked directly over to her and collapsed on the plush cream carpet, as if the life had been sucked out of me.
“Big L, does your Rent-A-Car have gas?” I said desperately.
“Yeah, why?”
“I have an emergency back home in Brooklyn, and I need to be there.”
Panicking, she said, “Okay. Let me go with you.”
“No. No, I have to take care of this myself.”
“You got trouble?”
“No. I’m cool.”
“Are you sure? Because Big L hits hard!” she said and punched her fist into her hand. She continued, “If you got a beef, I’ll break a nigga or bitch face into pieces if they try to fuck with you.”
“It’s not even like that. I just got issues.” I grabbed her car keys and jetted. She called after me, “Call me.”
I left the hotel and traveled as quickly as I could to Brooklyn. Minutes felt like hours as I drove in bumper-to-bumper traffic over the Brooklyn Bridge. All I kept thinking was how we all made a vow not to fuck each other’s men. Joy had snaked me. Was Black seriously thinking about hooking up with Joy? I didn’t think so.
Nervously, I wondered what I’d do when I confronted them. I knew that I couldn’t beat Joy. She was a little more skilled in that area. So what would I do? Just sit back and let them walk off into the sunset? The very thought upset my stomach.
I saw Black’s Cadillac Escalade truck as soon as I pulled up to the block. I had barely cut the ignition off in the car before I was hopping out and running to the building. I ran up the four flights to Joy’s apartment because the elevator wasn’t in service. Once I got to her door, I started banging. Within seconds Joy opened it and smiled. Her smile was so inviting and warm that I took a moment to focus. When she reached out and hugged me, I exhaled and hugged her back.
“Are you all right? Gurrl, I’ve been callin’ you all day. I kept gettin’ your voice mail, so I stopped tryin’. Black came here lookin’ for you. He was worried. I didn’t tell him where your ass was at either.”
“Is he still here?” I asked hesitantly.
“No. I sent him to your Mom’s crib. I told him you’d probably go there.”
I thought briefly about telling Joy what Stacy had implied about her and Black. Then I decided against it. At least, today. I’d been through enough drama for the night. I’d save that tidbit of information for a dull day.
If Black came looking for me, saying he was worried, that meant we’d be getting back together. Suddenly, my life seemed as if it might get back on track. He must have changed the locks after our earlier conversation and before the blackout. Once the blackout happened, he realized that he’d locked me out and that I didn’t have anywhere to go in the mayhem. Joy accompanied me to Gail’s apartment. I hadn’t seen Gail all summer and felt a little guilty. When we got there, Gail said Black had already left.
“I done told him you ain’t here. I said, ‘I ain’t seen that chile since she got wit you,’ ” she said.
“Did he say where he was going?”
“No, he just left.”
“Thanks, Gail.”
“Could you spare a few bucks fo ya momma, Nicoli? I’m broke,” Gail said. I dug into my Prada knapsack and gave Gail $200. Her eyes widened, and she smiled a toothless grin.
“Thanks, baby,” she said.
“You’re welcome,” I replied and felt strangely good about myself.
Joy agreed to come with me back into the city to see if Black had gone home. I told her that we might have to sneak inside his building. “That’s cool,” she said.
When we got there, the lobby was empty and dark. Something must have happened to the generator. We dashed through the lobby and ran to the staircase. Joy took out a lighter and lit the dark stairwell. As we walked up the stairs to Black’s apartment, Joy kept playing around, trying to scare me. She would say silly things like, “Boo!” and we’d giggle like two schoolgirls.
As we exited the staircase, an image stopped me dead in my tracks. Joy’s lighter illuminated Black and some woman, engaged in what seemed like a passionate kiss in front of his door. My hands immediately went up to my mouth, but I couldn’t say a word. Neither could Joy. We were both speechless.
As the doorknob from the staircase hit the lock and made a noise, Black and the woman jumped apart.
“What the fuck is goin’ on?” I yelled, and stared directly into Black’s eyes.
“What?” Black mumbled and backed away from the woman.
“I know I didn’t just see what the fuck I just saw.”
“Yes, you did,” Joy instigated.
“Black, what’s going on, and who’s this girl?” the woman said, waiting for an explanation from Black. She was extremely tall and thin. I could barely make out her features, but even in the dark she looked like a model.
“Girl?!?” I pounced on the woman. I grabbed her by her short hair and commenced to whipping her ass. Joy dropped her lighter and jumped in. She started kicking the woman in her stomach and face, but the woman refused to fight back. She just shielded herself from each blow as best as she could.
In the semi-lit hallway, chaos erupted. Black’s neighbors started coming out of their apartments and threatening to call the cops. The woman was screaming for help while Joy and I were beating her down.
Once Black was able to get his composure back, he quickly tried his best to break it up. The woman was in a fetal position, blocking each blow and screaming for her life
.
“I hate you! I hate you!” I kept screaming as Black stepped in between us.
“You ain’t shit, Black!” Joy yelled.
Inwardly, I could hear my grandmother’s voice say, “Nicoli, why you fightin’ over a no-good man? You’re better than this.”
I released the woman.
The woman stood up and frantically tried to get inside Black’s apartment. As I bickered with Black, Joy seized the opportunity to hit the woman in the face. The woman seemed to do the Harlem Shake as she fell headfirst to the ground. She landed with a loud thud.
“Enough!” Black said, and with one swift movement he threw Joy across the hallway, grabbed me by my arm, and squeezed. “Stop this!” he scolded.
I broke down and bawled.
“How you gonna put your hands on me?” I cried. “How you gonna hit me for that tramp?” I was screaming hysterically.
Black wrapped his arms around me and said, “Shush-sh-sh-sh, let it out.”
“How could you do this to me?” I whispered, then collapsed in his arms. “Why-y-y-y-y?”
“I’m so sorry, baby-girl. It’s not what you think. Let me make this up to you. Please. Let me make this up to you.”
“I’m leaving you, Black. I can’t live like this. It’s over!” I said, and ran out of the apartment building, feeling alone and confused.
Black and Joy ran after me, but I was too quick. I jumped into Big L’s car and sped off. I had had enough.
Chapter 17
Istayed in Big L’s room for days in a drug-induced haze. She was barely there because of her charity basketball games. And when she was there, we were dropping E pills and fucking. Life for me had become mundane. Big L was okay, but she wasn’t Black.
One night while I was watchingMaking the Band on MTV, Big L came in with a bag of Twizzlers for her and a Junior’s cheesecake for me.
“Look what I bought you,” she said jovially, placing the cheesecake on the bed next to me. I glanced at the cheesecake, then continued to watch the show.
“Don’t worry, you can thank me later, if you know what I mean,” she said in a suggestive tone. You would have thought she’d just purchased me ten-karat diamond earrings from the appreciation she expected.
“Aren’t you going to eat it?” she badgered. “I could call down to room service and have them send up some ice cream. We can toss back a few E pills and have a good time.”
Big L was plucking my nerves. She was starving for attention, but I ignored her.
“What you watching?” she said, grabbing the remote control out of my hand and plopping down on the bed beside me. Her presence made me cringe. She was becoming a nuisance, and I felt like she was constantly invading my space. I wanted time to get over Black, but she refused to give me any room.
Finally I broke my silence, “What does it look like I’m watchin’?”
“This shit is weak. Let’s see what they got on the pay-per-view channel. Let’s rent a porno or something. Liven things up.”
I snatched the remote back, and Big L went ballistic. “What the fuck is your problem!” she roared and it felt like the whole room vibrated. Not fazed by her outburst, I turned the volume up on the television until it reached its maximum.
“You my mutherfuckin’ problem,” I yelled. “You think somebody wanna lick pussy all day. I’m tired of you! Your ugly ass always up in my face whining like a little bitch!”
Furious at my blatant disrespect, she ripped the television from the wall and slammed it to the ground. The television broke apart instantly. In a blind fury, she ran through the hotel suite, throwing tables, breaking chairs, and yelling obscenities at me.
Soon after, hotel security came bursting into the room. It was an ugly scene. Big L was perspiring profusely, her white T-shirt was drenched in sweat, her ponytail unruly, and her breathing heavy.
I stood up, nearly nude in just a pair of black thong panties. My perky breasts greeted the security with relief.
“That bitch is crazy!” I exclaimed.
Needless to say, we were thrown out.
Chapter 18
Understandably, I needed to get my shit together. I was miserable with Big L, and yet I couldn’t face going back to Gail’s. Big L and I were now in the Marriot in Midtown, just blocks from Black’s apartment. Every time my cell phone rang, I held my breath, hoping it was Black. It never was. He never called to see how I was doing or at least apologize. He had discarded me, as he had so many other women. But I’m not just any woman, so I mustered up the courage to confront Black. I devised a plan that I was certain would work. I’d go to Black’s apartment to get my belongings. That was it. My master plan. I figured it’s like they say: Outta sight, outta mind.
I arrived at Black’s apartment early morning because I knew he’d be there. I banged on his door, and after a few minutes, he called out.
“Who is it?”
“Nicoli.”
After a long silence, he opened the door. He had the door slightly ajar, his body blocking my entrance.
“Hey, baby-girl,” he said with a smile, much to my amazement.
“I need to get my things.”
“So, you leaving me?” he asked.
“Well, you left me first, didn’t you?” I asked, desperately wanting to go inside his apartment and snuggle up in bed with Black holding me close. The thought made me feel like an idiot, but I didn’t care. For the first time I wondered if I loved Black and his womanizing ways. Sadly I realized that if I did love him, that meant that I didn’t love myself.
“Listen, why don’t you come back later, and I’ll take you to lunch so we can talk. I really miss you.”
I knew something was up—he was acting suspicious. I raised my voice and said, “I need to get my clothes, Black! Why can’t I come in now?”
“Black, who’s that?” a familiar voice called out.
“My business,” he replied, slightly annoyed that his guest didn’t remain anonymous. “Why don’t you leave—”
Just as Black was trying to dismiss me, his overnight guest came out. It was the same girl from the party—Tracy.
“What the fuck she doing here?” she yelled.
“Didn’t I tell you I’m handling my business?” He turned to Tracy and said, “Get back in the room!”
“Oh, so this is why you don’t have time for me. You’re nothing but a liar. I thought you left her alone. Anyway, don’t matter no way. I’m outta here. Keep that bitch,” I said, then walked back to the elevator. Black came running after me.
“Okay, okay, okay. What do you want me to do? You want me to kick her out? She’s gone.”
“Excuse me?” Tracy said in bewilderment.
“Yes. I want you to kick that bitch out. That is, if you love me like you said you do,” I challenged.
“It’s done,” Black replied and commenced to kicking Tracy out. He grabbed her by her arm and started walking her through his apartment, gathering her things. She was cursing him out the whole time.
I stood back and watched the whole fiasco with a grin on my face. It felt good to see Black disrespect this girl for me. That meant he really loved me.
Once his overnight guest had made her exit, it was time for me and Black to talk.
“You know I can’t be with you? You do know this, right?”
“Come on now, Nicoli. I done got rid of that girl for you. You know how I feel about you. You my girl, and I missed you. It’s time for you to come back home and to stop this madness. I’ve been going crazy without you.”
“So crazy you up in here fucking?”
“I swear to God I didn’t fuck her.”
“Yeah, right!”
“I’m not lying. Look, smell my dick,” he said and pulled down his boxers. I think one half of him wanted to really convince me that he didn’t fuck her, and the other half wanted to convince me to fuck him.
“Well, it’s not just about her now, is it, Black?”
“I know it’s not about her because I just k
icked her out.”
“No, I mean, I can’t deal with your infidelities. What about the woman from the other night?” Black had a half-witted expression on his face, as if he’d forgotten.
“Marry me.”
“What?”
“You heard me. Marry me. We can go get your ring now. I told you, Nicoli, I love you.”
“You’ve got to be joking. I don’t even know you.”
“We’ll get to know each other on our honeymoon,” he said and flashed his million-dollar smile. Instantly I fell in love.
Chapter 19
After our talk, Black jumped in the shower. I walked in the bedroom, and when I saw the messy bedsheets, my heart dropped. I walked closer to examine the bed to see if there was a wet spot. Nope. I exhaled.
Black took me to a world-renowned jeweler named Jake in the diamond district. Jake lit up as soon as he saw Black’s face. They shook hands, then Black introduced me.
“Jake, this is my baby-girl, Nicoli,” he said proudly.
“What a beautiful name for a beautiful girl,” he complimented.
“Thank you,” I said with a smile.
“What can I do for you today?” Jake asked Black.
“I’m here to get an engagement ring for my baby. We’re getting married,” he said grandly. I was so excited when I heard him say the word.
“Congratulations, man. I have just what you’re looking for.”
Jake went to a safe, pulled out a black velour box, and laid it on his display table. When he opened the box, I gasped at the lovely arrangement of clear, pink, yellow, and blue diamond rings. I was immediately drawn to an emerald-cut pink diamond.
“Omigod!” I yelled. “I have to have this one.”
“You like that, baby-girl?”
“I do, Daddy. I want this one,” I said in a baby voice.
“She has good taste,” Jake said with a smile.
