by Sarah Gai
Even as they were closer to their adult years now, Connor still saw that determination in Winter's eyes. She was still petite, sweet, and looked at him with immense green doe-eyes as if she needed saving, protection. Truth was, and Connor knew all too well, Winter was more than capable of looking after herself. She may not verbally fight back when nasty bitches like Sadie attacked her for no reason, but Winter succeeded in other ways. She studied hard and stayed ahead in school. She acted like nothing ever bothered her; Connor knew better though. Most of all, she was beautiful inside and out; a fact half the male population at school had recently discovered and it sent Connor out of his mind.
The amount of boys that approached their lunch table, sought Winter out in gym class offering to help her like she's some damsel in distress, or wanted to carry her books to the next class irked him. Connor was pretty sure a few of them even watched a YouTube video or two and tried to figure out how to sign some simple words. He was angry, but he couldn't blame them for trying. The last year things had changed between them; his feelings for her were in overdrive even though he tried to keep a lid on them for months. Now that every other hormonal teen male in a 50-mile radius was trying to attract Winter's attention, his control had worn thin.
Connor couldn't just let her leave like that. He had avoided seeing Winter all weekend, going back and forth as to what he was going to do. The moment he looked up from the windowsill and saw her leaning against his bedroom doorframe, his heart leapt the way it had been doing for months, as if it recognized the other part of his soul was in the room. With “Angel Without Wings” by Saving Abel blaring in his ears through the headphones, it was a memorable moment as he watched her observing him—her silky hair fell over her shoulder in a classic braid, her porcelain skin was tinted pink on her cheeks and nose from the cold, and her over-observant eyes took in every inch of him. He should have welcomed her in, put his befuddled emotions aside, but before he knew what was happening, he snapped at her and hurt her with his vexing coldness.
Connor stood up from the window seat and began pacing. He knew the moment she ran from his room where she would go just like he knew he was going to chase after her. What he was contemplating, as he continued to pace a hole in the carpet, was whether he was going to tell her how he really felt and risk his heart being rejected or just continue to camouflage his feelings and wait for another day.
He decidedly exited his room, running down the hallway and almost falling down the stairs as he leapt over at least half of them on his way down. Throwing on his coat and reaching for his beanie, he practically ran into his mother who was walking around the corner of the hallway.
With a genuine smile and omniscient expression, she crossed her arms and said, “It’s about time, sweetheart."
Connor looked up at her as he wrapped his scarf around his neck. "For what?"
"Don't play stupid with me, son. We both know it's well past due you let her know how you really feel."
Connor stopped his hurried fidgeting and looked at his mother. "You know?"
She laughed again, keeping her eyes on her son’s stunned expression. "Of course, I'm your mother. Besides, she feels the same way you know," she added.
"You don't know that, mom. Anyway, what if I'm about to ruin everything? What if she doesn't feel the same and I lose her?"
Rosie stepped toward her son and placed her hands on his shoulders. "You won't lose her Connor, I promise. You may have an eternity together or a fleeting moment. Either way, time is too precious to waste with the what-ifs in life. I know. I may not have had forever with your father, but what I did have was worth it."
Connor looked down at his mother, the tears surfacing in her eyes as she spoke so fondly of his father. He knew the kind of love they had; he envied it. With a nod of his head, he leaned down and kissed his mother’s forehead, "You're right. I may be young, but I know what I want. Thank you."
Letting go, he turned and bolted out the front door, down the porch steps, and ran to Winter’s house. Opening up the side fence, he let himself into her back garden and headed for the broken gate at the back of her property, which was already wedged open, hanging only by the bottom bolt. Connor knew Winter had headed for the creek that ran behind both of their houses. It never fully froze, so he knew she would have found her way there to watch the icy water flow past as she sat there to think.
As he ran toward her, he saw her standing with her back turned to him. Connor slowed his pace as he drew closer seeing her small frame hunched, her arms hugging her mid section as if fighting away the cold air as snow fell all around her. He didn't think as he approached her, just wrapped his arms around her from behind and pulled her back into his chest. The moment he had her tucked into him securely, Winter’s body relaxed and she leaned into his chest. She always did that and it made Connor feel as if he was ten feet tall. She just knew and trusted him to be there, feeling safe within his arms.
For a few minutes, neither tried to turn or communicate; they were merely just content to be together in each other’s presence. He loved how there never needed to be words spoken between them; each knew what the other was thinking. He was apologizing with his touch and she absolved him by accepting his affection.
Winter slowly pulled out of his embrace and turned to look up at him. Her angelic face was splotchy from the cold and her eyes were red and swollen from crying. Connor’s heart constricted in pain for hurting her so much. He mouthed, "I'm sorry" and reached for her hand, pulling it up to his lips to kiss it before placing it up to his cheek. The corners of Winter’s mouth curved up into a sad smile.
With a deep breath, he whispered the words he had been longing to say for sometime. A part of him hoped she could read his lips, yet another part hoped she didn't understand a thing.
"I'm in love with you." He heard her sharp intake of air. She understood.
He froze, waiting, wondering what he should do next. Her hand dropped from his cheek as he pulled back raising his hands in front of him, begging her to hear him out, before beginning to sign. "Don't freak on me. I had to tell you. It has been driving me crazy! Wanting you, loving you, yet not telling you," he finished. Running his hands through his hair, not daring to look at the reaction on her face from his confession, he began to pace.
Suddenly, a small hand touched his back and stilled his movement. He turned and dared to look down. Winter peered back up at him, looking at him through her thick eyelashes. Connor melted when he saw the small unsure smile that morphed into a full-blown grin as she signed back confidently. Connor swore he saw relief in her expression as she signed, "I love you, too."
He felt as if his feet had lifted off the ground; his body floating mid-air knowing those words were for him. He stepped forward, picked Winter up off her feet, and spun her around. A giggle passed her lips and sent him into overdrive. She would never know or hear how beautiful that sound was to his ears. She laughed for him and all he could do was smile as he spun the girl he loved around and around.
Connor wound them down slowly, the air surrounding them changing, heating as their faces drew near to each other. Still wrapped in his arms, her feet dangling in the air, Connor gulped as he searched her deep emerald eyes for permission.
She wrapped her arms around him tighter, leaning forward to capture his lips with her own. Her mouth was soft and inviting and her lips tasted like nothing he ever imagined— along with the vanilla from the balm she always wore. He squeezed her tighter and deepened their connection, exploring, searching, and questioning how and why he had ever waited so long to tell her. That moment between them would forever be one of the sweetest memories to ever take up a permanent place in his heart and mind.
As they spent the rest of the day introducing themselves to each other in a new way, knowing their relationship had changed after crossing that threshold, Connor knew without a doubt there was no turning back from the territory they had walked into and he wouldn't have had it any other way.
Forever Always
"Where do you think we will be once we graduate?" Winter signed to the young man who had now officially been her boyfriend for six months. It was their last week of summer break and they decided to spend it down by the creek behind their houses; it was always their go-to place. Laying out their blanket, they basked in the sun, sometimes communicating, but other times just content to be next to each other. Connor kept his hands on her, cradling her, rubbing her shoulders, or drawing circles in her palm. Winter didn't care what they did on any given day as long as he was near her.
"As long as I'm with you, I'll be the happiest man alive," he signed and leaned over and kissed her softly on the lips.
Pushing him away, she grinned. "Be serious, Connor. The few years we have left will fly by and then what?" She watched as he sighed, like this conversation was really unnecessary. He was probably right, but all the same she longed to know his answer.
"Well, first of all I have to say I love it when you get serious. Your pretty face makes about a hundred different expressions."
Winter slapped his arm, turning away embarrassed. She knew half of communicating what she was trying to say involved facial expressions and she made a lot of them.
“Okay, I guess if I could do anything it would be something super boring like accounting. It's a good income and when I'm tired of crunching numbers all day I know that as soon as I get home, the sun will shine bright even in the night hours because I'll be seeing you after those long hours of working. Now that's the perfect end to the day, right?" he finished with a tap on her nose.
"Seriously?" she questioned.
"Hey, what's wrong? You don't want to marry an accountant? What's wrong with an accountant?" he asked, feigning to be hurt.
"Oh, so were married, too, huh?” she raised an eyebrow and a small smirk graced her lips involuntarily.
"With kids," he finished, before lunging at her and tackling her to the ground, tickling her silly.
Winter laughed and strained for air. He made her so happy. Yes, they were young, but what he just proposed was perfect and she felt the same. She didn't care where they went or what they did as long as they were together.
Connor stopped his assault on her ribs and leaned his head on one of his arms. Their faces were a mere breath away from each other and when he looked at her, she saw the promises he made. She knew from the very first moment they met that God sent her a guardian angel in the form of this young man. She wondered if others were as lucky as she.
"Love you," he mouthed and Winter’s heart exploded.
Oh, how she loved him, too. He was everything her romance books spoke about. He made her feel things words could never truly express. Raising her head off the ground, she caught his lips with her own. Winter could never verbally tell him how she felt, but she would spend the rest of their lives showing him in every other way.
They remained wrapped up in each other—exploring, enjoying, and basking in one another until the sun began to set; their pace alternating between hot and heavy to slow, lingering touches. Those moments would forever be the memories Winter would think of when rainy days came.
When the sun waved it's final goodbye, Connor stood up, pulling Winter up with him. "You know, I won't be able to give you the world baby, but I'll sure as hell try," he signed.
Winter placed a hand to his chest briefly, right where his heart was beating a steady rhythm, before responding, "Connor, you are my world."
Nolan Reed
Summer, 2009
"Nolan! Breakfast is ready young man. You do not want to be late for your first day of senior year!" his mother, Kim, yelled from the kitchen downstairs.
Nolan grabbed his satchel from the end of his bed and slung it across his body. His dark chocolate-colored hair was still wet from the shower; he ran a hand through the short cut as he took large strides down the hallway.
"Nolan!" his mother shouted again.
"I'm coming mom," he hollered back, descending the stairs and walking into the kitchen. Taking a seat on the stool at the breakfast bar, Nolan began to nosh on the pancakes his mother slid in front of him. Leaning her arms on the bench across from him, she frowned. Nolan looked back at her, puzzled, and asked around a full mouth, "What?"
Kim stood up straight again and shook her head. "It's nothing, well...it's just, are you really going to wear that outfit to school on your first day?" she critiqued as her coral manicured nails pointed up and down his body.
Nolan couldn't help but roll his eyes. He looked down at his ensemble and shrugged. The gray shirt and khaki shorts he matched with a pair of sandals looked fine; there was nothing wrong with his outfit. It was going to be a hot day and comfort was important. Nolan knew his mother; Kim expected her once-private-school-educated son to look like he walked out of some magazine with a pressed polo and ironed slacks.
"We're not in Savannah anymore, Mom. Besides, it's about time I got to dress how I see fit, not how father expects."
His mother made herself busy, trying to work the new coffee machine, her back facing him. She shook her head again and turned to look at him, a half-smile on her face. "No, you're right. This is why we moved here...right?" she asked, still seeming unsure.
"Absolutely," he grinned back, reassuring her.
His mother nodded again, remembering the precise reason they decided to leave their home in Savannah—to start a new life without his father around. Kim changed the subject and turned back to tackle the new coffee machine once again. "So, are you excited about school today? I just can't believe my little boy is finishing high school this year," she sighed.
Nolan chuckled and finished off the last bite of breakfast. "You know, surprisingly I am. I finally get to be me and not some dirty little secret,” he admitted. His mother's body froze and Nolan regretted saying that. "What about you? Excited to be opening your publishing firm this week?" he tried to steer their conversation in another direction.
His mother's face lit up. "Oh, I can't wait for you to see the office. Reed publishing is coming together nicely. I already have two authors signed, it's so exciting!" Her eyes sparked as she spoke about her new venture.
Nolan pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked the time as Kim spoke vibrantly about the details of her business. Twenty minutes until the bell. He stood from his stool and walked around the counter. Leaning down, he kissed his mother on the cheek. "Sorry, Mom, we're gong to have to finish this conversation later or I'm going to be late to school."
"Good luck!" she hollered as Nolan was already halfway out the door.
"Don't need it!” he shouted back heading for the car.
Once in the Rover, it took a little more than five minutes to reach the high school. Students were running here and there across the manicured lawns and in and out of the large brick building. A sizeable banner strung across the top of the school spelling out “Home of the Black Ravens.” If Nolan had his way, he might get lucky and finish off his final year of school playing for the football team as a wide receiver.
He parked his truck at the back of the lot and then jumped out, making his way towards the school’s entrance. Most of the students stopped talking to turn and look at him; he just smiled back at them as he passed on by. Being a small school, he figured the new guy would stand out. Nolan wasn't shy by any means. Besides, he only had this year to put up with school cliques and social ranking before he was out of the joint.
As he entered the building, he spotted the sign for the office right at the front of the hallway and entered to get his class schedule and sign up for the team try-outs. As the office assistant finished showing him a map of the building and where his first class would be, a voice broke into the conversation from behind. "I'll help him find his classes today, Mrs. Harper."
Nolan turned and was met by a tall, honey-blond girl, appearing as sweet as sugar, not to mention she was pretty by any man’s standard. Nolan had always been able to read people and something in his gut was telling him she might not be as nice as she seemed.
>
"Hi, I'm Sadie," she introduced herself in a singsong voice, holding out her hand to him.
Nolan slung his bag higher on his shoulder and grabbed his schedule off the office counter with one hand and fully turned to shake her out-stretched hand with the other. "Nolan," he replied, smiling down at her.
Letting go, she turned around and looked back at him, flicking tendrils of hair over her shoulder. "Well, let's get you to class because the bell has already rung," she giggled.
Nolan tried his hardest not to roll his eyes for the second time that day. "Don't you want to see my schedule?" he asked, as she began walking out of the office, her heels clicking on the tiled floor in the empty hallway.
"Nope, I make it my priority to check out what new students will be starting each year and you were the only one so I looked over your class rotation for myself this morning." Sadie slowed her pace and fell into line next to Nolan. Looping her arm with his, she laughed again, "And guess what? Your very first class is science and it's with me. How exciting! I'll make sure we’re lab partners," she winked up at him.
He had no idea what to say. This was nothing new for him; back in Savannah, at the private school his father had paid for, girls were always milling around, trying to attract his attention, but it wasn't something he was ever really interested in. It's not that Nolan didn't admire the shape and attention of a beautiful female, it’s just the right one had never truly grabbed his full attention and kept it. His mother always said he was made for another era, from a time when gentlemen truly existed. There was something in Nolan that never felt the need to "play the field;" he was always looking out for the one who would turn his head and be his forever. He had not met her yet, but he knew someday he would find her and from the first moment he saw her it would be kismet.
Nolan and Sadie reached their first class and entered the room. As Sadie explained to the teacher their reason for tardiness, Nolan looked around, taking in all the eyes peering back at him. Sitting at a workbench four rows from the front, was a guy signaling for him to hurry over; Nolan didn't give it a second thought and made his way over, planting himself on the empty stool.
