by Sarah Gai
"Well, I moved in with my aunt for a few years, as I'm sure you already know," she eyed him. Nolan laughed. He wasn't fooling her; he and Charlie were best friends and she knew her brother had a big mouth.
"Well, tell me something I don't know. Surprise me."
There was nothing to tell—how sad was that, Winter thought. "Honestly, there isn't anything to surprise you with Nolan. No, that's not true. After I moved to Seattle and finally ventured out, I joined a book club, which in turn was really only comprised of Holly and me. You have to meet her; she's amazing. She's also hearing impaired, although she wasn't always. Her loss was slow so she can talk a little. Well, she took me under her wing and helped me enroll in an online community college and I got my degree in graphic and web design. I found a great place to work and my colleagues even take ASL lessons. Can you believe that? They are really supportive. And about two years ago I got my first apartment. That's it really. I'm super boring. Boring Winter," she smiled sadly. She wanted to tell him of great adventures, of a life full of fun and achievements, but she did not have any of that.
Nolan reached over and raised her chin to him. “You’re not boring Winter—far from it. I find you intriguing, watchful, and independent. You just haven't found your passion yet. But look at what you just told me—you have friends, a degree, a job, and your own place. Jeez, Winter, feel proud of yourself," he assured.
She watched as his hands intricately made every move. He was signing like someone who had been doing it since childhood; his features displaying someone who was an old hand at it. "When did you learn to sign, Nolan?" she wanted to know. She could see him blush in the way he turned his head slightly to the left.
"I started just after you left for Seattle. I took classes and Charlie taught me shortcuts in how you communicate, your pigeon language as he calls it. Sometimes we would go days at work only talking with our hands to each other. It drove the workers mad!" She watched him chuckle. "And the rest is history," he finished.
"You did that so you could talk with me?" she asked shocked and a little spellbound.
"Well, yeah. I used to watch those closest to you communicating. To me it was a secret language. I always felt like I was on the outside looking in. And I wanted to be a part of it. You know?"
"Yes, I do know. Welcome to my world. I sometimes feel the same way about the hearing. I miss a lot of what they are saying and feel left out of the conversation."
"Like dinner the other night?"
"Like dinner the other night," she repeated. She watched him nod in understanding. He never took his eyes off of hers. It was as if he could see her, genuinely see her. His eyes saw into her soul and made her feel things stagnant for so long. He amplified a belief in the person she could be.
"So, back to passion. Do you have something you really want to do?" he signed.
She was grateful for the distraction; her eyes no longer held captive in his. What was her passion? She thought about it for a moment.
"I love my work, but honestly I want to design book covers. I want to create works of art. I love books. I read up a storm normally. It would be wonderful to have my masterpieces on the front of someone’s work and add them to my bookshelf. I also want what nearly everyone wants—a home I can call my own, a husband, and a family. I just can't see it happening in the near future is all," she finished.
The waitress returned and placed their meals down in front of them. Winter was close to turning the evening into a pity party. She hoped Nolan would disregard the last part about a husband and a family. As she sunk her mouth into the super-sized burger she ordered, she watched Nolan’s face. The confusion etched into the lowering of his brow, his downturned mouth—she had said too much and was too honest about what she wanted and what she felt she couldn't have.
"Mark what I'm telling you, Winter. You will have it—all of it. Starting Monday, the new chapter of your life begins," he nodded as if it he was positively sure about her future.
Winter laughed and it must have been out loud as she watched Nolan's face light up with glee. She quickly closed her mouth and finished swallowing her bite of food.
"So what's happening Monday?"
"I'm taking you somewhere," he signed, before he began eating.
She guessed that was the end of their conversation about passions. She saw the stubborn streak in him. She also had a feeling it was going to be one of those things she would find hard to run away from. She saw his determination and kindness, but she saw a lot more than what he knew. She also saw that this was going to be a problem because as she looked into his ocean blue eyes, the eyes that, although hidden by the darkness of the room, she had memorized, she knew she was in big trouble. How was she going to step away from him? He deserved better than her. He deserved someone who could give him her whole heart and not just a fragment.
Nolan
He was drowning in her and refused to come up for air. She thought she was boring. She thought she wasn't good enough or that she didn't deserve her dreams. Oh, how wrong she was. Nolan watched as Winter lit up when she spoke of wanting to design book covers, when she spoke of her favorite authors, and her all-time top picks for movies. She was so animated as she signed fondly about her aunt, Charlie, Rosie, Nicole, and her friend Holly. He saw the love she had to offer, her gentleness, yet also her brokenness, which almost killed him. But ultimately he saw her. Nolan's feelings for her were almost more than he could handle.
He thought for a moment he quite possibly could have been in love with the idea of her, the girl he once knew who left five years ago. Tonight resolved his dubiety; the girl he fell head over heels for that first day of school was now the woman he wanted to create a life with. There was never anybody else, would never be anyone else, because she was the sunlight in his sky. Her return enticed feelings he hadn't felt in years; his body was alive, as if he had not truly been living all this time.
The atmosphere of the bar had changed since they arrived. Long after they finished dinner, they sat in the booth just conversing about everything and, yet, nothing. Watching her hands move was like having the privilege of observing an intricate dance, her fingers weaving and shaping with such perfection. Her face animated as she relayed her stories, keeping him entranced.
Nolan suddenly had an idea. The music had long since been turned up. It was the first time he could communicate without having to shout over the noise, but it also sparked something in him and he wanted to take a chance.
"Dance with me." It wasn't a question, but a request. He stood up and held his hand out toward her. Winter waved him off, her face looking at him like he was crazy.
"I'm not going to dance, Nolan. But I'm happy to watch you bust some moves," she grinned.
"It's not negotiable. Now get up and dance with me," he signed before reaching down and grabbing her hand. She was so small he almost sent her flying as he pulled her from the booth.
Nolan didn't give her a choice as he led them to find an open spot. With the dance floor at full capacity, bodies were moving to the music in every direction. Above, strobe lights changed color to the beat of the bass. He found a spot at the edge of the floor near the wall wanting to ease some of her discomfort. Briefly, he let go of her and asked, "Can you feel the vibration of the beat?"
Winter rolled her eyes. "Of course, I can feel the beat. It goes through my body."
"Great," he smiled. "Now we are going to move to it," he finished.
There was no more communication between the two of them for the next ten minutes. Nolan wanted her to let go of her carefully guarded exterior and just be in the moment. He felt her stiffness as he reached down and placed his hands on her hips, pulling her in close. He began to sway her still frigid body. “Move,” he mouthed. He watched as her face shifted, making up her mind to let go. Winter raised her arms and looped them around his shoulders, pulling him down more. At first it was awkward, her guard still up, her hips unsure of the rhythm she could not hear. But that bass kept on thumping and she was t
rying, causing his body to explode for her.
Without so much as a warning, Winter pulled her arms away from him and turned, pushing her back into his front. He grabbed her hips again and gripped her tight, moving her to the rhythm. She was a sight to behold as she leaned her head back against his chest, her eyes closed allowing him to lead her.
Never in a million years did Nolan ever think he would be there dancing with the girl of his dreams. No matter what his future held, that was one moment in time he would have forever seared in his mind. One perfect moment—their moment, and nothing could take it away from him.
Nolan let go of her hips, securing her to him more by wrapping his arms around her waist. He couldn't help himself, he was about to do something he had wanted to do since the first day he met her. Starting at her shoulder, her sweater low exposing her soft skin, he placed the smallest kiss. She continued moving to his rhythm, unaffected. His lips moved to the crook of her neck where he placed another small butterfly kiss. He unwound one hand from around her waist and brought it up to turn her chin to the side so she could see him. He saw the small smile she was giving him permitting him to continue and, with that, he bent down and placed a kiss on her lips. It was soft, sweet, and blew him off his axis. He had never tasted anything more nectarous. Her mouth began to move against his as the kiss deepened, their tongues began to dance around one another. But for Nolan, it wasn't enough.
He let go of Winter and spun her around so they were face-to-face. He looked down at her and saw a reflection of his own feelings—hunger, want, desire. She took the lead this time and reached up, taking his face in her palms and pulling his mouth down to meet hers once again. The world around them ceased to exist. It was just the two of them, somewhere in the heavens, and he would have happily stayed there forever.
Someone tapped Nolan's shoulder, but he didn't care as he continued to claim Winter’s mouth, grateful to explore. The tapping happened again and Nolan broke away from Winter, scowling, as he turned to peer behind him. He felt Winter's face rest against his chest as he looked to the gnat annoying him.
"Well, I never thought I would see the day Nolan Reed was making out with someone in public," Sadie's high-pitched voice screamed above the music.
You have got to be kidding me, right? he groaned inwardly.
"Who's the lucky..." she pushed in and tore her way between them. "Oh my goodness...Winter Harris. Is that really you? Ghost from the past returns home," she yelled.
Winter looked at Nolan to interpret and Winter unhappily nodded at Sadie. God knows what was going on inside Winter's head right then. Sadie was a nasty, bitter cheerleader that made it her mission to corner Winter every chance she got back in high school. To her credit, she had changed over the years since marrying one of Charlie's high school friends, Henry. He was good for her and he didn't stand for her drama. Nolan just didn't know how Winter would react to the “new” Sadie.
He watched as if Sadie just remembered that Winter was deaf, her hand flying to her chest in sympathy. Turning to Nolan she yelled, "Can you tell her I'm sorry for my past actions." Sadie swiveled and waited for Winter’s response.
Nolan repeated what she said and watched as Winter looked shocked. She wasn't prepared for that and he couldn't blame her. Winter nodded and held out her hand. Sadie looked at it and before Winter knew what was coming Sadie grabbed her and pulled her into a hug. Nolan couldn't help but laugh; if he ever wondered what it was like to see his little Snowflake uncomfortable, that moment showed him.
Sadie let go and looked at him again. "Tell her I would love for you both to catch up with Henry and me for dinner," she looked at Nolan and waited.
He signed her invitation and Winter signed back, "Henry?"
"Oh, I'll tell you all about it later," he promised her.
"Well, what did she say?" Sadie asked anxiously.
"She said she would think about it. You have a lot of making up to do, Sadie."
She actually looked truly ashamed as she nodded her head. "I know. I'll let you get back to your making out and I'll pursue her later," she promised. He knew she would; what Sadie wanted, Sadie got.
He felt Winter’s hand slip into his as she sidled up next to him. He reached down and kissed her temple before he even thought about it, as if it was natural—her and him together. Sadie waved as she ran off leaving them standing against the wall.
Winter let go of his hand and, for a moment, he thought he had overstepped the mark with his affection.
"How about we go back to my place and just, I don't know, talk?" she signed.
Nolan smiled, "Sounds like a plan." He reached down and took her hand again, leading them back to the booth to grab their jackets before leaving the bar.
It was by far the best night of his life and in no way was he ready for it to end.
Winter
Saturday night had been a dream. After they left the bar, Nolan drove them back to her mother’s house and she invited him in as promised. What took place was something Winter had felt was long overdue.
They talked about everything, sometimes they kissed, other moments they just existed. He was a true gentleman. As the sun began to rise, Winter yawned; she was happy, but exhausted. She didn't want their time together to end.
Nolan saw how tired she was and stood from the sofa, pulling her up with him. With the softest of kisses, his lips lingering over hers, he was making promises, letting her know how serious he was about whatever was going on and developing between them. He pulled back and mouthed “later.” Winter nodded and reluctantly showed him out, waving to him as his car pulled away.
She thought she would just fall into bed and sleep would devour her before she had a second to think, but her mind replayed the night over and over; every tiny detail from dinner to dancing, the way he moved her body with such ease and the way her body responded to his touch. The kiss, oh that kiss—it was everything she had been missing.
She laid there running her fingers across her lips, still feeling the lingering touch of his mouth on hers. There was no awkwardness, just pure excitement, as if their bodies were like a pair of magnets, pulling towards its other half. She had only ever kissed one other boy, but this was...different. It felt right, yet wrong all at once. She thought of Connor and her stomach dropped. Oh God, how could she allow herself to forget about him for one moment? What would he be thinking right now if he were here? But he wasn't here. The light from the morning streamed through the side of Winter’s curtained window. She couldn't mull over those thoughts any longer. As her eyes involuntarily shut, it was Nolan who consumed her slumbering thoughts.
She slept through most of Sunday. If Winter had her way, she would have slept all the way through to Monday with her body and mind exhausted in a mixture of elation and guilt, giddiness and sorrow, longing and dread. Her emotions were flying every which way as she willed herself to go back to sleep.
As she began to stir, a sudden shock jolted her. Winter flipped herself over in her bed as the covers keeping her warm were pulled off of her body. Standing above her at the side of her bed was Nicole.
"You are in so much trouble!" she signed, her beautiful face scowling down at Winter.
Winter tried to reach down to the end of her bed and pull the covers back over her head, but Nicole dove for them at the same time, winning the battle and throwing the duvet across the room.
"No sleep for you, young lady. I have messaged you all day. I was worried something happened!" she signed.
Winter gave her a half smile. She loved having people around her who cared enough to check in. Throwing her legs over the edge of her bed and stretching out her tired muscles before standing at full height, she huffed, "Sorry. I had a really late night," she let Nic know before trudging past her in desperate need of the bathroom.
Nicole knocked Winter to the side of the wall as she rushed past and stood in front of her, eyes wide and enthusiastic. "How late are we talking?" she longed to know.
"How about you go make co
ffee, I'll use the bathroom, and then we can discuss the details of last night," she bargained. Nicole jumped up and down, grinning as she mouthed the word "deal" before running off to the kitchen.
Winter quickly did her business, tied her hair into her usual messy bun, and bolted back into her room to get changed. She wasn't one to overdress herself every day; if she could live in jeans and a t-shirt forever she would be one happy girl. She did just that and added a sweater and wool socks as she forgot to stoke the fire, before bed.
Entering the kitchen, she saw the steaming cup of coffee, the aroma pulling her along. Looking into the living room, she found Nicole bent down lighting the fireplace. God, I love her, she thought as she took the first sip of her drink. As Winter settled onto a kitchen stool at the counter, Nicole rushed back in and planted herself with gusto next to Winter.
"Everything," she signed, giddier than a child on Christmas morning.
Winter rolled her eyes. Here we go, she thought and with that she disclosed every little detail.
"Oh, my goodness. How good of a kisser is he? Seriously, you have to tell me," Nicole pushed.
"It was..." How could she describe how perfect it was? "It was as if my lips belonged with his," she blushed, looking away in embarrassment.
As she pulled her eyes back to her friend, she watched as Nic swooned, her hopes visible. Winter knew what she was thinking; she wanted Winter to finally be happy and to get over Connor. It wasn't that easy though. No one understood what she and Connor had or how well he understood her. They say time heals, but time has not helped Winter; granted, Winter had not done anything to help herself either.
Nicole watched as Winter retreated into herself. She gently nudged her friend to regain her attention. "So Sadie apologized, huh?"
Winter nodded. "Yeah, and how did I not know she married Henry?" Winter signed before throwing her hands out.
