by S. E. Harmon
“I’ve hidden my computer someplace where you’ll never get your mitts on it.” Kelly hit the bottom stair. “Now. I believe you promised me some pretty enticing things. Something about a massage—”
“Hey! There you are,” I spoke so loudly that everyone jumped. Kelly fumbled the small bottle he’d been carrying, and it hit the floor with a small thump and went rolling. “I wondered where you got to.”
Kelly scowled at me. From his position on the stairs, I doubted if he could see Ian yet and his next words confirmed it. “I went upstairs to unpack. And why on Earth are you talking so lo—”
I cut him off again a little desperately. “Look who’s here. My brother, Ian. You remember Ian?”
I had to give him credit for quick recovery. After a barely imperceptible moment of silence, he cleared his throat. “Of course I remember Ian.” He came down the last step to look at my brother. “What’s up? Didn’t expect to see you here.”
“Obviously.” His gaze lasered through us both. He might look like a big lug, but there was nothing slow or bumbling about him. “I didn’t know you guys were still doing the whole Kelly and Blue thing.”
Kelly’s brows slanted downward. “What would that be, exactly?”
“That’s just how it was growing up—everywhere you see Blue, you see Kelly, and vice versa.” His blue eyes were cold and measured as he gazed at us both. “I would’ve thought you guys had grown out of that by now.”
Well, shit. If he wanted to get on Kelly’s nerves, he just bought an express pass. “Last time I checked, you don’t have to grow out of friendship,” Kelly said coolly. “But maybe you’d have to actually have friends to know that.”
“Certain kinds of friends I don’t need.”
“Certain kind of friends like me? Friends who are loyal? Supportive?” Kelly demanded. “Or friends who are gay? ’Cuz you’re really going to need to be specific.”
“You know what I mean.” Ian furrowed his eyebrows.
“No, I don’t. And you’ve never had a problem with me before. So why don’t you spell out this sudden animosity for me?”
Kelly was right, and we all knew it. Maybe we hadn’t hung out with Ian all the time—he was younger and had his own crowd—but there was never any animosity between them. He treated Kelly like he treated all my friends—nice enough, with a tad of disinterest. We watched games together, went out to eat every once in a while, went to bars together when Ian visited me at college. The kind of awkward tension in the air had never existed between us before.
I saw the moment Ian realized he was going to stop being so vague and just speak his piece. He stuck out his already pugnacious jaw even farther. “There’ve been rumors, you know, about the two of you.”
His words practically froze my lungs in my chest. It was a moment before I could even pretend to breathe naturally.
I expected the rumors. Several people knew about us already, and when several people knew a secret, it was only a matter of time before a lot of people knew that secret. One person told one person, and then that person told someone else… and the further away from the origin the next person was, the less important it became to keep the secret. I knew all that. That didn’t make it any easier to hear.
I headed for the refrigerator. I wasn’t all that thirsty, but I really needed something to do with my hands. “Does anyone else want something to drink?”
“No,” Kelly said.
“No,” Ian said shortly.
“Okay, then.” I blew out a breath. I stared in the refrigerator as though looking for inspiration, but it wasn’t a soda, coconut water, or juice kind of situation.
I checked the freezer, and God bless her alcoholic heart, Penny had stuck a bottle of Absolut in there. Oh man, she had just made the best argument in the history of man for getting a raise without even speaking a word. I pulled out the bottle and went to the frosted-glass cupboards for a tumbler.
“It’s not true, is it?” When I closed the cupboard, I could see Ian’s blurry reflection in the frosted glass. “I defended you, you know. With my words and my fist.”
I found a mug that was way too big and poured the chilled alcohol way too high. I took a cold, bracing sip and finally settled on a terse “I never asked you to.”
“Maybe you should have. Maybe you should take a second and realize what that means if… the nature of your relationship has changed,” he finished.
I turned to face him. I realized that was my chance, and there was only one thing to say. If I couldn’t admit it to my brother, right there in my own kitchen, when would I ever be ready? I just… I could see the turbulence in his eyes. He wasn’t going to be okay with it. He wasn’t.
Selfishly I wanted to keep my brother, even if it was only for a little while longer—the Ian who had a big smile when I walked in the door, the Ian who gave me hugs and delighted in finding something to tease me about, the Ian who, even though he wouldn’t admit it, still looked up to me as his big brother. It had always been the Montgomery boys against the world, and I wasn’t ready for that to change.
I wasn’t ready.
Kelly finally broke the silence. “Of course it’s not true.” Maybe it was just my guilty conscience, but I thought I could hear the discontent coloring his voice. “You know your brother, Ian.”
“I certainly thought I did.”
“Let’s just drop it. Okay?” I couldn’t look at either of them. I knew that, even though it was for different things, both of them would look disappointed. I gestured at the giant farmhouse sink full of fish. “You should clean those. They’re starting to stink up the whole damn house.”
“Fine.”
We watched as he went to the drawer and searched through it for a few minutes, the jangle of silverware loud in the quiet kitchen. Then he went to the sink and grabbed his fish. “Maybe we can grill these for dinner. There’s certainly enough for all of us.”
At least he wasn’t leaving. Yet. I breathed out a quiet exhale. “Thanks. We’re probably going to go on a quick hike. I want to show Kelly the peak before sunset.”
Ian glanced at the windows. “Then I guess you’d better hustle.”
On his way past the island, Ian looked down and froze. After a second he bent down and picked up something small. “Hey, Kelly?”
“Yeah?”
He put the bottle of massage oil on the island, and it made a small click against the pristine white quartz. “You dropped this.”
Kelly and I stared at the offending bottle as Ian headed outside with his string of fish. There really didn’t seem to be anything left to say.
“YOU’RE A dead man, Montgomery.”
I pretended not to hear Kelly’s murderous mutter as Waffles and I jogged ahead along the trail. It wasn’t particularly steep, but it certainly wasn’t easy terrain. For the first half hour, I kept telling him the view at the peak was worth it, but the last glare he sent me spoke volumes, and I decided to let him see for himself. There was also an access point for the lake, and it would be a great place to cool off before we headed back. I glanced once more at his flushed, irritated face and kept my trap shut. I certainly wasn’t going to get back in his good graces by telling him that he was awfully cute when he was mad.
He didn’t really hate exercise as much as he claimed. He just needed someone to push him a little to get going. I liked to think he appreciated my motivating speech and me jogging backward in front of him at some points. And so what if he threatened to push me in the lake several times?
“Uncle, goddammit. Uncle.” When I glanced back, Kelly had both hands on his waist as he tried to catch his breath. Waffles circled around his legs, her tail whipping back and forth. “Blue, I don’t know what kind of view you’re hoping for at the end of this trail, but it can’t be worth this. Nothing is worth this. If Jason were behind me right now, hockey mask and all, I’d wave him over and say, ‘Make it quick.’”
I pulled my water flask out of the mini pack I’d brought and held it out to him. “You need water, Kel.
”
“You got any oxygen in there?”
I opened the flask and tilted up his chin but stopped before I raised the bottle to his lips. Just looking at his upturned face sent a strange kick to my chest, and I brushed back a couple of damp hairs from his flushed face.
His eyes crinkled in amusement. “You going to make me beg?”
“Yes,” I said meaningfully. “But not for this.”
He groaned. “Why did you make me come up here? I’m not going to have any energy left for the good stuff.”
“I’ll do all the work,” I promised. “Now drink.”
When he finished, I gave Waffles her share in my cupped hand. Then I drank my fill and then put the flask back. I gave him a few more minutes before I suggested we get a move on.
He shook his head. “Let’s go back. I’ve seen all I need to see.”
“You did not,” I said stubbornly.
“I did. Great trail. Rocks. Dust. Dirt. Branches that grabbed me as I walked past.” He waved a hand expansively. “All of it was truly lovely. Even the mosquitos who seem to think my pasty legs are fair game.”
I glanced down at said legs, which were far from pasty. But from the look of several irritated patches of skin, he was right about the mosquito thing. “I told you to put on mosquito repellant.”
“And I told you I’m not lathering up with bug spray. Now back to the Batcave, Jeeves. I’m ready for sustenance.”
“You’ve got your butlers mixed up. And we’re not leaving until you see my special spot.” When he opened his mouth, I pointed a warning finger. “And if you say, ‘That’s what he said,’ so help me God….”
He scowled. “It’s like you were born to spoil my fun.”
I glanced at my watch and made a quick decision. I crouched down in front of him and gestured at my back. He just blinked at me, so I clarified, “Get on.”
The look he sent me should have turned me to stone. “Are you kidding me?”
I bit my lip to hide a laugh that would clearly not be appreciated. “I’m serious. I’ll give you a ride to the end. It’s only another mile and a half.”
“I’m not your kid, and I don’t do piggyback rides.”
“We’re not going to make it in time for the sunset if we don’t pick up the pace,” I explained in a way I thought was more than patient. Judging from his dark expression, he didn’t agree. “I can get us there fairly quickly, and we can take our time getting back.”
On second thought, we probably shouldn’t linger, since bobcats and other dangerous wildlife were pretty common. I figured it wasn’t prudent to mention that.
“I’m not letting you carry me, Blue.”
“Okay,” I said reasonably. “So you’re ready to jog?”
He stared at me for a moment and then sighed. “This is embarrassing.”
“I know,” I soothed. “We won’t tell anyone.”
“Could you get a little lower?”
“This is as low as it gets, dollface. Now get on.”
With a put-upon sigh, he got on my back and linked his arms around my neck. I stood slowly and made sure he had a good grip without choking me to death. Then I set off at an even jog. And because I was a good boyfriend, I even managed to ignore his muttering near my ear.
I just considered his weight extra cardio for my workout, which was always a good thing. I also enjoyed the feeling of his lean, toned legs firmly grasping my middle and his entire body rubbing up against mine, which led to the discovery that jogging a trail with a semi was not advisable.
When I finally emerged from the thickness of the trees, the trail gave way to beige sand shot through with green shoots. Much to my regret, I had no reason to hold him anymore, and Kelly slid down my back. He walked a few steps away, hands on his hips. Waffles sprawled on the dock, face stretched in a doggy grin, her tongue lolling out. Even though our walk was clearly the most activity she’d had in her entire life, she looked pretty pleased with herself. The lake stretched out in front of us, shimmering like glass. The sky was a color palette no artist could hope to replicate—oranges and blues and streaks of pink—as the sun sank over the lake, a triumphant phoenix that would eventually rise from its ashes.
I glanced over at Kelly. “So?”
“It’s beautiful,” he said grudgingly. “Completely worth it.”
“I’ll take my apology in written form, thanks.”
I smiled smugly as he sent me a sour look. He could be as grouchy as he wanted, but I hadn’t missed the tiny catch of breath he gave when he saw the sunset.
“I swear it’s impossible for me to be near water without thinking of Savannah,” I said. “Any water sport was pretty much her favorite outdoor thing to do, you know?”
“I remember.” When I risked a glance his way, his mouth was tilted up at the corners—not quite a smile, but almost. “She used to take us swimming sometimes.”
“You remember the mason jars?”
“I do.”
“God, she was so obsessed with those things—storing things in them, making drinks and dressings in them….” I shook my head. “She used to say it was the last vestige of the Southerner in her that made her unable to stop hoarding mason jars.”
He chuckled quietly. “Her and my mother both.”
I jammed my hands in my pockets. “We used to do this thing where we’d write down a wish and stick it in the mini mason jars. You know, the ones you put jam in? Then we’d set it floating in the ocean.” I bit my lip. “I haven’t thought about that in a long time. I’m not sure why I’m thinking about it now.”
“What did you wish for?”
“Stupid stuff.” I made a face. “Kid stuff—toys and crap that I wanted, things I wanted the universe to do to my brother.”
Kelly laughed, and I grinned in return. He knew exactly what I meant. Anyone with siblings would know too. We loved hard, we fought hard, and it was only natural to want Poseidon to seek vengeance for us.
When he spoke again, his voice was quiet. “It’s okay to miss her, you know.”
“I don’t.”
“I’m just saying it would be okay if—”
“I know it’s okay, Kelly.” My voice came out a little sharper than I intended, and I tempered it. “I just don’t.”
We both recognized the lie, but whatever he saw in my expression made him nod. He would drop the subject, but I wasn’t naive enough to think he wouldn’t bring it up again. It was ironic that the king of avoidance wanted me to talk to my mother to get closure.
But I wasn’t sure she had anything to say that I wanted to hear.
Kelly squinted at the shimmering surface of the lake. “That water looks pretty tempting. Do you think it’s safe to swim in?”
“I hope so, because we have.” I shrugged. “During the summer, people do all kinds of water sports here.”
“Good deal.” He pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it on the sand. “You coming in?”
He didn’t wait for my response and headed down the gentle slope for the water. He barely took the time to kick off his sneakers as he walked right in and slugged through the water until he was midthigh. Then he reached down and grabbed big handfuls of water to run over his head and body. I wolf-whistled at the show, and he made sure to send me the middle finger before he dove and disappeared.
I followed a little slower, tossed off my shirt, stripped down to my briefs, and dove off the end of the dock. I had a second to wish I’d acclimated my skin to the cold water, but then it sluiced over my head and silenced the sounds of nature.
If I hadn’t been holding my breath, the cold would’ve stolen it clean away. It was cold and quiet. The clinging grasp of water reeds rasped around my legs as I kicked toward the blur of light above my head. I broke the surface, and Kelly popped up with a splutter a scant second later.
He laughed and wicked his dark, wet hair out of his face with both hands. “Fuck. It’s so cold in here.”
“I thought that’s what you wanted.” I sent a
splash of water his way. It caught him right in the face, and he sputtered again and swiped at his eyes.
“Bastard.”
“You’re the one who loves me,” I said lazily. “What does that say about you?”
“Says I’ve got questionable taste.”
He disappeared underwater for a minute, and I had only a second to think of a sassy rejoinder before he pulled me under with him. I let myself be pulled and pressed against him. The cold water took even the thought of an erection out of my mind, but I still enjoyed the feeling of his body against mine. He pressed cold lips to my face and got me right on the nose. Bubbles surfaced between our faces as I tried not to laugh.
We came up for air, and I gasped a laugh. “Your aim could be better. I think I’ll take good care of your glasses.”
He grinned. “It was dark down there. And that was a butterfly kiss, you animal.”
“I’m pretty sure butterfly kisses are with your eyelashes, and they’re so disgustingly cute that they’re outlawed anywhere near my face.”
“That’s pretty sappy. Cute but sappy.” He grimaced. “So what the hell is kissing with noses, then?”
“I’m not sure.”
“I’ll come up with something better,” I promised.
“I have no doubt,” he murmured, and we went under again. And that time we forwent the butterfly kisses and decided to go french instead.
IT WAS almost dark when we finally got out.
We lay on the dock for a while and air-dried to the sound of crickets ramping up. I wished we had more time to wait, and I didn’t analyze how much of that was because I was having a good time, and how much of that was related to an angry Ian in my house. Ian had seen the bottle of oil, and he wasn’t stupid. I always knew I’d have to tell him. I just didn’t know that day would come so soon.
I sighed. It wasn’t going to get any better with me hiding out here all night either. When I glanced over at Kelly to suggest we head back, the casual words dried up in my mouth. He stared out at the lake with an unreadable expression on his face.
“Everything okay?”
“Hmm?” He glanced over at me, and his face creased into a smile. “Yeah. Why wouldn’t it be?”
