"Can you sit in the chair for ten seconds while I strip the bed and put on a new sheet for us?"
He nodded, saving his breath.
"I'll be quick." She waited until he had stiffly lowered himself to the wood chair completely, then hurried to the linen chest and took out a clean sheet. She put the sheet on the bed, and Kaed carefully moved over to lie down as she spread the clean cover over him, then the blankets. She laid the soiled, bloody quilt in the washtub to soak overnight.
She seemed suddenly nervous, Kaed thought. He watched as she covered Lexi, who had already fallen asleep. He noticed the way she lingered, one hand touching the child's light dusting of hair in a loving goodnight caress.
His breath escaped on a ragged sigh. It seemed unreal that he was here under these conditions, and it tore at him. He resented the inability to do the most basic things for himself, hated the fact that Jessica was taking care of him, rather than the other way around. His helplessness, though temporary, bruised his ego as thoroughly as the rest of his body.
But he intended to make the most of his recovery. Jessica Monroe was a woman he could love. A woman he did love. That realization was not easy to face. Love was for other people. Not for him. He had his job, and that was enough.
Or was it? More and more lately, thoughts of a place of his own, a family, a yearning to put down roots, had begun to plague him. He thought of Standing Bear's parting comments about Jessica—-Fire Eyes-—needing a man. She wouldn't be happy with a Choctaw warrior. She might endure that life, but she would never accept it and belong to it. And she had said she'd marry for love the next time.
His lips twisted. It was too soon. He'd had a fever, and what he thought he'd seen in the depths of her eyes had probably been a trick of the faulty workings of his own mind. Yet, he was drawn to her, not just her outward beauty, but her determination and strength. She was like a draught of strong liquor that he couldn't put down once he had tasted it. Fire Eyes. A question formed in his mind, even as he tried to crush it, to evade the answer that might devastate him more completely than he thought possible. But it escaped his lips before he could thrust it away.
"Do you love me, Jessi?"
She turned slowly from where she stood beside the crib to face his level look.
"Jessi."
The firelight touched her dark hair, setting it aglow with auburn highlights, and Kaed thought she could never be more beautiful than she was at this moment. Her eyes registered disbelief at what she thought she had heard, her sensual lips parted, as if she wanted to reply, but was unsure. She stood, motionless.
He made his expression unreadable, but he couldn't stop the ragged edge to his breathing that had suddenly developed. He forced the fingers of his left hand to unclench and relax, let the veil cover the tell-tale surge of need in his eyes as he lay looking at her. He knew not to speak again, even to say her name, until he gained control of his emotions.
She came toward him, and stood between the bed and the baby's crib, need and want and fear all written on her beautiful features.
Kaed swallowed hard, and despite the chaotic rush of blood pounding in his ears, he made his voice even. "Do you love me?"
Jessica put her hand to her throat, tears filling her eyes. Before she could speak, he went on.
"You said the next time you married, it would be for love. I wouldn't want you to make a mistake. But, from where I've been the past three days, I could swear I've seen love in your eyes. Like you said, though, sometimes it's hard to recognize. So, I need to know, Jessi. Is what I see real?"
* * * * *
She knelt beside him on the floor, her breath catching in her throat. This couldn't be happening. Her heart jumped and flailed like a fish out of water. She tried to keep the naked desperation from her expression. Had she heard him correctly? She barely knew him; yet, she understood him better after three days than she had Billy after a full year of marriage. Jessica looked into the depths of Kaed's dark gaze. He loved her. She was right about not mistaking it again. Slowly, she nodded, unable to find her voice, afraid it would crack if she did.
Relief flooded his pain-shrouded eyes. He reached to spear his fingers through her hair, pulling her to him. Her lids drifted closed in anticipation of his kiss, but he held her a hairsbreadth from him. When he spoke, his voice was husky, as if tenderness was not a thing he was accustomed to.
"When I take you tonight, Jessica, I want you to understand something."
His clean breath was warm on her cheek, and she opened her eyes slowly to look at him once more. "When I come into you—" He swallowed hard. "—that's my promise to you that I take you for my wife. This isn't something I do lightly, and it isn't something I haven't thought out."
"Marriage? Kaed, you need to be sure—" She stumbled over her words like a schoolgirl, her cheeks flaming.
Kaed's eyes crinkled, and he smiled at her incredulous tone. "It's all I've thought about. That's why it's important that you…that you love me. That I'm what you want. So you don't marry for the wrong reason again."
The love was there, lighting his eyes. She didn't doubt what she'd seen. Still, she had to ask. "Are you… Are you sure, Kaed?"
He leaned up slightly, closing the distance between them, and let his lips brush hers in a feather-light kiss. "I've been sure, Jessica. I just didn't want to believe it was real. But there's no denying it any longer. I just need to know. Do you want me? Do you feel the same? You're younger, and I know your plans didn't include me. You were just doing what Standing Bear asked you to do. But Jessi, I promise you—" He broke off and looked away. "Hell, I can't promise you anything. I have nothing to give you. Nothing except myself." He smiled ruefully. "You might consider that a pretty poor bargain right now."
She bit her lip, wanting him to continue, loving the things he was saying to her. No one else had ever said such things to her. "What, Kaed? Promise me what?"
"Everything that's mine to give you, sweetheart. My love. My protection. Everything."
Jessica bent to kiss him again solemnly, as if she were making a bargain, sealing a pact. She put her forehead against his for a moment before she spoke, and his smile faded at her seriousness.
"Billy hurt me, Kaed. Even when I thought I couldn't be wounded any deeper than I had been, he found ways to do it. I made myself not care for him. He destroyed my love for him and I—" She pulled back and met Kaed's turbulent gaze. "I was even relieved, after a fashion, when he was killed by Fallon's men."
"Fallon?"
She met his eyes with a trace of defiance. "Yes, Fallon. Seems he's bent on making my life hell. It's just coincidence—you and Billy—but if you'd died, how would I have lived with myself? Losing you would've been a hundred times worse than when I lost Billy. Even though I was married to him—if you can call it that." She looked at the wall behind him, the fight going out of her in her need to explain. "You can only go so long being hurt. I went as long as I could. Billy didn't mean to be cruel, I guess." She sighed. "It was just the way he was raised and all. I didn't do things right. Not like he wanted, anyway. Like I told you earlier, he…didn't want me to touch him."
Kaed let his breath out. "When you made love?"
Jessica shook her head, her cheeks burning. "Anytime. Even at night, if I lay too close to him, he'd wake me up and tell me to scoot over, not to touch him." She was quiet a moment, then continued. "I'd hear those ol' coyotes out there howling in the night. You ever listen to them, Kaed? They were like me. They had mates, but they were still alone." She turned tormented eyes to Kaed's. "You can't imagine how lonely I was. I was worried when I lay next to you that I'd get too close, and you'd—"
"Christ, Jessica! Don't you know, if I could pull you into my skin with me, I would? That's how close I want to be with you. You're a part of me already. And when I think about riding out of here and never coming back—" His eyes were filled with a lost, aching expression, his fingers tightening in her hair. "I can't do it, baby. I'm not that strong." He shook his head. "I'm
no Billy Monroe, Jessi. I can admit that I need you. I trusted you with my life." He brushed back a damp strand of her silky hair. "For me, there's no question about anything. Not anymore."
Jessica's lips quirked. She rose slowly from the floor. "But you still wonder about me, don't you, Kaed? Do I love you?" She unbelted the robe and shrugged out of it with an easy grace, laying it across the foot of their bed. Her skin was smooth, peach-colored in the firelight.
"Just say it, Jessica. That's all I need."
Kneeling on the mattress beside him, she lay down carefully, molding herself to his rock-hard body, as if this were something she did every night. He wouldn't push her away as Billy had. She needed the contact when she said what he wanted to hear.
He sighed as her smooth skin glided gently against his wounded side, and Jessica smiled. He sounded content, but he needed to hear it from her. These words they were saying were like wedding vows. They were from the heart, spoken before God, and just as binding as if they'd been married in a church by a preacher with a hundred guests present.
She came up on her elbow, propping her head with her hand, looking into his face. "I think I loved you when they laid you on my porch. I felt connected to you, somehow, even then." She bit her lip. "Trusting has been so hard, but it's been worth it. I…I want to see where this love takes us—even though it's happened quick, and that scares me."
Kaed's fingers moved lazily through her hair. "I understand. It's been hard for me, too. But you make it a hell of a lot easier."
Jessica leaned down to kiss him, her arm brushing across his stomach. He groaned, his hips coming up toward her, seeking her elusive touch. Jessica felt the hot, hard length of him, straining against her skin. She gave him a mischievous smile as her fingers hesitantly closed around his staff. She pumped him slowly, once, twice.
His teeth grazed his lip, the sigh he tried to squelch coming out slow and deep as he closed his eyes. He arched up into her stroking hand, and she kissed him again.
* * * * *
His breath rushed out into her, and for one sweet moment, he didn't dare to even move. His heart was tight in his chest, his breath literally stolen.
"God." He wasn't aware he'd spoken until she smiled.
She didn't release him, and when she slowly began to trace his mouth again, all he could think of was her lips and tongue on the other part of him, where her hand was steadily stroking, caressing.
He made a low, guttural sound, his breathing ragged. "Make love to me, Jessi."
"I've never—"
"I know. I know you aren't used to being the one to take the lead." His eyes crinkled through the puffiness. "But I— Hey," he murmured, his lips close to hers. "Don't be afraid of this, Jess. I'm not gonna hurt you. Ever."
Jessica's fingers explored the tip of him, then moved back toward his sac with maddening hesitancy. "Ride me, Jessi," he whispered hoarsely.
She gasped at his blunt command, and he knew she was blushing to the roots of her hair in the darkness. He was aware of what he was doing to her. "Trust me, sweetheart."
"I do," she murmured, moving carefully to straddle him.
He put his hand on himself, guiding his aching shaft to her entrance. "Relax, Jessi." His voice was husky with need.
She closed her eyes, catching her lip between her teeth. "It's been so long," she said, and Kaed heard the uncertainty.
He touched her with his finger, testing her damp readiness. She flinched, and moaned softly, surging forward. Kaed's chest tightened at the sweet love he saw in her face, his heart clutching almost painfully at the shy hesitancy there.
"I want to be good for you, Kaed, but I don't know what to do. Billy-"
"Shh. I know exactly what to do. Let me show you." He pulled her to him. "No more talk of Billy."
Jessica bent to kiss him, with a pent-up longing that was, to Kaed, achingly sweet.
He moved against her, the engorged tip of him just inside her entrance. She moaned, moving to accept him, to take him inside her, sliding down the throbbing, burgeoning length of him, long and slow, sheathing him inch by rock-hard inch.
She gloved him, hot and wet. And perfect.
He lay still, afraid to move for fear of ending it before they'd ever really started. She carefully shifted on top of him and sighed. Kaed gave a low groan.
"Am I hurting you?" Jessica started to rise, to lift herself away, sliding upward. He gasped and dug his fingers into her thigh, stopping her.
"Don't move." His voice was raspy, his eyes shut. He was on the verge. She was moist and tight around him, surrounding him with pure pleasure, made more intense by the agony he'd been immersed in for the past three days.
She remained still for a moment, then leaned over him, bracing her hands on either side of his head. Slowly she bent to him, and tentatively put her lips to his. He stopped himself from reaching for her with both hands, as he would have normally done, inwardly cursing his injuries and the fact that his right arm was useless. But he wrapped the fingers of his left hand in her hair and pulled her to him, melding his mouth to hers.
She opened for him, and his tongue explored the sweet recesses and hollows, his teeth closing gently around her bottom lip.
She began to move again, and his body accommodated accordingly, thrusting upward into her wet tightness, withdrawing, and thrusting again, and again.
His hand went to her breasts, and he ran his fingertips around the tawny firm roundness, stopping to fondle her nipples. She moaned softly, arching into his calloused palm as they peaked into hard nubs.
She boldly traced the contours of his lips. The swelling had gone down, but the bruises were still there. She took care with him, cherishing him, loving him.
Kaed let her explore. As she gently suckled his lip, then his tongue, he felt the firestorm build inside him, until it became a raging maelstrom of desire and need.
"Kaed—"
He opened his eyes and met her gaze, and in that look he saw all the confused wonder of what she should have experienced long before this. He tried to hold back his own pleasure, moving harder and faster under her. "Let it come, Jessi." Her breathing came ragged, her voice disappearing to no more than a whisper.
"Kaed—" She rode him urgently, and made a sound at the back of her throat, gritting her teeth.
"Let go, love."
She stiffened and cried out his name, and Kaed pulled her down to him, thrusting upward to bury himself to the hilt in her warmth. "I love you," she whispered, seeking his mouth. "Stay, please don't ever leave—"
"I'm—with you—Jessi," he rasped. "Right here. Always. Always." He slammed into her as his own release came, his left hand gripping the soft skin of her thigh, holding her in place. His face twisted as he whispered her name in the ebony shadows of the night, and she answered silently, leaning upward over him, barely daring to let her skin meet his.
She kissed his neck, licked it, tasted him. Her hair fell across his chest. After a moment, she raised her head, and Kaed kissed her nose. Her eyes were filled with wonder and soft starlight.
He gave her a satisfied grin. "Did I deliver to your satisfaction, Mrs. Turner?"
She returned his smile shyly, then looked away. "I was just going to ask you the same thing."
Her doubtful uncertainty sliced through him. "Ah, Jessi," he muttered. He reached to touch her chin, gently forcing her to look at him. He gave her a faint smile. "I'm not going anywhere," he teased, reminding her of her words to him as she'd shuddered to her bone-melting climax. "You were wonderful, sweetheart, but—"
"But?" Her expression became serious.
"Well, you know how that old saying goes. 'Practice makes perfect.'"
She grinned and bent to kiss him again. He chuckled, and she lifted her mouth briefly from his. "Practice, Marshal Turner, is a wonderful thing," she whispered. "And I am ever your willing student."
"And a quick study," he murmured, just before her mouth met his once more.
* * * * *
"Looks lik
e the Choctaws weren't far behind 'em here, Tom." Jack Eaton stood slowly from where he'd squatted beside the tracks.
"Just Standing Bear's band, do you think?" Tom chewed on his lip thoughtfully. "Or, do we have an uprising on our hands?" He didn't want to think of that possibility.
Jack grinned at him. "Nah, just his men, more'n likely. I didn't realize they were in this neck of the woods. Figgered they wouldn't come up much past Eufaula."
"You can bet if they're this far north, it's for a good reason," Harv said quietly.
"What reason?" Frank asked, dismounting to join them. "I thought they always stayed farther south and more to the west of here."
Tom turned to Frank to explain, but was interrupted by Travis's snort of angry disgust.
Frank rounded on him. "Morgan, I've had about enough of your shit! If Turner's dead, it'll be on me, just like you said. How'm I gonna feel then? If I could do it again, d'you think I wouldn't change things? I was stupid! You wanna kill me now? Go ahead. It wouldn't be any worse than what I've been goin' through." He gave Travis a burning glare, then swung into the saddle and turned his horse northward.
"Leave that kid alone, Trav," Tom warned in a low voice. "You're drivin' him to eat his own gun." He mounted up, bending a glance back at Travis. "Then, how're you gonna feel?"
Travis shook his head. "Dammit, Tom, how could he be that stupid? You think I've been rough on him, I know." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Why didn't he tell somebody?"
"I'm bettin' we're gonna find Turner alive," Harv said. "Don't know why, but I got that feelin' somehow."
"I hope to hell you're right, Harv." Eaton mounted up. "I don't like to think about what Fallon's bunch did to Beckley if Kaed didn't catch up to him first and talk some sense into him. And, if he didn't catch up in time, there ain't no tellin' what they've done to him, or to Beckley, either one."
"You comin', Trav?" Tom asked.
Travis sat watching Frank disappear into the growing twilight. "Yeah. I'm comin'."
Fire Eyes Page 8
