by C. A. Harms
Once she was done checking my blood pressure she led us to a room down the hall and handed me a paper blanket. “Okay, sweetie, I need you to undress from the waist down and drape this across your lap. The doctor will be with you shortly.”
The moment the door shut I spun around to face Adam. “What are you doing here? Better yet, how in the hell did you find me?” I stood clenching the paper drape in my hand tightly as I stared at him waiting for his answer. When all he did was grin that cocky, sexy, arrogant smile, I really just wanted to throw something at him.
“Answer me, Adam, what are you doing here?” I pushed harder.
He sat down on the chair in the corner and crossed his ankle over his knee. Leaning back, he laced his fingers behind his head. “I told you, Nat, I’m here for ya. Whether you want me here or not, you need to get used to it. You better get changed before the doctor comes in, though.” He pointed toward the little divider in the opposite corner, his eyebrows raised as if he was a father disciplining a child.
God damn it, this guy infuriated me at times. I huffed as I walked away, silently cussing his arrogance, and quickly changed. I wrapped myself tightly to avoid Adam getting a view of my bare ass as I climbed onto the table.
“Wait a minute. Some guy is gonna come in here and look at your stuff, touch you, and…” he faded off looking tormented. “How the fuck am I supposed to sit through that shit?”
I wasn’t going to ease his mind by telling him my doctor was a female, hell he’d probably get excited with that news. Instead I chose to throw it back at him.
“Yeah, this doctor is amazing. Maybe you should wait outside until the exam is over. I don’t think I want any distractions when Dr. Wilder fondles me.” I tried to hide the smile that was pulling at the corner of my lips.
He sat forward and rested his elbows on his knees. “I think I’ll just wait right here.” He glared at me and it was next to impossible not to laugh at his expression.
“Suit yourself.” I shrugged and turned back to face the door.
I could hear him shifting uncomfortably in the chair to my right, but I avoided eye contact. There was a light knock on the door just before it began to ease open. My doctor was in her late forties and she really was amazing, I wasn’t lying about that part.
“Well good morning, Natalie.” She looked over at Adam. “And who do we have here?”
Before I could answer, Mr. Charmer jumped in. “Good morning, doc, I’m Adam. I’m the baby’s father.” He reached out and shook her hand. I looked away so I could roll my eyes and fight the urge to make gagging noises. Give me a break, what an ass kisser.
“Well it’s great to meet you, Adam.” She turned back to me and took the seat on the stool at my feet, holding my chart in her hand. “Okay, Natalie, let’s take a look here.” She paused for a few minutes as she read over the recent notes made by the nurse. “It looks like by the dates you gave us since your last period you are about, nine weeks. Making your conception date sometime between July fifth and July tenth.” I turned to look at Adam, narrowing my eyes. We’d had sex July 9th.
He smiled and looked back at the doctor, waiting for her to continue. “Your due date is April second.”
My eyes filled with tears at the idea of being a mother. It was all so real now. Everything was laid out in front of me and I couldn’t stop my heart from racing.
“I’m going to need you to lie down and put your legs in the stirrups. I’m going to take a look at this little bean and let you two hear the heartbeat.” I slid down and watched as Dr. Wilder placed a condom over the stick looking thing.
Adam spoke up, before I could ever think of saying a word. “Um, what the hell is that thing for?”
Dr. Wilder smiled as if she knew that Adam would ask that. “Natalie isn’t quite far enough along for us to perform an ultrasound over the abdomen. This is what we call a trans-vaginal ultrasound. This will allow us to get a better view of your baby.”
“Will that hurt her? Or the baby?” He looked horrified and I placed my hand over my mouth to cover my giggle.
He looked up at me. “What?” he asked, wrinkling up his forehead.
“No, Adam, Natalie will feel a little pressure, that’s all. As for the baby, well, this will go nowhere near him or her.” She winked at him. “Couples continue to have sex throughout pregnancy and the baby has no chance of being affected. This instrument is used to let us get a closer view at the baby during the early stages. It’s really no different.”
After the doctor placed some lubrication on the end of the uncomfortable looking probe, she asked me to lie still.
I gripped the sides of the table as she inserted the device and began to push in further. Suddenly Adam appeared at my side and brushed my hair away from my face.
I focused on his face because in that moment he looked at me with such a loving expression that it was overwhelming. It was as if he was a different person, more centered.
The moment the little “swoosh swoosh” noises began to fill the room we both froze, looking at the screen. Slowly it became clearer as the little circle formed in the center of the monitor. It was what was inside the circle that made my heart swell. There in the middle of all the blackness was a little jelly bean.
Our jelly bean.
“And there’s your little miracle,” the doctor whispered.
I could no longer see through the tears that had taken over. I suddenly had blurred vision and was startled when Adam’s lips touched mine.
A soft, gentle kiss.
I could barely hear his whisper as he pulled away, but I swear it sounded like a “thank you.” And it pulled at something inside me so hard I was barely able to hold myself together. Adam and I were not a couple and pretending to be would only make things harder.
The doctor finished my exam and handed me a sheet with three photos she had printed out. It was our baby’s first picture and I couldn’t wait to show Lexi and Megan.
I made my next appointment at the window before leaving and was surprised to see Adam putting the date in his phone. I was sure this charade would end before then. All it would take was a pretty little blonde in a tight sweater, and I would be yesterday’s news.
“You hungry, Nat?” Adam asked. “We could go get lunch or maybe get something to take back to the apartment and make.”
I turned around to face him just as I reached my car. “What is this, Adam? Honestly, what? We’re playing house now? Because I have no intentions of tying you down.” He wrinkled his forehead in confusion. “Do you know how much a pregnant girl will cramp your style?”
His eyes looked fierce as he closed the distance between us. “Enough shit, Nat. I told you last night I wanted to spend time with you. I wanna get to know you and do what’s right here. So just stop pushing me away.”
I couldn’t willingly let this happen. “Come on Adam, we both know if I wasn’t pregnant we wouldn’t be spending time together. I won’t force anyone to be with me.”
I could tell the anger was boiling within him. “If you would stop long enough to pay attention, you would realize I was interested in you before I knew you were pregnant.”
I snorted a laugh, “Yeah, if you call wanting to get laid being interested, then I guess you’re right.”
His face was within inches of mine now. “Yeah, well, I’m pretty sure it was me who stopped you that night, Natalie. If I just wanted sex then I would’ve fucked you and walked away.”
“You mean like you did the night of the reunion?”
His face fell. “You know what, Natalie? I’m trying to make this work. I want this to work.” He stepped back and ran his hand through his hair, hanging his head as he pulled at the ends. He looked down at the sonogram pictures he held in his hand before pushing them out in my direction. “Thanks for taking the special feeling out of what we just experienced in there.” He shook his head. “Thanks for taking a day that started out great and making it fucking shit, Natalie.”
He turned around withou
t another word and walked toward his truck. He never looked back and I felt horrible.
I was out of line and I knew it.
Adam had been nothing but sweet since the moment he showed up here and I had to let my big mouth ruin the day.
Chapter Ten
Adam
“How’d it go?” Kole asked as I walked into the weight room at the gym. “I wasn’t expecting you back for a while.”
“Well, Natalie pretty much told me to fuck off, so I came to work.” I looked up at the guy I least expected to confide in and just let it rush out. “I saw my kid, man. I sat there in that room with an amazing girl and watched as we heard our baby’s heartbeat for the first time. I felt like something shifted between us, but I guess I was wrong.”
I was surprised when Kole took a seat next to me. I honestly expected some smart ass comment from him.
Instead I got a manly response. “You gotta give her time, Adam. She’s hurt and fragile. Natalie’s past hasn’t been all flowers and hearts, man. She’s had a shit run with guys and if you wanna make this work, it isn’t gonna happen overnight. Trusting a guy doesn’t come easy for her.”
“Yeah, trust is a hard one for a lot of us,” I added without a second thought.
With that, I stood and walked over to the weights. I needed to burn off some of this aggression before I blew up. I spent the next two hours lifting with my ears plugged, my iPod drowning out the words Natalie spoke to me earlier.
I had one client and then I planned on going home and drinking my night away. Yeah, so it wasn’t the most mature solution, but at this point I didn’t give a shit.
It was after 7:00 when I parked in my space in front of my duplex. I sat staring out my windshield once again, but this time my heart fluttered and raced at the sight before me.
Natalie sat on my front step waiting.
I slowly got out of my truck and made my way in her direction. She watched me approach and I saw the timid behavior in her actions instantly. “I’m sorry.”
I stopped walking and just stared at her.
She was sorry.
She stood and took a step toward me. “I was a bitch to you and I’m so sorry, Adam.” She took a deep breath and I could see the tremble of her lower lip. “When I found out I was pregnant I’d just automatically planned on doing it all myself. I wasn’t looking for anyone to save me or take care of me. I figured out a long time ago that happy ever afters are slim to none. Yeah, every girl wishes for it, dreams about it even, but very few get it.” I took a deep breath.
“I don’t know how to let you in, Adam. I don’t want a man to be with me just because he feels like he has to. What kind of life would that be? I need a man who wants me because he can’t imagine living one day without me. I don’t expect anything from you except for you to be our child’s father.”
I closed the distance between us and I pulled her into my chest tightly. I held her in silence and I thought about her words. I took the time to breathe her in and allow her to relax before I spoke. “You may have thought you were doing this without me, but I can promise you that I’m here. I don’t expect you to believe me or even trust me right now, but I’ll prove it to you, Natalie,” I assured her.
“I know over the last few years I’ve made a mess of my life. After all the wrongs I’ve made, you and this baby are the best thing I’ve done. This has made me realize that it’s time for me to grow up.” I pulled back to look down into her eyes. “I know we barely know each other but I want to change that. I want to spend time getting to know you, please just stop pushing me away.”
She smiled at me, “I’ll try, but you have to understand I have a tendency to speak before I think. Be patient with me.”
I spun her around to face my apartment and kept my hand over her shoulder. “Let’s order in and watch a movie.” I didn’t wait for her answer; I just made the decision for her. I wasn’t letting her leave, not yet.
***
“Wow, Adam, I’m shocked you have taste.” Natalie looked around the living room as she took it all in. I have a thing about being organized and clean, which I’m sure it has everything to do with being in the military. There was no room for disorganization and it became my way of life. Everything had its place and yeah, maybe I suffered a little from OCD too.
Natalie looked around in awe and it still made me feel guilty as hell about what little she had. “It’s just stuff, Nat.”
“Yeah, really nice stuff.”
“So what sounds good?” I asked, trying to change the subject.
She laughed. “Um, Adam, everything sounds good. It’s a matter of keeping it down once I eat it that’s the problem.”
Damn morning sickness or all day sickness, in Natalie’s case.
“Yeah, right” I smiled and opened up the drawer with all the takeout menus. “What about soup and subs?”
Just then her phone rang and I watched as she dug it from her pocket.
“Um, yeah, sure, that’s fine.” She looked up at me, “I gotta take this. Just get whatever, it’ll be fine.” As she was walking away down the hall I tried to listen. I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop on her phone call, it just really bothered me that it could be that prick from the other day. What I heard confirmed I was overreacting.
“Hey, Dad, how are you?” A pause. “I’m feeling better. I was able to hold down my lunch so it’s a huge step up from yesterday. I had my first doctor’s visit today.” Another long pause came before she began once again, “Um, yeah, he went with me. Everything was good. The baby is exactly as it should be and I’m due close to Mama’s birthday.”
I didn’t know much about Natalie, but listening to her talk to her dad made me want to know everything. I wondered what her dad thought of me. I mean, a twenty-five year-old guy she barely knew, ex-military turned trouble, who knocked up his daughter. Did he know our history? Fuck, I wasn’t even sure how old Natalie was. I had a long road ahead of me if I wanted to make this work.
I ordered the food and took a seat on the couch, waiting for Natalie to join me.
“Sorry, that was my dad. He calls daily to check on me.”
I shrugged. “No need to apologize. Does he know about us? I mean obviously he has some detail, which means he most likely thinks I’m an asshole.”
She smiled at me. God, her smile was gorgeous. I found myself hoping we had a girl so she could look just like her mommy.
Wait no, not a girl, I wanted a boy. Boys were easy. Kyle and Tyler love me. Boys worked, I could handle boys. I really had no fucking idea what I would do with a girl, well besides keep her far away from guys like me. Or all guys for that matter.
“I told my father briefly about us.” She looked down at her hands as she twisted them in her lap. “I made it sound like we were together. It was easier that way. I didn’t want him to worry.” She looked up, making eye contact with me once more, looking shameful.
“I won’t tell him any different,” I assured her.
I paused at the sound of the knock on the door, tucking away the conversation for another time.
The food arrived and I paid, refusing Natalie’s offer to chip in. We sat at the built-in snack bar and began emptying the food from the bags.
“Tell me about your family, Nat.”
“What do you wanna know?” she asked.
I smiled. “Everything, anything. Knowing them just means that I know you better.”
She tore off a piece of bread and nibbled on the edge. She appeared to be thinking it all out in her mind. “Well, my dad’s a cop.” Fuck. I swallowed hard and she laughed. “Relax Adam, he isn’t gonna shoot you.” I felt sick suddenly and tried to laugh it off. “He’s a great man. When I was younger he was always such a hard ass. I never got to stay up late or go on dates. I couldn’t even talk on the phone after eight. I hated him for it back then, but now I love the fact that he wanted a future for me. I sometimes worry that I may be a disappointment to him now.”
On instinct, I placed my hand on her thigh an
d squeezed in reassurance. In my mind I was planning to tell her all the reasons I felt she must be wrong to think those things, but she continued before I could.
“My mama died when I was fifteen and things changed with him. He became a different man.” He eyes looked glossy as she pushed herself to continue. “Now he takes the time to look at the world and not just live in it. He’s more soft spoken and kind.”
Her unshed tears made my throat burn. Her obvious sadness made me want to hold her close and promise her that she’d never feel pain again.
“Grams helped finish raising me and that’s where the unfiltered comments come into play. She’s a feisty little woman and she had me saying it like it was to anyone who needed to hear it. I sometimes forget I need to sugar coat things.” She laughed, “Granny chased my high school prom date with a broom when she found him kissing me goodnight on the front porch.” Her eyes connected with mine and I listened attentively. “Imagine a ninety-five pound woman in her sixties, chasing a burly six-foot guy down the driveway swinging a broom. I was so mad at the time, but gosh, now…now I can laugh.”
Natalie continued to pick at her sandwich as a form of distraction while she continued to talk about her family and life. “My mom died of breast cancer. She suffered through treatments for years; it was so hard to watch but she never complained. She was so strong and courageous the entire time, while maintaining that beautiful spirit everyone loved about her.” Natalie’s lower lip began to tremble and I felt my chest tighten. “I miss her so much. Especially at times like these. She was always such a light in the darkest of times. She would’ve been an amazing grandma.”
I brushed her hair from her face as she stared at the shredded piece of bread in front of her. “Hey, baby, I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
Natalie shook her head. “I’m fine, really. Hormones are horrible now, I swear.” She rolled her eyes at herself. “Seriously, last night I sat on the couch and cried for twenty five minutes after seeing one of those neglected animal shelter commercials. I think I was seconds away from going to the nearest pound and adopting every dog and cat that might be on the verge of being euthanized. I feel like all I do is cry.”
