by Joyee Flynn
I couldn’t help the growl that passed my lips. Okay, I hadn’t claimed them yet, but I didn’t like hearing about them being with other men. They were mine!
The side of Brian’s lips curved up in a smirk as he continued. “I didn’t tell Banning I was still seeing Cesar.” I glanced over at Banning, whose lips were drawn in to a thin line. He wasn’t looking at Brian, instead focusing on something in the distance, but I knew he was listening. I turned my attention back to Brian.
“After a month of being with him, he talked me into mating. I brought him home to meet our parents and they freaked out. They knew the truth, but I was too young and stupid to listen. I thought I was in love, and why would they want to take that from me? Cesar asked me to leave me family. Banning begged me not to do it, but I packed a bag and walked out the door.”
“Oh,” I whispered, glancing at Banning. Things were starting to make a lot more sense at why Banning was so closed off and a little snippy at times.
“Aye, oh.” Brian chuckled bitterly as he looked away from me and picked at a small hole in his jeans. “I was waiting for Cesar to pack outside of his home. His neighbor and lover came over. I saw them embrace through the window and start kissing. Then the man asked if Cesar had been able to pull it off and get me to give up me family. It seems he’d had a thing for Banning, but since they weren’t mates, Banning wouldn’t hear of dating someone.
“I guess they were both really into twins and figured if they both got one of us, they’d eventually get us both to play with. I fell for it. Banning didn’t.”
“What did you do?” I asked gently, squatting down in front of him, so I could meet his gaze.
“I went home.” He shrugged as he made efforts to look anywhere but at Banning or me. “I didn’t talk to anyone for a while, worked the farm, and eventually apologized for not listening to me family like I should have. But by then, the damage be done. Banning never forgave me.”
“That’s not true,” Banning said firmly, finally turning his head to look at his brother, his tone filled with annoyance. “I forgave ya the moment ya came home. Ya couldn’t have known Cesar was playing you. I didn’t even remember the guy who wanted me. They were nuts, Brian. It not be ya fault.”
“I know ya say that, but ya never were the same with me. I’ve been trying for over six hundred years to make it up to you—”
“I never asked ya to!” Banning shouted, jumping to his feet. “I never asked ya to act like the martyr, always doing whatever I want to try and make up for Cesar.”
“Bullshit,” Brian growled as he shot to his feet as well, knocking me back on my ass onto the hard stone. “Ya never looked at me the same after that. Ya have to let it go, Banning. I’ve more than paid me dues for me crimes! I was eighteen. I was young and stupid. I’m sorry I hurt ya, okay? I’m so fucking sorry. I would do anything to undo what I did, but I can’t. Ya have to forgive me!”
“Ya want to know why things were never the same?” Banning shouted as he shoved Brian hard in the chest. “Because of ya! Ya stopped talking to me like we used to. Ya were poor little Brian, who got hurt by the big bad world. Poor, sweet Brian got misled. Everyone was so worried about how it affected ya that I was just an afterthought. When I be the one ya walked away from!
“Ya the sweet one, the one everyone loves. Hell, even when people call us, ya be first. Brian and Banning. Brian and Banning. Aye, Brian, and okay, guess we’ll have to take Banning. Ya left me and yet I wasn’t the good one everyone loved. Ya didn’t trust me! And ya never acted like ya did after when I was right! Ya need advice or to talk, ya go to Fergus. Ya spent six hundred years acting like the wounded party when ya the one who caused it!
“Ya the one who never acted like things were before. Ya acted like I be the mean, older, demanding brother, and ya poor baby Brian.” He glanced over at me. “And now we meet our mate and ya still be the favorite.” His eyes filled up with tears, immediately overflowing. He wiped them away angrily with his balled-up fists. “I still just be an afterthought. Ya gonna leave me all over again. I’m that easy to be tossed aside.”
“Banning, that’s not true,” I whispered as I stood and pulled him in my arms, ignoring his struggles. “I can’t speak for Brian or how he feels, which you should know since you share the bond, but I can’t lose you. You both mean the exact same to me. It’s just been harder to fall for you because you’ve been behind this wall. I didn’t know if it was me or why you had such a hard shell. It makes sense now.”
“It does?” Banning asked, his eyes revealing the hope my words brought him. Suddenly he stilled his movements and tilted his head so he could see me better. I nodded, giving him a quick kiss, and ran my fingers through his hair. “What now?”
“You have to let go what happened.” The hope in Banning’s eyes disappeared and they filled with such rage I was surprised he didn’t combust.
“Of course ya being on his side,” he snarled and shoved me hard enough to move me away. Damn, my little mates were strong. He got about three feet away before I dove and knocked him to the ground.
“I’m not taking sides,” I said as I straddled him and pinned his arms down. He might be strong, but I was a well-trained warrior and was bigger. He wouldn’t get away from me if I didn’t want him to. Banning had caught me off guard before. I wouldn’t make that same mistake. “You both need to work on this. But you haven’t let it go. I can see why Brian doesn’t go to talk to you when he needs it. I have trouble talking with you because of this wall, this shell.”
I turned to glance at Brian, still pinning Banning down. “And you need to stop walking on eggshells around him. You fucked up. It was six hundred years ago. Move the fuck on. He’s your twin and you guys both act more like strangers. Stop apologizing or feeling bad for what you did and learn who your twin is as a man now. Neither of you are snot-nosed teenagers anymore. You’re adults who are twins and love each other. Act like it.”
“Ya not be on his side,” Banning whispered in awe.
“No, I’m Switzerland here,” I said gently, looking back down at him. “Well, not really because obviously I’m getting involved and have an opinion. And I have a stake in the outcome. But I think you’re both equally at fault.”
“No one’s ever said that,” he cried softly. “It always be Banning fix this, or don’t be so hard on him, Banning. I’m so tired of everything being me fault, me responsibility, me wrong.”
“It’s made you jaded and a little bitter,” I replied, finally getting it. He nodded, tears still running out of his eyes. “Time to let it go. I’m just getting to know you both, and I see this as equally each of your faults.” I slowly got off of him, standing and helping him to his feet. “But you guys need to fix this before we go any further.”
“What?” they both gasped, their eyes going wide with shock.
“Ya be punishing us?” Brian asked in sadness.
“No, far from it,” I answered, shaking my head. “I’m going to give you some time to yourselves to work this out. I can’t keep being in the middle of your issues. I won’t spend my life worrying that one of you thinks I care more for the other or having to take sides. I don’t care if you two fight it out, scream it out, or just sit down and talk. But it has to be hashed out before you consider bringing me into the mix. I won’t be the Band-Aid to try and fix a huge gash. It won’t work and will destroy us all.”
They both still looked shocked, but it was a different kind as if they heard me and understood what I was saying.
“What now then?” Banning asked, glancing between me and his twin.
“I’m going to get back into working out and training at the warrior compound,” I answered. I hadn’t realized I’d made that decision until now, but it was the right one. It was what I needed to do. “I need to wrap my head around a lot of things as well, decide what I want for the future, and get back on track for my job.”
They both looked scared, as if I would take off. I stepped closer to both of them, running my
hands down each of their cheeks. They both leaned into my touch.
“I’m not running, I’m not leaving. We’re just taking a quick time-out while you guys work this out and I process what’s happened. You know where to find me when you’re ready, okay? This isn’t the end. It’s the best way to get past this small speed bump.”
They nodded, and I leaned down to give Banning a passionate kiss. Then I did the same for Brian. Before they could say anything, I turned and walked away, praying I knew what the fuck I was doing. This would either work or blow up in my face.
After the shitty childhood and crap in my life, I thought fate owed me one and should have it be the first option. But that was just me.
Chapter 6
Brian
I stood there with me mouth hanging open in astonishment, watching our mate walk away. I mean, he just walked away and left us like naughty children who needed to clean up their own mess. Glancing over at Banning, I winced, realizing that the analogy really wasn’t all that far off.
Zane was right. I understood the situation a whole lot better now and wasn’t surprised to realize I was wrong in that Banning still wanted me to keep begging for forgiveness. So it was good we got that settled. But then came the main issue, the one I couldn’t get over. Zane leaving us to figure out ourselves.
How did you bring up the elephant in the room without starting a major fight? Especially when that elephant was over six hundred years old and seemed to include more than just the two of us? Damn elephant.
I really just wanted to shoot the fucking thing.
“How—” I started to ask and grunted when I took a punch to the face. I felt a sharp pain that started somewhere on me left cheekbone and radiated out to the rest of me face. I gasped and took a few steps back. I leaned forward for a moment, me hands on me knees, feeling a constant pounding in me head.
Eventually it subsided slightly, and I looked up at me brother. He was standing, unmoving, his head tilted slightly to the side and his arms crossed over his chest. When he saw that I was watching him, he opened his mouth to speak.
“That be for not believing in me or trusting me over someone ya just met,” Banning growled, his fangs out.
“So we be fighting this out then?” I snorted, spitting out the blood that was in me mouth now. I wiped me mouth with the back of me hand, and then shook out me head to clear it.
“Sounds like a start to me,” Banning said with an evil smile. “Maybe I wouldn’t have had to spend the last six hundred years toeing around ya if we’d just done this in the beginning.”
“Fair enough,” I growled, letting me fangs come out as well. He wasn’t the only one with anger that had built up. I jabbed left and he ducked right, so I used me right foot to kick out, hitting him in the ribs. I heard his sharp intake of breath as he stumbled away from me. “Ya think this has been fun for me either? I couldn’t get ya to talk to me about it and it just festered. And the arrival of more brothers in the family, all close and inseparable, made it worse. Ya think they love me better? No, they pitied me because, no matter what I did, I couldn’t get us back to where we were.”
“See, that’s part of the problem,” he yelled, giving me a one-two combo that I could only duck the first of. The cut in me mouth had just healed and now I was bleeding again, lip split right back open. Fucker. “Ya kept trying to force everything. Ya came back, still didn’t talk to me, making me think ya blamed me when it not be me fault. Then all of a sudden ya are sorry and want me forgiveness and have everything go back to normal. Well, forgive the fuck out of me for not being able to switch gears that easily! Then I be the bad guy.”
“I never blamed ya for not switching gears,” I screamed, throwing me hands in the air. “I didn’t know how to help ya switch them. I tried, Banning. By god, I tried.”
“No, ya pestered me,” he said, lunging for me again. And that comment pissed me off. I spun past him and jabbed hard in his side as I went by. “Banning, I be sorry. Banning, can’t ya forgive me yet? Banning, I was wrong.”
“What should I have said? That’s what people say when they apologize!” I tackled him to the ground, but he was just as strong and flipped us over. The side of me head cracked painfully against the ground, and I felt blood dripping down. We rolled for several feet before he stopped and went limp.
“That ya believed in me,” he whispered, his eyes getting watery. “That ya loved me and wouldn’t leave me again.” I froze with me fist in the air, suddenly not wanting to hurt him any more than he obviously was. “Ya never say ya love me. Cesar screwed ya over, ya were hurt. I would have comforted ya in a second, pushing what I felt aside. But ya didn’t come to me. Ya went to ma so ya still didn’t want me.”
“Oh, Banning,” I gasped, never having in a million years thought he felt that way. I let me arm fall to me side. “That not be true. I just didn’t want to rub salt in the wound I caused by crying to ya that me heart be broken. That wasn’t ya burden to carry. It was mine.”
“Of course it was mine!” he snapped and shoved me off of him. Banning jumped to his feet, pissed off again. “Ya be me twin. I felt ya pain, ya idiot! And yet, I couldn’t help ya because ya wouldn’t let me. Ya still didn’t want me.”
“Ya want to know what I went crying to ma about?” I asked, trying to keep calm because one of us had to obviously. I didn’t wait for him to answer. “That I broke us and didn’t know if I could fix it. Fuck Cesar! I hated the bastard, but I loved ya. I didn’t know how to make it better.”
“Ya were?” His eyes were wide in shock. “Ya weren’t crying over the love you lost?”
“A few times, sure. But after a few months, it wasn’t about that,” I answered gently. I brushed me hand over the side of me head that had hit the ground, feeling the blood that had dried there. The cut had healed already though. “It wasn’t real love, Banning. It was a cruel joke and it hurt, but nothing compared to losing ya.”
“Ya didn’t lose me! Ya just never came back to me.”
“I tried, dammit. Ya shut me out.” We were starting to talk in circles. We needed ma here to kick both of our arses.
“Because ya always wanted me to forgive ya. I did. I forgave ya the moment ya asked and probably before. But then ya turned to ma always, and I still felt as if ya didn’t want me around.” He slumped down to his knees, looking so forlorn and lost. I couldn’t help what I did next. Maybe he’d slug me again, but I had to take the risk.
“We be idiots,” I whispered as I wrapped me arms around him. “I never meant it to be this way or hurt ya. I thought ya didn’t want me anymore either after I broke us.”
“All I wanted was me twin,” he mumbled as he hugged me back. “I just wanted ya to love me and have faith in me again, need me.”
“I’ll always need ya, Banning. And I do love ya. Ya be me twin. Zane might be our mate, but ya come first to me. And I do trust ya and have faith in ya. Why do ya think I did everything you did or wanted ever since?”
“To try and get me to forgive ya,” he grumbled, starting to pull away from me embrace.
“No,” I said firmly, shaking him. “Because I trusted ya judgment. If I had listened to you before, none of this would have happened, ya idiot!”
“Oh.”
“Aye, oh.” I snickered. God, were we both stupid. All these years of issues and hard feelings, and really, we created them by ignoring that damn elephant instead of talking and beating the bastard together.
He slumped against me, probably feeling as exhausted as I did from finally getting this all out in the open. “Should we go get our mate then?”
“No, give him some time. He needs to think about all of this, too, and honestly, I’d like a few days just to hang out now that we’ve beaten the elephant.”
“What elephant?” he asked as he sat back on his feet, eyebrows drawn together in confusion.
“This elephant that’s always been in the room.” I chuckled as I gestured between us. It took him a second before I saw realization dawn on
his face and he smiled. Yeah, we’d be okay now. I knew it.
“Zombies?” Banning shrugged, and I wanted to laugh. When in doubt, shoot shit on the Xbox.
“Zombies sound great, me twin.” I smiled at him and stood, holding out me hand to help him to his feet. He mirrored me grin and let me. Then slung an arm over me shoulder, and that’s how we walked back to the house…together.
* * * *
Banning and I spent the week catching up. It sounded odd since we had lived together for centuries…Hell, we shared a room. But it was something we needed and we were closer than ever now.
We also talked about plans for the future. We liked America, and while we would miss home, we both agreed that we needed to stay here to make Zane happy. But where did that leave us?
We bounced around some ideas that we would need to discuss with our mate. That was the only stress we felt. Zane. We missed him something fierce, and it was a constant struggle between rushing off and dragging him back to Isaac’s house and giving him the space he asked for.
After a week, we went for a compromise. Visiting him at the warrior compound for lunch. At least that way we could talk face-to-face with him. We’d been texting, but it wasn’t the same. It was time to show our mate that things were going to be okay and pray he’d sorted out what was in his head.
Rory gave us a ride, neither of us being legally allowed to drive in this country. He was going to drop in on Isaac as well, so it worked out for all of us. Our new friend, who we liked a lot, had called his mate, and Isaac said Zane would be training in the weight room.
We followed Rory’s directions after we got there, and I for one was in for the shock of me life. I stood there, struck stupid as I’m sure Banning was.
Water, water everywhere, but now we were mated! There were dozens of hot, shirtless, sweaty warriors, or warriors-to-be, still in training, all over the place. I mean, me god, it was just a sea of yummy muscled flesh.
“Fuck me,” I gasped quietly, drinking it all in. I might have found me mate, but I wasn’t dead. I could appreciate the view.
