by CS Patra
“Well, what’s this new book going to be about?”
“It’s a lesbian romance, which is one of the easiest things for me to write,” Lily said. “I wrote so many of them and I used to be so good at it too. Then all of a sudden, I hit a wall with my writing and I just can’t get any of it down. I don’t know what it is about me, but I’m struggling all of a sudden. I’m struggling with the one thing that I’m good at. Throw in the stress from my other job and I have no time to write back at home. I can see how you feel about songwriting. Things just don’t come that easy.”
“You and I have a lot in common. We’re both bogged down by our jobs for starters,” Johanna said. “We get tired so easily by bullshit.”
“We’re both suffering from writer’s block.” Lily added. “We’re trying so hard to shake it off but it’s not happening so easily. We’re failures in that regard.”
“Ah, we’ll get over our writer’s block soon enough,” Johanna grasped Lily's hand and squeezed it. “One way or another, we’ll find the perfect story to tell.”
“God, I hope you’re right,” Lily sighed. “I dragged my laptop over here in hopes of getting some work down and I didn’t even turn it on. Okay, that’s a total lie. I did go on to see stuff online but that’s it. That’s all I’ve really done ever since I’ve been on vacation. I’ve just fooled around on the net. You could say that I was supposed to do research, but I didn’t do a damn thing. I just played around on the net and checked things left and right. That’s not what I was supposed to do.”
“Oh, that’s okay. I brought my laptop with me as well and I haven’t done a thing with it either,” Johanna looked down at the ground. “Lily, I’ve got to tell you something. Since we’re getting to know each other, there’s something you need to know about me. I’ve been keeping secrets from you because I’m not sure how you’re going to react. They’re not bad secrets though!”
“Well, then you shouldn’t be afraid,” Lily said. “Are you going to tell me that you’re married or pregnant or not even gay?”
“No, it’s nothing that drastic!” Johanna exclaimed. “It’s about my career. I do work in the music industry, but not just as a drummer. I do a lot more than that. I’m a songwriter, not a story writer. So my writer’s block is completely different from yours.”
“That’s what you’re trying to tell me? That’s nothing to be ashamed of,” Lily pointed out. “I’ve been telling you about my failures for a long time. It’s about high time I got to know a little more about you. So you don’t do what you claim to do. You just have a better job than me. I’m not going to get jealous over something like that.”
“I’m not worried about you getting jealous. I’m worried that you feel like I’m moving too fast.”
“I don’t understand that.”
“I live life in a fast lane, Lily. I rarely get moments to slow down,” Johanna said. “I move from one country to another in a single night. I barely get a chance to rest. If you want to hang out with me, you have to move as fast as I do. You have to keep up with me. Otherwise, you are going to get left behind in the dust and you don’t want to do that.”
“Is that really all that bothers you? You’re worried I won’t be able to keep up?” Lily laughed. “Now that’s the funniest thing that I have heard all day. I move fast too. I have to move from one table to another within seconds at my job. I have to please everyone at the same time. I take risks, but of a different kind. If anything, you’re the one that’s going to have to keep up with me. I have to stay on my toes at all times. Do you think you can do that?”
“You wait tables, Lily. You have to stay on your toes for that.”
“Exactly. That’s why I know I can keep up with you and your wild lifestyle. I know I can be a part of this as well. You just have to give me a chance and I will prove it to you. In fact, I’ll move so fast that you won’t be able to stay in the same lane with me.”
“Oh, you’re challenging me! I like that in a woman!” Johanna exclaimed. “All right, we’ll see how long we can last with each other. We’ve got a few more days together. We’ll see how well you can keep up with me.”
“Sounds like a good challenge to me,” Lily said. “You’re on, Jo!”
“Well, I can’t wait any tables over here. I don’t think anyone is going to allow us to work for a day just for a challenge.” Johanna said.
“Yeah, we’ll have to figure out another way,” Lily decided. “The bottom line is that I can keep up with you. I’m not afraid of that. I know you are probably someone who lives in the fast lane. The leather jacket gave it away.”
“A lot of people wear leather jackets though.”
“The people who want to feel bad ass wear them.”
“So do the people who are bad ass,” Johanna lowered her gaze. “Am I not bad ass enough for you?”
“Oh please, you are hot shit and you know it,” Lily told her. “You are enough bad ass for both of us. Me, on the other hand, I don’t think I’ll ever be bad ass. I’m too scared to do anything awesome in my life. That’s probably why I became a writer. I can do the awesome stuff through words, not actions.”
“I think it’s awesome you’re a writer,” Johanna said. “You’ve got your ideas that you put on paper and you share it with the world. I share music with the world, but it’s not the same as a story.”
“A story takes time to write and I’m sure as song does as well,” Lily said. “You just put them together in different ways, that’s all.”
“I’ve been struggling with the song writing as of late. I used to be so good at it and now it’s just not coming to me,” Johanna shrugged. “I’ll write some words, but I can’t seem to make them flow together. That’s the big problem.”
“What words do you have written down? Do you think I can see them?”
“Sure, I’ve got them written down in my phone,” Johanna showed it to her and Lily read the lyrics to herself. “It’s not much as you can see.”
You
You and I
We're like the ocean
We're caught in the waves
We were drawing lines in the sand
You were holding my hand
We were lost in this dream together
And you said we'd last forever
“It’s not bad at all, though I can see why you think it doesn’t flow,” Lily said. “I’d have to hear the music to know if it works well or not.”
“We haven’t really come up with music yet. The band looked at the lyrics too and they struggled to come up with something,” Johanna said. “Even I’ve tried to come up with a beat and it just isn’t happening. Do you think you and your poetic side might make magic out of it?”
“I don’t know. I write stories, not poems.”
“Still, you probably have better skills at constructing stuff than I do. I’ve written a few songs for the band but they’re not the ones people request. They like the songs by everyone else better,” Johanna said. “Then again, I’ve never been that strong when it came to writing lyrics. It’s just hard to put together the words with the beat sometimes.”
“Well, maybe I can help a little bit,” Lily said. “It’ll give us some more time to spend with each other.”
“Why else do you think I mentioned this?” Johanna gave her a sly smile. “What are we waiting for, Lily? Let’s get cracking!”
Chapter 6
They tried to work on the song for a while, but nothing was coming together. Even Lily felt stumped in trying to make it flow. Johanna had brought along the demo so she could listen to it and come up with something. In the end, neither one of them was able to put together a song. They tried hard but they were coming up empty.
Lily couldn’t help staring at Johanna. She held back the urge of running her fingers through her pink-streaked hair. She was so pretty but she didn’t want to touch her without any permission. Still, her fingers were itching to hold her. She wanted to pull her into a kiss and stay locked in that kiss forever. Joha
nna’s lips were thick and juicy, which Lily liked. She was always someone who went for a woman who had thick lips. It meant that she would have more to kiss.
“You are probably the most interesting woman I have ever met,” Lily told Johanna as they were walking down the streets. After dinner, they decided to hit the town and just do some window shopping. There was nothing that either of them really wanted. Most of the things that were sold were too much to buy in the first place. All they could do was stare at the dresses and just admire them from a far.
“What’s so interesting about me, Lily?” She asked. “Why do you have eyes only for me? I’m sure there are a million other women out there that are much hotter.”
“You’re just so hot,” Lily sighed. “I can’t help but stare at you. I know that’s very bad of me, but you are just too beautiful.”
“You want me to flash you?” Johanna joked, slowly rolling up her shirt. “Maybe that might kill your attraction. I’ve been told that my nipples are like mosquito bites. Most people don’t even realize they’re nipples until later.”
“Your breasts are fine!” Lily exclaimed, motioning her to lower her shirt. Fortunately, there weren’t too many people on the streets to notice them. “I refuse to believe that you have mosquito bite nipples. If anyone has disappointing boobs, it’s me. Look at these!” She slowly showed off her breasts, feeling slightly embarrassed. “These are barely boobs!”
“Oh, come on! What cup size are you?”
“A 42C.”
“That’s perfect! I’m still a B cup. I have to make up for the lack up here with everything else. Hence why I wear all the leather. I need to look like a badass.”
“You look plenty badass to me,” Lily said, pressing down Johanna’s collar. “Here, let me help you out with that. Let’s get it straightened.”
“Ooh, you’re straightening my collar out. How sweet of you.” This was when Johanna decided was a good time to ask Lily the question on her mind. “Lily, when did you find out you were a lesbian?”
“Hmm?” Lily looked up at her.
“You heard me. When did you realize that you were gay?”
“Oh, it was definitely a long time ago. I’m not sure what it is about men, but I could never find myself drawn to them. I was far more interested in girls. My family was a little concerned about me when I said that I wanted to date girls. They thought I was going through a phase. Of course, I knew it wasn’t a phase. It was how I truly felt deep down. It took my family a while to accept that though.”
Lily shuddered as she thought about how her family reacted to her being gay. There was a lot of screams and swears being tossed around in the room. Her parents refused to believe that their daughter was gay. They thought that she was trying so hard to get attention, but that just wasn’t true at all. The only thing Lily wanted was for them to understand. She wasn’t asking for attention or anything of that sort. She just wanted to be honest with them and let them know the truth. The truth was painful, but at least it was out in the open. At least now, they were able to move forward.
Lily, dear, I think you’re just confused. Those were words that she got constantly from her mother. In fact, for the longest time, her mother believed that Lily was only confused. She would grow out of this phase in time. However, Lily knew better. She knew that this wasn’t going to be a phase and she went out of her way to prove it. If there was one thing she could do, it was show everyone that she wasn’t faking her sexuality. She was gay and that was how she was going to stay.
“You probably had it a lot easier than I did,” Johanna said. “My father did the whole ‘I have no daughter!’ spiel when I came out. We’re on better terms now, but I don’t think he’s ever going to accept me for what I am. My mother didn’t say as much, but I don’t think she was too pleased with me either. She just kept quiet about the whole thing. She never brought it up again. As you can guess, I hardly ever speak to my family anymore. If they can’t accept me, then I guess they aren’t my family.”
“That’s terrible,” Lily said. “They should accept you as what you are. You can’t help what you like. It doesn’t make you strange or confused or anything else. It just makes you a human being. You’re just a human who happens to like girls over boys. That’s it.”
“Ah, I wish it was that easy to explain. I tried doing that and they wouldn’t hear it. I basically don’t have a family at this point. I don’t think I will ever have one,” Johanna sighed. “I’m sorry, Lily. I know I’m boring you with all my details here.”
“No, on the contrary, I’m glad to know about this. It doesn’t really shock me that your family isn’t accepting of your sexuality. I wish more people were. If they could just see beyond that, then they would see we are all very much alike. We just have different interests. You and I breathe, walk, talk, and do everything that other people do.”
“You make it all sound so simple,” Johanna said. “Why can’t I be like you? You don’t seem to let anyone tell you what to feel.”
“I’ve gotten used to that. It took me a long time though. I had to convince myself before I could convince anyone else.”
“That’s the worst part about all this. They make you believe that you’re not something when you know better. You know that you’re gay, but they don’t want to believe it. My parents did the same thing with me. They tried to convince me that I was going through a phase.”
“Ugh, the phase talk! They really have no idea what going through a phase is, do they?”
“It took me a long time to convince them that this wasn’t a phase and they weren’t too happy about it,” Johanna shrugged. “Oh, well. I am who I am and there’s nothing they can do about it.”
“True, there’s nothing they can do about it. It does make dinner time during Thanksgiving and Christmas very awkward though,” Lily said. “You know they want to say something but they’re afraid to say it. They weave around it as much as possible and then you finally give up on them. You know you’re never going to be able to see each other, eye to eye. They have a completely different idea of what normal is.”
“God, I know it.” Johanna sighed. “I feel like I got a lot of stuff off my chest though. There are things I can tell you that I could never tell my family. I feel like a huge weight just came off me and I owe it all to you, Lily. You’re a great listener and you understand my problems.”
“That’s because I’ve been in that situation before. I’ve been there too many times and I’ve gotten used to it. Eventually, you just learn to let all of it roll off your back. It sucks but it will get better. I know it will.”
Johanna nodded. “Well, I better get ready for my show. I’ve got only a few hours left to practice.”
“Same here. I have to be at a concert tonight and I’m nowhere near ready. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? I’ll tell you all about the concert the next time!”
“Wait, we’re having coffee later! Did you forget?” Johanna asked. “I might be running a little late though. Do you mind meeting up around midnight?”
Lily had forgotten all about this, but meeting at midnight would be just fine. “Yeah, I can meet you at midnight. I think my concert might be over by then. If I’m running a little late, I’ll text you. Then we can meet up, have our coffee, and I can tell you all about Black Widow’s Kiss.”
“Black Widow’s Kiss?” Johanna repeated. “You’re going to see the Black Widow’s Kiss?”
“Is there another one out there?”
“No, it’s just that…I didn’t know you were going to see them.”
“Well, I can’t say I’m a big fan, but I’ve enjoyed a lot of their songs. They were coming over here and it’s been a while since I’ve been to a concert. I figured why not go to it while I’m here?” She shrugged. “Anyway, I should probably go and get ready. I’ll see you later, okay?”
“Yeah, later!” Johanna waved at her. It was so funny that Lily had no clue who she truly was. If she bothered to look online, she would see Johanna’s name on it.
Then again, she hadn’t really told Lily what her last name was. There were plenty of Johanna’s out there. How would Lily know which one she was? Tonight all secrets would be revealed though. Tonight, Lily would learn who she was.
Tonight, there would be no hiding secrets between them anymore.
Chapter 7
Lily had no idea what she wanted to wear for the concert. She poured through all her dresses and shoes, but nothing seemed to be right. She wanted to look stunning today. She was looking forward to the music and the band, but she was more excited about the late night date with Johanna. She wanted to look good for her and only her. She had the makeup that she wanted to wear; all she needed right now were the clothes.
