Seven Stars opened her jacket, pulling off her vest and dropping it on the floor. She climbed on top of me, and I felt myself getting hard. I couldn’t believe this was happening.
I turned away from her, hoping she hadn’t noticed. “Stop it, this is—”
“Just relax,” she whispered into my ear.
She silenced me with a kiss and unbuttoned my pants. I knew we were headed to damnation, but I couldn’t stop. Some of her hair had fallen into her face. I tucked it behind her ear. She smiled at me and blushed. Looking at her, I couldn’t control myself. I knew I wanted her. I pushed her down to the floor and rolled on top of her.
“Are you sure about this?” I asked. “It’s still not too late.”
She nodded. “Never been more sure.”
Hearing that, I gave in to my urges. I reached for her necktie and loosened it, sliding it from her collar before undoing her buttons. She looked away. I felt my heart beat faster. I tried my best to be gentle.
Suddenly, I heard a loud bang. I looked up and saw that one of the windows hadn’t been closed properly. I turned to Seven Stars. Three of her shirt buttons were undone, revealing a glimpse of her white lingerie. She looked at me with innocent eyes.
An unbearable heaviness surged in my chest. What was wrong with me? She was only eighteen—around the same age my sister had been when Mr. Tsuda crushed her.
I moved away from Seven Stars. “I’m sorry. We shouldn’t be doing this.”
She came to me, unconcerned with her gaping blouse. “What are you talking about, Mr. Ishida?”
“We need to stop,” I said. I couldn’t look at her. “This isn’t right.”
“Are you afraid to admit your feelings?”
“Neither of us has real feelings for each other. It’s just lust. A universal biological need.” I said those words knowing well that they weren’t true, and that I would probably regret them one day, but I had to drive her away. I let out a sigh. “Get out. I’m not in the mood to play with you.”
“I’m not playing. Tell me what I have to do to make you understand that I’m serious.”
I looked away from her. I wanted to say something, but my mind was clouded.
She moved in front of me. “Look at me, Mr. Ishida. Which part of me isn’t grown-up enough? You’re scared of losing someone else—just admit it. But I would never leave you. I’ll stay with you forever, unlike your sister.”
The mention of my sister made me angry. I stared coldly at her. “What do you want me to do? Be your boyfriend? I already have a girlfriend. Or are you hoping to be my lover? Someone for me to casually have sex with whenever I get the urge?”
Seven Stars looked at me with blazing eyes. She raised her hand to hit me, but I quickly caught it.
“Don’t,” I said sternly.
She tried to yank her hand back, but I held on tight.
“Let me go,” she said. “You’re hurting me.”
I loosened my grip and she pulled away. I was afraid I’d used too much force, but I really had to get her to leave before things got out of hand again.
“You can see yourself out,” I said before walking into my bedroom.
Once I’d locked the door to my room, I dropped onto the floor. I couldn’t believe what had happened. I’d never lost control like this before. I was angry and ashamed. How could I nearly repeat the mistake Mr. Tsuda had made, knowing well how badly my sister had suffered because of it?
I closed my eyes and waited for the sound of the front door opening. I heard nothing. How long was she planning to stay? But I wouldn’t leave the room until she was gone. I wouldn’t be able to walk away from her again if I did.
After a long stillness, I heard a muffled noise. It was soft at first, but gradually became louder. I tensed up and opened my eyes. It brought me back to the night I’d found my sister crouching in the kitchen.
I remembered staring at her, unable to move. Even now, I still didn’t know what to do when faced with a crying girl. Was I supposed go out and console her? Wrap my arms around her, tell her it would all be okay? That was probably what Mr. Tsuda had thought back then.
If it hadn’t been for that night, I might have done it with Seven Stars. No, there was no doubt. I would have stepped out from my room and pulled her into my arms. I would have kissed her and taken her to my bed. But I couldn’t. I had to stop myself from destroying this brilliant young girl. I couldn’t do to her what had been done to my sister.
Seven Stars’ stifled sobs were audible. She sat there for a long time. She cried and cried until she couldn’t any more.
A brief silence followed, before I heard someone open and close the front door. Finally. I took a deep breath. My palms were sweaty. I thrust them into my pockets to wipe them.
Leaving my bedroom to lock the front door, I passed through the space where she had been. Her presence still lingered. She had left the remaining cake inside the box, which sat closed on the table.
I sat down and opened a beer, taking a few gulps. What a mess this had all been. At least it was over. I stared at the table and counted the cans. One was missing. Oh well, let her have it. It had been a long night, and it was her birthday. I took another gulp. I pictured Seven Stars walking alone in the cold, cradling a can of beer with her frozen hands. Her steps were heavy, occasionally crushing the dried leaves scattered on the ground.
Just when I’d thought the hurricane had passed, there was another knock on my front door. I sat up with a jolt. I hadn’t thought she would return. Or could it be somebody else? But who would come over at this hour?
The person knocked on the door again, louder this time.
I stayed where I was, conflicted. I wouldn’t know who was standing outside unless I opened the door. But if it was her, then answering it would be a grave mistake. I would start acting on impulse again if I saw her crying.
“Ishida, I know you’re inside,” said a familiar voice. “Open the door, please.”
“What are you doing here?” I asked Honda. “I thought you left hours ago.”
“How could I?” He entered the apartment. “Just as I was about to drive off, I saw that girl at your door. I couldn’t believe you let her in.”
I couldn’t respond. Honda was right.
“She’s the student who caught your interest, isn’t she?” He sighed. “You really put me in a difficult situation, Ishida. It would have been awkward for me to storm into your apartment with her here, but I couldn’t just leave.”
“You worry too much. Nothing happened, trust me.”
He seemed unconvinced. “Why was she here?”
“She happened to be passing through and saw you leaving the apartment, so she dropped by.” I pointed to the cake box. “She brought cheesecake.”
“Is that so?” Honda sighed again, still looking uncomfortable.
I waited for him to say something, but he didn’t. He probably realized that, even if something had happened, we were both consenting adults and it was a private matter.
“But you’re right. I shouldn’t have let her in.” I sat down and offered him a lukewarm beer. “Why don’t you drink with me?”
He sat next to me. “Okay, I’ll have one.”
I handed him a can. Pulling the tab up, he drank it slowly while gazing at the wall. I used the opportunity to finish my own drink.
“That girl is pretty,” Honda said, “but there’s something about her that makes her unapproachable.”
“I hadn’t noticed.”
“What’s her name? Nakajima?”
“Yes.”
“She’s an only child, isn’t she?”
I nodded. “Do you know her?”
“Not really, but I like cars, and her mother drives a red Mazda Miata. It’s one of my favorites, a rear-wheel-drive beauty. Once, when I was stopped at an intersection, her car was next to m
ine.”
“What does her mother look like?”
“To be fair, I didn’t get a proper look. It was only for a couple of seconds, and all I saw was her profile. At a glance, she was beautiful.”
So it was true, then, that Seven Stars took after her mother. “When was this?”
“A while back, at the beginning of the year.”
“You have a good memory.”
“There was something odd about her, that’s why I remember,” he said. “She was wearing elbow-length white gloves. I don’t know what they were, but they definitely weren’t driving gloves.”
“She wears those to protect her hands. She’s a hand model.”
“A what?”
“A professional hand model,” I repeated. “You know those advertisements where they show a hand holding a product? Someone needs to do the job.”
“Huh.” Honda looked into my eyes. “Hey, Ishida, when you mentioned being infatuated with a woman, you weren’t talking about Nakajima, were you?”
I forced myself to laugh. “Of course not. How would that be possible? We only met a few months ago. And she’s still just a girl.” I looked away. “The person I told you about was someone from my past.”
“If that’s the case, don’t let it continue to haunt you.”
I nodded. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
We stopped talking and drank in silence. I listened to the occasional sounds of the two of us sipping beer. Honda had a lot on his mind, and so did I. That night, I really needed to get drunk.
“Do you mind if I lie down?” Honda asked.
“Go ahead,” I said.
He lowered his body to the floor and folded his arms behind his head. Closing his eyes, he remained in that position. I opened another can of beer. Before long, I heard him snoring. There were gaps under his eyelids that revealed the white part of his eyes. They made him look like he was pretending to sleep. But from the rhythm of his movements, I could tell he was sinking into a deep slumber.
The silence slowly thickened, engulfing the living room. It crept through the gaps between the windows and under the doors. The air solidified, forming a blanket of dense translucent mist.
I am breathing the silence.
It went inside me and turned me into silence.
I am the silence.
I found myself surrounded by white mist.
“Hello?” I shouted. “Anybody here?”
All I could hear was the echo of my own voice.
I knew I had to move, but which direction should I go in? Everywhere I looked was masked in the thick fog. I felt as if I’d been here before.
Arms in front of me, I walked forward, hoping to reach the end of the fog. But no matter how far I went, it seemed infinite. I walked faster and faster, and finally I ran. I ran until I was about to collapse in exhaustion, but I was still trapped in this vast whiteness. I stopped to catch my breath. At this rate, I would never get away. The thought sent shivers down to my spine. Was I trapped here forever? Walking aimlessly with no end in sight?
When I started to despair, I heard footsteps approach. I stared in the direction they were coming from, but I couldn’t see anything. The mist sealed my field of vision.
The sounds stopped. It was back to stillness, but I could tell someone was standing a few steps from me.
I shouted, “Keiko? Is that you?”
No answer.
“Pigtails?”
Again, it was quiet. The silence was suffocating me.
“Ren, over here,” someone shouted from the opposite direction.
It was Nae’s voice.
When I woke up, Honda had gone.
I had a terrible headache. I got up and went to the bathroom to wash my face, but ended up vomiting into the toilet bowl. Crouching down, I expelled everything, then flushed the toilet twice. I must have emptied the entire contents of my stomach. Goodbye, soufflé cheesecake. Still dizzy, I brushed my teeth, taking my time to gargle the water. After that, I popped a mint into my mouth.
My apartment was a mess, but I wasn’t planning to clean it yet. Leave it for tomorrow. Right now, all I wanted was to sleep.
29
Chance,
Decision,
and
Phone
Calls
“Ishida,” Maeda called me when I arrived at the school. “The principal is looking for you. Can you go to his office?”
My palms went clammy. Was it something to do with Seven Stars’ visit? Perhaps someone else had seen her, or her father found out where she’d been and reported me. Calm down, I told myself. Nothing happened.
When I entered the principal’s office, he was watering the peculiar-looking potted plant on his desk with a water bottle.
“Ishida, please take a seat,” he said. “What do you think of our school so far? Have you adjusted to the job?”
“Yes, I find teaching enjoyable,” I said.
“Good, good.” He nodded slowly. “Are you still thinking of going back to Tokyo?”
I wasn’t sure where the conversation was headed.
“Looks like you haven’t made up your mind,” he went on.
“Yes,” I answered, taking the easy way out.
“All right, I’ll get straight to the point. I called you here because your contract with us is ending soon, and I’d like to offer you a permanent position. I’m sure you’ve heard about it from Hiroko, but are you leaning one way or the other?”
So that was what this was about. I breathed a sigh of relief. “My apologies, but I need more time to consider it.”
He nodded. “Of course, I don’t expect you to answer right away. I know there are many factors to consider, especially since your family is in Tokyo. Do give it some thought. Let me know your decision before your contract is up.”
“I will,” I said. “Thank you for the offer.”
“I shouldn’t keep you any longer. Your first class is going to start soon.”
I bowed and left the office. Returning to my desk, I was still packing up my materials when Maeda came over.
“Will you be joining us, Ishida?” she asked.
I turned to her. “How did you know?”
“I overheard Hiroko discussing it with the principal the other day.” She looked at me with anticipation. “So, did you take the offer? You’re doing well here, aren’t you? Just a few weeks ago, a parent called to say good things about you.”
“Who was it?”
Maeda covered her mouth. “You didn’t know? Maybe he wants to remain anonymous. Then I shouldn’t have told you, silly me.”
“It’s not like I’m going to tell anyone I heard it from you.”
She dropped her voice. “It was Rio Nakajima’s father.”
“I see.” All because of the one time I’d stopped her from stealing bubble gum?
“Ishida, you haven’t answered my question,” Maeda said.
She was so persistent. “To tell you the truth, I’m not sure,” I said. “I like teaching, but my original plan was to return to Tokyo. I feel obligated to take care of my parents, especially since I’m now the only child.”
“That’s true. You could also always choose to teach in Tokyo. I’m sure there are more cram schools there. Or you could try to become a public school teacher. I’ve heard the examination isn’t easy, but the public sector has better benefits.”
That sounded like a good idea.
“You should consider it, Ishida,” Maeda said.
I smiled. “I’ll think about it.”
She looked pleased and returned to her desk. A few minutes later, all of us dispersed to our assigned classrooms.
As I walked down the stairs, I thought about what Maeda had suggested. Becoming a teacher sounded much better than working for a corporation. I was nervous about it
after what had happened the night before, but I knew I would never make the same mistake again.
The bell rang as I opened the classroom door. I put down my materials and looked at the young faces greeting me. They were so lively, full of vivacity and innocence. Being close to them, their youthful energy flowed into me, too.
It might not be a bad idea after all, I thought as I opened the attendance book.
Honda and I headed out for dinner and saw an unfamiliar face behind the reception counter.
“Where’s Abe?” Honda asked the woman.
“She’s taking three days’ leave to attend a relative’s funeral in Osaka,” the woman said. “I’m Iwaya, and I’ll be covering for her until she’s back.”
“Nice to meet you. I’m Honda, and this is Ishida.”
She turned to me. “Mr. Ishida?”
“Yes,” I said.
“A woman called just now and asked for you, but I told her you were still teaching.”
I furrowed my brow. Could it be about my sister? “What’s her name?”
“She hung up before I could ask, but told me she would call again after the class was over.”
I thanked Iwaya for passing along the message and left the school with Honda.
“Were you expecting a call?” he asked.
“Not really,” I answered.
“Should we have instant noodles instead? So you can wait here for the person to call back.”
“It’s all right. I don’t think we’ll miss much by having a quick dinner.”
“Let’s go to the ramen stall then, since it’s nearby.”
But when we returned half an hour later, Iwaya told me I’d missed the call by a couple of minutes.
“Did you get the name of the person?” I asked.
“I’m afraid not. When I asked what her name was, she hung up quite suddenly.” Iwaya lowered her voice. “Actually, I think she did it on purpose.”
That was strange. A police officer would have clearly identified herself. In this case, who would be calling me?
Honda inched toward me and whispered, “Could it have something to do with that student of yours?”
Rainbirds Page 22
