Paul responded, “I’ve had my own thoughts on that. But no way do I want to be ever taken out if I’m not ready to die naturally. I would rather live in a disabled state than be put to death just to make life easier for someone else. Maybe someone who wanted a life insurance payout would organize it. I’ve talked to my children about it and told them to never do it to either me or Brenda. Life is worth hanging on to for as long as we have it. It’s a gift, we should hold on to it dearly until we die naturally. It’s easy for the people who are healthy and happy to say we shouldn’t allow others to suffer. But really, who decides what is suffering or not? If we get physically disabled, then we just need to change how we live. I’d rather live out my days in a nursing home while crippled than have my children knock me off. I value life, we should appreciate every moment we are able to be alive, dead is forever. I see no point in hurrying up what will happen in its own time. I’d rather be alive in pain, than painless in a coffin. But why do you ask? Are you thinking of it for you?”
Frank relied, “no, not me. Elsie mentioned it a few months ago. She said she didn’t want to go to a nursing home to live with a bunch of strangers.”
Brenda said, “I bet she said that when she was in a good mood, it’s easy to talk about it when it’s not going to happen at that very moment. It depends on why we would have someone we love put us to death. If she was on fire with her eyes melting, I could see why it would be mercy. But I think it’s more merciful to allow someone to live as long as they can. I don’t believe it should ever be legal, I think it’s just murder. I understand why doctors turn off life support if someone is brain dead, but if they’re just sick or damaged that’s no reason to kill them. I want to pass over naturally, not full of drugs or bullets. I don’t think anyone should be allowed to decide whether someone else is ready for death or not. I wouldn’t kill any of my children just because they became paralyzed or sick in the head. I’d take care of them so they could value what life they had. Mercy should be about caring for our loved ones, not killing them.”
Frank said, “I couldn’t ever kill her myself, but she did ask me to take her out if she ever got too sick.” He thought he could but didn’t want to tell them that. He was interested in their comments though.
Paul said, “maybe that was just her sickness talking, if she’d said that ten or twenty years ago and made a serious point of it, then she would’ve meant it. But if she has dementia now, she won’t be thinking straight.”
Brenda said, “but was she serious or just joking? It’s easy to make what sounds like a serious comment, but she may have just been thinking out loud, maybe she was wanting to see what you thought about it, maybe someone else had talked about it to her and it stuck in her brain. She may have just meant ‘out of the house,’ as in taking her out to dinner or somewhere fun. If she has dementia, you can’t take what she says too seriously.”
Frank took a mental note of that comment; could he really take it seriously? She hadn’t said it when she was well.
After they had talked together for over three hours Frank thought it was time to get back to the hospital. He wished them both well and set off to see Elsie. It had been a long, busy day for him so far and he was feeling a little strained. He didn’t ever drive around the city as much as he had done today, and he still had to get home later.
When he arrived back at the hospital, he headed first for the A&E ward, to see if she was back there, if not they would know where she was. When he arrived at the entrance to the ward, he approached a nurse who was walking toward him. “Excuse me, I’m here to see Elsie Herbert, she was admitted today, if she’s still here, is it all right for me to go through?”
The nurse responded, “Mrs. Herbert has been transferred to another ward; this ward is just for accidents and emergencies. You will need to ask at the nurse’s station to find out where she is.” She gave him a smile and continued on her way.
Frank asked at the nurse’s station about her and was told she had indeed been transferred. She was in a stable condition and her leg had been repaired, so she was now in a standard medical recovery ward.
He followed the directions he was given to get to her new ward. It was a big, multi-floor hospital, so it was quite a long walk down a long corridor to get to the elevator which would take him up two floors. He then had another long walk down another corridor. He could sense, feel, and smell the sterile environment he was in; he was not comfortable with the environment. He got to her ward but needed to say who he was and who he was visiting before he could enter; it was large and appeared to be busy at the time. But it was just a normal day on the ward. As he approached Elise, he noticed her plastered leg and that she looked uncomfortable. She was lazing on top, not under the blankets. He got to her bedside but she seemed uncaring about him being there, she seemed a little distant. The accident and then all that had happened since had drained her spirit, plus she was on a high dose of pain relief so she wasn’t overly responsive. He smiled kindly at her and asked, “hello, so how are you, El? Are you feeling all right?
She looked at him without any expression and said coldly, “I’m okay, how are you?” She looked very withdrawn.
He replied, “I’m good, glad you’re doing all right. So what’s happening now? Will you be getting discharged soon?”
She didn’t seem to care, or even comprehend what he was asking; she just looked coldly at him and said, “I don’t know, whatever they say is okay with me. I can’t walk, so I’ll probably stay here for a while. I’m not worried about how long I’m here for, it’s all right being here.” She had no energy left to engage in conversation.
Frank didn’t stay with her for very long as she wasn’t up for talking and didn’t seem at all interested in anything he had to say. He stayed with her for only twenty minutes then left. He spoke with the charge nurse on his way out.
“I’d like to know what her condition is; would you fill me in with what’s happening, please? I thought a fractured leg wouldn’t be something that would keep her here long, so I’d like to know when she’s due for discharge.”
The nurse replied in a professional tone, “there’s more to it than that. A broken leg for some people is a simple problem and easily repaired, they can then recuperate at home. But your wife has osteoporosis and has also been diagnosed with dementia, so we’ll need to keep a close eye on her, at this point I’m unable to give a discharge date, I suspect however that it would be one to two weeks at least. The doctors can give you more detailed information but I’m unable to. If you would like to discuss her situation with one of them, I could arrange a time for you to talk, but they are all busy now, so it would have to be at a prearranged time.”
Frank thought that might be a good thing to do, so he accepted her offer. She then verified his contact details and said they would arrange a time and get in touch with him soon. He left the hospital, not knowing what to make of it all. He thought it may be a good thing that she was now under constant medical supervision, although who was to know where this could lead. He drove home again feeling everything was going to get sorted out now. She had refused to go to the clinic, but now she was where she could be medically and psychologically assessed, as well as physically cared for. He hoped they would take the opportunity to do that; he felt it would be good if they did. The hospital staff was indeed going to do that, because they had her medical records, they knew her recent medical history, they also knew she had failed to turn up at the clinic, so was not fully diagnosed. It would all happen for her now.
Frank arrived back home to any empty house, not having Elsie there didn’t bother him, it was why she wasn’t there that concerned him. Their home had a different feeling, an almost cold, foreboding atmosphere as he cooked himself some dinner. Cooking for just himself was very unusual and not very pleasant for him. After making a light, easy meal, he took it into the sitting room to watch the TV. He turned it on but didn’t pay any attention to it; it was just company for him. He sat there alone, thinking about h
ow the last few years had dramatically changed their lives. He was not at peace with the current situation, but neither did he feel the need to try and change anything just yet. There was a definite sense of someone missing; it got him thinking about how it would be if she was to die, and he was left alone. It didn’t feel comfortable at all. He considered the retirement village as a possible future step. He also considered euthanasia, not just for her, but for both of them.
CHAPTER NINE
The next morning Elsie lay in her hospital bed feeling down and dejected; she knew where she was, a hospital, but was slightly confused about when and how she got there, and why. It was obvious to her that her leg was broken, but she couldn’t recall when or how it broke. She thought a broken leg wasn’t anything to get overly upset about which is why she was puzzled about still being there. She just lay as still as stone, barely moving at all, not taking in too much of her surroundings or paying any attention to the activity going on around her with the other patients and staff. She had a sense that something was missing but she wasn’t sure what it was. What she really needed was a magazine to read.
As Elsie lay in her hospital bed, Frank was walking around the house looking at the timber that needed redoing. Others thought it looked good, but he was picky about the state of it. As he was looking at the exposed beams in the sitting room, he noticed the bunch of magazines scattered around the couch where Elsie spent much of her time. He decided to take them to her at the hospital as she would surely be missing them by now. Not being able to go on her daily walks meant she would be getting bored, annoyed, and a bit snappy while lying in a bed. Spending all day staring at the ceiling wouldn’t be much fun for her. He would gather them all up, then go through them; he would decide which few he would take her. He wouldn’t take them all to her, just a few of them would be enough to keep her entertained and help her feel at ease. He was going to see her in the afternoon, but it was only mid-morning now, so there was no need to hurry. He sat at the dining room table thinking about her and what had happened. He replayed the events in his mind, and was feeling guilty about not having the door locked. While he had been doing his Internet search, she was out in the streets alone, he knew something would need to change. Letting her have her freedom to do as she pleased no longer felt like the right thing to do. Nor was it right for him to sit at his computer desk not paying any attention to where she was or what she was doing. He felt doing his Internet searches had distracted him from reality. The reality of actually caring for her, not just thinking he was. And even though he had learned a lot from the information he had found on various websites, he hadn’t acted on any of it.
All the while Frank had been sitting alone with his thoughts, things were turning sour for Elsie. She had been lying very still when a nurse came to her and said, “hello, Mrs. Herbert, I’m here to take your blood pressure, we’re just keeping track of how things are going with you in order to maintain your wellbeing. It won’t take long.” She then took Elsie’s arm and extended it in order to place the cuff on her. It was a digital pressure monitor so there wouldn’t be too much of an issue for her.
However, Elsie reacted aggressively. She yelled and threatened the nurse while ripping off the pressure cuff and trying to throw it away. But the nurse hadn’t gotten to the stage of securing the cuff, so still had her hand on it. Elsie’s attempts to rip it off and throw it away were all drama. The nurse had the monitor and cuff securely in her possession, so it was a big flurry amounting to nothing.
As the nurse was a fully trained, experienced professional, she reacted accordingly, not counteracting in a similar way or creating an issue, “I think you need to calm down for a moment, Mrs. Herbert, I’m not here to hurt you. I just need to take your blood pressure. Would you please allow me to take your blood pressure? I need your arm to do it, it’s for your own good, and it won’t hurt you.”
Elsie snapped back at her, “no! Get away from me, get out of here. Leave me alone.”
The nurse then simply turned and walked away, she would make a written note of this and talk to the doctor on duty about it. There was another ward in the east wing of the hospital for those with a similar disposition. The nurse would not take what Elsie had said or her aggression as a personal attack in any way, if anything, it was an indicator of what they had to deal with. They understood what was going on with Elsie so there would be no retribution at all, she may however find herself in the east wing. It would depend on her reactions to other nurses or doctors doing their duty.
What had happened was, Elsie was lying there with her eyes open but her mind was either somewhere else or temporarily shut down. So, when she clicked back into reality, there was a strange woman she had never seen before trying to tie something on her arm. So she was suddenly startled by the stranger who frightened her as she hadn’t been expecting it to happen. The Elsie of several years back wouldn’t ever have reacted that way, but the dementia had caused a loss of self-control and her inner sense of acceptable behavior was now also either lost or confused.
Frank arrived to see her in the early afternoon. Elise was pleased to see him so that helped him to relax a little. He handed her the magazines he had brought for her, she was very pleased to have them. He placed them on the bedside table and handed one to her; they were the ones they had recently bought. He spoke softly to her, “is there anything else you would like? I can bring you whatever you want.”
She smiled at him, then began looking through the magazine and simply said, “no, I don’t need anything else, these magazines are all I wanted. It gets boring here so these are good to have.” She then quickly became engrossed in it while Frank sat down next to her. He didn’t have much to say as he wasn’t sure about what he could talk about to her. She wasn’t saying anything to him; she looked a little distant and seemed like she was only interested in her magazine. But she was pleased he was there. After thirty minutes, Frank thought there was no point being at her bedside if he was just sitting quietly without any conversation between them. He stood up and leaned over and gave her a kiss on her cheek, “I’ll see you again tomorrow, El, enjoy your read.”
She smiled and said, “okay, thank you. It was good to see you.”
Frank left, thinking it would be a good to have her home again. He hoped she would be discharged soon.
When Frank arrived back home, he had a very strong coffee while thinking of his wife, and also of all the timber polishing that needed to be done. He sat alone at the table, thinking of the home they had lived in all their married lives. It had raised an issue in his mind about what was to happen to the house when both he and Elsie passed on. Having no children to leave it to meant he had better work out what they would do with it. Perhaps they could leave it to a charitable organization that could then either use it how they liked or sell it to gather funds. He was realizing that monetary assets meant nothing once people died; a multi-millionaire and a poverty-stricken transient were on an equal plane when lying in a morgue. So that meant money and possessions had no value to the owner once the owner of them was dead; others may benefit from the owner’s passing but when it all came down to it, wealth was irrelevant to a corpse. It showed him it’s who we are internally that matters most, not what we own externally. He was thinking of Ivan’s words from the pulpit and also what he had said here in their home. Frank was becoming caught between two worlds, the practical, logical world, and the spiritual, biblical world. He knew he had better start working out which was to be his primary way of thinking. Being seventy-eight and not getting any younger, he needed to make choices. Ivan’s words to him had never left him. So when people die, do they really just cease to exist and simply rot away, or does just the body rot away while the spirit continues living but somewhere else? He had better decide if heaven and hell were real. And if he decided they were real, which place did he want to go when his time was up? Maybe it was time to start looking at his faith again, if indeed he had any. For him and Elsie, going to church at Christmas and Easter was
just what he thought people were meant to do, the odd other times they went were more as a morning out than seeking guidance from God. But he had heard the words and sung the songs. He felt it now time to follow the faith or forget about it; he had been through this in his mind a few times before. But he thought he needed to start getting more serious about it now. He realized the accident could have been worse, she could have died, or been permanently disabled. It had got him thinking more seriously about their future.
Later in the early evening, Elsie saw a doctor who seemed to be casually walking through the ward, although there was a definite line he was taking toward her.
As he casually got close to her, he approached and said, “hello, Mrs. Herbert, so how are you feeling now?” The casual stance was to give her time to see him, so she wouldn’t get startled when he appeared at her bedside; it had worked as she was calm and composed.
“I’m all right, doctor, how you are?” Elsie liked the look of this young man standing beside her, he was in his late thirties, an attractive young man to her.
“I’m well, thank you. We need to transfer you to another ward, a ward where you will feel more relaxed and where you will find it easier to get through the days. It won’t happen until tomorrow morning so you can rest easy tonight. So tomorrow, we will take you there.”
Elsie looked at the doctor blankly but didn’t respond. So he turned and walked away, but this time his walk was not at all casual. He now looked like a doctor doing his duty; he walked boldly with a set direction, obviously knowing where he was going and why. He had just mentioned it to her so she might not get too surprised when the shift happened, and the nurses would mention it again before it happened.
The following morning they brought her some breakfast, they called it food, but it didn’t taste like food to her, everything to her looked, smelled, and tasted sterile.
Goodnight, Elsie Page 7
