by Alexx Andria
I wanted to grab her and make her listen, but I knew I didn’t have the right to touch her right now; plus, I was a little afraid she might actually make good on her threat and split my head open with the lamp.
“Grady...”
But they were gone, the door slamming behind them. The last image of Grady, tears running down his round cheeks from behind those owlish glasses, breaking my heart in two.
Holy fuck.
My entire world had just collapsed right at the moment I’d discovered what my entire world was made of.
I stared at the closed door, my heart thundering in my chest.
“I want to marry you, Lauren. Jesus...I’m sorry.”
The ring box slipped from my fingers to drop to the floor.
What was I going to do?
How did I make this better? Was it even possible? Or had I just lost the one woman who was made just for me over a dumbass move that I’d take back in a heartbeat if I could.
I was out of my depth, but I knew I needed to give Lauren some space, even though every nerve in my body was screaming at me to follow her and drag her back.
She just needed to go home and calm down, breathe and realize that I was sorry, and then she would forgive me and we would get back on track to bliss.
Yeah, solid plan. Except my heart was still skipping beats, my palms were sweaty and I felt like I needed to puke.
God, help me. I really fucked up this time.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Lauren
FOR THE FIFTH consecutive day, a huge, ostentatious flower arrangement arrived, and for the fifth consecutive time, I dumped it down the trash chute.
Grady, unusually quiet since leaving Nico’s apartment, watched as I silently fumed at Nico’s dogged refusal to leave us alone.
The calls and texts—I blocked.
The flowers—I trashed.
The voice mail on my home machine—I deleted.
Somehow, he even managed to find my email; I deleted that, too.
I didn’t want anything to do with Nico. I was half tempted to donate the money he’d given me for the fake project to charity, but I needed money to live.
So, even though I hated it, I had to keep the cash, and that just pissed me off all over again.
True to Patrice’s word, she’d trashed me around town. No one would hire me right now. Not even the small newspaper I’d contacted out of desperation.
At this point I’d happily take writing ad copy for dog food, but not even they were willing to hire me.
If Nico’s project had been real I could’ve used it as a great springboard, but just like everything associated with Nico, it was fake and useless.
Each morning, I cried in the shower so Grady didn’t see me break down, but sometimes I couldn’t help myself and I found tears running down my cheeks.
Like right now.
“Mama?” Grady’s worried voice ate at me. I wiped away the tears and tried to smile for his benefit. He crawled into my lap and I rested my chin on his little head. “Are you going to stay mad at Nico for a long time?”
I cursed his name inside my head, hurting for my son as much as I hurt for myself. “Probably,” I answered truthfully.
“What if he said he’s sorry?” Grady asked. “You said that saying sorry is the best thing to do when you’ve done something bad.”
“Yes, but it doesn’t always work that way with adults,” I said, wishing I could erase Nico from Grady’s memory. “Nico isn’t going to be part of our lives anymore. We need to put him behind us and focus on moving forward.”
But Grady wasn’t interested in moving forward. “But I miss him.”
“Eventually, you’ll stop missing him,” I assured my little guy, but I wasn’t sure if that was true because there was a Nico-sized hole in my heart that I didn’t think would ever heal. I wasn’t going to pretend that Grady wasn’t suffering the same pain. I could only hope that eventually Nico would fade away in both our memories.
Fat chance, but I could hope.
“What did he do?” Grady asked.
“Honey, it’s grown-up stuff. I don’t want to talk about it right now, okay?” I kissed his forehead and held him tight. “We don’t need Nico anyway. We’re a team, right?”
Grady nodded, but I felt his sadness weighing me down like a rock in my pocket.
“How about we order pizza and have a movie night?”
But Grady didn’t want pizza or popcorn or even soda. He hated our apartment, wanted to go sailing and wanted to see Nico. Nothing I did was going to measure up, and I just had to weather his disappointment. I’d done the cruelest and most careless thing imaginable—I’d given my little son a glimpse of what it might be like to have a father and then I’d taken it all away with little explanation aside from “Nico did a bad thing.” It was little wonder Grady was sullen, sad and angry.
And I didn’t know what to do to fix things. I had a sinking feeling that only time would make things better, but that didn’t do much for either of our broken hearts.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Nico
I’D NEVER EXPERIENCED the awful drag of time until a month had passed since Lauren left and I thought surely it’d been longer than thirty days.
My ragged heart felt as if it’d been chewed and spit out by a rabid dog and then shit on.
Against my better judgment, I agreed to accompany Dante to the club to hit a couple of balls at the driving range. Golf wasn’t my usual go-to sport to let off some steam, but seeing as I’d been hibernating in my apartment, existing on takeout and ice cream, I didn’t think I’d have the stamina for much else.
I’d even gained a few pounds.
“You need to hit the gym,” Dante said with a grimace when I groaned to tie my shoes. “You look like you’ve gained twenty pounds.”
“Fuck off,” I muttered, breathing a little heavier as I stood up. “So I’ve gained a few pounds, big deal. I’ve been a little messed up.”
“Don’t be a pussy,” Dante said as we walked into the country club, flashing a cool smile to everyone who made the effort to notice us. “You’ve been moping around in that apartment so much you’ve started to grow mold. Pick yourself up, shake it off and move on. Isn’t that what you do best?”
Yeah, but I’d never been in love with any of the women I’d moved on from. Not the case with Lauren. I still dreamed about her, fantasized about her and missed her like a fat kid missed cake.
Except, according to Dante, I was becoming the fat kid.
“She won’t accept any of my calls,” I said, ignoring Dante’s look of disgust. “I’ve had flowers delivered, but she throws them away. How do I know that? I paid the neighbor to tell me if she accepts or tosses them. She tosses them. Right down the garbage chute. I tried leaving a voice mail on her home phone, but she changed her number. Aside from stalking her—”
“Sounds like you’re already doing that,” Dante cut in drily. “Give it a rest. You sound pathetic.”
“I love her,” I said simply. “I can’t give up.”
“She’s moved on. You need to, as well.”
We got to the range and I started to grab my nine iron when I heard a familiar voice. I turned to see Houston Beaumont laughing it up with his buddies a few lanes down. I looked away, not wanting to see the man because I didn’t trust my ability to remain calm when I was already unstable as fuck.
Living on Häagen-Dazs and Chinese food wasn’t great for your mental health or your waistline, apparently.
My plan was to ignore him entirely but Houston saw us and headed over, completely unaware that I wanted to shove my nine iron so far up his ass the hosel of my club used his uvula as my tee.
“Holy crap, it’s the Donato boys. I haven’t seen you in ages. How the fuck are you?” Houston asked, clapping Dante on the back.
“How’s business?”
“Business is good,” Dante answered, squinting against the sun. Houston had never been one of Dante’s favorite people, but now he was Public Enemy No. 1 in my eyes.
Because I was already in a shitastic mood, I decided to poke the bear and see what happened.
“So, you have a kid...” I said, watching his reaction. “Never knew that until recently.”
Dante narrowed his gaze and realized quickly enough where I was going with this. He cut his stare to Houston, and we were both suddenly judging him and Houston knew it.
“Uh, well, so she says,” Houston tried joking, playing off my question. His buddies shifted nervously. I knew I had to be radiating rage, but I didn’t care. I was so pissed off and mad at the world that I’d take the first sorry sap with the misfortune to cross me. It just so happened, fate was smiling at me and threw me a bone by putting Houston Beaumont in my path.
“You’re a piece of shit,” I said, my voice hard as steel. “Anyone who abandons their kid is an asshole.”
“Hey, fuck you, you don’t know my life. How the fuck was I even supposed to know if the kid was mine? I’ve seen pictures. He doesn’t look anything like me. You know how girls like her are...the kid could’ve been anyone’s.”
Now he was calling Lauren a whore? I advanced toward Houston, my fists curled. “You’re right, the boy doesn’t look anything like you—that’s a blessing—but I’d advise you to watch your mouth before it overloads your ass. You’re five seconds away from getting my fist in it.”
Houston scowled and bowed up on me, going toe-to-toe. “You seem to know a lot about business that doesn’t concern you, Donato. Why don’t you back the fuck up and stick your nose elsewhere.”
“Lauren and Grady are my business,” I growled. “You don’t deserve to say their names, much less talk shit about them.”
Houston looked to Dante for backup but Dante was enjoying the show, resting his arm on his driver, a cool smile on his face. Like I said, Dante had never been a Houston fan, not enough action to back up his running mouth.
“Yeah? Fuck you, Donato. You want to champion a slut who had the bad luck to get knocked up, go ahead...but step off before I fuck up your world.”
That was all the invitation I needed. I reared back and popped Houston in the nose with a savage cross that sent blood spraying from his busted schnoz, and I took immense satisfaction in the gurgling howls as I dragged him up from the ground, my hands curling in his golf polo. “Don’t you ever talk about Lauren, think about Lauren or even breathe in her direction, you hear me? Because if you do, I’m going to rearrange your fucking face so bad your own mother wouldn’t recognize you. Understand?”
I shoved Houston into the arms of his buddies, and they dragged him off before I thought better of letting him go with only one punch. He’d need surgery to fix that nose if he didn’t want to look like a boxer who went one too many rounds in the ring.
I shook my hand, flexing. Dante handed me the cloth used to wipe down the clubs, and I cleaned off the blood from my knuckles. “Feel better?” he asked drily.
“Yeah, a little.”
Dante sighed. “You know he’s going to sue for assault.”
“Let him.” I didn’t care. Hell, I didn’t care about much. “That fucker abandoned Lauren and Grady. He hasn’t paid a single penny toward Grady’s support and Lauren has shouldered the responsibility all on her own.”
“Since when did you become the champion of single mothers?” Dante’s brow rose with sardonic amusement, but I didn’t dignify the question with an answer. He knew it had everything to do with Lauren, not the fact that she was a single mom. Dante shook his head with mild annoyance. “Either go fix this situation or let it go. You can’t go popping people in the face every time someone pushes your buttons about Lauren.”
“Haven’t you been listening? She won’t take my calls, emails or texts. She returns every gift, throws away the flowers. What the hell am I supposed to do? Toss her over my shoulder and drag her to my place?”
Dante exhaled with irritation as if I were being deliberately stupid before saying, “If you want to win her back you have to figure out why she’s this upset in the first place. Is it truly because you manipulated her out of a shitty job and paid her an exorbitant fee for a fake project? Something tells me she could get over that. What’s really the problem? Dig a little deeper. The answer is staring you in the face.”
I scowled at Dante, irritated and frustrated that my brother seemed to know the answer but was making me work for it.
But Dante was right. I didn’t think the real issue was the job. Sure, she was pissed as hell, but she’d get over that eventually. An image of Grady’s stricken expression, tears tracking down his face, blazed across my brain, and I knew there was only one thing that Lauren would never forgive—someone hurting her son.
And I’d hurt Grady by not being honest. I should’ve come clean with Lauren about the project and my hand in her lost position. I would’ve eaten all the crow she demanded, but I know I could’ve won her back. Grady never would’ve had to know, and right now, I know Lauren would’ve been wearing my ring.
Grady would’ve become my son.
My son.
The words hit me hard. The weight of such responsibility should’ve crushed me, but it felt amazing. I wanted to be Grady’s father.
I wanted to be Lauren’s husband.
More than anything.
And I meant all the way—not just because I wanted to marry his mama.
I wanted Grady to be a Donato.
I met my brother’s gaze. “I need to talk to a lawyer.”
Dante smiled, testing out his driver with a slow swing as he said, “Hope it works out for you, little brother,” and I left the range.
I was sending all the wrong gifts, completely missing the one thing Lauren and Grady wanted.
A family.
Well, hot damn, that was what they were going to get.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Lauren
I WAS JUST settling in for the night. Grady was tucked against my side, the television on, but I wasn’t actually watching anything in particular while Grady played a game on his phone.
I knew getting over a broken heart took time, but why did every minute seem more agonizing than the last? Nico had somehow burrowed his way into my heart in record time, and I was both irritated and flabbergasted at how I could love him so deeply when we still barely knew each other.
I never did find out his favorite color.
Or his middle name.
Or what his pet peeves were.
I knew his secret tickle spots and how to make him laugh. I knew that he snored lightly when he was in a deep sleep. I knew that he loved to cook and took pride in his culinary talents.
But all of that was surface stuff.
I hadn’t known how cruelly he could twist the knife in my back or how easily he could ruin lives without forethought.
According to Ronnie, I was being ridiculous.
“Honestly, his methods were unorthodox, but he did you a favor getting you out of Luxe. You were in a rut, girlfriend” had been Ronnie’s take on the whole sordid mess. Even if I could forgive Nico for manipulating a situation for his own gain, I couldn’t forget how crushed Grady had been when everything fell to crap.
Maybe if Nico had been honest...maybe it wouldn’t have mattered. Wasting energy on wondering was stupid and an exercise in emotional agony.
I had to move on, not only for my sake but for Grady’s.
I withheld a sad sigh, not wanting to worry my little guy. Since moving out of Nico’s, he’d been withdrawn and his eyes had lost that sweet spark that’d always melted my heart.
I knew he was brokenhearted, too, and that killed me.
Mom guilt, in all its varying shapes and sizes, was enough
to cripple a rhino. I’d give anything to take it all back so my son didn’t end up hurt.
I startled at the knock on the door. It was too late for visitors. Suddenly, all the complaints and concerns Nico had expressed about my apartment came flooding to me in a panic. I didn’t have anything in the way of a weapon unless you could count my sharp wit. “Grady, go to your room,” I told Grady, helping him up. I waited until he was safely in his bedroom before going to the door, grabbing a heavy candelabra to use as a bat if need be. “Who is it?”
A pause long enough to stop my heart and create visions of my own death at the hands of a psycho followed until I heard, “It’s me, Nico.”
And then my heart rate sped up like I’d just smoked crack. “What do you want?” I asked, my voice catching and betraying my hurt and hope in the same breath. “Go away.”
“May I come in? I have something for you.”
“There’s nothing you have that I want.”
“Please.”
It was the humble plea that broke me. Nico wasn’t blustering or trying to be charming. He was simply asking in the most sincere way possible if he could come in for a moment.
I shouldn’t let him in.
I should tell him to get the hell out.
But I didn’t—I couldn’t.
The truth was, I missed him.
I slowly unlocked the door and stepped away so he could come in. My breath caught. He looked as if he hadn’t slept in weeks. His cheeks were puffy and...was that a little belly?
Had he been mainlining jelly doughnuts this whole time? Somehow the fact that our separation had affected him so viscerally made me tremble all the harder because there was no faking his pain.
I closed the door, locking it, but I cast a nervous glance toward Grady’s bedroom, afraid of Grady’s reaction to Nico’s showing up. I was grateful when Grady remained in his bedroom but I knew he wouldn’t stay there for long, so I needed Nico to get to the point.
