"Maybe a little," Paige conceded. "But I'm alive, so that could come from my normal activities."
"All I know is that you can talk to me, which means a lot these days for someone who basically has been on his own for months now," Noah said.
"If it meant so much to you, why haven't I seen you for days?" Paige was curious. "Or can you not control when you show up?"
"I can control it most of the time." He paused. "I haven't been around for a while because I needed time to process this whole thing. Kind of freaked me out that you could see me and we could hang out, but I still couldn't be a part of your day to day life with living people."
"Yeah, guess it would be tough to process," Paige conceded, "since I'm still trying to do the same thing myself and not believe I've lost my mind."
Noah chuckled. "You haven't, I promise."
She smiled, realizing that, whatever the case, he was easy to talk to. She had known that practically from the start. It was still weird to think that she could get on better with a ghost than human beings.
Or maybe it was simply this ghost, in particular, who looked and felt human, but was not.
"So why did you kill yourself anyway?" Paige asked. He didn't seem suicidal, but then he probably wouldn't since he was already dead.
"That's just it," he said. "I'm not sure I did."
Paige raised a brow. "That's what Bonnie, Amber, and everyone else is saying about how you died. It's also in the papers and online that you jumped off a cliff and hit your head on the rocks, before ending up in the lake. Are you telling me that isn't true?"
He frowned. "I'm saying I don't remember. It's like there's a mental block that's keeping that part from me. I think maybe that's where you come in..."
"I don't follow," she said, meeting his eyes.
"Maybe the reason you can see and talk to me is to help me find out what happened," he said solemnly. "Once I come to terms with it, maybe I can cross over to the other side, or whatever."
For some reason, the thought of never seeing him again was unsettling to Paige. She hardly knew him, yet the connection was there, whether she wanted it to be or not. She had to help him, even if it meant he would probably be out of her life forever.
"I'll try," she told him. "But I'm just a sixteen-year-old sophomore and wouldn't even know where to begin."
"I was just a year older when my life turned upside down," he said. "I need to know why I ended up like this. We can figure it out together."
"The newspaper said you had a history of depression, going back to when your dad died. Maybe that's why you killed yourself."
Noah ran a hand across his chin. "Yeah, I had some problems with that, but I was on antidepressants. I had my whole life ahead of me, so why would I take the easy way out?"
Paige wrinkled her nose. "Uh, excuse me, but jumping sixty feet off a cliff couldn't have been easy."
"Yeah, you're right. But being pushed off would be even worse."
She looked at him wide-eyed. "You think someone pushed you off the cliff?"
"I don't know, but I think it's possible," he said thoughtfully. "I was pretty popular at school, but I also knew some things that could have put a target on my back."
"Such as...?" she asked, piqued.
The front door opened and Paige watched her mother come in. She had been so engrossed in the conversation that she never even heard her drive up.
"Hey," her mother said.
"Hey," Paige said nervously.
"Who were you talking when I came in the door?"
Paige looked to where Noah had been standing, expecting him to be gone like the other times her mom had caught them talking. But he was still there, literally standing right in front of her mother.
"She can't see me," he said. "I should probably go now, but I just wanted to show you that I'm not some creep pretending to be me—in case you thought I somehow used smoke and mirrors with Bonnie. I don't think trying to explain this to your mom would go very well."
Paige turned to her mother, who clearly saw only her in the room.
"Paige..." her mother was waiting for a response.
Think fast, she told herself.
She took her cell phone out of her pocket. "I was talking to Bonnie. Then I heard you coming in, so..."
Sharon frowned. "You didn't have to stop on my account."
"It's okay," Paige said, downplaying it. "I need to do some studying anyway before I go to bed."
"And I need to go take a shower."
Paige smiled crookedly before facing Noah, only to find that he was gone.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
On Saturday afternoon, Paige sat in the diner two blocks from her house. She had told her mom she was going to the nearby mall with friends. She hated lying to her, but in this case telling her the truth would have only made matters worse. And would have kept her from trying to do her part to help Noah get past the in-between-worlds stage he seemed to be caught in.
"Paige..." the voice said.
Paige looked up and saw Noah's mother. "Hi. Thanks for coming."
She smiled, taking a seat at the table by the window. "You said it concerned Noah."
"Yes—" Paige stopped talking as the waitress came with coffee.
After she left, Helen leaned forward and said, "You've seen him again, haven't you?"
"Yeah," Paige admitted, stirring her coffee.
"Noah's ghost?"
Paige nodded. "He came to the house and we talked. I didn't want to believe the ghost or spirit thing, but...it appears that I'm the only one who can see or hear him."
"That's why he came to you," Helen said. "Noah must have somehow sensed the connection—whether it's related to the house or something in your spiritual makeup."
Paige took that in, accepting it as somehow believable, all things considered. "He doesn't remember how he died," she informed her.
Helen's head lowered. "They say he took his own life."
"Do you think that's true?" Paige asked. She assumed his mother would know him better than anyone else.
"Noah was not suicidal, in spite of what the police concluded," his mother said after a long pause. "I tried to tell anyone who would listen, but it fell on deaf ears."
Paige tasted the coffee pensively. "What about his depression?"
"What about it? Many people suffer from depression for many reasons. Noah had trouble adjusting to life after his father's death. He was controlling it with medication. He didn't need to kill himself."
So maybe he didn't, Paige thought. The police could have gotten it wrong. It wouldn't be the first time that the cause of a person's death had been incorrect. What if someone had wanted Noah dead and made it look like suicide?
She met his mother's eyes. "Noah said he knew things that could have made someone, or maybe more than one person, want him dead. Did he say anything to you about that?"
Helen sipped her coffee. "No, he never said that his life might be in danger. But then what teenager ever confides in a parent, no matter how serious the issue? Especially if he thought he could handle it himself. If Noah was in trouble, he took it with him to the grave."
"But he didn't stay there," Paige said unnervingly, as the notion of someone coming back from the dead continued to freak her out. In a strange way, it also made her gravitate more toward him as someone who needed help—her help.
"It must be because he's unsettled in death," his mother said. "If he didn't kill himself, it means someone else did. He needs you to help him find out who that is."
"I know," Paige said, trying to maintain her courage. "I'll do the best I can, but if the police decided it was suicide—"
"Then you and Noah have to prove otherwise," Helen said, putting her hand on top of hers.
"But how do we do that? I don't even have a way to reach Noah. He just shows up when he does..."
"He shows up when he feels the energy from you to do so," his mother offered. "You're his only hope to make peace with his passing. I'm sure he'll do whatever is in his pow
er to help make that happen. In the meantime, please be careful. If someone murdered my son, I don't want to see you in danger while trying to identify that person. Whatever you learn, if anything, you need to give it to the police and let them reopen the investigation."
"I understand," Paige told her. She tasted more coffee, which was cold now, while pondering her next move.
* * *
Noah stood at the edge of Dead Lake Cliff, looking down at the steep drop. He hated the thought that he might have ended his life by taking a dive. If it was supposed to be a cry for help, it was a poor one. No one could survive that fall and expect to come out of it in good shape. In his case, he hadn't come out of it at all. Not alive anyway.
Did I do something really stupid like kill myself? he thought. Why would he when he still had so much he wanted to do with his life? He hoped to go to college on a swimming scholarship, maybe major in political science, meet the girl of his dreams, get married, have children, make a boatload of money, travel, and lots more.
Taking all that off the table made no sense to him. Having someone else decide his fate seemed the more likely scenario. But who would go so far as to kill him?
Or maybe he should be wondering which of the people he had a beef with might seek to silence him for good.
Noah went deep in thought...
* * *
He was in his bedroom getting dressed when his mother yelled from downstairs, "Noah, your friends are here—"
"I'll be right there," he told her, tucking in his shirt and heading for the bathroom.
He opened the medicine cabinet and took out his antidepressants. After opening the bottle and gazing at the pills, he had second thoughts, deciding they were doing more harm than good for his state of mind.
He lifted the toilet seat and poured the pills into the toilet, then flushed them down.
In the living room, he found Kyle, Drew, and Paul waiting.
"What's up?" Noah said.
"Hey," Paul said. "You ready, dude?"
They were headed to a concert in East Lansing, about an hour's drive.
"Yeah, let's go," he said.
"You boys drive carefully," his mother said.
"We will," Drew told her.
"Yeah, as long as he's not the designated driver," Kyle joked. "The guy's already wasted."
Noah pushed him playfully. "He's just kidding," he told his mother, hoping she believed it. "Well, we're out of here!"
The four left the house and piled into Paul's car. Absent was Scott, whom Noah wanted nothing to do with after revealing that he'd slept with his girlfriend, Amber.
* * *
Noah's thoughts returned to the present as he stared down the cliff. It scared him to think that he had died so tragically and that someone he knew might have been responsible. If only he could remember. He shut his eyes and tried to focus, wanting desperately to see the face of a possible killer.
But the only face he saw was his own.
Then Noah found himself reliving his death as he went over the cliff and seemed to go down in depressingly slow motion as the rocks and water grew closer until he finally made impact and everything went black from that point on...
* * *
Amber drove up to the house where Noah once lived. It was her first time there since his death and gave her the creeps. But she felt she needed to do this, if only to get past what had happened to him—and them as a result.
Besides, since Paige lived there now, it was not as if the house had been abandoned and would be too spooky.
After checking her hair and makeup, as if going on a date, Amber exited the car and moved up the walkway in her platform wedge sandals.
She rang the bell. I hope Paige doesn't mind me just dropping by like this, she thought.
The door opened and Amber saw a slender, dark-haired, thirty-something woman standing there.
"Hi, you must be Paige's mom."
"Yes," she acknowledged.
"I'm Amber. We know each other from school. Is Paige home?"
"Actually, she went to the mall, but she should be back any time now. You're welcome to wait, if you like."
Should I or shouldn't I? Amber debated to herself. She decided that if not now, she might lose her nerve to go inside.
"I'll wait, if you're sure it's okay."
Paige's mother smiled. "It's fine. I could use the company."
Amber sat in the living room next to Paige's mom, recalling that she spent a lot of time there with Noah, when they were in a good place.
"So did you know the boy who used to live here?" Paige's mother asked.
Amber nodded. "He and I dated."
She found herself flashing back to one of their last encounters...
* * *
"Is it true?" Noah asked, confronting Amber in the school library. She was with her friends, Roni and Lora.
"I'll catch up with you later," she told them.
"Are you sure?" Roni asked protectively.
She wasn't sure, but based on his tone, Amber thought it best that she listen to what he had to say alone. "Yes," she said.
"Text us if you need us," Lora said, giving Noah a dirty look.
Amber waited till they had walked far enough away to face him. "What are you talking about?" she asked innocently.
"Did you hook up with Scott?" Noah asked sharply.
She fluttered her lashes angrily. "Did he tell you that?"
"Doesn't matter. Did you or didn't you?"
Amber sucked in a deep breath. Had Scott spilled the beans when he promised her he wouldn't?
She wanted to lie about it, but she had never been very good at lying. Especially when she was face to face with someone she cared for.
"It was just one time," she told him. "It didn't mean anything."
"It meant everything to me!" Noah spat. "You slut!"
She recoiled from the insult. "I'm not a slut."
"How could you—with one of my best friends?"
It was a question she found difficult to answer. Finally, she responded, "He came on to me. Things just got out of hand."
"That's so lame," Noah said with a sneer. "We're done."
Amber grew teary-eyed. "You don't mean that."
His eyes said otherwise. "You and Scott deserve each other. Just stay the hell away from me."
"I'm sorry," she cried and reached for his arm, desperate to at least keep up appearances since they had been a golden couple at Dead Lake High.
Her words fell on deaf ears as Noah pulled away from her and stormed off.
Amber's heart sank and she felt that her life had been ruined by one mistake.
* * *
Blinking back tears, Amber returned to the present and Paige's mother, who said to her, "I'm so sorry."
"Noah's death affected the entire community," Amber said pensively. "People aren't supposed to die so young."
"I know," she said. "But sometimes these things happen."
Amber agreed, hard as it was to face up to the death and circumstances surrounding it. "Even if it was for all the wrong reasons," she told her.
The front door opened and Paige walked in, clearly surprised to see her.
"Amber dropped by to visit you," her mother said.
"Hi," Amber said, hoping she hadn't already worn out her welcome.
"Hey." Paige offered her a smile. "We can go up to my room, if you want."
Amber sprang to her feet, curious to see if Paige's room looked any different than the one she'd spent time in with Noah.
"That would be cool," she told her and followed Paige up the stairs and into the room. She noted the different furnishings. "You have it fixed up nice."
"Thanks." Paige sat on the bed. "Do you want to sit down?"
Amber sat beside her. "Looks like you're pretty settled in here."
"Yeah, I suppose." Paige hesitated before asking: "Do you really think Noah killed himself?"
Amber was shocked by the question. What did she know about Noah? "The poli
ce said he did. There's no reason to believe otherwise." She paused. "Why do you ask?"
Paige shrugged. "Just wondering. Since this used to be Noah's room, I've been curious to learn more about him. I even spoke to his mom. He didn't seem like the type of person who would take his own life."
"You didn't know him," Amber said, trying to keep her tone level.
"What don't I know about him?" Paige challenged her.
"Noah was under pressure to do well on the swim team, and he also suffered from mood swings. He stopped taking his medication." She watched Paige react to this and decided to add to it. "Then there was the fact that we had problems in our relationship and I broke up with him. I guess all that sent him over the edge—"
"Seems that way..." Paige took a breath thoughtfully. "Maybe someone pushed Noah off the cliff and tried to make it look like suicide..."
Amber's gaze widened. "Why would you say that?"
Paige hesitated. "I'm just saying that if someone wanted to kill him, wouldn't that be a good way to do it without being caught?"
"Uh, yeah, if we were talking about a mystery novel or crime show on TV," Amber said, rolling her eyes. "Noah didn't have any enemies, certainly not someone who hated him enough to want him dead."
Paige peered at her. "I heard that there were some people who had issues with him."
"Like who?" Amber held her gaze, eager to learn more.
"There were no names mentioned."
"So where did you hear this?" Amber demanded. "Noah's mother? Or have you been talking to that mysterious guy again who claims he's Noah?"
Paige sucked in a deep breath. "Just people at school," she said.
"Well, don't believe everything you hear," Amber cautioned. "As hard as it is to accept that Noah committed suicide, I've done just that. You should, too."
Paige nodded. "Yeah, maybe you're right. I was just curious, that's all."
"No problem." Amber smiled, hoping Paige wouldn't make any more waves that might take away from the sad but official cause of Noah's death.
A few minutes later, Amber had left the house with more than she bargained for. She waited until she got in her car before taking out her cell phone and calling Scott.
When he answered, she said, "I just left Noah's old house. Paige actually asked me if I thought Noah had been murdered."
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