by Amity Hope
“Really?”
“I’m not just saying it to try to score some brownie points,” he assured me. “I saw you just about every day for…what? Ten years? You were this constant in my life and then you were just gone. There was no way I could not think about you. You know?”
I nodded because I knew exactly what he meant.
“I was over here almost every day,” he said quietly.
“I know you were.” I hesitated just a moment before saying, “You must really miss your mom and Lily.”
His gaze darted to the other side of the room. I thought for sure he wasn’t going to answer, or that if he did, he’d deny it.
“I miss them a lot,” he finally said. “The last few years have pretty much sucked.”
“Do you hear from your mom at all?”
“I really shouldn’t be talking about this,” he said. “Things with my parents are complicated.”
“Things with you and your mom shouldn’t be,” I pressed.
“Well, they are.”
“It’s not true is it? What your dad told everyone?”
His eyes met mine and for the first time, he didn’t hesitate. “No.”
“I didn’t think so,” I said quietly. “I knew your mom. I didn’t believe what he said for a second. I can’t believe her friends would buy it.”
He let out a quiet, bitter laugh. “Friends? What friends? Think about it Harper, she had no friends. Your mom was probably the closest thing and they weren’t all that close.”
I’d never really thought about it before. “Your mom was so nice. People must’ve liked her.”
He shrugged. “I’m sure they did. But she never got close enough to anyone to make friends. She didn’t work so she was always home. She went shopping once a week and she went to church. She didn’t really know anyone in town.”
His words clarified everything for me, whether he had meant for them to or not. “Your dad didn’t let anyone get close.”
He didn’t say anything to that.
“Your mom never went out. She never had people over. Just like you never have people over.”
He shook his head, as if he was going to argue but I cut him off.
“Your dad said something to me.”
“I can just imagine,” he muttered.
“The day I came for the mail. He made a derogatory comment. It sounded like you have girls stopping by all the time.”
“Hardly,” he scoffed. “Does it seem to you like I have girls constantly knocking at my door? Or falling at my feet?”
“Not really. But that’s just because you give off this vibe that pretty much says, ‘stay back’,” I admitted. “Why would your dad say something like that to me? I mean, he didn’t know it was me. He just thought I was some girl coming by to see you. He made it sound like I was just one in a long line.”
“He likes mind games.”
It was a simple, yet I thought honest, reply.
“I’m sure he just wanted to scare you off. What’s Dustin up to these days?” he asked. Clearly, he was ending the conversation. I let it drop. I’d pushed him further than I’d thought he’d go. I wasn’t going to press my luck any more. Not right then, anyway. Although his answers had really only dredged up more questions for me. Why had his mom left? And where had she gone? And as always, why was Seth still here?
I was going to have to save those questions for another day. For now, I’d let Seth get in a few of his own.
“He’s a junior now,” I told him. “He’s been dating the same girl for almost a year so I guess it’s pretty serious. I don’t see him much. In fact, I’ve hardly seen him at all since he started school. I never thought I’d miss my brother so much. The year we moved away, I felt like everything just went all to hell.”
“Lily was such a little pest but I miss her like crazy too. We have a lot in common then, don’t we?” Seth asked. He reached for me and I willingly closed the distance between us. I curled into him, resting my cheek against his chest as he pressed a kiss onto the top of my head. “In case I haven’t said it before, I’m glad you’re back. Even if you ask too damn many questions, I’m glad your back.”
It was after two by the time Seth left. Dad had said he didn’t want him staying much later than midnight. I knew I was pushing the limits of that, but I couldn’t help myself. Asking him to stay over had been tempting. I was sure he would’ve been willing. I had decided two was a good compromise. After all, it was a lot more acceptable than four or five.
The next morning, I awoke to the sound of my door opening. Dad stuck his head inside of my room.
“Hey, Dad,” I said sleepily as I glanced at the clock. It was a little after ten. I pulled myself into a sitting position. “What are you doing home so early? I didn’t think you’d be back until a lot later.”
“Oh yeah?” he asked suspiciously. He edged his way inside. “Once the storm passed they graveled the roads. They were decent enough by this morning. We got an early start on our day.”
He was obviously checking out my bed to be sure I was the only one in it. It made me laugh and I tossed the covers back. “Really, Dad? Seth went home, just like I promised.”
He momentarily looked flustered. Then he gave me a sheepish smile. “Pancakes okay?”
“Perfect.”
CHAPTER 13
“Paula let me in,” Seth said.
I shrieked as I slapped my wet, slippery palm over my heart. As if that would keep it from slamming against the wall of my chest. The water in the hot tub bubbled and splashed around me. It had drowned out the sound of Seth coming down the stairs. I’d been leaning back with my eyes closed when he slid his icy hand across my cheek.
“You scared the hell out of me!” Paula had stopped by to pick up some papers for Dad. I had assumed she’d left already. Apparently, I was wrong.
“Sorry about that.” He grinned mischievously, letting me know that he wasn’t really sorry at all. “I don’t have to stay. I just thought that maybe if you weren’t doing anything now…? But it looks like you’re kind of busy.”
“No,” I said as I pulled myself up a little straighter. “You don’t have to leave. I can get out. Or,” I said as I tilted my head to the side and gave him a hopeful look, “you can come in.”
He motioned to himself. “I’m not really dressed for it.”
I pointed to the cupboard on the far wall. It held towels and swimsuits.
“You can probably find something in there to put on. You know how my mom loves to shop. I bet Dustin left half a dozen swim trunks in there.”
He glanced at the cupboard and then back at me. He didn’t look very convinced.
“I know there’s something in there that will work for you,” I pressed. “Please? The water is perfect and it’s so relaxing. Just come in for a little bit?”
Indecision flashed across his face. Finally, he went to the cupboard. He rooted around before finally settling on a plain black pair of trunks.
“I’ll be right back.” He disappeared into the bathroom that was right off the hot tub room.
I could’ve gotten out but I’d just gotten in a few minutes ago. The hot tub was one of my favorite things about Dad’s house. I hadn’t had the chance to use it much. In the few weeks that we’d been dating, Seth had started dropping in at random. It reminded me of when we were younger. I was glad he knew he was always welcome here, especially because I knew he didn’t like to be at home.
He opened the door a few minutes later. I tried not to stare. I really did. But Seth, shirtless, was just too hard to look away from. He smiled at me and shook his head.
I snapped myself out of it. “You should grab a towel. They’re in there,” I said as I pointed to the cabinet behind him. “They’re in the door on the left.”
He half-turned as he walked back to the cupboard.
“Paula seemed like she was in a hurry,” he said as he kept his eyes on me.
I nodded. “Dad forgot a file here. She came to get it but Dad
’s office is such a mess it probably took her a while to find it.”
He awkwardly fumbled, reaching for the towels while still mostly turned to face me. “She’s always so friendly,” he noted.
“Yes, she is,” I agreed as he continued to fumble. “They’re on the top shelf,” I pointed out.
He glanced over his shoulder, turning himself slightly away from me for the first time. From this angle, the faded purple marks across his back were hard to miss.
I gasped and he turned to face me, wearing a look of annoyance.
“What happened?” I demanded.
He frowned as he pulled the towel down. “What are you talking about?”
I had no doubt he knew exactly what I was talking about. “Your back? The bruising? What happened?”
He shrugged. “No idea. It’s probably from practice.”
From hockey? Why did I have my doubts?
“No,” he said as he read the look on my face. “Don’t even go there. If you do, I’m out of here.”
“Seth—”
He threw his hands up in the air, the towel flapping when he did so. “I don’t want to do this if I’m going to have to explain every bump and bruise to you. I play hockey, Harper. It’s an aggressive sport. I get banged up. It happens.”
“Okay.” The word came out as a whisper. I wasn’t sure if I believed him or not. I could tell by the look on his face that if I pushed him on the issue, he’d walk out the door. Possibly out of my life. It was a plausible answer. I wouldn’t be able to do anything, now or later, if he distanced himself from me.
Or maybe I was just being paranoid.
It was entirely possible he was telling the truth. I’d gone to two of his games now. I’d seen him get checked into the boards. He had practice, either organized or for fun at Logan’s, almost every day of the week. He was right. He was bound to get banged up.
Had he been trying to hide it from me? By keeping his back turned away? That’s what it seemed like. Maybe he hadn’t been. Or maybe he had been but only because he’d known what conclusion I’d jump to.
“Are you going to get in?” I finally asked.
He hesitated and then took a tentative step forward. I could tell he was waiting for me to say something more. I didn’t because uncertainty polluted my thoughts. I tried to clear my head, rid it of unwanted memories, as he slid into the water next to me.
“Nice, isn’t it?” I asked.
He closed his eyes and nodded as he leaned his head back. “Yeah, this was a good idea.”
I leaned back too, this time I kept my eyes open. I took in the cut of his jaw, his well-defined cheekbones, his full lips. He was so perfect. And not just physically. I knew he had a kind heart. I knew he didn’t deserve any of the things his dad had done to him over the years.
My heart ached just thinking about it. It also ached in a different way. I was falling for him. Hard.
He cracked open an eyelid. “What?” he cautiously asked when he caught me staring at him.
“I was just wondering what you’re doing after graduation?”
He sat up. “Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
“Starting college, I guess.”
That wasn’t exactly what I was asking. “Are you sticking around here?”
“Last fall, Dad handpicked three colleges he wanted me to apply to. I got into all three, which isn’t really a surprise. They’re all pretty average schools, meaning tuition isn’t bad,” he admitted.
“Your dad has a college fund for you?” I wasn’t sure why this surprised me. I knew he had the money.
“He has to keep up appearances, right?” His tone was light but it was just another glimpse into the darker side of his life. Bart Ryerson was not the man so many people assumed him to be.
“I’m not sure which one I want to go to. Maybe the one that’s the farthest away?” He said it lightly, as if joking, but I was sure there was some truth to his words. Then he frowned. “What about you? Where do you plan on going?”
That was another slightly messy situation I could thank my mom for. “I’m not sure. I sent in my applications last fall. All of the schools I applied to are down south. None around here,” I clarified. “I hadn’t talked to anyone from Woodbury for such a long time. Dad and I weren’t on the best of terms. I thought my life was in Florida.”
“Now you don’t feel that way.”
“Not at all. I’ve missed the application deadlines for this fall. But maybe it’s not all bad,” I decided. “I have no idea what I want to do. I’ve been thinking about taking a year off. Or maybe even just a semester.” I had broached the subject with Dad. I had expected him to argue with me about it. He hadn’t. Not when I pointed out that if I planned on going to school this fall, I’d have to leave.
“Maybe you should apply to a culinary school. I bet you’d make a good chef,” he teased. Or at least, I thought he was teasing.
I shook my head. “No. No way. I like cooking. Nothing would ruin that faster than having people complain about the food. And you know that would happen.”
“I guess.”
“What about you?” I asked. “What are you interested in?”
“Criminal justice,” he answered without having to think about it. He held my gaze steady in his.
“I think that’s a good choice for you.”
“Why are you wondering about this already? Any particular reason?”
If I wanted Seth to be honest with me, I knew I needed to be honest with him. He looked at me, patiently waiting for me to go on. The water bubbled around us. For a moment, I just wanted to sink into it and disappear.
“Harper?”
I cringed. “I know it’s way too soon for this conversation but I was just wondering where our relationship is headed. I mean, graduation will be here before we know it. I don’t want to fall any harder for you than I am. If we’re going to be going our separate ways.”
His lips quirked up and for the first time since he’d appeared shirtless before me, he smiled. “You’re falling for me? Falling hard?”
“Please don’t make fun of me,” I said. I felt immediately defensive thanks to the amused look on his face.
His smile grew as he pulled me toward him. My body easily glided through the water, bumping into his.
“That’s not what I’m doing at all,” he said. “I’m just glad to hear you say it. I thought maybe it was just me.” He slid a hand across my cheek, then tilted my face up to his. My eyes fluttered closed in anticipation of his kiss. I wasn’t disappointed and yet...
I placed my hand on his chest and gently pushed him away. “Wait, you thought what was just you?”
“Feeling this way. I’ve never felt like this about anyone else. You were my best friend for years. You know me better than anyone else, probably even better than I want you to know me,” he quietly admitted. “But to be honest, I don’t know where I’ll be after graduation.”
The sizzle of heat that had begun to course through me was suddenly squelched by his words. “What do you mean you don’t know where you’ll be?”
“I’ve been saving my paychecks the last two years so I could take a road trip this summer.”
“Really? When? Where? With who?” I cut myself off. “Wow, sorry. I sound really nosy.”
He bumped his shoulder into mine. “You are nosy.”
“I’m not. I’m just curious.”
He shook his head but he didn’t look annoyed. “Same damn difference.”
“Does that mean you’re not going to tell me?”
“It’s not a big deal. I just want to take a trip. I’ve never really taken one.”
“So where are you going? Do you have a plan? Or are you just going to get in your truck and drive?”
He laughed quietly but something in his laughter sounded strained. “I’ll have a plan by then. I’m working on it.”
I started to nod but a realization struck me. “You’re taking the trip by yourself?”
“Yes.”
“How are you going to do that? I mean, you won’t be eighteen yet.” Seth’s birthday wasn’t until the end of July. “How are you going to get hotel rooms?”
“I won’t. I plan on roughing it,” he said, keeping his tone light. “I can stop at wayside rests and just sleep in the truck. Some of them have showers. And if they don’t, most truck stops do.”
“Why the hurry? Why not wait a few months?”
“Then it’ll be too close to school starting.”
“Will your dad let you go?” I answered my own question. “He has no idea that you’re leaving.”
“If I tell you something, do you promise to keep it to yourself?”
I bit my lip for a second, thinking that over. Knowing what I did about Seth, it could be a dangerous promise to make. At the same time, he was asking if he could trust me. More than almost anything, I wanted him to know that he could.
“I promise.”
“Do you swear?”
“I swear.”
“I want to try to find my mom this summer.”
“Try to find her? Do you really not know where she went?” He had told me he hadn’t talked to her. I hadn’t realized he had no idea where she was.
Several emotions flashed across his face. “No. And I’m worried about her.”
“Why are you worried?” I asked, feeling instantly worried myself. If Seth was concerned about his mom, he probably had a good reason.
“Dad’s not happy that she took off. I just want to make sure that she’s okay. I don’t know where she is but I’ve been trying to figure it out. I mean, I’ve been trying to figure out who she would’ve gone to. Her parents are both gone and as far as I know, she hasn’t talked to her sister for years.”
I took a few moments to process what he was saying. “She took off and just disappeared with Lily?”
He swung his gaze away from me. “Yeah, pretty much.”
“Why would she do that?”
He closed his eyes and leaned back again. I thought it was his cue that the conversation was over. But maybe he just found it easier to say some things when he wasn’t looking at me.
“Why do you think?”
“She wanted to get away from your dad.”
