by Sam Destiny
It didn’t matter though because she wanted to see Jazz … even if it was only for him to tell Tessa to get lost because he’d be dealing with this by himself. She still wanted to prove to him that she cared.
She hurried up the stairs; simply ignoring the way that everyone started whispering the moment Tessa was out of the room. Exchanging her sweats for jeans and a top, she braided her hair, not wanting to be bothered by it, then pulled over Jazz’s Army-hoodie, simply to remind him that he had wanted her to wear something of his. She came back down, finding all girls at the bottom of the stairs, staring at her.
“You remember the way?” Hilary asked and Tessa nodded, grabbing her ID and her license out of her wallet. “The car has integrated navigation in case you do get lost,” her friend then still added. They all looked as if she was heading to a funeral, but she couldn’t decide if they worried about her or about how he’d react to her.
“I’ll be back soon, I just need to see him and … see him is all, I guess.”
“Tessa…” Evy started.
“Don’t, Evy. I know what you want right now, but I need to see him, even if he maybe doesn’t want to see me. You didn’t hear the choked way his voice sounded. I might not be his girlfriend, but he didn’t leave me alone when I was at some airport and a mess. I want to extend the same courtesy to him,” Tessa interrupted, not ready for any negative thoughts. Her stomach was tied in knots anyway because this could seriously backfire.
“There’s a front door key on the ring,” Hilary explained, handing her the car keys. Tessa only nodded, leaving without hugging anyone. She was coming back, and there was no need for a lengthy goodbye or any good luck wishes.
She found her way okay, making extra sure to stick to the speed limit because she knew herself and she always got stopped in the worst situations possible.
Only after parking next to the front gate of the base did she realize that she hadn’t thought this far ahead because after all, she wouldn’t be able to simply walk inside and see Jazz. And she sure as hell wouldn’t be able to live with the humiliation of having a stranger tell her that Jazz didn’t want to see her.
“I’m here for Corporal Jesse Connor. He doesn’t know I’m coming, but could you please get him here for a minute?” she asked the soldier that manned the gate. He eyed her up and down, a second one joining him, too.
“And you are?” the soldier asked.
“Please, I’ll wait out here if it would make you feel better. Please get him,” she pleaded, wondering if maybe she should shed some tears to soften the guys for her.
“Are you an ex-girlfriend or something?” one of the boys asked and she shook her head, smiling bittersweet.
“Or something,” she whispered, then hugged herself. “Just tell him there’s someone here to see him. I only need a few minutes.”
The gate was opened for her after a small exchange she couldn’t hear.
“Wait here, Miss,” the other guy told her and she nodded, closing her eyes. She knew that maybe this would take only a minute, but she couldn’t help but worry if this wouldn’t feel more like an entire lifetime to her.
“I’m not expecting anyone,” Jazz said, surprised, as the soldier came in.
“I know, Corporal, Sir, but I need you to come with me. It’ll only be a minute,” he promised and Jazz wasn’t in the mood to discuss. Instead he got up, looking at the ten guys that sat in the common room with him.
“I’ll be right back,” Jazz promised, touching Tank’s shoulder before following the soldier outside.
“I wouldn’t have gotten you if I wouldn’t have thought it important,” the night guard promised, but Jazz just stayed silent. They walked in silence and he was almost ready to turn back because no one important would show up unannounced, but then he spotted Tessa and his heart went viral.
She looked up at him, her breathing shallow.
“Jazz,” she said softly and he searched for something to say, but nothing much came to mind.
“What are you doing here?” he asked, sounding harsher than he had intended. The relief of seeing her made his whole body turn to liquid. He had missed her so much and the alcohol in his blood just enhanced that feeling. It almost made him angry that he had let Tank talk him into not seeing her the last few nights.
“I thought you could use a hug. Or a smile. Or both,” she whispered, looking smaller because she seemed ready to run. “Obviously it was a bad idea,” she went on, looking at the gate.
“I couldn’t drive. I wanted to see you so bad, but I couldn’t drive. And I sure could use that hug,” he told her, his voice sounding as clogged as it felt.
Instantly she crossed the space between them, jumping up into his arms. He caught her, feeling how she wrapped her body around him, holding on tight.
“I am so damn glad you are here,” he whispered against her neck. “I needed to hold you so bad, Tess,” he then went on, feeling how she held him even tighter.
“I’m so sorry, Jesse. So sorry. I know that there’s nothing I can do or say to make this any better, but…”
“You’re here. It helps me so much. I needed you, but I wasn’t sure I could ask that of you. Stay for the night,” he begged and she nodded against his shoulder, not letting go.
“Uhm … Corporal, Sir, she needs to sign in,” one of the night guards said.
“You brought your ID?” he wanted to know and she pulled back enough so she could kiss his nose.
“Left back pocket,” she explained and Jazz reached into her jeans, pulling out the little plastic card and then handed it to the guy.
“Sign her in, please. She’ll put her signature under it in the morning. If anyone asks questions, tell them she’s with me,” Jazz ordered and then put Tessa back on her feet, taking her hand instantly. He didn’t want to be any further away from her than necessary.
“I was sitting together with the guys. We just exchanged stories. I gotta tell them goodnight,” he told her and she stopped, tugging at his hand until he looked at her.
“Let’s go back to them, Jazz. We can sit with them, I don’t mind,” she gave back and he looked at her for a long moment.
“There might be catcalls and guy talk,” he warned, but she just smiled, spreading her arms.
“I dressed extra sexy in jeans and a hoodie to impress everyone in my way,” she teased and he couldn’t help but admit that she was just as beautiful now as she had been all dressed up. Currently she looked innocent and like the girl-next-door-type.
He moved in and kissed her deeply. There was no way for him to put into words what it meant to him that she was there, ready to ease his hurting mind. She was compliant in his arms, kissing him back with just as much gentle hunger as he was displaying and yet he pulled back, resting his forehead against hers.
“If we are going to stay with the gang, I’d rather not have a hard-on,” he mumbled and she chuckled.
“Are you really okay with hanging out with me and the guys?” he asked, wanting to reassure himself and she framed his face with her hands, making sure he looked at her. Then again, he wasn’t sure he ever saw anything besides her anymore.
“I can handle it, Jazz. Seriously. I may not be the guy magnet some other girls are, but you can trust me, I’ll be okay. I’m with you! I don’t care what cheap comments they make, especially not if it keeps anyone from the sadness for a few moments. And even if not, I’m here to bring you comfort. Maybe I can extend that to the others as well, you know?” she whispered, brushing her lips over his again and again until he was shaking. This woman was too good to be true, and for the time being she was all his.
Pulling her against his side as they went back to his comrades, he just wished that he could keep her forever.
Tessa hadn’t known what to expect, but seeing ten guys look up at her with red-rimmed eyes sure wasn’t it. Without hesitation she went and hugged Tank tight, no matter what she thought of him or how he treated her, going around the circle then. It surprised her how many of the
guys simply held onto her even though they never had seen her before.
“This is Tessa. She…”
“I had to come after hearing Jazz on the phone. I just thought maybe some moral support couldn’t hurt,” she whispered, earning a small smile from most of the guys. Only Tank looked at her in a weird way while Jazz sat down and then pulled her on his lap.
“You can sit on my lap, too,” one guy offered and Tessa rolled her eyes.
“Thank you, but I think I’ll stay with what I know,” she teased and one of the boys punched the one who had thrown out that suggestion.
“Timothy, she might feel as if you’d try to poke her with your stick!” one guy said.
“She wouldn’t even feel Tim’s stick,” another one countered and Tessa had to laugh while Jazz squeezed her side discreetly. He had that intense expression in his eyes that made her insides tingle.
“Nothing can compare to Jazz’s stick anyway,” she grinned, turning her gaze away from the silent guy holding her. It was too easy to see things on his face that most likely weren’t there.
Whistles and laughter followed her statement and Jazz leaned in, kissing her shoulder while a chuckle rocked his body.
“She’s feisty, that girl. I like that,” Timothy smiled.
“She reminds me of Cole’s wife. She’s like that, too,” one guy said and instantly silence spread among the group. “Who’s gonna take care of her now? She’ll be so alone! Her family lives across the country, right?”
Tank shrugged while Tessa felt how Jazz drew her closer. She kissed his forehead, brushing her fingertips over his back.
“When Jazz and I were in basic training with him, he told us that if he ever died, none of his comrades should start something with his girl. He promised he’d return from the dead just to shoot the motherfucker in the dick,” Tank remembered and Jazz nodded next to her.
“Oh God, I remember how jealous he always was. He never liked when someone told him how hot his girl was,” Jazz agreed.
“And she was so hot. If that had been my girl, I would’ve felt like the hero of the world knowing everyone was hot for her,” one guy said.
“Sometimes the only person to make you feel truly like a hero is your girl. Besides, that’s all that should matter, so I’d say Cole did it all right,” Tessa mumbled.
“She has a point, Paul,” Jazz remarked. “If she looks at you like you’re the man, why would you need anyone else to tell you that? Every guy saying he thinks your girl is hot is a dude that’s ready to jump into bed with her the moment you leave the country for nine months.”
“Don’t even remind me. But Cole’s girl never would have done that. Ever,” Tank explained.
“Because she was the right one for him then,” Tessa shrugged.
“Yeah, and Cole did the only right thing, too. He married her six months after first meeting her. They went strong until…” A guy with platinum blond hair lowered his head, squeezing his eyes shut.
“Tess,” Jazz whispered next to her ear and she turned to look at him. He captured her lips in the softest way ever and she held her breath all through the kiss. This side of Jazz, all serious and gentle scared the shit out of her because if she hadn’t been falling in love with him until then, it sure would start now.
“Jazz,” she whispered back against his lips.
“Are you having a drink with us?” Timothy asked, refilling the shot glasses with vodka. Tessa shook her head since she had never been one for hard alcohol.
“To Cole and his wonderful wife. May she be strong for what’s to come,” Paul toasted and they all echoed him, then silence spread another time.
“So, Jazz, where do we find a girl like yours?” Timothy asked and Tessa looked from them to the guy that was holding her tight again.
“A girl like mine, huh?” he asked, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. She loved hearing him call her that, no matter how big a lie it might be. After all, she was not even his girlfriend. At most she was an affair and that already threatened to tear her heart apart.
“You find her at the airport when you’re late to pick up your best friend because you got stuck at work. Again,” Tank accused and Jazz shrugged.
“You gotta stop that, man. You miss the best parts in life. Cal and I talked about that just the other day because Cole told us he wanted to get together with you and you had to work,” Timothy said, surprising Tess with his seriousness.
“It’s true, Jazz. He tried to call you, but you didn’t have time to pick up. How long has it been since you saw Cole?” the one who obviously was called Cal, asked and Jazz winced.
“I didn’t know he was going to leave the country. I thought he was just … I didn’t think … I’d never see him again,” Jazz whispered and Tessa’s heart felt heavy for the pain she heard in his voice. He blindly reached for the vodka bottle and took a long swig.
“Well, maybe next time you’ll reconsider not picking up when a damn ex-comrade calls you,” Tank snapped.
“Whoa, Tank, stop. He didn’t do anything, and it wasn’t Jazz’s refusal to talk to Cole that killed him. There’s a fucking war going on in the Middle East and you better remember that this is your best friend you’re talking about. As far as I see it you always supported him in his decision to rise up in the Army, so don’t start chewing his ass now for the exact same thing,” Tessa fussed, being on her feet in no time. “He hurts as much as you do and there’s no need to lay a guilt trip on him now. If you don’t believe me, take a good look at him. And if you don’t see it, then you totally misunderstand what ‘best friend’ means.”
Tank got up from his chair and Tessa could see Jazz moving from the corner of her eye, but she put up her hand, making him stop. She could hold her own against Tank and she felt it was finally time, too. He had talked bad enough about her all the time and as much as it was okay with her, she would not tolerate him talking to Jazz like that. Especially not with them all being buzzed.
“It’s okay, Tess,” Jazz said softly, but she just shook her head.
“It’s not, Jazz, and you know it. Don’t let him tell you anything else, Jesse.”
“Jesse,” Timothy chuckled, but it sounded strained. “It’s getting serious now.”
“She’s right though. I was out of line. Cole understood where you were coming from. He always said you’d think different about your life once you found the one for you. He always thought for all the career talk you were going to be the one with three kids in the end,” Tank told him and Tessa felt how Jazz took her hand, pulling her back against him. He was standing now, too, and even though there was no tension left in the room, she still could tell that Jazz was ready to leave.
“Okay, guys. I’m gonna call it a night now. It’s been a hard day and we all know it’ll be an early morning,” he said and the guys all stood.
“Can we have one more hug from your girl?” Cal asked and Tessa instantly went over, hugging everyone who asked for it.
“Thanks for showing up. He really needed that because the guilt has been eating him up ever since the news came in,” one guy said and she nodded before finally going back over to Jazz.
“Don’t I get a hug?” Tank asked, looking at her sheepishly.
“I don’t know. Are you done hurting Jazz?” she wanted to know, looking at Jazz to see if he was okay with her trying to protect him, but he just turned away with a smirk.
“Oh missy, he needs a person to stand up for him more often,” Tank groaned, pulling her into a tight hug.
“Are you drunk?” The words flew from her lips before she could stop them and the group of guys laughed.
“Maybe a little,” Tank admitted, then he let her go and she went to Jazz’s side and he pulled her out of the common room, drawing her against his body almost instantly.
“You … this…” He shook his head, pointing back at the room.
“It was fine,” she whispered, gently brushing her fingertips over his lips and then the stubble covering his cheeks. He tr
uly was a handsome devil and she was sure she’d never forget the way he looked that moment: It was a mix of pure happiness and utter devastation.
“No, it was more than that, Tess. You have no idea what you did for all of them. I mean, we’re guys, you know how it is with affectionate hugs and all, but having a woman there we can all just pretend you forced that on us. And we needed those hugs.” He framed her face, making her swallow hard with the tenderness of that gesture. “It’s insane how well you figured out the exact right thing to do. Thank you for showing up here. You…”
She wet her lips, forcing a smile. “You sure are a talker once you start drinking,” she whispered, worrying that in the end he’d say things he’d regret in the morning,
“Actually yes. And I get really…” He stepped away from her, rubbing a hand over his chin while he lowered his eyes. “I get really cuddly, too. And sentimental,” he added and she rested her head back against the wall for a moment. There was something between them that she was way too afraid to name and it made her heart ache in her chest.
“How about we get you to bed then?” she suggested and he took her hand, leading her quietly towards his room. Once inside, he locked the door and then turned to her. Another time she swallowed, wondering if she wanted to hear what seemed to be on the tip of his tongue or not.
She walked over, hoping that everything would be okay if she just followed her intuition.
Jazz never had been one to throw around the l-word lightly, but every time his eyes met Tessa’s he wanted to say it, and then say it again until she was holding on so tightly to him he’d never have to worry about spending another night without her. The problem was that she looked as if this word exactly would kick her over an edge he couldn’t see her walking.
She reached under his sweater, her cold fingertips grazing his skin, making him shiver.
He knew he shouldn’t have had those last sips, especially because Tessa was there, but between him losing Cole and knowing that Tessa would leave, he just couldn’t take any more. Only now the alcohol made him almost desperate to get a promise from her. He felt warm and fuzzy, nothing close to drunk, but still not really like himself.
