‘Of course it is, there’s no question that you don’t put everyone in your life top of your agenda, including your staff,’ Sarah added gently with a soft smile at me. ‘I’m talking about you putting yourself and your needs at the top of your priority list for once.’
‘What needs?’ I asked, as I turned to walk along the jetty, a whole load of art supplies balanced precariously in my arms.
‘If you need me to tell you that, you need to spend more time with Ester, as you’re deeper in denial than you were when I first started working for you. Eight p.m. I promise she won’t see anything that you don’t want her to see.’
‘Fine. But I’m only agreeing to get you off my back.’
‘Tell yourself whatever you want if it makes you feel better. But we both know that’s not why you agreed. Happiness is a good look on you.’
I flashed her a curious look as the three of us headed towards the beach house, laden down with the morning’s haul. I’d thought I was happy. I’d come to terms with my loss and had been content with the direction I’d chosen to take my life in. But I couldn’t deny that an extra spark of enthusiasm and optimism for the future had ignited inside of me since meeting Alex.
For the first time, even if not with her, I saw a world of possibilities opening up to me, doors unlocking that before had been impassable. I might have a healthy level of trepidation about opening them, but the fact that I was even considering it was incredible progress. As was the fact that I could feel my heart beating a little faster with each step I took towards seeing the woman in question herself.
Alex
‘You got everything,’ I breathed, running my fingers longingly over the soft hairs of my paint brushes. I felt giddy at the thought of getting out there and creating something again. But I couldn’t deny that part of that heady rush I was feeling had something to do with the man standing next to me, his hands thrust deep into the pockets of his cargo shorts. He looked completely edible with evidence of stubble on his square jaw, his blue eyes burning as brightly as the smile on his face when I’d opened the front door earlier.
‘Sarah will stock your cupboards while Miguel and I get you set up on the beach. As you’re not accustomed to our climate, or the ferocity of the afternoon sun, we purchased you a shelter to keep the worst of the sun off you as you work. Though again, I would recommend working in the early morning and late afternoon in future.’
‘That’s really thoughtful of you, thank you,’ I replied. I pulled out the smallest bikini I’d ever seen from the bag and blinked at it a few times.
‘Sarah got you that,’ Castle added, clearing his throat. ‘You can’t keep wearing dresses in this heat.’
‘I asked for a swimsuit and sarong. I don’t do bikinis,’ I replied, hastily shoving it back in the bag.
‘You have an incredible figure, Alex. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.’
‘My dresses will be fine for now,’ I stated stubbornly. ‘Maybe I can go to Tortola next time you send for supplies and I can buy something more appropriate. Can we go now? I’m keen to get set up and started. That’s what you’re paying me for. Not for lounging around in a bikini.’
‘I don’t expect you to work all of the time. I told you that you can stay as long as you need. It’s obvious that you need some time to de-stress as well.’
‘Painting helps me to de-stress.’
‘What’s wrong, Alex? You seem on edge this morning. Didn’t you sleep well?’
‘I slept wonderfully, thank you,’ I lied. The truth was I’d barely slept a wink. Revisiting areas of my life that I’d never wanted to again in my first therapy session, had left me unsettled. Not to mention these feelings that were battling to the surface for the man standing by my side. Feelings I’d told myself I could never have again if I wanted to protect myself from future harm. I was completely discombobulated. I chewed on my lower lip as I kept my head down and focussed on the small fish I could see below my feet, darting back and forth.
‘You don’t have to lie to me, Alex. Your life was starting to make sense and suddenly it’s been turned upside down and you’ve been forced to change direction without warning. Anyone would be unsettled in your shoes.’
‘Unsettled?’ I let out a light laugh. ‘Unsettled doesn’t begin to cover how I’m feeling right now.’
‘Tell me what I can do to help?’ His voice softened as his hand appeared in my field of vision. I swallowed a lump of anxiety as he slowly lifted it to clasp my chin and tilted my face up to his. ‘I want to help,’ he added in a whisper as he held my gaze.
‘I need to paint, please just let me paint. It’s my escape, it calms me. I can lose myself for a few hours and nothing else matters.’
‘I get that.’
‘What do you do to help you escape?’ I asked, feeling my blood heating up in my veins, coursing through my body at the simple sensation of his warm fingers against my skin. His thumb absentmindedly tracing the edge of my jaw, back and forth, was only serving to stoke the fire that was building inside of me.
‘Training, and … well–’ He hesitated, and his eyes slid over to the bag on the bed, where a turquoise hip tie from the bikini was hanging over the edge.
I dropped my gaze to this throat and watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed and his tongue darted out to dampen his lower lip. I wanted that tongue on my skin, to feel its heat as it danced against mine, then mapped my body painfully slowly making me writhe with desire. I jumped, startled by unusually erotic thoughts that had come from nowhere and taken me by surprise.
‘Sex? Sex is your escape?’ I asked, frowning. Sex had been anything but an escape to me.
‘Yes.’ He cleared his throat again as his eyes found their way back to mine, heat flaring in them. ‘Nothing else matters in those moments.’
‘Everything mattered in those moments for me. Sex is pain. Brutal and harsh.’ I hated the tremor I detected in my voice as I said the words. Tigers didn’t tremble, they stood firm and roared.
‘Not with the right person, Alex. I hate that he’s skewed your view of the world and the male species.’
‘So do I,’ I admitted on a whisper as I stepped away and his hand fell to his side, breaking the tension that had been simmering between us. ‘I’d like to go and set up now, if that’s okay with you?’
‘Of course it is, that’s the main reason you came here after all.’
‘It is,’ I replied, trying not to think about the other reason. Richard was half a world away from me right now. So why was it I could still feel his reach, like icy fingers around my throat?
‘This is perfect.’ I could sense the smile that must be plastered on my face right now as I placed the blank canvas onto the easel and drank in the view. Nothing compared to the excitement I always felt when I was on the verge of holding my brush in my hand and lifting it to paint that very first stroke.
‘You’ll be okay down here on your own?’ Castle asked, as I nodded my thanks at Miguel, who’d finished setting up the shelter and flashed me a smile before he left us.
‘I’ll be fine, thank you,’ I confirmed, eager to be left to my own devices.
‘Sarah wondered … actually I was wondering, if you’d like to join me for dinner tonight? Up at the house.’
‘But you said–’ I flicked my gaze over to him, to find the confident man I’d come to know in the last few days had an edge of vulnerability about his stance.
‘I said without my express invitation.’
‘And this is an express invitation?’
‘Yes, but for eight o’clock, no earlier.’ He shoved a hand through his hair as he shifted uncomfortably on his feet. I wasn’t sure if he wanted me to say yes, or was secretly hoping I’d say no.
‘This is a dinner date?’ I asked, trying to understand what was going on.
‘It’s just dinner, Alex. I’m trying to be a pleasant host.’
‘You’ve already been a pleasant host. I’m living rent and bill free in a beautiful bea
ch house with everything I need at hand. You don’t have to invite me into your private life, a life you seemed to make clear you didn’t want invaded.’
‘Most people would just accept the invitation.’
‘I’m not most people and I’m just trying to understand why the change of heart.’
‘Of course, you prefer a picture to be painted, a step by step of what will happen so that you have some sense of control over your environment.’
‘I do,’ I admitted, touched that he’d remembered one of my many quirks.
‘Sarah is cooking her speciality, one of my favourites. Jerk chicken with a spicy Creole rice dish, likely followed up with a Key Lime cheesecake. We’ll eat in my dining room, talk, hopefully laugh, and maybe share a drink or two on the terrace. Then I’ll escort you safely back to your home before returning to mine.’
‘So, you’re not expecting sex with me?’ I asked bluntly, making him blink rapidly in surprise.
‘I … no, of course not. There’s never any expectation of that, Alex. Jesus.’ He huffed out a fast, hard breath and shoved both of his hands through his hair, making me wonder what it would feel like to tug on those silky strands as I brought his mouth down to meld with mine.
‘But there’s hope? Hope that it will happen?’ This time my voice was bold. There was no expectation on my part either. But scared as I was at the thought of allowing another man to touch me, I couldn’t deny that there was hope on my side either.
‘Christ, are you always this direct?’
‘I prefer to know the lie of the land, it helps me regulate my emotions and feel in control.’
‘I’m not sure I’ve ever met anyone like you.’ His eyes roved my face as if he hoped it would give away all of my secrets. ‘Yes, there’s hope. But no expectation,’ he repeated firmly.
‘Then I’ll see you at eight p.m.,’ I replied after a few beats.
‘I’ll look forward to it.’ He flashed me a warm smile, his confident demeanour returning as he straightened up and pushed his shoulders back, his bronzed pecs flexing under my less than subtle scrutiny. ‘I’ll leave you in peace. Happy painting, Alex.’
‘Thank you, Castle.’
He nodded and stared at me for a moment before turning to walk away. I reached up to touch my jaw, trying to remember how it had felt only an hour ago to have his fingers gently caressing it. Was it crazy that just the sound of my name on his lips made me hungry to hear him speak more, to whisper that in my ear as he held me in his strong arms and made me feel safe again?
‘Don’t forget you have your session with Ester in a few hours, Tiger,’ he called over his shoulder.
Damn it. Those weren’t the words that I’d wanted to hear. Those were the words that reminded me of the past I was trying to escape. I sighed and closed my eyes for a second, then shook off the oppression and looked back at my canvas. I needed to learn to be in the moment, not keep thinking about what was coming next, just enjoy the now.
‘Is elephant really your code name?’ I yelled after his retreating form.
‘No, it’s rhino,’ he yelled back, spinning to face me as he walked backwards.
‘Rhino? Because you have a thick hide?’
‘No, a big horn.’ He grinned and waggled his eyebrows at me, making me giggle. I had a feeling he was never going to let me know what his real code name was.
There was a knock on my door at ten to eight and I felt my stomach flutter with nerves. Had he come to collect me? I had a vague recollection of feeling like my teenage self about to be picked up on a date. Except it wasn’t a date. It was just dinner. It could be more if I wanted it to be, and part of me did, I just wasn’t sure if I was ready yet. One hour with Ester this afternoon had obliterated the happiness my few hours of painting had brought me. One moment I’d felt weightless of my burdens, the next I was drowning in them. I wasn’t sure how anyone endured therapy for years, and had a newfound respect for them.
I opened the door with a wide smile, knowing that just an hour in his company would lift the gloom cloaking me again. I was disappointed to find it was Alves, his head of security.
‘Mr. Castle asked me to escort you up to the house,’ he stated factually, no hint of emotion in his voice as he stepped back. ‘Are you ready?’
‘I am,’ I confirmed, stepping out to take up the space he’d just vacated on the deck and closing the door behind me. ‘I could have found my own way.’
‘Mr. Castle insisted on it. Do you need me to carry you to shore?’
‘No thank you,’ I quickly replied, slipping my feet out of my flat sandals and scooping them up in one hand as I gathered up the hem of my long dress in the other. Alves just nodded and walked down the steps in his flip-flops into the water, which enveloped his calves. ‘Why don’t you like me?’
‘I beg your pardon?’ He turned to face me with a frown as I slowly made my way down, surprised to feel how warm the water still was at this time.
‘You don’t like me. Is it the whole “lying on the panic button” incident? I already apologised, it was a genuine mistake.’
‘It’s me who should apologise if I’ve given the impression that I don’t like you, Miss Bishop.’
‘It’s not an impression if it’s true. I’m going to be here for some time, I’d much rather know if there’s a problem, so that I can fix it. And please don’t insult me by lying and saying you don’t have an issue with me.’
‘Very well. It’s not you, per se, as much as your presence here. No one comes to the island other than his family, or employees that I’ve fully vetted and interviewed in advance. You just turning up here, unannounced, impairs my ability to carry out my job effectively.’
‘Castle knows my past and I’m sure he wouldn’t have invited me here if he felt I was going to be a risk to his safety,’ I retorted, as I made my way out of the shallow water to the soft warm sand at his side.
‘With all due respect, he wasn’t aware of your past when he made the invitation, and I’m not so sure he’s thinking with a clear head when you’re in the picture.’
‘What are you implying?’ I demanded as I spun to face him.
‘Mr. Castle and his family’s safety are my primary objective. You complicate that, especially when you have a violent man stalking you.’
‘I didn’t ask to be put in this situation, Alves. And I offered to go home if Castle felt in the least bit uncomfortable with the situation.’
‘I’m aware. But as I already stated, you seem to cloud his normally rational thought, and I worry what that could mean in terms of his safety. I mean no disrespect to you, I’m just saying that your presence here complicates things. I’ve already told him that it’s in his best interest to help you from afar, but he refuses to listen to reason.’
‘I didn’t mean to cause tension between you, or to complicate your job, but I was thrown a lifeline when I needed it the most. Surely you can understand why I felt I had no choice but to come here?’
‘You could have chosen anywhere in the world to hide, Miss Bishop. You didn’t. You accepted my employer’s help and now you’re here. And it’s part of my job to deal with that. I’ll attempt to do it with less animosity on my part moving forwards. As you say, you could be here for some time and I don’t want any continued awkwardness between us. You’re his guest, please forgive me if I’ve made you uncomfortable.’
‘Trust me, it takes a lot more to make me feel uncomfortable. I respect that you take his welfare and safety so seriously. I promise to do what I can to minimise any risk to that.’
‘The damage had already been done the moment you stepped foot on this island. It’s for me to manage that. We should head up, he dislikes tardiness.’
I nodded and stayed barefoot as I hurried along the sand, trying to keep pace with him as we remained silent. There wasn’t much more to be said. I couldn’t offer any guarantees that my presence in Castle’s life wouldn’t put him in danger from Richard, but he was a grown man and had gone in with both eyes open
. Like Alves said, it was his job to protect Castle, liking me didn’t have to factor into the equation. Besides, I’d learned a long time ago from Shaz, that trying to be a people pleaser all of the time, led to inevitable disappointment. I wasn’t looking for another best friend, and I was fairly certain neither was Alves.
By the time we’d made it up the path to Ester’s cottage, I was slightly breathless from the rapid pace and incline, but he showed no signs of slowing down for me as he continued up the path I’d seen Castle take the other day. Huffing out a breath, then taking another deep one, I pushed on to follow him, weaving through some lush green vegetation. The path started to level out as we approached a high white wall with a solid metal white gate set into it.
‘If you’re invited again and there’s no one to accompany you, then this is the route that you’ll take.’
‘Understood.’
‘You’re aware that entry beyond this point is by invitation only?’
‘I’m aware,’ I confirmed, wondering if all rich people went to these lengths to keep their privacy.
‘Mr. Castle might be too embarrassed to say it, but once we venture inside, if he has to leave you alone for any reason, you’re to remain in the same room. Exploring his house, or his grounds, isn’t permitted.’
‘What if there’s an emergency? A fire for instance? I’m just supposed to stand there?’
‘Someone would come to escort you out. The house is fitted with cameras in each room, they’re only turned off if we’re instructed to do so by Mr. Castle himself.’
‘Wow,’ I muttered under my breath. It seemed I wasn’t the only person who liked control over their environment. ‘Does that include the bathroom, call me old fashioned but I like to relieve myself without a handful of security experts I haven’t even met watching me.’
‘The cameras are disabled when the door is locked, and reactivated when it reopens.’
‘Let’s hope there’s not a technical malfunction then,’ I replied, resisting the urge to roll my eyes at the absurdity of it all. Honestly.
Inescapable Page 15
