“It’s a necessity. I’m sure you’d leave without me if I wasn’t ready in time.”
“You’re quick with the jokes this early in the morning.” Marlene poured a cup of coffee and sat across from him. She nodded toward his phone. “Anything new? You went to Stealth and I didn’t get a chance to ask what you learned.”
Marlene knew him well. Garrett couldn’t hide his concern from her, but he didn’t seem willing to share much. “They’re still looking for Buckner.”
Garrett’s hair was wet from a shower, and Marlene wanted to dig her fingers into his damp locks. His strong jaw was free of scruff. Her eyes went to his kissable lips, then drifted over the buff chest stretching and filling out his shirt.
His expression was stern, making him impossibly sexy. A vision of Garrett, passion unleashed, flashed through Marlene’s mind. When he moved, his biceps flexed under his sleeves, making her drool. If she wanted any man to throw her on the bed and take her, Garrett was that man.
Marlene waited, but Garrett didn’t offer any more details about his visit to his team. Yet she had the sense that his commitment to her safety had been fueled by whatever he’d learned. She could see it in his eyes, read it in his expression.
As much as she considered herself independent and self-reliant, Marlene responded to his alpha ways. She needed his care and protection. It was a relief not to have to deal with the situation alone. Since Garrett was obviously finished updating her on the status of the threat, she changed the subject.
“It’s been an intense week,” Marlene said, and sipped her coffee. “The plot has reached a peak, and emotions are tense.”
Garrett’s eyes didn’t leave hers. “I’ve been observing.”
“It’s challenging, beyond any role I’ve played before.” Marlene thought of how to relay what it all meant to her. “It’s an opportunity for me, and that’s why I’ve worked so hard.”
Garrett’s eyes softened, and she sensed that he understood.
“This role is a big deal,” Marlene said. “It could seal my career, and result in offers for new types of roles. With such a quality film, a respected director and cast, I stand a chance of winning an award.”
“You deserve it.”
Marlene smiled. “I do deserve it, mostly. I mean, I’ve worked for years to get to this point. And it’s not easy. You’ve only been around for a few weeks, but you must see what it really takes in this business.”
“Probably, but not like you do. I haven’t been around filmmaking before,” Garrett said. “But I see how much you put into it, the toll it takes on you.”
Marlene widened her eyes. “You do? I thought I hid that pretty well. Do I complain too much?”
“You don’t let it show, and I wouldn’t describe you as a complainer.” Garrett’s lips stretched into a smile that touched her heart. “But you don’t fool me as much as you’d like to think you do.”
“Is that so?”
Garrett put his hand on her arm, and Marlene warmed to his touch. “It’s true. So you don’t have to fake it with me. You can be yourself. On stage, and in the public eye, I understand the pretense. But not with me.”
It was as though Garrett could see right into her heart, and knew more than she’d voiced. Marlene felt vulnerable, and she glanced away before things went too far. “We’d better get going.” She pushed back from the table without looking at him again. She dared not.
*****
At the studio, Marlene waved Anna into her private dressing room. She wanted to talk with her before they went into makeup. Her friend wore tights and a short top. “Did you work out this morning?”
“Yep, just came from the gym, an early aerobics class.” Anna’s hair was in a ponytail, and it swung over her shoulder as she plopped into a chair. “So how’s it going with Garrett?”
Marlene sank into the velvet love seat. “Is that all you think about?”
“I have to live vicariously through you,” Anna said. “All of my dates recently have been a bore.”
“Really, you were on dates? How come I don’t know about any of these guys?”
Anna wrinkled her nose. “There was nothing to tell. Anyway, you have enough on your mind.” She tucked her legs up underneath her. “So tell all. Has Garrett made a move?”
Marlene laughed. “He’s my bodyguard, you know. He’s not supposed to get intimate with a client.”
“And you’re sure he always does what he’s supposed to do? Besides, he’s a hunk. I would think you’d make the first move.”
“Anna…your imagination is running away with you. I admit Garrett is…desirable. But you know me. I’ve told you when I hook up, it won’t be with a military type. They thrive on danger. And in the past few weeks, I’ve had enough danger to last a lifetime.”
Anna pouted. “You’re no fun.”
“I wanted to talk to you about something else.” Marlene thought about how to phrase it. “I’m having some issues with my role. The last few days I’ve had trouble getting into it. If Nicholas hadn’t coached me on how to approach it, I’d have floundered.”
“I did notice that you seemed to be struggling more, but that happens. Sometimes you just have to work through it.”
“It’s more than that,” Marlene said. “I guess on some level, I feel like a fraud. I’m trying not to make it personal, or about my life. The film has a broader scope. But I can’t brush aside the feeling that it doesn’t explore what it’s like to be left behind when a loved one dies.”
“I can see your point.”
“It’s as though the reality of war is being romanticized.” Marlene pinched the bridge of her nose. “I’m not sure if it’s the script, or just me.”
“The movie is meant to explore the realities of war, so it’s not only about the soldiers,” Anna said. “The script is rich with family scenes and romance. It’s supposed to show their experiences. Your role is especially important, and what you do reflects on my character. I guess you could say as your character’s best friend, I need to stay aligned with how you’re portraying the emotions.”
“But you can’t do that properly if I’ve strayed from the path,” Marlene said.
“Talk to Nicholas off set. Maybe he will know, or will make some changes.” Anna shifted in the chair. “So far, he’s been very true to the script. But that doesn’t mean he won’t listen to you.”
“I have to try to convince him that there are issues. This film means a lot to me, and this role is important; yours is too. We need to be in sync on the message we convey.” Marlene stood up. “I’ll talk to him on break. I hope I can make him understand.”
Later on the set, Marlene did her best not to let her internal conflict affect her performance. But she anticipated the break so she could talk to the director. If she could get his agreement to make the changes she had in mind, it might make all the difference.
When the camera wasn’t on her, Marlene caught sight of Garrett. He stood off to the side, alert and ready for action. He didn’t seem to let the filming lure him into complacency. But then, his service career had likely trained him to stay alert. His patience impressed her, as so many other things about him had.
Unfortunately, Marlene wouldn’t be able to spend the break with her bodyguard. She pointed at Nicholas Hayes, and Garrett nodded. He understood that she needed to meet with her director.
“Nicholas, can we talk in your office for a few minutes? I have something important to go over with you.”
The director broke free of the other cast members who were chatting with him. “Of course. It will be more private in there.” He strode down the hall, and Marlene followed him.
She had gone over the points she wanted to make, but hadn’t settled on her approach. Any way she viewed the argument, it seemed like she was criticizing the film. That wasn’t it. But she did care about how it turned out, and hoped that Nicholas wouldn’t be defensive.
The director sat at his desk and motioned for her to take a seat. “What is it, Ma
rlene?”
“It’s about my role.” Marlene launched into her feelings about the film, and her misgivings about her role. She presented the highlights of what she felt was wrong with the script, and the changes she wanted him to consider. Once she began pouring out her feelings, she couldn’t stop. But when she looked across at Nicholas, she questioned whether he understood or not.
“I see your perspective, Marlene. And I appreciate you sharing it with me.” Nicholas frowned. “Unfortunately, I disagree with you. This film is on track, and the script is brilliant. Your portrayal has been just what I’m looking for.”
“I’ve reached deep, Nicholas, but I’m not finding the emotion. Something is wrong.”
“Then you’ll have to dig deeper,” Nicholas said. “I have no inclination to change the course of the film. I think you can do this. I’ll work with you out there. But I’m not altering the character or the script.”
Marlene sagged with failure. She had to pull this off. It meant so much. “Will you at least speak to the producer and relay my suggestions? Maybe he will see things differently.”
Nicholas sighed. “I’ll do that, solely because I respect you. I will talk to Mason, merely to relay what you’ve said. But realize that I’m not going to recommend the changes.”
Mason Henslow had produced many blockbusters, and knew his business. It would be difficult to argue if he really thought the film should continue without any changes. Marlene would have liked to speak with him personally. But that wasn’t possible. It made more sense for the director to meet with him. Plus, she was aware that his schedule was tight, so even the meeting with Nicholas wouldn’t happen immediately.
“I appreciate you listening, and conveying my concerns.” Marlene stood up. “I won’t take more of your time.” She paused. “I’ll do my best out there, no matter what.”
“That’s what I expect of you.” Nicholas pushed his chair back. “We’ll get through this, and be all the better for it. Think of it as growth as an actor.”
Marlene went back to the set, and noticed Garrett watching her. But she didn’t have a chance to talk to him about her meeting, since she had to get back to work. Of course, he’d noticed her disappointment. Marlene thought she was so good at keeping her feelings buried. But with Garrett, that didn’t seem to work as well.
The cast resumed positions, and Nicholas walked up to one of the actors to give some direction. Marlene stewed about her lack of success in convincing the director. She still felt that the way she portrayed the lead wasn’t true to life.
Anna came over and leaned close. “Any luck?”
Marlene said in a low voice, “It doesn’t look like it. I got him to agree to discuss it with Mason. But that’s the most he’ll do.”
“So he wasn’t willing to try any changes?”
Marlene shook her head. “He thinks I’m off base. Swears that the film is fine.”
One of the cast members called to Anna, and she went to take her place for the scene. Marlene strolled around the perimeter to stand close to her male costar. In the recent filming he’d been off to war in the story, so they hadn’t shot any scenes together. A few of those were coming up.
Marlene had been thrilled to get a dramatic role in the historical war film. Now she questioned the wisdom of accepting. Maybe it wasn’t right for her. She had too many bad memories. The director seemed to think that she could play the role. But could she?
What Marlene hadn’t told Nicholas was that she felt sick in her gut. She felt downright unpatriotic, and couldn’t seem to do anything about it. She harbored guilt for her secret feelings. Yet they were her true feelings.
In truth, Marlene saw no reason for the senselessness of war, or a need for all the violence. She was tired of it all. Since she’d been so involved in fundraisers for the cause, she had received voluminous communications on the subject. It seemed she wasn’t alone in her purpose to mitigate the suffering left in the wake of battle, or to make life better for the soldiers who came home.
But Marlene had been dishonest, and had trouble living with that. She’d continued to organize events, help where she could, and to act in a movie portraying the disaster of war. But she was tired of it all. She thought if one more email with a plea for assistance showed up in her inbox, she’d scream.
It didn’t stop. Whether in the news or social media, the onslaught of heartbreak and need pulled at her heartstrings. If she heard one more story about a loved one who had died in battle, or about the destruction of war, she wouldn’t be able to take it.
Yet Marlene was filming a movie on that very topic. Every day, she was faced with her own doubts and traitorous thoughts. As the star, she wasn’t about to speak up, or make her true feelings known. But it was wearing her down, all of it.
The way things were going, Marlene would crack under the pressure, fold in the face of the lies. And what were the lies? That was what she’d tried so desperately to make Nicholas see. It all hinged on what war left in its wake, how lives were affected, and families were changed forever. It was all fine to glorify the heroes, and they deserved it, without question. But what about those left behind?
Deep in her heart, Marlene felt that her role should convey that part of life. It had to show the true emotions or else it would be a false portrayal. She was an actress, and put herself into each role. But this time she hadn’t fully been able to do so.
Although she’d reached for the emotions, they hadn’t come. If only the director had agreed to make some changes. As it was, Marlene was left to figure out how to play the role convincingly. And she wasn’t certain that she could pull it off.
The actors were called for the next scene. Marlene smiled at her costar and stepped onto stage. It was time to get back to the movie. She needed to give everything she had to the role. But all she felt was overwhelming emotional pain—the hurt that hadn’t diminished—from the loss of her own family members.
Chapter 16
Garrett stood off to the side watching Marlene perform. He’d seen the look on her face after meeting with the director, and didn’t like what he saw. Something was off, but he couldn’t tell what it was. And he wasn’t sure that she’d confide in him.
The scene was ramping up, pulling Garrett into the drama. Then Marlene was in another man’s arms, her costar’s embrace. It was only a movie, yet it looked real. He hadn’t stopped to consider how he’d feel seeing the woman he cared about kissing another man.
It was pretend, but it sure didn’t look like it. Garrett’s blood heated. He wanted Marlene, and felt the urge to rip her away from the other guy. He didn’t want to watch, but couldn’t avert his eyes. His heart ached as the cameras rolled.
Then someone yelled “cut” and the man released Marlene. She smiled at him and turned to speak to the director. Garrett stared at her, and Marlene glanced over. Their gazes locked briefly, and heat flooded Garrett’s veins. He wanted to sweep her into his arms and carry her away.
It wasn’t over yet, as the scene had to be redone several times. Garrett thought it had been fine the first time, but the director was looking for chemistry between the characters. Hell, he’d give him chemistry. But he had to hold back, and endure watching. It just seemed too damn real.
And with Marlene it was so difficult to tell. She played roles on stage and in life. Sometimes Garrett didn’t know what was true. She was like quicksilver. Just when Garrett thought he had a grip, Marlene slipped right through his hands.
Yet Garrett observed some of what she tried so carefully to hide. Marlene might think he didn’t notice, wasn’t that observant, but he was. The sadness was there; he could see it in her eyes. As hard as she tried to hide her pain from the world, she didn’t quite succeed.
The losses that Marlene had suffered, as well as her loneliness, were evident to Garrett. It was a challenge to tell what was real from what was mere pretence. He wondered sometimes if Marlene even knew. If only she’d let down that emotional wall, but she’d had to be thick-skinned for
too long.
Garrett wished to save her from that, but had no ready way to do so. Yet how could he expect her to be open with him when he continued to deceive her? Although she’d asked, Garrett had avoided telling her what he’d learned at Stealth.
There was no way that Garrett could tell her what he’d found out about her pursuer. Maybe it was wrong of him, but he couldn’t add more stress. Marlene’s life was stressful enough. The situation was tense. To hear about Buckner’s familiarity with Andrew just wouldn’t be good.
Garrett couldn’t tell her about his part in it all. He wanted to, and he’d planned to from the start. But the timing hadn’t been right, and it certainly wasn’t now either. He would have divulged his secret, unburdened his conscience, and moved forward from there.
But Marlene needed to focus. She was in the midst of an emotionally charged film, stressing over her role. That much he knew without her mentioning it. So she needed to focus on filming and let Garrett worry about the rest. She needed to trust him to deal with the threat, and she surely wouldn’t if she knew the truth.
Garrett couldn’t deny that he had another reason for holding back. He wanted to see things through, save Marlene from harm. If she severed the relationship, even their professional one, he’d be obligated to turn away. His conscience wouldn’t let him. Until he knew that she was safe, Garrett would stay close.
And in his heart, Garrett didn’t want to leave for a very personal reason. He cared about Marlene, and although they couldn’t be together, it still drove a knife in his gut to think about what he kept from her. As sure as he breathed, Marlene wouldn’t want anything to do with him once she knew his discreditable secret.
*****
When filming was over, Marlene had the weekend off. Garrett guided her to the exit, but not to her limo. He opened the door to a luxury SUV and shuffled her inside. Garrett tapped the window separating the driver’s compartment and the vehicle began to move.
Marlene sat in the plush seat. “What are we doing?”
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