by Annie Murray
Ruby stared down at her daughter, trying to get to know her, to feel part of her. At least she’d had a girl and she could dress her in some pretty things when she was a bit older.
‘Marleen,’ she whispered. ‘However’re we going to get by?’
Maybe, she thought desperately, when the tour was over and Frank wasn’t under such strain they could start again. Maybe it wasn’t too late? She had to believe that, or she’d go mad.
Edie’s hard-won happiness was all the more precious to her when set against the gloom all around. On 7 December the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor, bringing America into the war. There was grim news coming from so many quarters of the world. But in her own life things seemed to get better all the time.
David was growing and thriving. They had got into a routine. Frances seemed content and went to the welfare every week for Edie to collect his cod liver oil and orange juice. She looked after him very well in the day and Edie came and took over every moment she could. Now Ruby had her little Marleen they saw a lot more of her as well. The week before Christmas, Ruby’s mom, ‘Mimi’, and the Lucky Dip Variety Players had come to Cadbury’s for a lunchtime performance and Ruby had popped in with them for a visit. They sat in the dining-room as the troupe ran through their songs, sketches and corny jokes. When Mimi got up, caked in lashings of eye make-up and wearing a marvellous aquamarine costume which was a joyous contrast to ‘utility’ clothing, Edie, Ruby and Janet led the cheering.
‘I’m going to start with a medley of Sunshine Songs to brighten you all up!’ she called out to the audience, and they all applauded and whistled enthusiastically. Edie was impressed at the way Mimi belted out her songs, throwing in a few gentle dance steps to the accompaniment of the piano, holding out her full skirt: ‘On the Sunny Side of the Street’, ‘You Are My Sunshine’ and ‘The Sun Has Got His Hat On’. Everyone was soon clapping along.
‘She’s marvellous!’ Janet said to Ruby, who blushed with reluctant pleasure. Edie could see Ruby warming more and more to Janet and this also made her happy. There was only one person she wanted to see happier now and that was Janet herself. Janet, who was so kind to everyone else. Martin had written to her from Leeds and he was now with his parents in Staffordshire. Edie was convinced he felt more for Janet than he was letting on, so what was the matter with him? Why didn’t he tell her before some other terrible thing happened in this war and it was too late?
Over the past couple of months Martin had done his basic training at the RAMC depot in Leeds and then been moved to Oxford, from where he told Janet he was being given instruction in tropical medicine. He wrote to her regularly, every week, telling her all sorts of everyday details about his training and the two different cities to which he’d been sent. Of his heart he said very little, except that he missed her company. At first Janet was disappointed. She saw such warmth in his eyes when he looked at her – surely he felt something for her? And yet he wrote to her like an old friend, a chum, she sometimes thought, when she had wondered whether, on paper, he might say more to her that he couldn’t say face to face. At first his letters sent her into a state of frustrated longing every time they arrived. I love you, she raged to him in her head. Don’t you love me? If so, why don’t you say so?
Occasionally she wept, missing him, wanting to know how he really felt. But she knew she mustn’t say anything first, oh no, definitely not! She’d done far too much making a fool of herself in her life already. And after a few weeks she forced herself to be calmer and more accepting. Martin obviously regarded her as a friend and nothing more. In any case, he’d soon be posted abroad somewhere and she might never see him again, so she should stop mooning over him and accept things as they were. But her heart ached at the thought.
She had a letter wishing her and her family a happy Christmas and saying he was coming to Birmingham just before the New Year, and might he please call and see her? As she read the letter the corners of her lips curved up in pleasure. She looked up to find Edie watching her.
‘Martin?’ Edie asked, smiling.
Janet nodded, pressing the letter to her heart without realizing what she was doing. ‘He’s coming – next week!’
Edie shook her head in mock despair.
The night he came, they heard his motorcycle before he ever knocked the door. It was already eight o’clock at night.
‘Mother, will you answer it, or you, Edie?’ Janet said, all flustered. ‘I don’t want him to think I’ve been camping on the doormat!’
‘I’ll go,’ Edie opened the door into the cold darkness to find Martin looming on the step, collar up, his face wrapped in his scarf except for his eyes and nose, and his helmet under one arm.
‘Oh my word!’ Edie exclaimed. ‘It’s a good job we was expecting you or you’d’ve scared the life out of me in that get-up! Come on in, quick – you must be frozen.’
‘Hello, Edie,’ there was laughter in his muffled voice. ‘Brrr – it’s perishing out there.’ As she closed the door he unwound the scarf from his head. His large nose was pink with cold but he looked very fit and, in his khaki uniform, even bigger than she remembered. He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek.
‘Nice to see you.’
Janet stood up as he came in, cheeks red. Although she’d tried to fasten her hair back securely, tendrils of it were escaping as ever and hanging in little coils round her cheeks. For a moment her legs wouldn’t seem to do what she wanted them to, but she forced them to move.
‘Martin!’ Her voice sounded over-jolly and she held out her hand. Martin took it, but pulled her closer and kissed her cheek as he had done Edie’s.
‘Hello, Janet – how are you?’ He looked intently into her eyes and she felt her blushes deepen. For goodness sake, stop being so dippy! she roared at herself in her head. He’s probaby just come on a courtesy call.
‘Very well,’ she told him. ‘And you look terrific! Army life must suit you.’
Martin laughed and greeted Frances, who shook his hand and added, ‘She’s missed you, you know.’
‘Shall I make us some tea?’ Edie said. ‘It might be rather weak, I’m afraid.’
As they sipped their tea Martin regaled them with tales of army life, some of which Janet had heard in his letters. Frances asked if he knew where he was going next and he said no, but he was due to go in a couple of days. The destination was a secret. He asked them all about themselves and Edie took him up to have a peep at Davey, who was asleep.
‘My goodness, how he’s grown!’ Martin whispered. ‘You’re obviously doing a fine job with him.’
Edie smiled, full of pride. When they went back downstairs Frances said, ‘Edie, why don’t we go up for the night and leave Janet and Martin to talk for a while?’
Janet felt as if her heart was going to clamber out of her chest. She was grateful to her mother, knew what she was trying to do, but how embarrassing! Suppose Martin had nothing whatever to say to her and was now being forced into her company! He hadn’t even sat down again, as if he was impatient to be off, and was saying, ‘Oh, there’s no need for that. I don’t want to chase you out of your own sitting-room.’ Janet looked into the fire, almost unable to control her disappointment. But then she heard him go on, ‘But I did wonder, I know it’s very dark out there and cold, but Janet, would you fancy a little walk?’
She looked round, beginning to smile. ‘Now?’
‘Yes. I know it’s not much of an invitation, but it may be some time before I see you again.’
Outside, well wrapped up, they stepped cautiously over the icy ground. It was a cloudy night, raw and still, and hard to see far ahead.
‘Here, be careful,’ Martin said, taking her arm. They walked slowly down the hill towards Bournville Green, helping to hold each other upright. Janet felt the strangeness of this sudden physical closeness when mentally they still seemed a long way apart.
‘Perhaps this was a bad idea,’ Martin suggested as they slithered along by the light of his little torch.
‘No!’ Janet felt she’d protested too abruptly. ‘No, it wasn’t. It’s just rather bad underfoot, isn’t it?’
There was a brief silence, then he said. ‘Is everything all right? Your mother looks well, and Edie. She’s making a very fine job of looking after David.’
‘Yes, Mother’s fine. Really very purposeful actually. And Edie’s happy I think. Certainly happier than she was. In a way I worry for her . . .’
‘Why’s that?’
‘Well.’ Janet realized she hadn’t put this thought into words before. ‘Her own family situation isn’t very happy, you know. D’you know, she only popped in to give her brother a little present on Christmas Day and her mother was so unpleasant. And what with losing her husband and her own child she’s had a very rough time of it. Now she’s got David she’s completely wrapped up in him. Besotted really. I just worry that if anything was to happen. I mean, that night, when you took him in from the warden, he said there was no one else didn’t he?’
‘All I remember, in the confusion of it all, is that he said there’d been a direct hit. I’m not sure exactly where, and I’ve no idea how David came to be outside. But the warden knew where we were taking him and really, if no one’s come forward by now, it’s very unlikely.’
‘I know. I just worry for her sometimes. It’s funny – I didn’t even know her before the war, and now our lives have become so mixed up in each other’s. And Ruby’s – she lives under a lot of strain really, you know.’
As she talked about her concern over Ruby and Frank, they reached Bournville Green, the pretty, open space between the Day Continuation School and the shops and Cadbury factory on the other. In the middle of the green stood a round building called the Rest House, with an overhanging roof round it under which were benches. They went and sat down, facing back towards the Friends’ Meeting House.
‘So what about Janet?’ Martin said gently. ‘Who’s going to look after you?’
The bitter thought stole through her mind, well not you, obviously, since you’re not going to be here.
‘Oh, Mother and I get on all right, you know.’
She could feel him looking at her in the darkness. She felt vulnerable, suddenly petulant. Was he playing with her?
‘Don’t you have room for anyone else in your heart?’
‘Yes.’ She looked away, across the Green. ‘But I don’t seem to notice an orderly queue forming at the front door.’
Martin gave a low chuckle. ‘Have you any idea,’ he said, ‘how completely terrifying you are?’
Terrifying? Her? Bumbling, funny old Janet? It was so preposterous that she burst out laughing.
‘What on earth are you talking about?’
‘Well . . .’ Her breath caught as she felt him gently removing her hat, his bare hand stroking the right side of her face, her hair. ‘Ever since I’ve known you you seem to have had a big sign pinned across your chest saying, “Trespassers will be prosecuted”.’
‘Have I?’ She felt rather injured by this accusation. Was it her fault he had been so reserved? Hadn’t she put on a suit of armour after Alec, determined not to make a fool of herself or let her feelings show again? ‘I’m sorry,’ she said abjectly. ‘It’s just – I’m not all that good at this, that’s all.’
He stopped stroking her face and took her hand. ‘If I wasn’t being posted, goodness knows whether I’d’ve found the courage even by now.’ His voice came to her, half teasing, half serious. ‘Thing is, I didn’t want to rush anything or push you – especially after the night that mine went up. We were both in shock. But also, I’ve seen my own sister, Mary, rush into things when it was quite wrong. Her marriage has been a disaster and it’s made me very cautious of mucking up anyone’s life like that.’ His voice came out in nervous bursts. ‘But the thing is I am going away and I’ve no idea for how long. I couldn’t bear to go without telling you how much you’ve come to mean to me – what I feel for you, and I wondered whether there was any chance of you feeling the same?’
‘Oh Martin.’ There were tears of relief in Janet’s voice, although she was so happy. ‘All this time I thought you didn’t really think much of me, and I love you so much I don’t know what to do with myself sometimes! Oh dear, and I’m saying too much again – I told you I’m hopeless – a lost cause.’
‘No,’ he laughed, ‘not hopeless. You’re so lovely my dear one—’ He drew her into his arms and held her close, laughing with happiness. ‘D’you know, I couldn’t stop looking at you from the very first night I saw you. There’s something so captivating about you.’
‘But you were married then,’ she teased, ‘so far as I knew.’
‘Ah, yes, well!’ He kissed the top of her head. ‘I do love you. God, I do.’
‘And I love you.’ She snuggled into his greatcoat, her arms round his waist, and looked up at him, just able to make out the shape of his face in the darkness. She felt somehow as if she’d known him always. ‘Oh Martin, I’m so happy.’
‘My lovely one.’ His large hand caressed her head. She reached up and found his lips searching urgently for hers.
1943–5
Twenty-Three
September 1943
‘Oh dear,’ Frances sighed, looking at the little blonde child curled in the armchair. ‘She’s dead to the world now – I can’t make her stay awake any longer.’ She eased herself out of her chair and went to lay a shawl over Marleen’s sleeping form. ‘And no wonder,’ she whispered. ‘It’s gone nine.’
‘We might as well just put her to bed,’ Janet said, looking up from a skein of knitting. ‘Honestly, Ruby really is the end.’
‘I’m ever so sorry,’ Edie said, kneeling down beside Marleen. She felt very tense and guilty. Frances had been so generous in looking after Marleen and now Ruby was letting them all down.
‘Don’t be silly—’ Frances touched her shoulder as she passed. ‘It’s not your fault, dear. Look – we can settle her in with Davey upstairs. You wouldn’t mind, would you, Edie? There’s no point in Ruby waking her and going home just to bring her back first thing. I’ll go and sort the bed out.’
‘Honestly, I could throttle Ruby!’ Edie hissed to Janet across Marleen’s head. ‘Putting your mom out like this. What the hell’s she playing at?’
‘I think we know what she’s playing at.’ Janet pushed her needles into the ball of navy wool and laid it aside. ‘And, in some ways, the way her marriage has gone you can hardly blame her.’
‘Oh yes, you can blame her!’ Edie fumed. She felt so obliged to Frances after all the help she had received. She couldn’t bear the way Ruby was taking advantage of the situation. ‘I know Frank’s never been much of a husband to her but little Marleen’s not even two years old – she should be the one she puts first and she doesn’t seem to give her a thought, gadding off here there and everywhere. No wonder the child’s such a little madam. I think it’s terrible – and we’ve given Ruby the benefit of the doubt enough times. She’s taking advantage of your mom’s kindness and I can’t see it go on any more.’
‘Mum is looking a bit tired,’ Janet conceded.
‘Of course she is. Wouldn’t anyone be after a day with Marleen and her tantrums? I mean it’s enough having Davey but at least he’s a bit more easygoing.’ She stood up. ‘I’m going to take her up, so at least Frances doesn’t have to do that as well.’
It was ten o’clock when Ruby finally arrived and Marleen was tucked up at the foot of Davey’s mattress. Frances opened the door to her and Ruby came in, flushed and cheerful as if there was nothing at all abnormal about rolling up at this time of night.
‘’Allo Mrs Hatton – sorry I’m a bit late, only I got held up.’
Edie stood watching, furious, arms folded.
Frances said, ‘Come in, Ruby,’ in her measured way. ‘I’ll go and see if she’s stirring, but I expect she’s fast asleep.’
As Frances climbed the stairs, Edie seized Ruby’s wrist and pulled her into the front room.
�
�Eh Ede, go easy!’
‘Where the hell’ve you been?’ Edie demanded. ‘D’you know what time it is? You come swanning in, your breath stinks like a distillery and your daughter – remember her? Marleen? – has cried herself to sleep. Poor Frances is exhausted. It’s not fair on her – you’re taking advantage, Ruby, and it’s got to stop.’
‘I know, I know . . . I’m sorry . . .’ she said, still too tipsy and on cloud nine to sound sincere.
Edie exploded. ‘You’re not sorry at all! Have you any idea how selfish you’re being?’
‘I am sorry,’ Ruby sat down on the piano stool, her back to Edie. ‘Of course I am. But when do I ever get a bit of time for myself, week after week?’ She was swinging her legs, and it aggravated Edie even more, glimpses of those legs ‘tanned’ with gravy browning, the line up the back pencilled in to look like stockings. Ruby was up to all the tricks!
‘Well, you manage to find time to doll yourself up all right,’ Edie snapped. ‘Which is more than I ever do!’
‘Oh for goodness sake! Just ’cause you don’t ever want any fun.’ Ruby knew she was in the wrong but she damn well wasn’t giving in. ‘All you can think about is flaming kids. You’re turning into a real boring cow, you are!’
Absolutely livid, Edie marched over and brought her face close to Ruby’s. ‘Well it’s a good job someone is,’ she hissed at her. ‘’Cause you obviously don’t give a damn. And it’s Mrs Hatton you need to apologize to, not me. Otherwise you might be back to looking after Marleen by yourself!’
Ruby was sobered a little by this threat. Eyes wide, she said, ‘The thing is, Ede – I know I was late tonight – it was really bad, and it won’t happen again. Only I met this bloke.’ Edie’s eyes rolled ceilingwards. Ruby grabbed her arm. ‘Oh Edie, ’e’s lovely! He’s an American, and I just lost track of the time.’ She dimpled winningly at her. ‘Marleen’s OK, isn’t she? I mean if I hadn’t known she was in good hands I’d never’ve . . . Only I get so lonely, Edie, and Wally’s not like anyone I’ve ever met before.’
