“So stay,” he said in a low voice.
“I can’t.”
He moved closer to me. My heart was in my throat. He lowered his head, searching for my eyes, but I couldn’t look at him. I had to stay strong.
“Stay,” he repeated. I felt his voice more than I heard it. It was reaching out, drawing me in. “I’ll drive you back in the morning.”
It would’ve been so easy, to fall back into his arms, our bed, the familiarity. But what did I hope to gain from it? Closure? Another heartbreak? A second chance? I didn’t know what to think, because I didn’t know what he was thinking.
“What do you want?” I asked in a small voice.
He knelt down so his head was facing up at me. I had no choice but to meet his eyes. I knew what I must’ve looked like – nervous, confused, terrified. But David was the exact opposite. His eyes were full of yearning, lust, desire.
And at that moment, I knew it would take everything in me to resist him.
“You,” he whispered. “I’ve always wanted you.”
I didn’t even try to fight it. I just surrendered, letting him take my lips in his, embracing his body as it locked around mine. I put my hands behind his neck, tasted the cinnamon on his tongue, smelled the nostalgic scent of his hair. I felt myself relax against him, allowing his arms to curve around my waist, his hands running down the side of my body.
He guided me in the direction of the bedroom, but I felt like I was floating. I was surprised to open my eyes and find we were in a different room than where we’d started.
David removed his shirt, then mine, pulling my hips into his. “Tell me what you want,” he said, his eyes burning into mine.
It was a game we’d always played. Every time we had sex, we’d ask each other to choose a position. And we gave a different answer every time, because we vowed to never become one of those couples with a boring sex life.
“Tell me,” he repeated, removing my bra, taking my breasts in his mouth.
We fell onto the bed together, our limbs interlocked, fumbling to get our pants off. I felt him hard against me, his body pressed against mine, grinding in a rhythmic pattern.
“You know what I want,” I murmured. He knew my favorite position. The only way I’d ever been able to orgasm was if I was on top.
He pulled me on to him, tossing my red-lace thong onto the floor. He slipped his fingers inside me, running them in a circular motion as his tongue made its way to the curve of my neck.
When I couldn’t take it anymore, I moved downward, leaving a small trail of kisses from his chest to his bellybutton. He moaned as I took him inside of me, running my tongue up and down, sucking hard. He reached down and cupped my breasts in his hands, moaning louder as he pushed against the back of my throat.
Slowly, I moved back up and straddled him, easing him inside of me. At that moment, it dawned on me that I hadn’t had sex in over six months. And the last time I had, I’d been in this exact same place with this exact same person.
He gripped my thighs as I moved over him, and I watched his stomach muscles flex and contract. I couldn’t believe this was real. Maybe the alcohol had suppressed my emotions, but being here, with him, felt like a dream.
I lowered myself onto him, my face in his hair. God he smelled so good. Like fabric softener and cinnamon and sex. His hands found their way to my ass, pushing me harder against him, until I felt everything inside of me explode. I cried out, shuddering, slowing my pace to a halt.
David flipped me onto my back and slipped himself back into me, thrusting faster. He leaned down and kissed me hard, then pulled back, picking up the pace. I watched him as he moved, still too stunned to comprehend what was happening. What would happen.
He pulled himself out, finishing with a long, quivering sigh as he stroked himself onto my stomach. Then he collapsed next to me, rolling onto his side, facing me. Even in the dark, I could see him staring, with a question on his face that I couldn’t quite read.
I lay awake for a long time after he fell asleep, wondering, contemplating, trying to make sense of it all. I had come here for closure and left with nothing. The only thing I’d done was give David yet another piece of my heart that I’d never get back.
Chapter 20
I awoke the next morning in a frenzy, partially because I only had an hour to get my things from Jasmine’s and get to the airport, and partially because David was nowhere to be found. I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard the sound of the shower running. Ah, yes. It was Monday. He didn’t leave; he just had to get ready for work.
I lay there for a few minutes, my head in the pillow, breathing in the scent of him. There was something about his hair that had always smelled like sex to me. I used to love the way it lingered on the pillows, in the sheets.
My nostalgia came to a halt as soon as I heard the shower water turn off, as I had no clue how today was going to go. Was last night the closure I was looking for – one final hurrah? Did he regret it? Or did he realize he still had feelings for me and wanted to work on things again?
I thought back to his words. You. I’ve always wanted you. I remembered the way he looked at me, how intently he listened when I spoke about my life. The way he begged me to stay.
Judging from last night, it definitely seemed like things were headed in the right direction. Maybe this was supposed to happen. Maybe we needed some time apart so I could find myself again, and now that I had a job offer in LA everything would work out.
At least this was what I thought until David walked into the bedroom looking like he’d seen a ghost.
“Hey,” he said, appearing visibly uncomfortable. “You’re awake.”
I sat up and watched as he threw on a white polo shirt and a pair of khakis. Then he came over and sat down at the end of the bed.
“Justine, I…” He let out a long breath. “I had a lot to drink last night. And I did want to apologize to you, but this…” He motioned to his bed. To me, naked in his bed. “This was not supposed to happen.”
Ouch. I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach and he hadn’t even finished what he was about to say. Everything inside of me tightened as I braced myself for what was coming.
“I know,” I said, trying to lighten the mood. “I wasn’t planning on this either. But you seemed like you were having a good time.”
“I was,” he insisted. “It was great seeing you. But…”
“So maybe, when I move back, we can get together and see how things go. If you want.” I shrugged. “Think about it. I won’t be back for at least a month anyway.”
“That’s just it.” He lowered his head into his hands. “Justine, I’m… I’m engaged.”
Everything inside of me turned to stone. It was worse than when Vincent told me he was married. It was almost as bad as Renee walking in on David and me. It was like my life was one long nightmare that never ended.
“Is this a joke?” I gripped the sheets to my chest, suddenly feeling completely foolish that I was naked in his bed. The bed that he shared with his fiancé. “Are you kidding me?”
The look on his face indicated that clearly, he was not.
“David, we’ve been broken up for six months. How could you possibly be engaged?”
He massaged his temples with his index fingers, his eyes trained on the floor. “It all happened so fast. I met her right after I saw Renee. I know it sounds crazy, but it just felt so right. I mean, haven’t you ever…?”
His sentence came to a halt once he saw the death look I was giving him.
“Right. I’m sorry.” He winced. “Justine, I never wanted to hurt you. It just happened, and she’s…”
“What’s her name?” My voice was cold.
He squinted at me. “Do you really want to do this?”
“What’s her name?” I repeated, harsher this time.
“Fiona.”
It figured. Even her name was beautiful.
“Where’s she from?”
“Justine…”
My lips pressed into a straight line. I crossed my arms, making it clear I wasn’t moving until he answered my questions.
He ran his hand along the back of his neck. “Australia.”
“Australia,” I said in a mocking tone. “Isn’t that sweet. Where did you meet her?”
“On a photo shoot for Pace. She’s a…”
“Let me guess. She’s a model.”
He nodded.
My lips curled into a sneer. “How cliché.”
David slowly moved his head to the right, looking at me with scared eyes. It was as though everything in me had frozen. All the burning love I’d had for him, even up until minutes before, was gone. I was hollow. Empty.
I rose from the bed, allowing him one last view of my naked body before putting my clothes back on. I stared him down as I dressed, watching his unease increase, enjoying every second. Once I was fully clothed, I stood in front of him, blocking his ability to avoid me.
“One last question and then I’ll go,” I said. “Why her?”
His brow furrowed as he tried to think of a reply. “I don’t know. I’ve never met anyone like her. She’s fascinating. She’s traveled all over the world. She’s really cultured, and passionate, and…”
“Okay.” I held up my hand to stop him. That was all I needed to hear. I guess I’d finally got my closure after all, just not in the way I’d planned.
I walked into the living room, threw on my shoes, and grabbed my purse. Before I was at the door, I heard David call out after me.
“Justine,” he said. “Do you, um… do you still need a ride?”
Because of the time difference, I landed in Boston just before 9pm that night. I powered on my phone as soon as the plane hit the runway, and breathed a heavy sign of relief when I saw two voicemails from Renee. In the first voicemail, she cried and apologized for overreacting about the shower, blaming her behavior on pregnancy hormones. In the second voicemail, she was concerned that she still hadn’t heard from me and asked me to call her as soon as I could.
After a seemingly endless trail of suitcases, escalators, elevators, and parking garage levels, I drove straight to Renee’s without even calling. Quincy was only a ten-minute drive from the airport, and knowing the night owl Renee was, she was most likely still up.
As soon as she saw me at her front door, Renee burst into tears and threw her arms around me. I began to cry in return, but for a much different reason.
“It’s okay,” I said, stroking her back. “I’m not mad.”
“I am such an ass,” she sobbed. “You put so much effort into finding those decorations, and look at how I treated you.”
“Well, it’s sort of understandable,” I sympathized. “You know, considering.”
She broke away, forcing a laugh, and led me inside. Sitting on her living-room sofa was Beth, clearly amused at our display of affection.
“Hi,” I greeted, waving to Beth. I looked around the room. “Where’s Dylan?”
“At Andy’s,” Renee said. “Guys’ night. Beth’s keeping me company.” She eyed me suspiciously as I sat down on the loveseat. “Where have you been, anyway? I’ve been calling you for days.”
“I just got back from LA. I landed about a half hour ago, got your message, and came right here.”
“What were you doing in LA?” Beth asked.
As I opened my mouth to tell them about the interview and my weekend with Jasmine, my mind was instantly flooded with images of David. David telling me he wanted me. David asking me to stay. David’s mouth all over me. David and his fiancé, making love in the same bed that we’d just shared.
And then I burst into tears.
It was like a pipe had opened and the tears wouldn’t stop. They just flowed with each emerging memory, an endless emotional current. Renee and Beth exchanged concerned looks, both suspecting the same thing.
“Tell me you didn’t go to see him,” Renee said.
I shook my head, wiping my cheeks with my hands. Beth disappeared into the bathroom, returning with a box of tissues. I took them from her and dabbed at my eyes.
“I went for a job interview,” I explained. “Sphinx made me a really great offer for an event manager position.”
“You’re leaving?” Renee’s eyes filled up again.
“Nothing’s definite yet. I’m just weighing my options.”
I had to downplay how close I was to accepting Sphinx’s offer, as I didn’t want to upset Renee any more in her hormonal state, nor did I want her thinking I was leaving because of what had happened between us.
“I spent the weekend with Jasmine,” I continued. “And last night, we ran into David.”
I could barely even speak his name, let alone the rest of the story. The words came out like I was being choked. Wanted to catch up… one more drink… his house… apologized… closure… stay… couldn’t stop… next morning… engaged…
I cried and cried as the two listened in disbelief.
“Ouch,” Beth said, cringing.
“He is such an ass,” Renee scoffed, shaking her head. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised but… cheating on his fiancé? And not telling you about her? That’s pretty low, even for him.”
“Justine, listen,” Beth said. “I know it hurts now, but this is exactly what you need.”
“She’s right,” Renee agreed. “If there was even a small possibility of you two getting back together, you never would’ve got over him.”
“I know,” I said, even though David’s engagement felt like the last thing in the world that was a positive thing. But they were right. Clearly, if David was willing to cheat on someone he was supposed to spend the rest of his life with, he wasn’t the person I thought he was.
“And you know what’s going to happen, right?” Beth said. “If he’s already cheating on this girl, there’s no way in hell they’re going to last. Which means the minute they break up, he’s going to do exactly what he did with Renee. He’s going to call you and beg for forgiveness and by then you’re going to be long over him.”
A week ago, I couldn’t imagine being long over David. Now, I felt one step closer.
“Men are lazy,” Beth continued. “They’d rather crawl back to something comfortable than invest the energy into looking for something new.”
“Fact,” Renee said.
“And honestly, as much as Renee is going to disagree with me on this one, I think going to that interview in LA is one of the smartest decisions you’ve made in a long time.” Beth tossed a regretful glance at Renee, who was frowning at her. “If you’re not happy here, then you need a change. Get a job you love, move on with your life.”
“She can find a job here,” Renee argued. “It takes time. She doesn’t need to take the first offer she gets.”
“If it’s a good offer, then maybe she should,” Beth shot back. “It doesn’t have to be forever. She could move out there for a year or two, gain some experience, and then use that experience to land a job here if she misses home and wants to move back.”
“You guys don’t have to talk about me like I’m not here,” I said. “I’ve thought about all of this already. But the job isn’t the only reason I’m considering it. To be honest, I really loved living in LA. I love the weather and the culture and how inspiring it is for my photography. The only thing I hate, besides leaving everyone here, is that everything reminds me of David.”
“Well you can’t let a guy ruin a great opportunity for you,” Beth said. “And Justine…” She paused, and the judgmental tone in her voice told me I wasn’t going to like what she was about to say. “You should really consider seeing a therapist to figure out why you always pick the wrong men.”
“I don’t always pick the wrong men,” I snapped. “You can’t help who you fall in love with. If you could, do you think I would’ve chosen to fall in love with Renee’s boyfriend?”
“Well, there’s something drawing you to the same type of guys,” Beth said. “Renee said that before David you
were dating some guy who was married.”
I felt everything in me tighten in defense. “I didn’t know he was married!” I yelled. “I thought he was a nice guy!”
“Exactly,” Beth said, in her critical, matter-of-fact tone. “There’s something in you that’s drawn to unavailable men, whether you realize it or not.”
“That is so not fair,” I argued. “You can’t control your feelings. I tried like hell to resist David, but…”
“But you didn’t,” Beth interjected. “Regardless of how you felt about this guy, that should’ve been a pretty big red flag that not only was this guy willing to cheat on his girlfriend, but he was willing to cheat on her with her best friend.”
It sounded so stupid, hearing it from an outsider’s perspective. Of course, that was a red flag. To anyone else, the logical decision was perfectly clear. But love wasn’t logical. Beth didn’t know David or the connection we had. No one did. It was impossible to put into words.
“You don’t understand,” I mumbled.
“I do,” Renee said, her lips twisting into a small smile. “I know how David is. He’s extremely charming and extremely manipulative. When he wants something, he doesn’t give up. And if you were in love with him and he knew it, it was only a matter of time.” She looked at me sympathetically. “I also know you don’t fall in love very easily. In all the years I’ve known you, I’ve never seen you this upset over a guy.”
I nodded, grateful for the momentary save.
“Okay, so you were head over heels for the guy, but once he had you, he broke up with you, told you to move out, and never called you again.” Beth cocked an eyebrow. “And then, the first time you see him, you go home with him?” Her eyes narrowed. “Come on, Justine. You should’ve told him to fuck off. Have some respect for yourself.”
My blood had officially come to a boil. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were the relationship expert here,” I hissed. “You and Eddie have broken up… exactly how many times now? And you call that a good relationship?” I tossed her a condescending look. “Sounds like settling to me.”
Love Bites Page 15
