by Kit DeCanti
“Yes,” Ron acknowledged, “Feelings of inadequacy.”
Ron sighed, and felt a deep sadness as he thought about Little Jimmy and how he must be filled with such feelings and self doubts. That may have been the connection he felt with him when he first saw the little guy running from his foster mother at CMAS.
It seemed like such a long time ago. So much had happened since then. He went from rescuing Little Jimmy from his own trouble making ways, and aiding the foster mother with the handful she had to deal with, to forming a real attachment to the boy. He had becoming sincerely fond of him. More than that! Ron was only now realizing just how attached he had become… before he let his own self doubt get in the way. He really missed Jimmy.
A fear welled up inside him as the thought of losing the opportunity to adopt Jimmy filled him. He had to do something. He couldn’t just give up. He knew he had to fight to get back into Little Jimmy’s life. To earn his trust again. “But how?” Ron wondered.
As Ron returned to the kitchen, Kat looked up anxiously from the table where she was still sitting. Ron walked over and bent down and brushed her hair from her forehead and kissed her.
“I’m sorry Kat. I know none of this is your fault. It’s mine. And I’m sorry for that too.” Ron sat down and took her hand. His eyes were pleading for under-standing. “How can I make her understand, when I barely understand myself. How can I put into words my feelings when… when I don’t even know the words for what I’m feeling?” Ron wondered.
Kat patted Ron’s hand and never taking her eyes away said, “I know Ron. It’s a scary thing to be a parent. To be a Dad. Especially when you lost yours so young. It’s gotta be hard to carry that emotional load all these years. You haven’t faced those feelings. You’ve been running from them and everything caught up with you up there on the mountain. When you were faced with the responsibility of Jimmy’s safety, it must have been difficult for the scared little boy that is still inside you. That little boy that you are still trying to figure out how to take care of. It must have felt overwhelming from the point of view of your ‘injured inner child.”
Kat finally released his eyes from hers, and mercifully looked away giving Ron the chance to look down, and try to hide the emotions that her words evoked. He felt both ashamed and amazed that she knew. She had hit the nail on the head. He had felt like a scared little kid up there on the mountain. Not afraid for himself- but afraid of not being strong enough to keep Jimmy safe. He felt like just a boy himself up there in the storm.
“I’m sorry Kat,” he was finally able to say. “I know I’ve let you down. I’ve let us all down. You, Jimmy, Mrs. Capra and myself. I don’t know how to get back what my insecurities lost for us. But I want you to know that I’m going to try. I’m not giving up.”
“I know you won’t Ron. I know I can count on you. Jimmy and I both can count on you. And I’ll support you anyway I can. I’m sorry about the remark I made. We were both sick- how could you have kept up the pace with Little Jimmy and our ‘family night’s’. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. We were sick.” Kat paused and sighed deeply. She was getting tired; but she hated to stop now that Ron was opening up to her. Taking another deep breath and trying to sound stronger than she felt Kat continued, “I guess first we need to find out just how attached Little Jimmy has become to this Mr. Melbourne. I can’t imagine that he’s gotten very attached considering how long it took you to gain his trust. I’m sure it’s just the toys. But that won’t last.”
Kat tried to sound more convincing than she felt. Deep down she worried that perhaps his being able to finally trust Ron made it easier for Mr. Melbourne to step in and gain Little Jimmy’s trust. She hadn’t told Ron yet that although she hadn’t been released to return to work yet; she had spoken to a few of the girls from the office and had found out that Mr. and Mrs. William Melbourne had submitted an application for a foster home. He was calling it Cobb’s Kids. Kat had a horrible gut feeling that Mr. Melbourne had his designs on Little Jimmy as the first Cobb Kid. The Melbournes had purchased a large five bedroom home at the base of Cobb Mountain when they first arrived, and now they have plans to fill it with foster children.
“A new large foster home in Lake County is a good thing, right? Then why does it give me a chill to think about it? Something just feels…”, Kat couldn’t put her finger on what it was; but something felt wrong. She didn’t want to burden Ron with it just yet. She was going to do some poking around and see what she could dig up on the Melbourne’s. Kat wasn’t bedridden anymore but she tired easily, and had to be careful not to bring on another relapse; however, she could sit at the computer for a few minutes at a time.
But not now. Not just now. Right now Kat needed a nap. Ron reached for his wife as he saw her struggling to get out of her chair. She leaned on his strong arm as he led her to the bedroom. She was glad their master bedroom was on the main level- she hadn’t been able to walk down to the lower level of the house for well over a month.
Ron hated leaving his sick wife, but his shift was about to start. He had tried to get days not wanting to leave Kat alone at nights; but Lenny reasoned that it was better if he spent days with her caring for her, and assured him that Kat’s Mom and Auntie were just a phone call away if Kat took a turn for the worse while he was at work. “But more than likely she’ll sleep through your shift and won’t even know you’re gone.” Lenny assured him.
Still, it was difficult to leave her. She looked so tiny and fragile laying there under the covers. He leaned down and kissed her cheek, causing her eyelids to flutter open briefly as she gave him a weak smile.
“I’ll see you for breakfast,” Ron said trying to sound cheerful, as he left the room. As soon as he was out of earshot he let out a sigh.
Pulling himself together Ron called his mother-in-law alerting her that her daughter was now home alone; he left his ‘worried husband’ persona behind and became the equally serious Lake County Sheriff Deputy Ron Simmons.
The evening and night passed quickly as Ron drove from one incident to the next. It was difficult to ignore the fact that traffic had increased in the few years that Ron had lived in Lake County. The increase in traffic had created an increase in accidents and other roadside incidents. Ron lamented the fact that schools no longer taught Driver’s Ed; which he was sure was behind the increase. Ron wasn’t the only one who felt that way- but what could he do? Nothing, other than give short lectures with each traffic stop and accident scene.
Ron found himself in Middletown; and looking for some hot coffee stopped at a gas station food mart. He stood staring at the headlines staring back at him, ‘Big Fish In A Little Pond’.
“Doesn’t that make your blood boil?” a man paying for his gas growled to no one in particular. “Who does he think he is, coming here throwing his money around. Does he think we’ll sell our good opinions as easy as that? We are not all for sale! I for one would like to know who this shark is!” Although Ron was glad to see that there were others with the same opinion as his own, he said nothing.
Since he didn’t read the entire article at home, Ron paid for the paper and took it to a table along with his coffee. The headline was taken from a quote accredited to a statement William Melbourne made in response to the question, “What made you chose Lake County to move to?”
The article went on to relate the interview of the newest wealthy Lake County resident. The couple had purchased the old firehouse building two lots down from CMAS and donated it to the children’s museum, along with the funds to create a firehouse exhibit complete with an old fire truck. Although the many donations and contributions the couple had made were the obvious reason for the article; the writer seemed to have a thinly disguised distain for the wealthy couple who seemed to have a sense of entitlement. As if Lake County should be thankful that such sophistication and wealth chose this …
Ron’s thoughts were interrupted by the angry man again who had returned for his change. “What were his words? Oh yeah, ‘humble little c
ommunity”. Well that’s true enough- Lake County is a humble little community. But when we say it, it doesn’t sound so demeaning as when that arrogant so and so calls us that! I’d like to show him some ‘humble pie’!” The man grumbled as he left. Ron tried not to feel so pleased that others were as skeptical as he was about the Melbournes. He drank his coffee and reread the article looking for anything he could follow up on that would help him find out more about the Melbournes, and where they were from.
According to the article both William and his wife were independently wealthy and had been traveling around Europe for the better part of the past decade. They had become bored with traveling and decided it was time to settle down and wanted to pick a community where their money could do the most good. “We chose Lake County!” the arrogant man was quoted as saying.
That was pretty much it. Nothing about how they earned their wealth, nothing about their families, or where they came from; not even anything about their education- just that money was obviously no object and they could do what they wanted, go where they liked; and live where they chose. And they chose Lake County. Among other parcels of land that they had acquired around the county, they had purchased a large home at the base of Cobb Mountain off Highway Twenty Nine.
Ron was familiar with the home. He had been called to the half finished home a few times to chase off squatters. The shell of the home had been built by a contractor who had bit off more than he could finish. When it came time to complete the interior he couldn’t get the money; and the large home had been sitting vacant for over a year. Ironically, Ron remembered feeling happy when he drove by the property, to see it had been finished and finally occupied. “Well, at least it would not fall victim to vandalism.” Ron muttered. And he had to admit that if the luxurious landscape they put in was any indication of the interior, the property would be a real asset to the community.
But it was the last paragraph of the article that made Ron’s blood turn cold. The couple had not purchased the property to start a vineyard as most newcomers to the county were doing. They bought the home with the plans to turn it into a large foster home. And their application for the Cobb Kids Foster Home was being processed.
Ron fumbled with the house key trying to get the door unlocked and get to the ringing phone before it woke Kat. He needn’t have worried. She was out like a light. He reached for the phone and walked quickly out of the bedroom before saying, “Hello, Ron speaking.”
“Ron, this is Kats supervisor, Kay. How are you?” and before he could respond, “How’s Kat?”
Ron detected a serious note and replied, “She’s doing better, but still not well. What’s up?”
“Well, we just got a call from the hospital. Mrs. Capra was taken to the ER by ambulance. It seems she may have had a heart attack…”
“Where’s Little Jimmy?” Ron demanded trying to keep the panic out of his voice.
“Well, that’s what I was calling about. Jimmy is with a social worker who is looking for a temporary home to place him while we wait to see if Mrs. Capra is going to be able to continue being his foster mother… I know how you and Kat feel about him and wanted to check with you first.”
“Of course! We want him with us!” Ron exclaimed.
“I know. I’m sure you do, however there are regulations we have to adhere to… we can’t let him be placed in a home where there is a serious illness… Ron, I have to know- how sick is Kat?”
Ron slumped down onto the kitchen chair before answering. As much as he would love to just say, “Kat’s fine. She’s up to it.” He knew that would be a lie. Kat was a long ways from being fine; and a long ways from being up to trying to keep up with the tornado named Jimmy. And Ron had used up all his personal days and family leave.
There was nothing he could do but say, “I’m sad to say, Kat is still not well enough to handle Jimmy. I’m afraid you’ll have to find someone else.” It pained Ron to say those words, and as he looked up he saw an ashen Kat leaning on the door jam of the kitchen. Tears streaming down her face and without a word she turned and returned to bed.
Ron hung up and rushed to Kat’s side.
“I’m sorry,” Kat said through tears.
“Oh Honey, no,” Ron said consolingly and rubbed her back as she sobbed under the covers. “It’s not your fault that you’re sick…. I’m sorry, Babe.” Ron was fighting back tears himself. This was an opportunity that may never present itself again. He gathered Kat up into his arms and sat on the side of the bed and silently rocked her until the sobbing finally stopped. Ron wished he could find words to comfort her; but they both knew where Jimmy would be placed.
CHAPTER SIX
Mr. Melbourne
Little Jimmy lay in bed with his eyes closed, dreading opening them and finding himself in a new bedroom. He squeezed his eyes closed tight fighting back the tears that were trying to break free. He wouldn’t cry. No! He was too tough for that. And after all hadn’t he been prepared? Didn’t he know this was bound to happen sooner or later. No matter how many times Mrs. Capra promised not to send him away he knew she would in the end. No matter what the excuse, he knew that it was inevitable. He would find himself waking up in a new bed. New home. New foster parents. And today a new school.
Jimmy had been pulled away from Mrs. Capra’s hospital bed- just ripped away from her. She needed him and he was just pulled away.
He had made the 9-1-1 call. After hearing a thud he found her collapsed on the floor at the bottom of the stairs. She had fallen down the stairs, but since he hadn’t see her fall he didn’t know how far she had fallen. There was a big bump on her forehead and her arm had been broken. Jimmy knew that, not only because of the awkward bend at the elbow, but also because he could see a jagged bone protruding from a bloody wound.
The paramedics seemed more concerned about the cause of her fall. They had used something on her chest that Little Jimmy had seen on television and he understood that it meant she had had a heart attack. Each time the paramedics shouted “Clear!” the apparatus caused Mrs. Capra’s body to jerk violently. Finally they were able to load her on the gurney and roll her into the night and into the awaiting ambulance. They had asked Little Jimmy to call a relative and he had said words that he was just now remembering that he had said, “She is my only family.”
“She is my only family, and I’ll never see her again,” Jimmy thought. He had been allowed to ride in the ambulance with his foster mother, but a social worker had met them at the hospital, and took him away.
He was told that she needed rest and that he would be able to return when she was well, but he knew better. He knew he would never see her again. The tears couldn’t be held back now. As much as he tried they rolled down his cheeks. Jimmy rolled over and buried his head in the pillow trying to muffle the sobbing that he could not suppress either.
Jimmy knew he would be expected to be compliant; expected to be thankful that there was another foster family willing to take him in. To put up with him. He would be expected to also change schools without complaining. Well he was tired of it. Sick and tired of it. He was tired of trying to be good. It never made any difference. He was always getting into trouble anyway. People always sent him away.
The tears stopped. Jimmy rolled over on his back and opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling of his new room. He hated it. He hated the ceiling, the room and the house where he had been deposited in the middle of the night against his will. He wanted to go back home. He wanted Mrs. Capra.
Mr. Melbourne had acted like he was doing him a huge favor and expected him to be so happy to be able to live here. He actually seemed shocked at Jimmy’s reluctance to enter the house.
Mr. Melbourne looked at his wife, and said, “Don’t worry Honey, he’ll come around. He’ll feel differently when he sees the nice room you’ve made for him. He probably has never been in such a nice room in his entire life.”
Defiantly Jimmy swung his feet around and sat up on the bed. “I hate this room!” He said loudly
not caring who heard him. “I won’t stay here! I hate it here!”
Jimmy knew Mr. Melbourne from the museum. He was always there hanging out. It seemed as though Mr. Melbourne had gone out of his way to get to know Jimmy and talk about things that Jimmy was interested in, like volcanoes and caves. Jimmy didn’t trust him. In fact he gave Jimmy the creeps. He knew Mrs. Capra was worried about him and since Ron had stopped visiting him, Mrs. Capra was happy that someone else was willing to take him places. She was always anxious for him to go on the outings Mr. Melbourne organized; and Jimmy didn’t want to upset her, so he went. But he hated the way Mr. Melbourne tried to single him out in the group to be nice to. Even the gifts that Melbourne bought him made him feel creepy. Jimmy didn’t believe he was just trying to be nice, as Mrs. Capra suggested. He wasn’t sure just what was behind all this so called ‘friendliness’ but he didn’t like it; and he had no intentions of staying here in Melbourne’s house.
Jimmy walked to the window and looked out seeing for the first time that they were in the country with no other houses in sight. He looked down the long driveway and watched a car drive by. “Well, at least we are in civilization.” He mumbled unhappily. “I can hitch a ride into town,” he thought, “I’ll run away. I can take care of myself. I won’t stay here that’s for sure. I’m not going to stick around waiting to see what Mr. Melbourne has in mind for me.”
As if on cue, the door flew open abruptly. “Oh, so you’re up!” Mr. Melbourne said without a smile. Startled Jimmy stammered, “Yes… yes sir.” Mrs. Capra had never barged into his room. She always knocked politely. It had been a long time since anyone looked at him the way Mr. Melbourne was looking at him. Jimmy was scared. He was right about Melbourne. He was not a good man.
“Now, we’re not going to have any trouble with you- right young man?” William Melbourne said without a hint of friendliness in his voice. “Mrs. Melbourne went to a lot of trouble fixing this room up for you and I want you to tell her how much you appreciate it. Now wash up and get dressed and come down for breakfast. You start your new school today.” He turned and walked away without closing the door.
